


Mixed Messages

by elm27



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:39:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 110,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8629645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elm27/pseuds/elm27
Summary: Christen transfers across country to attend UNC, following in the footsteps of her friend Kelley O'Hara.  Once she's there it is one series of events after the other, mostly surrounding her new roommate, Tobin.





	1. Chapter 1

Christen nervously toyed with the ends of hair while she watched her mom rearrange the pillows on top of her bed.  As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she was relieved her parents had insisted on coming with her across the country to help her settle into this new journey.  

 

She was transferring to UNC for her sophomore year of college although technically with the amount of credits she’d racked up during the past year, she was closer to being a legitimate junior.  The change came when her program at Stanford dropped in rankings after a department research scandal.  Knowing how important it was to excel in a strong program to eventually get into a great graduate program, Christen realized her options were to either stay and ride out the storm or make the leap across country where she had already been accepted.  She had her pick of choices up and down the East coast, but UNC felt comfortable to her.  

 

It was going to be hard; she knew it.  Never straying far from the small community she came from, Christen couldn’t understand how she’d survive except to realize she had no choice but to make it.  It didn’t hurt she’d have at least one friendly face around - Kelley O’Hara, her former freshman roommate and friend from Stanford.  Kelley transferred in the middle of the year to UNC on a soccer scholarship after her dismay with the team there and slightly being homesick since she was from Georgia.  Christen knew she couldn’t blame Kelley for transferring because as her former team, she knew she was a star.  If she wanted to make a career out of soccer finding a place that support that was key.

 

Kelley insisted that Christen take one of the rooms in the large house she was renting off campus with two other soccer players.  The house was three stories tall and attached to another one that apparently shared a common living area.  An odd set-up for sure, but Kelley reassured her the other tenants were also girls on the team.  Doing the math in her head, Christen clarified it would be her, Kelley and six of the girls on the team.

 

..

“Well, no.  Not all are on the team.”

 

Christen cradled her cell phone in the crook of her neck as she scribbled down notes in her planner.  “That’s not what you told me when I agreed to this.”  Her voice carried an annoyance because the last thing she wanted was a complete stranger in her space.

 

“Ok in our ‘house’ is me, you, Ali and Julie.  Ali has a girlfriend by the way.  Are you cool with that? “

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she shot back.  Truth was, Christen was slightly curious about relationship.  Over the past two years she went on a few dates here and there with guys, but no one held her attention.  Occasionally, she questioned whether she was even interested in guys at all but had never acted on anything different.  So she buried herself in her work and making friends to distract her from that hurdle in her life, hoping she’d figure it out eventually.  

 

“Just making sure.  It’s a new thing but I wanted to give you a heads up.  Ok then the other house is Alex, Allie, who isn’t on the team anymore since she decided to quit after last year, Tobin and an open room.”  

 

“So everyone is on the team, then” Christen questioned.  From what she was hearing, there wasn’t anyone unattached  from it.

 

“No Allie isn’t on it anymore, didn’t you hear me?”

 

“But she knows everyone so I’d say she is at least on the inside.  Forget that though, an open room? Are they gonna find someone or leave it?”  

 

“They were going to have Ali’s girlfriend fill it but I don’t think that’s going to happen.  They don’t want to be “living together” as she says.  So it’s up in the air for now.  But don’t worry about it, like I said only a small living room connects the house and it’s not like they can wander up to our bedrooms easily.”   Kelley explained.

 

“I can live with that for now.  I guess I should just be grateful I won’t be stuck in the dorm again, right?  Or with a random roommate?”  Christen tried to hide the resentment in her voice.  She missed her friend desperately when she up and left right before the semester started in January.  Loneliness set in for the first week but when she was stuck with Margaret Johnson, a transfer from Malibu who complained endlessly about missing her boyfriend, she yearned for the previous silence.  

 

“I’m sorry!  But look at us now! This will be fun, I promise you.”  Her voice was actually convincing and Christen knew Kelley was right.

 

“Alright, well I guess I’ll see you in two weeks then?  Let me know if you can think of anything else I’ll need or you want me to contribute.”

 

“Sounds good, I’ll see you then!”  

….

Snapping out of her daydreaming, Christen told her mom to stop fluffing each of the pillows for the second time.  “Honestly mom, it’s fine.  Can we go grab something to eat since I’m starving?  I don’t want you guys to miss your flight either.”  She looked down at her watch.  The truth was, she was hoping for some alone time in the house before her roommates were due to arrive.  

 

“Sure we can go, sweetie.  Let me see if your dad has finished replacing all of the light bulbs.”  As much as Christen appreciated a clean and organized home, her parents were a little over the top.  Just this morning alone he had replaced all of the light bulbs, air filters, window screens and batteries in the smoke alarms.  “Can’t be too safe,” he told her.  She hoped her roommates lean towards being appreciative than annoyed.

 

They headed out of the front door and piled into the rental car they were using for the second day in a row.  Making the decision to ship Christen’s car cross country, it hadn’t arrived yet so they settled for navy Toyota Camry.  “Can we just go somewhere close?” she asked, peering out of the window.

 

Her mom turned around to look at her from the passenger seat.  “Are you ready to be rid of us already?”  Christen didn’t mean to wound her mom with her words.  “No, mom.  I just don’t want us to get lost and for you to miss your flight.”  She gave her best reassuring smile to convince her but knew it would fall short.  Her mom chose not to call her out, thankfully, and they pulled into a small cafe with outdoor seating.  Even though It looked like it might rain at any moment, a few people huddled under the expanded umbrellas with their food.  “Can we eat inside?” she asked.  

 

Everyone was in agreement that indoors would be better so they walked up the path and her dad held open the door for the ladies.  Christen’s mom went first with her following on her footsteps.  A person exiting the cafe must have not seen her coming because in a split second Christen’s new, starch white shirt was drenched with hot coffee.  

 

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry I didn’t see you!”  Christen could feel liquid streaming down her forehead, cheeks and down her chest.  She feared opening her eyes in case anything would get in them, ruining her contacts.  Feeling something against her cheeks that resembled napkins, she assumed it was her mom helping her in her moment of distress.  When it felt safe, she slowly opened her eyes to see a girl about her own age, unrecognizable standing in front of her.  The look on her face was filled with anxiety; her cheekbones high and chiseled, gold speckled brown eyes wide as a doe.  Christen’s somewhat bad mood soured further and she snapped.  “Don’t!”  Taking a step back she scrunched up her face to give off a ‘leave me alone’ look.  

 

“I’m so sorry, please, let me help you get the coffee out of your shirt.  Or no, let me pay for your shirt.”  The girl fumbled with her wallet, dishing out a twenty and holding it forward.

 

“I don’t need your money.  It’s fine.”  Christen’s voice couldn’t have convinced anyone that it was actually fine.

 

“Oh.  Can I at least pay for whatever you came in to get?”  The girl was not getting the hint.  Before she could reject her again, Christen’s dad laid a hand on her shoulder and assured the stranger it was just an accident and no need to make it up to them.

 

Christen took one last look at the girl as she shuffled out of the cafe like a puppy with it’s tail between it’s legs.   _ Good, she should be embarrassed.  She needs to watch where she’s going.   _

 

“Christen, are you okay?”  Her mother had squared her body towards her, a look of concern spreading across her face.  “I’m fine mom, I just smell like coffee now.”

 

“That’s not what I mean.  You weren’t so sympathetic to that poor girl.  It was an accident.  I’ve never seen you react like that.”  Her mom had a point.  Normally it’d be something she would laugh off because her own clumsiness seemed to pop up at the most inconvenient times, making her the target of many family jokes.

 

Sighing, she nodded.  “I’m fine.  Just a little stressed about meeting my roommates and being ready for class on Monday.”  The rest of lunch was spent trying to de-stress Christen about her transition.  It must have worked because by the time she got back to her house, she felt a lot better.  Her parents opted to not even come in the house in case they got too comfortable.  Exchanges of hugs and kisses were over and Christen waved them out of sight.  She felt the tears forming in her eyes for a second but blinked them back before they could fall.  Looking up at her new home, she realized the driveways were empty and she had at least the rest of the evening to explore and get comfortable.  

 

The houses shared a large porch, wicker furniture way too nice for a college house decorating it.  A glossy black front door opened to an open floor plan revealing a narrow living room big enough for a two seater couch against  one wall, a plasma tv against the opposite wall and a coffee table separating the two.  You could see the kitchen behind it, exposed brick lining the walls and complementing the countertops of the large breakfast bar big enough for three or four people to sit at.  It would be big enough but still cozy for them all to be in at the same time, she thought.  The staircase which looked newly sanded and painted was on the right of the kitchen, meaning you had to either go up or down through it.  Between the living room and kitchen was a huge set of sliding doors, white in color.  Unlocking them, Christen exposed what she now realized was the joint common room.  It was beautiful - a massive u-shaped sofa big enough to hold them all focused around an old fireplace and even bigger flat-screen tv.  Whoever had decorated had great taste, greys and pops of blue offset the same brick she saw in their kitchen.  Behind the couch was a rectangular kitchen table, a vase of flowers in the middle.   _ Remind me to thank Kelley again.   _ This would be way better than staying the dorms, pending she actually like the roommates.  Eye the same set of white sliding doors on the other side of the house, she crept over to open them.  Realizing they were locked, she felt better about the security of her own room which was up on the top floor.  The second floor housed two bedrooms and the biggest bathroom while the third held two smaller rooms and a functional bathroom.  Since she was the last one in, Christen accepted a room on the third floor with Julie.  Kelley pronounced herself as the ‘finder of the house’, therefore she got what could only be considered the master bedroom on the second. 

 

Christen took the rest of the evening to add finishing touches to her room.  If she felt like she was organized at home, she would be successful at school.  Each pen was in place, her linens were crisp and clothes arranged by color, season and style in her closet.  Before she knew it, it was almost ten thirty and a yawn escaped her mouth.   _ Time for bed.  _ Her dad had hooked up her cable, so Netflix in bed was the way to end the day.  

 

While she was in her bathroom brushing her teeth and taking out her contacts, she thought she heard a noise downstairs.  Listening carefully, she was now sure she wasn’t alone.   _ Shit, where are my glasses I can’t see.   _ Forgetting the glasses, she picked up the plunger next to the toilet and started walking downstairs, tiptoeing in her socks.  

 

There was no movement on the second floor.  “Kelley?” she whispered.  Nothing.  

 

Voice carried but she couldn’t make out if if it was man or woman’s.  Taking one step at a time she could hear the voices getting louder, with a little bit of laughter.  Her vision was extra blurry and she could barely see that she had left the common door open before going upstairs earlier. Peeking her head around the side of the door, she saw a figure sprawled out across the couch watching tv, possibly eating something from a plate or bowl.  Embarrassed by her appearance of frizzy hair, no makeup and pants free legs, she ducked back  to go upstairs.  Unfortunately, it was too late.

 

“Hello?”

 

Christen let out a soft sigh and peeked around the corner again.  “Hi.  I’m Christen, Kelley’s friend. I uh- heard something and wasn’t sure what it was.  Sorry.”  She didn’t want to be rude so she shuffled out into the opening, praying the girl wouldn’t judge her bare legs.  

 

She couldn’t see her really, just a messy bun on top of her head with brown or maybe dirty blonde hair.  She had sweats on, signaling she was lounging around, too.  But the girl didn’t say anything in return.

 

“Ok, well, I’ll just close the door if you don’t mind and head back up to my room.”  She turned on her heels, almost slipping on the freshly polished wooden floors.

 

“Tobin.”  The voice sounded hesitant, unsure of whether she should be giving out that information.

 

“Oh.  It’s nice to meet you, Tobin.  Sorry again to interrupt you.  Maybe we’ll meet again tomorrow when I can actually see and I’m dressed,” Christen joked, pointing to her bare face.  

 

“Yeah….”  _  Geez, she’s not very talkative. _

 

“Well, goodnight. ,” she added before starting upstairs.  While she couldn’t see it, she heard the theme song to a tv show begin again.

 

Safely nestled in her bed, Christen finally relaxed.  Tomorrow morning Kelley would arrive bright and early and she’d start her new adventure.  She actually felt secure in the house and began to imagine what it would be like to have lots of roommates.  If it was anything like she had seen in movies or read in books, she was about the have the ride of her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Christen’s alarm was set for 7:30 the next morning, a perfect time to get up and run before the daily humidity would set in.  It was one change she was prepared for after spending a few summers in Virginia with her grandparents.  Chapel Hill was a few hours south of there, so she knew what she was in for if she waited until after 9:00.  It didn’t matter though, because Kelley stormed in her room fifteen minutes prior to her alarm and pounced on her. 

 

“I’m HERE!”  

 

Despite the early wakeup, Christen was so glad to see her.  “Hi!  Good morning!”

 

“Good morning it is! Up and at ‘em! We have a full day ahead of us!”  She paraded around the room like a band director, waving her hands and marching.  

 

“Give me a few seconds, geez.” Christen whined through the thin layer of sheets.     Kelley took a seat on her bed again, waiting for her to fulfill the direction.  “I was thinking you could help me unpack, just a few boxes,” she said raising her hands up when she saw Christen was about to tell her no.  “Then, we can grab breakfast and I’ll give you a mini-tour of town.  By the time we’re done, I think that the rest of the house should be here and I can introduce you.”

 

It seemed like a reasonable plan to her, so she mentally moved her run to the evening when it might be cooler and started to get up.  Fifteen minutes later she was showered and changed into casual clothes to walk into town. Sitting on the floor of Kelley’s room, she folded a few t-shirts before putting them in her dresser drawer.

 

“So how was yesterday?  Did you parents get home okay?”  Kelley asked organizing her desk.

 

“Yeah, my mom texted me in the middle of the night letting me know they landed safely.  I think they liked the house,” Christen said.

 

“Did you guys do anything fun while they were here?”

 

Shaking her head, Christen let her know it was a quick business-like trip.  “We only went out to get stuff to eat, you know?  Oh! I have to tell you what happened yesterday before they left.”  She rambled on about the clumsy girl who had ruined her go-to lounge shirt with the coffee.  “I was soaked.  I’m telling you, she probably didn’t even have any coffee left in her cup after that.”  

 

Laughing, Kelley shook her head.  “A nice welcome to Chapel Hill.”

 

“I know! And something about her just bugged me.  She was trying to be too nice maybe.”  Replaying the memory in her head, Christen envisioned the girl’s eyes staring back into hers.  They were actually really pretty now that she thought of it, but that didn’t matter - the damage had been done.

 

Ten minutes later, Kelley announced her room was neat enough for her standards and she’d finish later by herself.  Glancing at the clock, she suggested they head out to a campus favorite coffee shop before it got too crowded.  “On a Sunday?” Christen questioned.  Remembering that most people had arrived either yesterday or the day before, she reconsidered what she asked.  “Ok, let’s go now then.”  

 

The walk was short, only about five or six minutes.  Kelley hadn’t lied, the line was out the door already and it wasn’t even eight o’clock.  When she had her order of a cinnamon bun and mocha latte, she knew why.  “This is heaven in my mouth!”  she exclaimed.  

 

“That’s what she said!”  Immediately, Christen knew Kelley was making a joke based on their favorite show.  “Oh! I forgot to tell you I met Tobin last night!”

 

“You did?” her friend asked, sounding confused.  “I didn’t think Tobin would be back until today.  What was she doing there so early? Usually we don’t schedule early Monday or Friday classes if we can help it because of the game schedule.”  

 

Between chewing and washing it down with a sip of coffee, Christen let her know she wasn’t sure.  “She was just watching TV in the common room.  She didn’t have much to say and to be honest I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup.  I didn’t have my glasses or pants on when I came downstairs.”

 

“You really did have an eventful first day here, didn’t you?”  Kelley slung her arm around Christen before getting up to throw out her trash.   “Do you think she was uncomfortable that I wasn’t wearing anything?” she called after her.

 

Turning around, Kelley let out a blatant laugh. “HA! Tobin care?  Believe me, Tobin doesn’t get worked up about much of anything, except for soccer.”  

 

“What does that mean?”  

 

“You’ll see,” she continued.  “She’s just...chill.  Not your typical college aged girl who is into gossiping or the drama, gets along with everyone , goes with the flow.  Just really easy-going.”  

 

“Huh.” Christen processed the information, noting they sounded like opposites.  Not that Christen was into gossiping per se, she just liked to be aware of what was going on in her world so she knew what to do or say.  “Another thing” Kelley said interrupting her thoughts.  “She also may or may not have a girlfriend.”

 

“Why do you keep telling me that like I’ll be bothered by it?”  Christen was exasperated at this point by all the new information coming and going.  

 

“I don’t know! I don’t know what your thoughts are on those kind of things.  We’ve never really talked about it.”   

 

She tried to assure her friend once more that any type of relationship was okay in her book.  “Is there anyone else in the house that has a boyfriend or girlfriend, emphasis on the girlfriend.”

 

Kelley fell silent in beside her.  Christen couldn’t read her thoughts, mostly because her eyes were covered by the sunglasses she grabbed on their way out.  She watched her run a hand through her hair, pulling on the ends of it.

 

“Kel,” she asked softly.  “Is that a bad question to ask?”  

 

“No.  But can I tell you something?”

 

“Of course, anything.”  _ I think she’s going to tell me something happened with that guy she was talking to before she left in December.  Paul? No, Pete.  Shoot. _

 

“Remember Pat?”  _ Pat, that’s it. _

 

“Yeah I do, didn’t you guys stop talking the month after you left California? Something happen?”

 

Kelley nodded at her.  “We did.  But it should have stopped sooner than that.”  Christen chose to remain silent so she would keep going without stopping.  “I shouldn’t have led him on like I did.” Not understanding, Christen asked, “so you didn’t really like him at all?  Was there another guy or something?”  

 

“Not a guy.”   It clicked now.  Christen was thankful she didn’t have anything in her mouth at that second, because she surely would have spit it out.  “A girl?” she squeaked out.

 

“Not any girl in particular.  Just...girls in general.  I tried give it a shot but I’ve always known how I felt. I for sure knew one of the first times we had sex.  There was nothing there, I felt so bored and uncomfortable.”

 

Realizing how big of a confession was, Christen reached for Kelley’s hand.  “Have you told anyone else about this?”    She was met with a pretty, big smile.  “Yeah, actually almost everyone knows.  I just wasn’t sure how to tell you since the last time we were living together I was bringing a guy back to the room.”  She laughed.

 

“Kelley! What matters is that you’re happy.  And you know I would love you either way!”  

 

The pair hugged it out and she could see Kelley visibly relax.  “So it was never obvious that I was into girls?”  Christen had to think for a moment before she responded.  “Honestly?  I guess I never paid much attention to it.”  

 

They walked slowly back  to their house where they spotted two new cars in their driveway.  “Roomies are here!” the freckled hair girl squealed.  Leaping and bounding up the four porch steps, Kelley was lucky the door was already unlocked.  “HELLOOOOO”.

 

Christen trailed a few feet behind her but could see figures standing in the living room.  She gave her best cheery smile and introduced herself.  “Hi, I’m Christen!”  Both of the women in front of her were incredibly beautiful she thought, one had platinum blond hair with piercing blue eyes while the other had dark straight locks with matching eyes.  

 

“Hi, I’m Ali, this is Julie.  It’s great to finally meet you! Kelley has told us so much already.”  Nervous about what Kelley could have possibly said to them, she laughed.  “None of it is true!”  If there was any tension or discomfort, it had evaporated.  The group decided to sit down for a few minutes just to catch up and discuss what living together would look like.

 

Christen knew immediately she and Ali would be friends.  The way she talked about her family, her sense of humor and of course hearing about her closet made her hopeful that this would be an easy transition.  Julie was also really sweet, but much quieter than her other two roommates.  She made a mental note to get to know her better over the next week to see if they could create a bond.  

 

“And what about the other house?  Can I meet them today, too? Christen wondered aloud.  

 

Kelley grabbed her phone and began to text furiously.  “I’ll see if any of them are going to be here.  YOu already met Tobin, and I think Alex is coming sometime this morning.  Not sure about Allie though”

 

Ali turned to Christen and asked, “So you met Tobin, huh?  How’d that go?”  Her voice was almost teasing and for a second she thought she was missing something.  “It was quick, I didn’t really talk much her,” she answered nonchalantly.  Julie shot Ali a look and it was obvious she _ had  _ missed something.

 

“Are you guys friends with Tobin?”  

 

They must have heard the concern in her voice because Ali assured her they were.  “Oh yeah, we love Tobin.  She’s honestly one of the most caring people I’ve ever met.  She’s one of those people you don’t have a lot in common with but everyone still loves her.”     _ Noted. _

 

“Gotcha.  And Allie and Alex?”  On cue, one of the the girls knocked on the common room door.  

 

“IT’S OPEN” Kelley yelled.  Not realizing her own strength, Allie flung open the door.  “Whoa, hey guys! I got your text Kel, what’s up?”

 

Kelley stood up off of the loveseat where she was sitting to gesture towards Christen.  “Allie, this is Christen, Christen, this is Allie.”  The two shared an awkward wave and exchanged pleasantries.  “So are you walking on or are you on a scholarship already,” Allie asked.

 

Christen scrunched her nose in confusion.  _ Oh she thinks I’m apart of the team!   _ “Neither! I don’t play anymore.”  She was sure she saw a look of relief on Allie’s face.  “I played my freshman year with Kel before I decided it was too much.  I only play for fun now.” It was a decision that had set her free last year.  Balancing her work load, which was her number one priority, and soccer dealt a blow to her overall health.  She felt sick on a daily basis and constantly worried.  When she made the choice to let competitive soccer go from her life, Christen noticed the positive change instantly.  

 

“Oh thank God, I thought it’d be me and 500 soccer girls living in this house.”  Christen realized Allie might quickly become an ally for her since they would be on the same page.  “Your other roommate, Alex, she plays too?”  She already knew the answer but wanted to make conversation.

 

“Yep and Tobin.  Alex will be over in a few minutes but Tobin is out right now at the grocery store getting stuff for dinner tonight. Do you guys wanna come over for tonight?”

 

Julie scanned the faces of everyone before answering for the group.  “I think we might go out tonight but we should plan something for tomorrow or Tuesday night?  Like a big group dinner here and we can each make something.  Does that sound good?”  Everyone seemed to be in agreement, Kelley calling dibs on providing the easy stuff - drinks and an appetizer.  Christen considered herself a decent chef so she offered to make whatever they decided on.

 

“We could do a theme?  Italian? Mexican?” Ali suggested.

 

“Mexican!” Christen piped up.  “Margaritas, chips and guac.  I have a really good enchilada casserole recipe from my mom I could make.”  There were no objections so it was settled.  

 

Alex walked into through the open door as the group was about to disperse.   _ She’s very pretty, _ Christen thought.  Alex’s long brunette locks were beautiful and matched her eyes.  Her makeup was neatly done but not overdone; just enough to bring out her facial features.  She flashed a perfect white smile as she introduced herself.  “So I heard margaritas.  Are we having them?” 

 

Christen laughed.  “Tomorrow I think we decided.  We’re all going to make dinner, Mexican theme.”

 

“Nice! I’ll make Tobs get some stuff while she’s at the store now.  Allie let’s go make a list for her.”   She watched Alex disappeared as quickly as she had come in.   _ Tobs, I wonder if that’s a common nickname for her or just for Alex? _

 

She snapped from her own thoughts to see Kelley looking at her, eyebrows scrunched.  “What?” she asked defensively.  

 

“Oh nothing.”

 

Rolling her eyes, Christen went upstairs after telling them she wanted to get her class schedule and prepare her stuff for tomorrow.  Kelley offered to walk onto campus with her in a few hours after she got scheduled.  In a house full of people, it was eerily quiet for the next two hours.  At one point, she crept down stairs to see if anyone was still around.  Each girl was in their room, doors opened but minding their own business.

 

Eventually, Kelley popped back up in her room.  “Ready?” Christen grabbed her backpack and stuffed the papers she needed inside.  “Ready!”

 

The campus was as beautiful as she remembered.  It was huge but luckily her classes seemed to be within reasonable walking distance and she had enough time in between.  They strolled leisurely, talking about the differences from Stanford and reminiscing.  

 

“I really think you’ll like it here, Chris.  At Stanford even the team was hard to be like, good friends with.  I click with everyone here and I bet you will too.”

 

“I like them already! I’m not as nervous as I thought I’d be anymore.”  It was the truth.

 

“Good. Oh!” Kelley exclaimed as she stopped and turned towards her.  “I forgot to tell you, this coming Saturday night is a massive party at the guys soccer house.  They throw four big ones a year - the beginning, Christmas, Spring Break and end of the year.  I don’t really remember the Spring Break one but I’m told I had a lot fun.  The end of the year one was insane.”

 

“Is it only for soccer players?”  The last thing Christen wanted was to be pity invited if she wasn’t truly supposed to be there.

 

“No! It’s not like open for everyone but friends of ours and significant others are invited.  The soccer guys invite their girlfriends and friends, too.”

 

Circling back to their previous conversation, Christen asked if Kelley was going to bring a significant other to the party. “No,” she answered almost sadly.  “I was kinda talking to this girl when school ended but it fizzled out over the summer.  She might be there Saturday but I’m not counting on it.”  Perking up, she continued.  “Is there anyone YOU want to bring?”

 

Christen had to laugh.  “And when would I have met anyone to bring?”  

 

“Hey ya never know.  Christen, queen of the catcall.”  It was true.  Christen had experienced it way too frequently on campus.  Every time they went to a party or walked home from dinner, all the drunk guys around made a pass at her, usually using language that would make her uncomfortable.  

 

“Yeah, no.  I don’t think so.”   

 

“Are you interested in anyone?  Or interested in meeting anyone?”  This was the question she hated.  No one ever interested her.   _ Well, no guy.   _ “Nope.”   _ Keep it short and simple. _

 

Kelley wasn’t satisfied.  “You have to make a good impression on Saturday then.  I have to admit there are some pretty good looking soccer guys, they’re good people too. I’ll ask around for you.”  

 

“NO!”  Christen halted their walk.  “Please don’t ‘ask around’ for me.”

 

“Why?”  She couldn’t place it, but thought Kelley’s tone was challenging.  “Why can’t I talk to the guys about you?” It wasn’t a conversation she was ready to have yet.  She hadn’t even had it with herself.  When she was ready, Kelley would be one of the first people she’d seek out, but not now.

 

“I - I just don’t want to seem desperate.  Give me some time to settle in first,” she lied. Her palms were sweaty and not from the humidity lingering in the air.  Hoping Kelley wouldn’t catch on to her nervousness, she started walking again.  “But I’ll still go, it would be good for me to meet people.”  A few awkward moments of silence passed before Kelley responded.

 

“I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.  But if someone asks about you, what do I say?”  _  Why is she pressing me on this?  She’s all of a sudden so interested in my love life when for the past year and a half she rarely said a word about it.   _

 

Shrugging her shoulders, Christen didn’t have a rehearsed line for this one.  “I don’t know, Kelley.  Tell them I’m single but not looking.”  It was kind of true.  She was single and not actively looking, although if something popped up she wouldn’t be opposed.  Why should she shut someone out if she really liked them? By the time they arrived back at their house, she had changed her mind.  

 

“Kel?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Christen took a breath before she continued.  “You know what?  If anyone asks you can just tell them I’m single.  It’s okay.”   When she appeared slightly confused, Christen was glad Kelley didn’t verbal response.  She only nodded to acknowledge she heard what she said. “Well, I think I’m gonna head up and get ready for dinner.  See you in bit!”

 

She slammed the door behind her when she reached her room on the third floor.  Kelley bringing up a part of her life she chose to ignore most of the time was draining. Flopping down on the bed, she tried to close her eyes to escape her own thoughts.  I _ ’ve never really been totally into the guys I’ve date and I’ve never gone after one.  They usually are interested in me first.  But does that mean I don’t like them?  Or does it mean I like girls instead?  Do I find girls attractive? _  Christen thought about how she acts when she approaches the same sex.  Did she rate their looks?  Yeah, of course.   _ But isn’t that typical of all girls?  Don’t we compare ourselves as part of human nature? _

 

The psychology major in her tried to talk herself into that rationalization but it failed.  Maybe Kelley came to terms because she let go of what was expected of her and allowed herself to do what she felt.  This was what Christen would do; she would open up and allow herself to feel.  If there was someone who caught her eye on Saturday she would make an effort or if someone wanted to get to know her, she’d be receptive.  No more shutting out this part of her life.  

 

She must have been mentally and emotionally exhausted because Christen was startled when she heard a forceful knock on her door sometime later.  Her eyes tried to focus on the blurry room and she had to remember where she was.  _  Shit, dinner.  I was supposed to be getting ready. _

 

“Christen?” Julie, or so she thought, called.

 

Frantic, she sat up and grabbed a hairbrush to fix herself.  “Yeah?  I’ll be down in a minute, sorry!”  She gave herself a once over in the mirror and decided it would have to be okay for tonight.  A quick change of her shorts into jeans and she was off.  

 

Dinner was fun but she felt exhausted when she got home despite her earlier nap.  The clock on her desk read 10:13 pm, a good time to settle in for the night and get some sleep before her first day of classes.  On her schedule was a 9:15,  11:30 and 2:00 class.  She had a small chunk of time between each class but not enough to come home and go back so prepping for the day had to happen the night before.  

 

Her bag was filled with singles and change for coffees, fresh notebooks and binders, a pack of pens with new highlighters and plenty of post-its.  Christen ironed a pair of khaki colored shorts and picked out a white tank top that was flowy, exposing the curves of her breasts in a tasteful way.  Pairing the outfit with a matching white pair of keds, it was the perfect outfit for a first day.  Not too dressy but she didn’t look like a slob.  

  
_ Here we go, _ she thought. _  Ready for the first day of a new beginning. _

Christen laid in bed, listening to the stillness of the house. No one else had early classes today so she would be the only one up and about. Her alarm wasn’t supposed to go off for at least twenty more minutes but she figured she’d make a cup of coffee and take an extra long shower. Carefully descending down to the kitchen, she saw the common room door was tightly shut. Beyond it she heard a faint sound of footsteps but figured after her last pantless encounter she would wait until she was fully dressed before opening it again. 

 

She was 15 minutes early for her 9:15 am lecture and she found a seat in the middle of the auditorium. It filled up quickly and right before her professor started, a figured shuffling down her row caught her eye. It took a second to place her, but then she remembered, it was the girl who spilled coffee all over of her on Saturday. She found a found a seat about three people down looking like she was a little panicked, fumbling with her bag and searching for a pen. The sight of the girl brought back an unpleasant memory for Christen as she thought about to the shirt she had ruined and how she invaded her personal space without asking.

 

Luckily, the girl didn’t notice her staring and flipped open a notebook just as the lecture commenced. Christen concentrated for the next hour and a half on the content being presented but every once in a while she looked down the row to see what coffee-girl was doing. She studied her out of the corner of her eye, noticing the natural highlights that extended from her crown to the ends of her hair, her skinny long fingers wrapped around her pen as she wrote. She’s a lefty. She couldn’t see the full front of her face but could tell her skin was tanned and clear, possibly without any makeup. She’s actually very pretty, Christen thought. 

 

Her attention was brought back as her professor assigned reading for their class, Christen scrambling to write it down on a yellow post it for her planner. When she looked back up, she saw the girl had already exited the row and was waving to a group of a guys sitting behind them. Christen gathered her things and looked at her phone. She had about a half hour to kill before she would need to get across campus to her next class so a coffee was probably a good solution. 

 

When she walked into the coffee shop attached to her lecture hall, the first thing she spotted was the coffee girl. She’s everywhere! Is this a bad sign or something? Christen stood in line waiting for her turn to order, tracking the movements of the girl talking to two guys behind her. The trio started to leave the cafe when she turned around to grab some napkins and made eye contact with Christen. Her face dropped briefly before giving a hint of a smile a stiff wave to Christen. Christen looked behind her quickly, realizing it was in fact her she was waving to. She returned the hesitant smile and wave, unsure of why the girl would even think of waving to her after their previous encounter. It struck a nerve deep down in her after she left. Why would she wave to me, we aren’t friends. I should have taken her money when she offered it the more I think about it. I really loved that shirt.

 

The rest of her classes flew by and thank goodness, there were no more sightings of the coffee girl. Christen sat on a bench waiting for Kelley who was about to finish her lecture at any moment. 

 

“Heyyyyyy girl!” Kelley called as she strolled down the path where Christen sat. She flopped down next to her, sipping an iced coffee with her sunglasses still on. “Mind if we wait for Tobin? She had class next to me so I told them her I’d wait and walk back together.”

 

Realizing it was a good opportunity to talk to Tobin again with Kelley as a buffer, she agreed. Kelley was rambling something about one of her classes while texting when Christen spotted the coffee girl, again. Christen nudged Kelley. 

 

“Look, the girl I was telling about who ruined my shirt is coming this way. I swear I’ve seen her a hundred times today and each time my blood boils.”

 

Kelley looked up to see where Christen was pointing and then back at her. Her face twisted in an amused smile.

 

“What?” Christen asked.

 

“Chris….That’s Tobin.”


	3. Chapter 3

_ Oh my God, no.  No, it can’t be? _

 

“No it’s not.  Is it?” Christen whispered as Tobin was getting closer and closer to them.  Her head was down and she was looking at something on her phone.  

 

“I thought you said you talked to her the other night.  Didn’t you recognize her?”  She could tell Kelley enjoyed the drama unfolding in front of her.

 

“I told you, I couldn’t see.  I didn’t have my contacts or glasses on!”  Tobin was quickly approaching and was looking at them now.  Christen couldn’t say anything else and had to make a quick decision; did she play if off or immediately rectify the situation.  

 

“Hey,” Tobin said to the pair.

 

In unison, they returned her greeting.  “Ready to go?” Kelley asked.  

 

Tobin’s eyes darted to Christen.   _ No wonder her wave today was reserved.  I treated her horribly the first time I met her then ignored it when I talked to her later that night.   _ She put her head down in embarrassment.  _  I’m going to apologize later - not in front of Kelley.  She’ll never let me live this down. _

 

“Yep,” Tobin responded. Christen made sure Kelley was between her and Tobin, avoiding any possibly awkwardness.  Of course, Kelley dominated the conversation on the fifteen minute walk leaving little interaction between her and Tobin.  When they got to the house, Tobin followed them into their house and sat down on the loveseat while Kelley continued into the kitchen.  Christen wasn’t sure what to do; should she sit down and make small talk or be antisocial and go up to her room?  

 

Kelley made the choice for her when she called, “Chris do you want to start dinner now? I can help you.”

 

“Sure! That’ll give us plenty of time if we want to eat at 6.  Let me just wash my hands and put my stuff down.”  Christen ran up the steps to her bedroom.  She caught herself in the mirror and quickly fixed a few out of place hairs on the top of her head.  When she washed her hands in the bathroom, she put a glossy layer on her lips, smacking them for even coverage.  After a long day of classes, she looked pretty good and approved of her appearance.   _ Why am I fixing myself?  It’s just a roommate dinner. _

 

She came downstairs to see Tobin was still in the same position on the loveseat but Alex had joined her, her back towards Christen and legs swung up over Tobin’s lap.  Their eyes met and Tobin gave her a soft smile.  She felt her heart skip a beat and whipped around towards the kitchen, ignoring it.  Christen put herself to work giving Kelley directions that she more often than not had to re-do herself because of the girl’s poor attention to task.  After about forty minutes, the casserole was in the oven and homemade guacamole was ready for dipping.  “Phew,” Christen sighed as she pulled up a stool at the small island.  “I’m so tired now I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat!”  

 

“You better be hungry!” Alex called.  “Allie made mexican cinnamon brownies and fried ice cream!”  

 

Christen turned around to see her roommates were watching a movie on the small t.v. in their living room.  “Do you guys want to set the big table?  The casserole should take about 35 minutes.”  

 

“Happy Hour? Margaritas?” Kelley asked like a child waiting for permission.  

 

“Sure!” 

 

Alex took her legs off of Tobin and stood up, extending a hand to her.  “Come on, show me where you put the mixers.”  Tobin whined for a second.  “My legs are asleep since your heavy ones were on them.”  

 

“My legs are not heavy! Here I’ll carry you.”  Tobin climbed onto Alex for a piggyback ride, resting her chin on the girl’s shoulder.   _ OH! It makes sense.  Kelley said Tobin may have a girlfriend.  It’s Alex! _  She would have bet her bank account that Alex was straight, but not so much Tobin.  Christen watched them struggle to open the sliding door so she got up to help, knowing Kelley wouldn’t.  “Here you go.”

 

Alex said a quick thank you while Tobin turned her head to find her eyes.  “Thanks,” she said softly.  Their eyes lingered on each other, Christen unable to look away.  She felt a flutter deep in her stomach but chalked it up to the uncomfortable position she put herself in.  

 

……

 

“Cheers!”  Glasses clinked around the table, most of them filled to the brim with Margaritas Alex concocted.  Christen was at the head of the table, three girls on either side of her.  She started to dish out the casserole that had turned out perfectly onto plates in front her.  

 

“This looks so good, Christen, thank you!” Ali said. She gave herself a pat on the back as everyone scooped the dishes on their plates.  Conservation turned to soccer which Christen didn’t mind but obviously couldn’t contribute to. She watched everyone enjoying the dinner she mostly made, Tobin stealing pieces of uneaten rice from Alex’s plate. Still, she was grateful when Allie changed the subject to the party this weekend.  

 

“..And I told Jose about it so now he wants to come.  Do you guys think that’s a good idea or no?”

Julie offered some advice, “If you tell him no then he’ll think you’re hiding something.”  Allie seemed to weigh the words.

 

“I think you should tell him you’re going to go with your friends but you’d be happy if he stopped by later.  That way he still gets to come but you won’t be attached to him all night.”  Everyone turned to look at Christen after she spoke.    Twelve eyes stared at her, mostly because she had been silent throughout most of dinner. 

 

“Actually, that’s a really good idea.  Thanks, Christen!”  Allie was pleased with the advice she gave.  “Are you going to bring anyone or just go with us?”  

 

She pushed around the food on her plate while answering, “Just you guys.  I’m not with anyone.”

 

“Hmm.”  A small hum came from Tobin’s mouth, surprising her.  Christen didn’t know what to do or how to respond. Kelley came to her rescue.  “I’m totally gonna hook her up with Danny.  He’s single now.”

 

“He IS?  Oh Christen he is sooo good looking,” Julie purred.  “He’s that guy every girl on campus swoons over but he had a girlfriend all of last year from Duke.  Even I have a crush on him.”  Christen knew Julie had a boyfriend who wasn’t hard on the eyes himself.  

 

A rush of blood went to her cheeks and they started to heat up.  Having her love life discussed at the dinner table was embarrassing.  “We’ll see.”  Her eyes traveled back to Tobin who was concentrating on eating, clearly uninterested in the topic.  

 

Dinner ended and Christen started to clear the plates.  Tobin stood up, offering to help her.  “Uh, sure,” she said walking into her house’s kitchen.  She dropped the plates into the sink after filling it up with water and soap, hoping to scrape off the residuals before putting them in the dishwasher.  The glass dish holding the casserole was empty but pieces clung to the sides.  

 

She felt movement behind her but didn’t turn around.  Christen could feel the tension radiating the room.  Tobin moved beside her, the two scrubbing in silence for a few minutes while laughter came from the common room.  _  Okay, say something.  Now is your chance. _

 

“So I think we have class together.  I think you were in my 9:15 class this morning.”  

 

Tobin looked up in surprise.  “Really?  I didn’t see you.”

 

Christen had to laugh to herself.  “Yeah, you seemed a little out of sorts when you came in.  You were a few people down from me.”

 

“Oh.  Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

_ Okay, apology time.  _  “Actually, it’s a long story.”

 

Tobin dropped the sponge into the sink and turned around to lean against the counter.  “Go on.”  

 

“Well, first off I am so sorry for how rude I was on Saturday.  I was on edge that day with everything happening and took it out on you.  You’ll be happy to know I’m usually a clutz myself so I should have been more sympathetic.”  

 

Tobin’s smile spread across her face, encouraging her to keep going.  “And then, here’s the really funny part, when I talked to you in the common room that night I had no idea you were….you.”

 

“You didn’t recognize me?”

 

Christen shook her head.  “No, I didn’t wasn’t wearing my glasses or contacts.  You were a big blur to me.”

 

Tobin exhaled, her head shaking.  “So is that why you were shooting daggers at me when I waved today?”

 

“I wasn’t! I swear,” Christen exclaimed.  “I just didn’t know why you were waving to me!”

 

Tobin reached out to touch her hand that was resting on the edge of the sink.  “I’m kidding, it’s fine.  That is really funny.”  Christen stilled at the sensation, feeling a shock run through her body.  She pulled it away from underneath Tobin and took a step back.  “Well, hey, what do you say?  We can start over?” Her pitch was high, giving away her nervousness.  

 

“Sounds good to me.”  

 

Alex stuck her head through the door to call for her new friend.  “Tobs, football starts in 10!”  Tobin glanced at her apologetically.  “We have a huge fantasy league bet going on. It’s the only way she’ll watch with me.” 

 

“Fun.  You go, but thanks for your help.”  _ Alex is lucky.  Wait, what?   _ Christen watched Tobin hesitantly slipped out of her view, eyes focused on her swaying behind that her cutoff shorts clung to.  She had some unintentional swag to her walk and her lean arms swung effortlessly; it was hard not to stare.  

 

“Need help?”  Kelley came into the view, eyes searching for Christen’s.   _ Shoot, she caught me looking.   _ “Did you get a close enough look this time?”

 

“What, excuse me?” Christen screeched. 

 

“At Tobin’s face.  Could you actually tell it was her this time?” She knew Kelley was toying with her. 

 

“Yes.  Shut up.”

 

Kelley resumed the same position Tobin was in, backed against the counter watching her scrub diligently at the pan.  “What were you two talking about?”

 

Christen was happy to report they had smoothed things over and she thought they would actually be friends now.  “She was really nice about it but I still feel a little guilty.  Maybe I’ll do something nice like bring her a coffee to class on Wednesday or something.”

 

The freckled girl’s eyebrows raised.  “You must have really been a bitch to her.”  

 

Christen didn’t think she was that harsh but the thought of doing something to make Tobin smile was appealing.  “Yeah,” she lied.

 

………

 

Her second of classes also went smoothly and she was halfway done with her week.  She purposely schedule her courses for M/W and T/Th only, giving her an automatic three day week.  That night the soccer girls were all at a mandatory meeting so it was just her and Allie in the common room flipping through the channels.  

 

“So tell me more about this party on Saturday.  I’m actually a little nervous about it,” she told Allie.

“Oh, no, don’t be nervous.  It’s so much fun I promise.  You’ll love everyone there.  Stick by me if you need and I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

 

“Thanks, I appreciate that.  Don’t tell her I said this, but I just imagine Kelley abandoning me the moment we walk through the door and leaving me to fend for myself.”   

 

Allie laughed.  “I guess you do know Kelley pretty well.  No seriously though, you will have fun.”  

 

Christen smiled at her new ally.  “Does everyone go or….” her voice trailed off, really wanting to ask if certain roommates were going.

 

“Mhm, we usually do a small pregame here then go together.  Which by the way if there’s anything you want from the liquor store just add it to the list we started.  If you’re cool with it, we talked about everyone chipping in like $20 bucks and then we’ll make one big run.  When the stash gets low, we’ll do the same and replenish.”  

 

It sounded reasonable enough to Christen.  “Sure, I’ll get some cash out tomorrow and give it to you.”  “Great,” Allie smiled.  “I was worried about you when Kelley said she wanted you to live with us, you know because it’s Kelley, but I think you fit right in.”

 

_ Kelley really has a reputation around here,  _ she thought.  “Well, thanks.  I’m lucky it all worked out.”  

 

Christen spent another hour or so watching tv with Allie before going upstairs. She was hoping to see some of the roommates before going to bed but her eyes were growing heavier by the second.  Besides, her plan was to get up earlier to get Tobin an “I’m sorry coffee’ since she already witnessed how long the lines could be in the morning.  

 

_ …… _

 

9:14 am.  There was no sign of Tobin as stragglers filled the lecture hall.  She had two coffees in front of her on the long desk.   _ Maybe she dropped the class.  Oh wait, is that...yep, there she is.   _ Tobin walked in with two taller guys on either side of her, although she looked like she fit right in.  She was wearing a fitted grey Nike t-shirt, a pair of black joggers and a matching snapback.  Her hands were jammed in her pockets as Christen saw her mega-watt smile from her seat.   _ Do I wave her over or hope she sees me?   _ Her attention was broken by her professor turning on the slideshow to begin.  When she looked back to the direction where Tobin had been, she couldn’t find her.   _ Great now I look stupid with two coffees. _

 

Christen resigned her efforts and started to take notes, playing catch-up with the information flowing ahead.  About twenty minutes in she was furiously scribbling her connections and thoughts in a notebook when she felt 

 

“Hey,” Tobin whispered, settling into the seat next to her.  

 

Christen looked up at her, somewhat surprised.  “Hey, what are you doing?”

 

“I saw you from over there and wanted to sit with you.  Is that okay?”

 

Her pulse quickened.  “Yeah.  Do you have enough room?”  She repositioned her chair to let Tobin have room for her bag.  Tobin’s eyes were looking at the table.  “How much coffee do you need?” 

Christen was a little embarrassed now to admit that she had been saving the coffee for Tobin so she played it off.  “They screwed up my first order.  I didn’t drink it, do you want it?”

 

“Sweet, thanks.”  Tobin took the full cup and chugged it.  Christen giggled, watching Tobin enjoy something that she had gotten for her.  The next 50 minutes of class were spent looking over each other’s hands to see what each had put in their notes and whispering questions.  Tobin was a less diligent note take though, often doodling or scribbling.  Right before the end of the lecture when their professor was announcing homework for their next meeting, she folded back the corner of Christen’s paper and wrote, ‘lunch @ 1?”  

 

Christen nodded at her. She had about 25 minutes to spare for lunch between her second and last class of the day and knew she’d be hungry.  As they walked out of their row, the two guys Tobin had walked in with waved them over.  

 

“Christen, this is Sully and Danny, they play for the guy’s soccer team.”  _ Danny, isn’t that the one Julie was talking about?  He is pretty cute, she wasn’t lying.   _ “Nice to meet you,” she said extending her hand.

“Do you guys want to have lunch with us at 1 on the field?  I was thinking we’d just get something from the food trucks and chill there,” Tobin asked them.

 

“Yeah, that’s cool. I will probably be there a little earlier since my class ends at 12:15 so uh, I’ll find us all a spot.” She could feel Danny’s eyes steady on her as he talked, but she avoided direct eye contact.  

 

“Great,” Tobin said.  “Ok I gotta run, literally. I have workout scheduled so I’ll see you later.”  Christen was now forced to walk out with the strangers she had made lunch plans with.  “So Christen,” the unfamiliar one started, “are you new to UNC or the team?”

 

“UNC.  I don’t play anymore but I’m friends with Kelley O’Hara and live with her and Tobin.”  She tried to be as friendly as she could in the situation. “But I have to head to my next class so uh, I’ll see you guys later.  Nice to meet you.” She dodged a few people through the exit and took a hard right out of the building.

Behind the column, she watched the two guys continue straight and walk at least 20 years before she slowly started back on her path. W _ hy am I so awkward, didn’t you promise to put yourself out there? Try again at lunch.   _

 

Trial 2 went much better, or at least at first.  She grabbed a pre-made salad from one of the food trucks lining the street next to the quad and wandered onto the grassy field.  Immediately she saw the two guys sitting on a blanket, casually eating their own lunch.

 

“Hey guys,” she said with a smile.

 

Danny scooted over to make room, patting the space next space next to him for her to sit.  Christen did, keeping enough distance between them so she would still feel comfortable.  She did her best to strike up a conversation about their team and the party this coming Saturday. Thankfully it wasn’t long before she watched Tobin walk across the grass, this time her hair damp and changed into a plain white t-shirt and cutoff jean shorts that exposed her long but bruised legs and unpolished toenails.   _ How can anyone look that good like that? _

 

“Yo.”  Tobin sat down, practically on top of Christen and not apologizing.  She felt claustrophobic now, squeezed between a guy whose stares lingered a little too long and the girl she’d just become friends with.  Tobin asked what she’d missed as she pulled out a sandwich and yogurt from her bag.

 

“We were just talking to Christen about the party on Saturday.”

 

Tobin looked next to her with a little surprise.  “So you’re definitely going then?”  

 

“Yeah, why not?” 

 

“Nice.  Pregame too?”

 

“I was planning on it.”  Christen tried to place the tone of Tobin’s voice, sensing but mostly hoping there was a little excitement behind it.  “Remind me to get cash out before class to give to Julie for it.”  

 

“I don’t know why you guys do that, we literally have everything you could possibly want to drink at the house,” Danny interrupted.  “Just tell me what you want and we’ll get it” he said looking right at Christen.

 

“Oh, uh, I’m not picky.  I usually drink anything but beer.  My go-to is usually just a plain cranberry vodka with lime.”  

 

“I’ll make sure we have plenty for you,” Danny returned in a flirtatious tone.  It wasn’t unnoticed by either girl. When they all separated, Tobin whispered to her, “I think he has his eye on you.  Better watch out for every other girl at that party Saturday.”

 

_ Ugh.  _  Christen wasn’t that interested, especially in being apart of anything that required conflict from outsiders.  Something about Tobin being the one to warn her made her feel uneasy.  She had pieced together the girl was already involved with Alex but no one had told her directly so she played stupid.  “You guys seem close, are you just friends or did you date before or something?”  Tobin looked at her with a soft, but surprised look.  “We’re friends.  He’s not exactly my type if you know what I mean.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah, wrong gender.”   _ There it is.  _ For a reason unknown to her, a slow smile formed.  “Gotcha.”

 

“TOBIN, CHRISTEN!”  The girls stopped their conversation and turned to the direction where the voice was calling.  She saw Julie jogging to catch up to them.  Christen felt slightly annoyed that they had to cut the conversation off right when Tobin was revealing a little more about herself.  

 

“Hey, do you guys wanna grab lunch with me,” she asked slightly out of breath coming between them.  “Sorry,” Tobin said.  “We just ate with Danny and Sully.”

 

Julie looked pleased when she turned towards Christen.  “So what’d you think, cute huh?”   She saw Tobin looking at her too, waiting for a response.  “He’s okay.”  

 

Tobin dropped her head but Julie continued.  “Oh come on, he’s so cute.  Did you hit it off? Are you going to see him this Saturday night?”  

 

“Hey guys I’m going to get going but I’ll see you later,”  Tobin excused herself from the conversation without waiting for a reply.  _  Shoot, don’t go.   _

 

“I don’t know Jul, we’ll see.  Hey I’ll go with you while you grab lunch since I’m on my way to get you cash anyway,” __ Christen tried to change the subject.  “Great!”  The walked arm in arm down the sidewalk, Julie chattering about her morning. Christen felt a small pit in her stomach growing, caused by the way she and Tobin had ended their conversation.  It was weird, she barely knew Tobin but she still felt familiar.  She wanted to get to know he better; there was something that just intrigued Christen.  Distracted by her own thoughts, she barely heard Julie tell her to put the money in her bedroom and write what she wanted on the list in the common room before leaving each other.

 

“I will when I get home,” she promised.

  
When she walked into the house she went straight for the list, reading it.  Rum, Fireball, Tonic Water, Gin, Coors Light.  She came to Grey Goose, Cranberry Juice, Limes.   _ Oh good, someone already added everything I wanted. I wonder who else likes that?   _ It wasn’t until later that night when she was studying did she connect the dots.  She saw the tiny note Tobin had written in the corner of her notebook that day, all in capital letters - the same writing from the list


	4. Chapter 4

 

“What are you going to wear tonight?” Christen asked Kelley while she was sprawled across her bed.  Kelley was thumbing through her closet, fresh from the shower, pulling out pieces she liked.  

 

“I’m trying to figure that out right now,” she said absentmindedly.   

 

“Is it like a dressy thing or casual?” Christen was worried about her own outfit at the moment. 

 

“Definitely don’t wear nice shoes.  I’m telling you between the basement and backyard, they’ll be ruined.  I’ve worn flip flops both times.  Some girls go all out but we don’t.  Just something casually cute.  What do you think of this?” she asked, holding up a pair of ripped black jeans and hunter grey flowy tank top.

 

“That looks good, Kel.”

 

Time was ticking before she had to pick something herself.  “Come over to my closet and be the judge.  I need to make a good impression on all these people tonight.”  Kelley brought her clothes into Christen’s room and changed while she picked out a few things.

 

“Do you like this?” she held up a black silk, spaghetti strap tank top that flowed at the waist and was low cut in the back.  

 

“Too much.”

 

Ok, option two.  “This?”  It was a similar type of tank top that Kelley hand, but the neck was a bit higher and the torso a bit tighter.  

 

“I like that.  Lady in black with a pair of black jeans or leggings.  It’ll be cute,”  Kelley approved.  “I was actually thinking white shorts instead.  I wanna wear them before the warm weather goes.”  

 

“White? They might get dirty.”  But Christen had made up her mind.  “I’ll risk it.  Ok, out, I want to shower and get ready.”  

 

Two hours later she could hear music pumping from downstairs.  Her clock said 8, which meant the pre-game had started.  Taking a look in the mirror, her hair was perfectly wavy with just enough product to keep in place for the night.  The lotion she spread on her legs showed off her shiny bronzed skin while her makeup made her eyes pop.  Adding a touch of lip color, all the had to do was grab some sandals and she was ready.   _ Not bad, Press. _

 

She walked down the steps into the common room to a reception of hooting and hollering.  “Damn girl you look goooooood,” Kelley said.  Her face turned a shade of crimson while she laughed.  All of the girls looked good - hard to believe they were all such fierce athletes with battle wounds underneath their outfits.  Christen caught Tobin’s eyes looking back at her.  She sat about ten feet from her, white ripped jeans and flowy black t-shirt.  A long gold necklace accentuated her outfit, drawing Christen’s eyes down her body.  She looked so effortlessly cool.  

 

“Christen, do you want a drink?” Alex nudged her.  She swallowed the lump in her throat, guilty that she’d been checking her girlfriend out.  “Yeah, thanks.  Anything but beer.”  

 

“Tobs, beer?”  Alex turned towards the other girl.  “Yup.”  

 

She didn’t get the chance to talk to Tobin at all during the hour in the common room, mostly because other teammates were being filtered in and introduced to her.  Shortly after ten, it seemed like there were easily 25 people wandering throughout the double space.  

 

“Hey Allie, what time do we head over?” she asked.

 

“Now actually.  Alright everyone finish your drinks and lets gooooooo.”  Christen looked around and realized the pregame had probably been way too long.  People were heavily buzzed at best already.  She herself had three drinks, coming close to her nightly limit of four or five, depending on how long she was out.  

 

Christen found herself walking in a tight group of girls, lead by Kelley up the steps of a house three blocks away.  “It looks like no one’s here yet,” she commened.  Kelley looked back and laughed.  “Oh believe me, we’re probably late.”

 

Fiddling with the doorknob  several times, it opened to a small enclosed, dark space with another door.  _  What the... _ she hear music now, but not very loud.  Kelley knocked strategically before it opened for her.  

Christen was hit with loud music, bodies and dimmed lights everywhere.  “Oh my God.”  

 

“They sound proofed the room,” Kelley explained, shouting so she was heard.  Kelley took her hand and led her through the sea of people to the basement.  “Come on, bar is down here and there’s another in the backyard with just beer.”  Christen was hypnotized when she walked downstairs to see a typical frat basement with people dancing to the music played by the dj in the corner.  An ice luge was to the left and the one wall had been painted for people to write on with sharpies.  She was taking it all in when she felt a hand snake around her waist, freezing her in place.

 

“Hey Christen,”  Danny said into her ear.  She could smell the alcohol on him already as she pulled back from him.  “Hey, what’s up.”

 

“You look great.  Can I get you and Kelley a drink?”  

 

Looking at Kelley, she nodded.  “Yeah, thanks.”  Realizing liquid courage might be needed, she sipped on  it quickly.  It was only a few minutes before Kelley disappeared, leaving them to talk to each other.  “So what are you doing tomorrow?  I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go out.  I’d like to take you to lunch or something,” Danny asked.   _ Oh no.  _ “Oh man, I actually have a group project I’m working on most of the day but I’ll take a raincheck?”  She hoped it was enough to polite but gently reject him.  

 

“Monday?” _  Oh come on.   _

 

“Sure, I’m free for lunch between classes again.”   _ Casual enough, it’ll get him off my back. _

 

She gave him her number, half tempted to give the wrong one but realized she’d see him in class. “I’m going to find some of my roommates, I can feel someone’s phone vibrating like crazy in my purse,” she let him know, tapping her bag.  “I’ll see you a little later.”  It was a lie, but a convincing one she thought.  

 

Christen took a drink for the road and headed up the steps.  There was much more light in the big living room, with a couple tables of beer pong set up and people sitting and standing around couches.  She spotted Allie sitting on a guy’s lap, presumably Jose, talking to a group of girls she had met earlier.  

 

“Hey Chris, scoot over Jose, come sit with us!”  Christen felt much more comfortable now, away  from Danny and with people she knew.  After an hour, she was truly enjoying herself.  

 

“Ok I have to pee,” she said.  “Bathroom?”  

 

Allie thought for a second, “I guarantee the one down here is occupied so go upstairs to either the second or third floors.  You’ll wait a lot less longer in line.”  When she stood up, Christen’s legs were a bit wobbly.  The drinks she had were pretty strong and it had been awhile since she drank.  She was on her fifth of the evening and she was aware her mind was a lot less lax.  

 

She walked upstairs where a handful of people were in clumps in the hallways, the noise reduced drastically.  She could see a long hallway of doors, maybe three on each side.  She walked slowly trying to figure out which were bedrooms and which might be the bathroom she desperately needed.  At the third door, she did a double take and froze.  She recognized the back of a girl, brunette locks cascading down the back of a white crop top and black leather leggings.  It was Alex.  Hands were wrapped around her waist and a guy was actively making out with her.   _ Holy shit. _

 

Christen panicked and ran the opposite direction, forgetting the reason she’d come up there in the first place. _  Alex! How could she.  Poor Tobin.  _ She ran down the stairs into the backyard, where it was light up with string lights and random furniture for people to sit on.  The last person she wanted to see at the moment looked up from her place on a small outdoor couch and smiled.  Tobin waved her over, whispering to the girl sitting next to her.  

 

_ I can’t pretend I didn’t see her, she’d know.  Ugh.   _ The other girl stood up and left as Christen approached Tobin, giving her a friendly smile.  “I’m going inside, you sit.”

 

“Hey,” Tobin said turning her body inward to Christen’s.  “I haven’t seen you all night.”  

 

_ I’m not the only one you haven’t seen.   _ “Just making my rounds.  I needed some fresh air.”  

 

Tobin smiled at her.  “Yeah I like to hang out here where it’s a little more chill.  You want a drink?”  

 

Christen nodded, completely ignoring the fact she should have cut herself off an hour ago.  “I’ll get you one.  No beer right?”  “Yeah, thanks Tobin.”  

 

Tobin came back a minute later with her drink of choice in hand.  “So who was that girl you were sitting with?  She kinda looks familiar.  Did I meet her earlier?” Christen questioned.

 

“She should look kinda familiar - she’s Alex’s sister!”  Tobin laughed.  “They look alike except for the hair color.”  

 

“Oh, she goes here?” 

 

“No, she’s dating one of the senior guys.  She comes for the parties.”  Tobin took a long sip of her drink. 

 

Christen wanted to spill what had just happened but didn’t know if it was her place to get involved, especially when she hadn’t even heard Tobin confirm their relationship.  She decided to ease her way in and if the opportunity presented, she’d do it.  

 

“So where is Alex?  I haven’t seen her around that much tonight,” Christen asked nonchalantly.  

 

“Probably somewhere downstairs,” she answered waving towards the house.  “She usually likes to dance.  We are opposites.”  

 

“Huh, they do say opposites attract.”  Tobin gave her a look she couldn’t figure out but nodded.   _ Just warn her, don’t let her get hurt.   _ She was feeling protective over the girl sitting in front of her, one she knew so little about. Christen gulped four big swigs of her drink before she felt Tobin pulling at the bottom of the cup.  “Easy,” she said gently.  “You’ll have the worst hangover tomorrow if you aren’t careful.”  Tobin stared into her eyes, making her think she could read every thought swimming in her head.

 

“Tobin?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I need to tell you something.”  Tobin moved an inch or two closer, rubbing her knee against Christen’s thigh.  The small amount of contact ran electricity through her.  She couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or her body was really responding to it.  

 

“I - uh - don’t know how to tell you this and I don’t know if I should” she stammered.  

 

“Ok...”  Tobin said, head cocked to the side.

 

“But I, um…”  _  Her eyes are distracting.  Her chewing on her bottom lip is distracting.   _

 

She couldn’t do it.  She couldn’t face the look of disappointment on Tobin’s face right now.  “I have to pee.”

 

Tobin leaned back and laughed.  “You scared me.  Do you need to know where the bathroom is?”   _ Oh good, this is actually perfect!   Standing up, Christen turned.  _  “I think there’s one on the second floor.  Wanna come with me?”

 

“Sure.”

 

She led Tobin through the yard and into the house.  She peeked over her shoulder a few times to make sure she was keeping up.  A wave of frustration hit her when they reached the top of the steps to the second floor.  Alex was leaning against the stair post talking to Julie and Ali.   _ I missed it. _

 

“Hey!” Alex said when they reached the top, flashing a crooked smile at them.  

 

“Hey guys,” Christen greeted them, unable to look at Alex.  

 

Tobin moved from behind Christen and stood next to Alex, draping her arm over shoulder.  “How much have you had?” she smirked.  

 

“Too much!” Alex squealed as Tobin wiped a smudge of lipstick from her mouth.

 

“You need a touchup.”   The exchange made Christen sick to her stomach.  She couldn’t take it.  She stomped around the group and down the hall from the bathroom, ignoring Tobin calling her name twice.  Once locked safely inside, she put her head between her hands, already feeling a headache coming.  A soft knock came at the door.  “Christen,” Tobin called.  “You okay?”

 

_ Don’t take it out on her, she’s the victim.  “ _ Yeah, I’m fine. Just really had to go.”  

 

“I think Alex needs to go home since she’s bombed already.  Do you want me to wait for you and you can come with us?”

 

_ No, definitely not.  _ “No you go ahead, I’m going to stay for a little longer.”  Christen waited till she heard footsteps retreat from the door before turning on the sink and pretending to wash her hands.  Eventually she came out to see only Julie and Ali still standing there.  

 

“Wanna go get another drink?” she asked them, not waiting for much an answer.

 

Christen downed two more drinks and was way more intoxicated than she should have been. The walk home an hour and a half later was challenging even with sandals on.  Ali caught her once from tripping over the curb as she giggled.  “You were right their parties are legit.”

 

They walked up the steps and inside to see the common room door open.  Tobin was sitting inside, alone, holding a beer and watching tv.

 

“Where’s Alex?”  Julie asked.

 

“I set her up in our bathroom, blankets and towels. There’s no way she makes it through the night without throwing up,” Tobin casually answered.

 

Ali grabbed a beer from their cooler and sat down opposite of Tobin.  Following cue, she and Julie did the same.  

 

“How was the rest of your night,” Tobin questioned looking right at her. 

 

“She is having a GREAT night,” Julie answered for her.  “Danny told me she agreed to have lunch with him on Monday.”  Christen groaned to herself.

 

“Really?” Tobin asked, not breaking her gaze.

 

“Yep.”

 

“I guess I was wrong, I didn’t peg him for your type, “ Tobin noted.  Christen didn’t appreciate the tone of her statement.  She glared back at her.  “There’s a lot of people you’re wrong about.”

 

Silence filled the room.  “Excuse me?” Tobin asked after a few seconds.  

 

Christen was boiling.  How dare Tobin comment on her love life when she couldn’t even see hers was a lie.  She wanted to stand up and shout at her right there, letting her know she’d been duped.  But her head wasn’t completely lost so she sat still.  “You don’t know people as well as you think you do.”

 

“No I guess I don’t,” Tobin said softly, leaning back.  

 

“I’m going to bed.” Christen stood up and left the room, leaving everyone else in it stunned.


	5. Chapter 5

Christen woke up the next morning and felt something heavy over her back.  Her entire body ached and her head was throbbing.  She couldn’t turn the whole way but could see Kelley was spooned in next to her.   _ What the hell, Kelley. _

 

“Stop moving,” Kelley moaned.

 

“Why are you in my bed?” Christen asked, one eye closed and the other focusing on the clock.  “It’s six am.”  

 

Kelley rolled off of her and her eyes popped open.  “I thought this was my bed.”  It hurt to laugh.  “No, it’s definitely not.  What time did you get in?”  

 

“I have no idea.”  The two laid on their backs in the same position, trying to piece together the puzzle of Kelley’s night. The only thing they came up with us that she left with Allie and Jose and stopped for a slice of pizza where she saw the girl she’d been talking to before summer started and they walked home together.  “Oh my God.  I think she’s here...downstairs….on our couch. Will you go look, please?  I can’t face her.”

 

Christen agreed, mostly because she wanted to get something to drink and eat right away with the ibuprofen she was about to take.  “Yeah, give me a couple of minutes.”  She crept down the steps, creaking them here and there.  She saw a silhouette on the couch in their living room couch and knew it was the girl.  The common room door was also opened and she could see a body on the couch.  _  Alex.   _ Christen closed it, unable to look at her.  The noise was a lot louder than she wanted, startling Kelley’s girl awake.  “Sorry,” she whispered.  

 

“It’s ok.  Um, what time is it?”

 

“A little after six.” Christen wasn’t sure if she should offer her anything or introduce herself. 

 

“Shoot, I have to go,” she said.  “If you see Kelley can you tell her I’ll text her later?”  

 

“No problem.”  

 

Christen got what she needed from the kitchen and walked back upstairs.  “She just left and said she’ll talk to you later.”  She waited for Kelley to move so she could lay down in her own comfy bed.  “Now move it.”

Christen didn’t move from her bed all morning.  Lunch time creeped up and she could hear movement about the house.  She wanted to avoid everyone at the moment, mostly because of her outburst to Tobin last night.  Hopefully it would be swept under the rug and she wouldn’t have to talk about it.  

 

Around 2 she heard a soft knock at her door.  “Christen?”

 

_ Shoot.  _  It was Tobin.  _ Quick, pretend you’re asleep.   _ A louder knock.  “Kelley said you were up here.  Can we talk for a minute?”   _ Thanks, Kelley. _

 

Christen stood up and put on her best performance.  She opened the door and pretended to yawn.  “Hey, sorry I was sleeping.”  Tobin looked her up and down, trying to determine if she was telling the truth.  She herself looked exhausted but had clearly showered and changed already.  

 

“Can I come in?”  

 

“Yep.”  Christen retreated to her bed, letting Tobin close the door behind her.  Tobin stood there and took a moment before she spoke.  “I’m really sorry if I said something last night that offended you.  Trust me, that wasn’t my intention.”  

 

“You didn’t.”  Christen held her gaze across the room.  

 

“Did I do something wrong then?” Tobin looked deeply into her, trying her best to understand where the resentment was coming from.

 

“No, you didn’t.”  

 

Silence.

 

_ Ok Christen, stop.  Don’t do this, she didn’t do anything wrong.  Alex is the one you should be mad at.   _ “I had way too much to drink, I’m sorry.  I get snappy sometimes when I do. Really, Tobin.  I’m sorry.” Christen looked at her face and felt guilty about the concern she’d caused.  This was the second time she’d seen that look on Tobin’s face and hated it.  

 

“It’s okay.  I was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab dinner tonight if you’re up to it?”  Tobin jammed her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants.  

 

“Where’s Alex?”  was her immediate reaction.  

 

“We’re not attached at the hip you know,” Tobin laughed.  Christen weighed her options.  “Okay,” she agreed.  

 

“Great.  I’ll wait for you in the common room at like 5:30?  Any preference where to go?”  

 

“No,” Christen answered.  “Anywhere is good.”

 

Tobin smiled and started to leave the room.  “Great, it’s a date.” 

 

…………...

 

Christen finished her second slice of pizza in the busy restaurant down the street from their house, Tobin already on her third.  “I can’t believe I can actually stomach this right now,” she commented.

 

“You were pretty drunk when you got home,” Tobin laughed.  “It was kinda cute.”   _ What?  Is she hitting on me?   _ Christen looked at her confused.   _ Maybe she and Alex have some kind of like weird open relationship or something. _

 

“Not as drunk as Alex,” she shot back.  

 

Tobin laughed harder.  “No definitely not.  Poor girl couldn’t even get off the couch today.  That’ll teach her though.  Stick to one type of drink.”  

 

“How did you two meet?” Christen boldly asked, not believing her own forwardness.  

 

Tobin sat back into the booth and stared up at the football games on the flat screens.  “Funny story actually.  I didn’t like her at first.  We were paired together for freshman athlete orientation where you spend the weekend on campus going through like meetings and trainings.  We were roommates and couldn’t find anything to talk about.  I mean  _ nothing _ besides soccer.  We still don’t have a ton in common but over the few months we found a mutual respect and then an honest friendship that grew.”  

 

“And you’ve been together ever since?”

 

I guess you could say that,” Tobin said hesitantly.  

 

“So what, you’ve been dating for like two years then?”

 

Tobin coughed and nearly spit out her drink.  “WHAT?”

 

Christen registered the shock on Tobin’s face. “You and Alex…” her voice trailed off.  

 

Tobin’s eyes grew wide.  “You think Alex and I are together?”  Her voice was high and she leaned forward into the edge of the table.  

 

Now she was completely embarrassed.  Had she read the entire situation wrong?  “Well, Kelley told me you might have a girlfriend and I just assumed it was Alex because you seem really close.”

 

Tobin shook her head.  “No, we are most definitely not together.  Christen, Alex is my best friend - don’t tell Allie I said that - and we are close.  But not in that way.”  

 

“How many times am I going to put my foot in my mouth around you,” Christen groaned, covering her face with her hands.  She was going to burst into tears any second.  Tobin got up and came over to her side of the booth.  “It’s okay,” she assured her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.  “Honest mistake.  And one I’m not offended by, Alex is considered a catch!”

 

That made Christen laugh and take down her hands.  Tobin was looking at her with a smile, her golden eyes focused on her own.  Suddenly her face dropped and turned serious. “But seriously if you tell Allie I just said that I’ll kill you.”  

 

She laughed and assured her that the secret was safe.  “So what made you think we were together,” Tobin asked happily resuming eating her pizza.  

 

“I don’t know, I think you guys just seem really comfortable with each other.  Touchy-feely too.”  

 

“We can be but it’s innocent.  We both genuinely love each other and show it.”  Christen processed the statement and realized she had read the entire thing wrong.    “Well as if I can’t feel more like a huge idiot, there’s something else I have to confess.  My little outburst last night was because of Alex.”  

 

“What do you mean?” Tobin smirked at her.  

 

“Ready for this?  Last night I went upstairs to the bathroom and saw her making out with some guy in one of the bedrooms.  Well since I thought you two were together, I got so mad because there she was cheating on you.  I went outside to get some air so I could think about whether I should tell you or not and…”

 

“I was outside and made you sit with me.” Tobin finished.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Man, this is too funny.”  

 

“Stop!” Christen begged.  “So I was going to tell you what happened but chickened out.  I thought if I take you upstairs to go to the bathroom you’d see it with your own eyes and I wouldn’t be the bearer of bad news.  Which I realize is completely sick and kinda evil but you know we’ve only known each other for a week and I was confused.”

 

Tobin let her continue, nodding along with her story.  

 

“But there was Alex, not with the guy.  I was so mad when I saw you touch her and she acted like nothing happened.”

 

“Servando.”

 

“What?” Christen asked confused.

 

“That’s the guy.  He and Alex have been hooking up for a few weeks but no one really knows.  I could see she was a disheveled and didn’t want her to embarrass herself in front of him.  That’s why I got her out of there.  She’s used to just seeing guys for a few weeks then breaking it off but I think she really likes this one.  I wanted to give her a chance.”

 

“That makes a lot of sense. Anyway, I snapped at you when we got home because I thought you were teasing me about my love life when I knew, or at least thought, yours wasn’t so hot yourself.”

 

Tobin howled.  “I’m actually really impressed you held your ground and didn’t blurt it all out then.”  

 

“Yeah well…” Christen stopped herself.  “Anyway, sorry for that.  I shouldn’t have assumed anything.” 

 

“I can’t wait to tell Alex all of this.”

 

Christen leaned in across the table and glared.  “If you tell her, I’m telling Allie what you said.”

 

“Touche.”  

 


	6. Chapter 6

The pair made it back to the house a few hours later, no tension in sight.  They had cleared the air - again - and were back on track to being friends.  When they walked in the door, Julie eyed them curiously.  “Where were you two?”

 

“Grabbing dinner,” Christen told her walking past the spot she was settled into on the couch.  

 

“I have to go finish my paper but I’ll see you guys later.  Coffee before class tomorrow?” Tobin asked, directed towards her.  

 

“Yeah, I’ll wait for you at like 8:30 down here.”  Tobin smiled and walked backwards a few steps before turning around.  “Night, Tobin!”  she called from the kitchen where she was grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. 

 

“You two are awfully chummy this weekend,” Julie said teasingly.  Christen ignored the tone.  “We’re just starting to understand each other.”  

 

Kelley interrupted their exchange when she shuffled down the steps.  “I think I slept all day.”   THey laughed at her expense before Julie informed her she might be worse off than Alex. “Did Tobin find you?” Kelley asked, unaware she had just been in the room.  “It seemed important.”

 

“Yeah, we’re good.  Everything is good.”   Christen nodded.  Kelley and Julie looked at each other, eyes smiling.  “What?” Christen asked.  “What is that look?”

 

“Oh nothing,” Kelley sweetly said.  She wasn’t buying it.  “Spill it, now.”  

 

“It’s nothing! Geez! Can’t a girl ask her friend a question?”  She decided to ignore it, too exhausted to keep up with her.  “I’m going upstairs.  You two keep looking at each other with googly eyes and let me know how that goes.”

 

Snickers followed her up the steps and into her bedroom where she flopped down on the bed.  Her phone vibrated in her hand.

 

_ Danny:  I’m really looking forward to lunch tomorrow. _

 

_ Oh, shit.  I forgot all about that.  Can I get out of it?  Maybe Tobin can tell him I’m not interested since they’re friends.  No I don’t want to talk to Tobin about this, it’s awkward.  _

 

_ Christen: See you then. _

 

_ ….. _

 

The next morning she woke up with a pep in her step.  At 8:30 sharp she met Tobin who was patiently waiting for her in the common room.  “Morning!”  The obvious non-morning girl turned around and smiled.  “Let’s go.”  

 

They walked in silence to the coffee shop, elbows and arms bumping occasionally.  Christen gave her a shy smile every time it happened, feeling way too excited to be with Tobin this early in the morning.  All night her stomach had flip flopped back and forth between anticipation and disdain.  She was looking forward to spending more time with Tobin and hated that she agreed to lunch with Danny.  

 

After ordering, Tobin slid a crisp twenty across the counter.  “I’ll get it,” she told her.  

 

“That’s sweet.  Thanks, Tobin.”  

 

“No problem. Make sure they get your order right this time!”   _ What?  Oh, the two coffees. _

 

Christen let out a small giggle.  “Confession number what, three?  Seven?  Forty?  That coffee was for you last Wednesday.” She blushed at Tobin’s reaction.  “Really?!”

 

“Yeah, I wanted to say sorry about how I acted at the cafe and thought it would be a good peace offering, but then when you pointed it out I lied.  It seemed lame.”  

 

Taking their coffee from the barista, Tobin shook her head.  “Not at all.  Here. Cheers!”  the hot liquid ran down her throat, a welcomed sensation first thing in the morning.  “So good,” Christen commented.

 

“I couldn’t live without coffee,” Tobin agreed.  “It’s like my number one thing.  Better than soccer...or sleep..or sex.”  Christen whipped her head around to look at Tobin, who had a devilish grin on her face.  “Ok, maybe not better than sleep,” she clarified.  

 

“Or sex,” Christen offered, “depending.”  

 

“On?”  There was an intrigue to Tobin’s voice as she asked the question.  

 

“The person.”  Christen stared at Tobin, locking eyes.  Neither looked away. She saw Tobin’s pupils dilate before her.   _ What am I doing?  Am I flirting with her?   _ “Anyway,” she said changing the subject.  “We should walk to class so we can get a good seat.”

 

……..

 

At 12:50, Christen waited outside of the on-campus restaurant Danny had suggested.  He greeted her with a hug, a little too close for her own comfort.  

 

“Hey, how’s your day so far?” he asked.  

 

“Not bad.”  Her goal was to keep everything short and uninteresting.  He really was cute, but she didn’t feel any type of bigger attraction to him.  They found a table and placed their orders, knowing they only had a small bit of time before she had to go to her next class.  Danny took it upon himself to create conversation that was usually centered around himself, but she didn’t mind.  Anything that kept her from having to reveal information about herself.

 

“...and that’s actually how I became friends with Tobin.”  Christen admittedly wasn’t paying much attention to his long-winded story until she heard the drop Tobin’s name.

 

“Sorry, go back a second, you met Tobin….”  she hadn’t heard a word he said so she didn’t want to look stupid by saying the wrong thing.

 

“From her ex-girlfriend, Shirley.”    _Girlfriend._ _Ex._

 

“Oh, right, right.” Christen bobbed her head like she’d been paying any attention to who the heck Shirley was or where this story was headed.  

 

“Yeah. Shirley was only here for the year so since she went back Tobin still comes by and sometimes sleeps over in her old room if we all go out.  She’s seriously one of the coolest people I’ve ever met.”

 

There were so many questions swirling in her head but it didn’t seem appropriate to ask them to Danny.   _ When did they break up?  Where did she go back to?   _ Christen peered at her cell phone.    “Hey I’m sorry to cut this short but I should get going.  Thanks so much for lunch, I really appreciate it,”  her tone was strictly platonic. 

 

“No problem at all.”  They stood up together and before she knew it, Danny’s lips were over top of hers very awkwardly.  Her eyes remained open and her lips un-puckered.  Danny stepped back and looked like heaven had eclipsed him.  “I’ll text you later, Christen.”  She stood dumbfounded in the middle of the restaurant, unsure of what had just happened.

 

…………………………………….

 

Christen sulked into the common room later that night where she was pleasantly surprised to see  Allie, Alex and Tobin watching Monday Night Football.  Tobin looked up at her and smiled, happy to see her too.  

 

“Hey Christen, what’s up?” Alex asked.

 

“Just taking a break from my readings. What are you guys doing?”  She found a cozy spot on the couch and struck up a conversation about everyone’s day.

 

“Well, I for one had a great day, ” Allie declared.  “I heard two bits of gossip today about two little birdies in this room.” 

 

The three remaining girls shared a puzzled look.  “What’s that?” Tobin asked.  “Actually, you are not one of the birdies,” Allie told her.  “It’s these two.”    Christen felt her heart beat a little quicker.    _ What could she have heard about me? _

 

“First things, first.  Miss Press. I heard you had quite the lunch date today.”  Christen looked over to Tobin, wincing.  “Why is that?”

 

Allie continued, “I heard you kissed Danny right in the open for everyone to see.  Every girl on campus hates you right now.”  Christen closed her eyes for a brief moment.  She opened them looking down in her lap.  “It’s not what you think.”

 

“You didn’t?”

 

Christen clarified her statement.  “No we did - I mean he did.  It was unexpected.  I literally just stood there and didn’t move.”  Her eyes shifted back over to Tobin who was looking at her with a blank look.  Alex began laughing.  “Oh man that’s embarrassing.”

 

“Oh no, don’t you laugh,” Allie told her wagging her finger.  “You’re the other bird.  I heard that nice little pink mark on your neck came from Servando.”  Alex’s mouth opened wide in shock.  “How’d you know,” she squealed.  “Tobin?! Did you tell her?”  

 

“TOBIN KNEW?”  Allie shot off the coach in protest.  “Why didn’t either of you tell me?”  

 

Christen was happy the attention was off her for a moment.  _ Serves her right for blowing up our spots _ .  Laughing she told her, “Even I knew Allie!”  Now it was Tobin’s turn to open her mouth wide.  “TOBIN!” Alex shouted.  “You told Christen?!”  

 

Tobin got on her feet, pacing nervously.  “I had to, Alex!”

 

“Why?! I told you not to tell anyone,” she whined.  

 

“She thought you and I were dating!”  Everyone in the room now had the opportunity have their jaws hit the floor.  The amount of information being revealed was just incredible.  No one knew where to start or look first.  

 

“TOBIN!”  Christen couldn’t believe it.  “You told me you wouldn’t tell her!  But I also promised Allie I wouldn’t -”  

 

Before the words could escape her lips, Tobin was straddling her, one hand overtop of her mouth.  She melted underneath the power of her body and touch of her fingers against her own skin.   They stared at each other for a moment before Tobin bent down to whisper, “shh. Do. Not. Tell.”  Christen nodded underneath Tobin’s grasp so she slowly uncovered her mouth.  

 

“What in the world is going on here?!” Allie shouted.  “What are all these secrets!”  Tobin hadn’t moved from her position, Christen pinned between her legs and neither of them attempted to move.  

 

“Ok fine. Yes Allie, I’ve been hooking up with Serv for three weeks and I really like him.  Happy?”  

 

Allie nodded. “Yes. Good.  Now back to you two.  Christen, you thought these morons were dating?”

 

“Guilty.”  

 

“And Tobin, what can’t Christen tell me that has you up in arms.”  Tobin shook her head.  “Nope, nothing.”

 

Christen tried to think quickly on her feet.  “Oh come on Tobin, just tell her.”  She winked at the girl above her.  “She had a dream where she kissed you last week.”

 

A look of pride washed over Allie’s face.  “Oh. That’s not bad at all.”  Tobin started to pick herself up off of Christen’s body, where she immediately missed it.  “Actually it was a real nightmare. You’re not my type.”  Allie picked up a throw pillow and tossed it in their direction, missing.  

 

It had been too much excitement for one night already.  Christen stood up and told them now that she was thoroughly embarrassed, she was going to head back upstairs.  

 

Before she reached the top step her phone buzzed and she had a text.  _  Tobin. _

 

_ Tobin: Are you seeing him again? _

 

Christen didn’t know what to say.  Not if she could help it.  She didn’t want to date Danny but how did she tell him nicely?

 

_ Christen: I don’t think so. _

 

She didn’t get a response the rest of the night.

 


	7. Chapter 7

The next few days were a blur.  Soccer had picked up for the girls so she found herself alone in the evenings when practice was held.  Allie spent a lot of time with her boyfriend at his house, but the quiet was appreciated so she could study in silence without having to go to the library.  She hadn’t seen her roommates much over the past few days, including Tobin in class on Wednesday.  She’d saved her a seat but since Tobin came in late she just sat in the back and left with  brief wave.  Truthfully, it left her feeling really disappointed.  

 

Friday rolled around and she, like most of her roommates, didn’t have any classes.  There was a home night game they were prepping for by laying low and sleeping. Christen roamed through the house after lunch and saw each person had their door tightly closed.  She went downstairs to the common room where Allie and Tobin were laying on the couch, Allie asleep.

 

“Hey stranger,” Christen whispered.  

 

Tobin just looked up at her and offered a half smile.  Christen sat down next to her but felt Tobin immediately get up.  “Where are you going?” she wondered aloud.

 

Motioning to Allie she said, “I can’t really watch anything with the volume on or she’ll wake up.  I’m going to my room.”  

 

“Oh.”  Disappointment struck again at the brevity of their encounter. “Do you want to close the door and watch something on our TV?”  

 

She watched her shake her head no.  “I should lay down anyway, it’s fine.”   _ Say something so she won’t go.   _ “Can I come with you?”   _ Holy shit what did I just ask to do? _

 

Tobin looked down at her, trying to determine if she was serious or not.  “I - I guess so.”  Christen rose to her feet slowly, following in Tobin’s footsteps.  It was only then she realized she’d never been to the other side of the house and had no idea what Tobin’s room looked like.  It was the first room on the second floor towards the back.  Alex’s room was opposite of hers with a shared bathroom down the hall.  

 

When she walked into the room, she immediately could have guessed whose room it was.  It wasn’t exactly messy, but it was definitely organized chaos.  Her desk had stacks of notebooks and papers  and she had three  piles of laundry on the floor, separated by colors.  The bed a simple white down comforter and matching pillows, surprisingly made.  

 

_ Now what do I do. _ Luckily Tobin’s room was big enough to hold a queen bed so they were able to sit up, arms length away from each other.  She could feel the tension coming from Tobin and couldn’t but think she did something wrong.

 

“Are you coming tonight?”  Tobin asked without looking in her direction.  

 

“Yeah, of course.  I’m excited to see you all play.”   

 

“Are you coming out with us after?”  Christen tried thinking back to anyone mentioning it.  “I didn’t know anyone was planning on it.”   Tobin looked at her quickly out of the corner of her eye.  “Yeah.  We’ll go to Linda’s to eat and have a beer.  Some people will stay out if they’re up for it.”  

 

“Are you going to go?”  

 

Tobin snorted before answering.  “Definitely.”  Christen was trying so hard to ignore the attitude radiating beside her.  She slid down further into the bed and fluffed the pillow behind her before resting her head on it.   Tobin was watching her intently; she could feel it.  After a minute, she mirrored Christen’s actions and turned her head.  

 

She wasn’t sure how long they laid like that, looking at each other, studying the curves of each other’s faces.  It felt like they were having a conversation without speaking.  “Chris?” Tobin said, breaking the edge from her voice.  

 

“Yeah?”

 

She waited for Tobin to say something else, but she didn’t.  Letting out a big sigh, she rolled over and remained like that until Christen heard soft, rhythmic breathing coming from her lungs.  Tobin was so close to her and her fingers were tempted to run over the small patch of bare skin on her lower back that was exposed.  Unable to fight the urge, she did it.  

 

It was exhilarating.  She wanted to do it again...and again.  So she did, twice.  There was no way she’d fall asleep now.  Her body was alive and for the first time in a while she forged ahead with the mental conversation she’d closed herself off to.   The way she felt when she touched her was infinitely more exciting than when Danny or any other guy did.  She liked Tobin; she was attracted to her and couldn’t deny it.  

 

_ At least I think I do. _ Here we go. The inner conflict started. 

 

_ You have nothing to compare it to.  You don’t know if you actually _ like _ Tobin or you just can see yourself getting close like her and Alex are.  No, you checked her out multiple times.  You think she’s pretty.  You think a lot of girls are pretty, it doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them.  I would sleep with Tobin.  Oh my God.   _

 

Unable to handle it anymore, Christen carefully rolled off the side of the bed and tiptoed out of the room.  She nearly tripped over her own two feet when she heard a voice sleepily whisper, “see you tonight, Chris.”  __

 

_ …………...….. _

 

She spent the rest of the afternoon with her face buried in her pillow.  Tobin likely felt her touching her and now she was nervous.   _ She probably thinks I’m so weird.   _ IT took a lot of self convincing for her to finally pull herself up and get ready for the game.  She waited until she heard her roommates leave to emerge from her room and take a shower.

 

There was no such luck of escaping her thoughts as she let the warm water run over her.  Her eyes were closed and she retreated back to the first time she realized Tobin was….Tobin. She replayed the way she leaned against the counter and listened to her patiently, her dreamy gold-flecked eyes looking into hers, her lean body that was soft to the touch and the way she just moved in general.  But most of all, her smile.  Christen was sure that smile was the cure to anything bad and would do most anything to see it over and over.

 

Christen snapped her eyes open and looked down.  Inadvertently, she found her hand touching herself.  This had never happened before and despite being all alone, she was embarrassed.  She grabbed a towel and exited the bathroom.   _ That’s it, you have got to do something to figure out your feelings.  It’s not going to go away.  Tonight, say something to her tonight. _

 

She watched all of her teammates from the stands with Allie play a great game, but she couldn’t help but focus on Tobin most of the time.  Not because Tobin was genuinely a great player and mesmerizing on the ball, but because she was easy to look at.  Her home white jersey clung to her body against what Christen could only presume was sweat, revealing a pretty nice outline.  

 

“How long do you think they’ll take before we can meet them,” Christen asked Allie, eyes focused on Tobin walking to the fieldhouse with her teammates. “

 

Allie pulled out her phone and said she’d text Alex, who usually took the longest, to ask.  That gave Christen a really good idea. She took her own phone out and found the text from Tobin earlier in the week.  It hurt her a little to see she never got a response from her last message, but she continued to type.

 

_ Christen: Great game!  _

She shoved the phone in her pocket, hoping Allie wouldn’t see.  The last thing she needed was someone catching on to her growing feelings.

 

Buzzing.

 

_ Tobin:  Thanks.  Are you still up for Linda’s?  We’ll be there in like 20 minutes. _

 

_ Christen:  I’ll save you a seat :) _

  
  


“Why don’t we go over now and try to get a few tables?” Christen suggested.  Allie agreed it’d be smart to at least see what they could get before the crowd arrived and their efforts paid off.  They had two rectangular tables set up for them, easily seating 12 people.  Their roommates came in clusters, first Ali and her girlfriend (who was so kind to Christen), then Julie and Kelley.  Other soccer players came in and stood around the table but Christen fiercely protected the seat next to hers for Tobin by putting a jacket, her purse on it.  

 

“Hey Christen, I’m glad you’re here.”  _  No.  No, no no. _

 

Danny stood a little too closely, almost making her scoot back in her chair.  She flashed a polite, quick smile at him but didn’t say anything.  Unable to read her signals, he started to pick up the purse and jacket from the empty-bodied chair.  

 

“No! I saved that for Tobin,” she exclaimed.

 

“She won’t care,” he started to say.   _ No, I don’t want to be stuck here with him.     _ “Actually I think she’ll be exhausted when she gets here so she might need to sit down.”  

 

He was insistent.  “She’ll be cool with it.  I’ll find her another chair.”   _ Great.  “ _ So can I get you a drink or something?”  

 

She shook her head.  “No, I’m going to wait until everyone gets here, thanks.”  Christen turned her head away, giving her best standoffish look.  It wasn’t working.  “So I had a lot of fun at lunch with you the other day and wanted to know if you wanted to tailgate with us this weekend.  All of the guys come and your roommates are welcomed too.”  

 

Christen peered up to see Ali and Ashlyn were doing a horrible job being discreet and eavesdropping.  She looked to them with wide eyes, signaling for some help.  Ali jumped in, “We already have plans but we’ll probably see you guys!”  Christen wanted to mouth thank you but knew she’d be caught.  Smiling sweetly, she confirmed the lie.  “Bummer.”

 

“Oh, that’s cool. Well maybe we can meet up anyway and….”  Christen didn’t hear the rest of his sentence because at that moment she saw Tobin walk in the door, trailing a step behind Alex.  Their eyes met before Tobin surveyed the scene and saw her spot had already been claimed.  She swore she saw a glimpse of sadness behind her eyes before her face turned stoic and looked away.  Christen tracked her across the room to the bar where she ordered something.  

 

“Christen?”  Danny had put his arm across the back of her chair and raised his eyebrows at her.  She looked back at him.  “Yes? No?”  _  Shoot, what did he ask.  Probably if I want something.  Just say no, it’s the safer choice. _

 

“Sorry! No.”  

 

She watched him smile.  “Great, so then why don’t I drop the tickets off to your house tomorrow morning and then when you’re done with your tailgate you can come with me.”   _ Oh God, what did I just agree to?  _  “Uh, ok, um.” she sputtered.  

 

Tobin and Alex walked up to table, drinks in hand.  “Hey ladies,” Danny said.  Alex returned his pleasantry, striking up conversation about their earlier victory.  Christen searched for Tobin’s eyes that were clearly avoiding hers.  She was concentrated on Danny’s face, not daring to look to the the right.   _ Come on, Tobin.  Look at me.  _

 

“I’ll get you girls a chair if you want,” Danny offered.  Alex nodded back at him but Tobin didn’t reply.  “I saved this one for you Tobin, I’m sorry,” Christen said hoping to let her know she really had tried.  

 

“It’s fine, someone more important came along,” she retorted.  The snarkiness even caught Alex off guard and she shot her a look.  “Tobin..” Christen started before Danny made commotion in front of them, sliding chairs into a tight spot opposite of them.  She couldn’t stop staring at Tobin; all she wanted to do was to tell Danny to take a hike and tell her she wanted to be next to her.  

 

“So I heard you guys are doing a tailgate tomorrow.  I invited Christen to ours but she’s going to just meet up and sit with me in our section at the game.  Do you guys want to come too?  I have 3 more tickets.”  _  I am?  Oh, that’s what I agreed to.   _ It was just getting worse and worse. 

 

Tobin looked at her.  “No thanks Danny, you two have fun.”  Christen’s eyes and facial expression pleaded with Tobin not to buy into what he was saying.  

 

“Suit yourself, I bet our tickets are better than yours,” he joked.  

 

She was desperate.  “Tobin, I have to go to the bathroom, come with me?”  

 

“I’m good.”   _ Ok, what else can I try. _

 

“I need someone to hold my purse and drink.  Public bathrooms gross me out. Please?”

 

Alex interjected, “Why don’t you just leave them at the table?”  Her voice and face showed she thought Christen was kind of dense for not thinking of that in the first place.  Tobin’s face showed she knew exactly what Christen was trying.  Danny continued to be oblivious, of course.

 

“Right.  Good idea Alex.  Well, I’m going to order something to eat while I’m up, too.  I’ll get everyone else another round.  Can you help me carry them, Tobin?”  

 

Finally, Tobin gave in.  “Okay.”  Christen had exactly two minutes to have a conversation away from the prying ears and eyes of everyone at the table.  What she hated most was her and Tobin were stuck in this game that no one else knew was happening.  Or at least she thought that’s what it was.  She had read the Alex/Tobin thing all wrong so maybe she was wrong about this too?  

 

“Tobin, I’m sorry, I really did save that seat for you.  He came over and just sat down.”  

 

“It’s fine.”  Tobin looked straight ahead as they waited for the drinks.  Christen took a deep breath, “No, it’s not.  I promised you I’d save you a seat and I don’t want you to think I didn’t.”  

 

“It’s just a chair, Christen.”   _ Why is she being so stubborn?   _ She wasn’t going to let Tobin walk away without getting some type of closure from this conversation.  “Then why do I get the sense that you’re upset with me?”  Her voice was low, not wanting to make a scene.

 

Tobin blinked at her a few times.  “You really have no idea?”  

 

Christen had a few ideas, but didn’t want to put any of them out there in the chance she was off.  Did Tobin feel the same type of attraction to her?  Was she upset about her and Danny?  Was she mad about what happened in her room earlier?  She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

 

Tobin shook her head and muttered, “unbelievable” before walking away, leaving Christen standing alone.  

 

………………

 

Christen avoided Tobin for the rest of the night.  She thought maybe giving her a chance to cool down would be best at this point.  She also tried to avoid Danny who seemed to show up everywhere she drifted.  Clearly, body language was not something that he read very well.  

 

On the way home, Ali made a point to ask if everything was okay.  “Is it that obvious?” Christen asked.  Ali nodded. “Kinda.  I got the impression you weren’t really into going with him tomorrow.  Why’d you say yes?”  

 

Christen groaned.  “Ali, I wasn’t even paying attention to him.  I said no thinking I was shooting him down!”  Ali laughed, “can you get out of it?”  She thought for a minute.  “I want to go to the tailgate and the game, but just not with him so I can’t say I’m sick or anything.”

 

Softly suggesting, Ali told her she could just be honest with him and tell her she’s not interested.  “I know, I could.  I hate rejecting people, though.  I’m better at just withdrawing, but he doesn’t seem to get the hint!”  

 

She realized that unfortunately, she would just have to suck it up tomorrow.  Everyone was home and getting ready for bed when she thought it might be worth it to try to talk to Tobin again.  Christen took out her contacts and put her glasses on, changed into pajamas.  Tiptoeing downstairs, the common room door was shut.  She pressed her ear to it but didn’t hear any sounds, signaling the other side of the house was probably in bed.  

 

Trying not to disturb the floorboards underneath her up the steps, she could see the light was out underneath Tobin’s door.  She had only a few moments to decide whether to stay or go.  Going for it, she knocked softly three times.  “Tobin?”

 

Nothing.   _ She’s probably sleeping already.  Try one more time.   _ “Tobin, it’s Christen,” she called quietly, turning the doorknob.  Peeking in the room, she could just make out Tobin’s face from the streetlight shining in her uncurtained window.  

 

“Not now Christen.  Just go.”  

 

Before shutting the door, she swore she saw tears coming from Tobin’s eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

It was an extremely restless night of sleep.  By 6 am, she was wide awake and sitting up in bed.  Every time she closed her eyes, Tobin’s face flashed in front of her, tear stained.   Unable to sit idle and longer, she swung herself out of bed and went downstairs to make herself useful.  Ali had told her that they did the tailgate as a team after their morning recovery session  but she was more than welcome to join them and everyone was responsible for either donating money or a side dish to absorb the beer the freshman were obligated to provide.

 

Wanting to do her part, Christen thought a dessert would be good and she had a new recipe for chocolate peanut-butter pretzel dip.  She started to assemble the ingredients she would need, but realized quickly they didn’t have confectioners sugar or enough chocolate chips.   _ Guess I need to go to the store.   _ Since it was early, she didn’t really think anyone important would be at the store so she threw on a hoodie laying on the couch (probably Kelley’s) and flip flops.  She hurried out the door and immediately regretted her decision.  Tobin was stretching on the small front lawn.  

 

“Hey.”  Christen said, stopped in her tracks.  

 

Tobin looked white as a ghost.  “Hey.”  

 

“Up for a run so early on a Saturday before practice?”  Tobin nodded.   _ Ok, no better today. _ “I’m headed to the store.  Need anything?” she offered.

 

Tobin looked up at her and actually gave a pleasant response.  “We’re out of coffee beans if you could grab some.”  

 

“Absolutely! What kind? You know what I’ll just get a few you might like,” Christen said talking a mile minute.  “I have some really good ones right now with caramel flavors in them, do you like carmel?”  Tobin’s face twisted in amusement, detecting that Christen was trying really hard at the moment.  

 

“That sounds good, thanks Chris.”  

 

While they were on even-footing, Christen hated to leave.  They both stayed in their spots for a few lingering seconds before she finally descended down the couple of steps towards her car.  “I’ll bring the beans over when I get back,” she called.  Turning, she saw Tobin was already up the steps to her door with her back to her.

 

….

 

She didn’t lie, she really did get a few, or seven, different types of beans for Tobin’s house.  No one was up yet at their house and she assumed Tobin was in the shower based on the running water she heard above while standing in their kitchen.  Christen texted her to tell her she had made her delivery and ten minutes later Tobin emerged with damp hair and an outfit for her morning session.

  
  


“Hi!” she said a little enthusiastically.

 

Tobin took a seat next to her at the counter.  “Did you eat?”  

 

Christen realized she’d been up for hours and still hadn’t.  “No, not yet.  Do you want me to make something for us?”  

 

“Yeah, thanks.  I like anything so you pick.”  Slowly, Christen started to feel better now that they were actually exchanging non-confrontational words.   “Waffles? Bacon?”  

 

Like a child, Tobin’s eyes were wide as she said yes.  She watched Christen move about the kitchen but didn’t offer any small talk.  They sat in silence as they ate but clearly they both were enjoying what she’d prepared.  Tobin cleared their plates without a word and put them in the dishwasher.  When she was finished, she turned around and leaned against the counter.  “Thanks, that was good.”

 

“You’re welcome, I like having breakfast with you.”  This was her opportunity.

 

“Um.  I wanted to talk to you about last night.”  She was shocked that Tobin was bringing it up first.

 

“Me, too. Tob-”  A banging interrupted her.  Tobin looked at her pensively before craning her head beyond her shoulders to see what it was.  Alex was lying on the floor.  

 

“Are you okay, Alex?” Tobin asked, concern in her voice.

 

“I tripped!”  Part of Christen felt badly for the poor girl on the floor and the other was annoyed that she was interrupted.  

 

Alex came into the kitchen and plopped down next to her.  “Do I smell bacon?”  

 

“Too late, we ate it already,” Tobin informed her.  “Ughhh, you guys, I’m hungry.”   _ Geez Alex is whiny first thing in the morning.   _ Christen stood up.  There would be no continuing the conversation with Tobin right now so she didn’t want to stay and have to look at her without saying what she wanted.    “I’m going to go finish my dessert and take a shower.  I’ll see you guys at the tailgate.”  

 

“See ya!” Alex called.  Tobin stayed quiet.  

 

…..

 

Stanford tailgates were awesome.  UNC tailgates….were better.  Christen couldn’t believe the amount of students dressed in baby blue and white in the parking lots of the stadium.  It was hard to keep track of her group since everyone was wearing the same thing.  Kelley let her borrow a shirt since she still hadn’t purchased any UNC apparel, pairing it with the same white shorts she wore to the party last Saturday.  Christen kept an eye out for Tobin, who strolled up about 15 minutes after her already drinking a beer.  She waved her over and was thrilled when she actually came.   

 

“Hey, I’m surprised you’re still here,” Tobin told her.  

 

Christen looked at her, clueless.  She was met with an intended look.  “The plans you made last night?”  

 

“Oh.”  The two were sitting by themselves while others stood above them, talking and drinking.  It felt like they were kinda of in a bubble, so Christen dared to tell her how she felt.  “I don’t want to go, Tobin.”  They held eye contact when Tobin challenged, “so don’t go.”

 

Her breathing stopped.  Her lungs felt heavy and all the blood rushed to her head.  “Why should I stay?”  She would be damned if she guessed it was because Tobin had the same feelings she did and got it wrong.  She had to hear it directly from her mouth.  

 

“We’ll have fun.”  Not quite the answer she was hoping for.  Christen searched for any extra meaning behind the reason but couldn’t.  Tobin broke eye contact and took a swig of her beer before looking ahead at their friends.   _ I guess I was wrong.  _  They sat people-watching for a little while longer before re-joining others playing cornhole, beer pong and any other game that made drinking a competition.  Tobin asked if Christen wanted to be her partner for a round of beer pong and realizing this was as close to her as she was going to get for now, she jumped at the opportunity.  

 

They were down and had three cups remaining when Christen spied Danny out of the corner of her eyes, approaching the table.

 

“GO CHRIS AND TOBS!”   _ Ugh, is he drunk?   _

 

Both girls ignored him as Christen took her shot.   _ Plop.  Tobin _ gave her a fist bump before she focused herself.   _ Plop.   _ Kelley grumbled something about luck as rolled both ping pong balls back to the girls.  

 

“Do you wanna go first?” Tobin asked her.  “No pressure.”  

 

Christen took the ball from her hand, giving her the green light to seal the deal.  After jokingly asking for silence, she threw a perfectly weighted ball...right in the cup.  Tobin lifted her off the ground, spinning her around just once.  Christen’s arms clung tightly around her neck, while Tobin’s hovered on her lower back in dangerous territory.  They stood in position for a few seconds, Christen beaming down.  Her eyes traveled to Tobin’s mouth and back up.  She seriously thought about kissing her, the first time she’d ever done that.

 

Their moment was interrupted by a body pressing into Christen’s back.  She slid down into a sandwich between the girl at her eye level and Danny.  Tobin’s eyes looked up over her head and narrowed ever so slightly.  

 

“My girls just killed it,” Danny yelled.  She felt him clinging to her, hands attached to her waist when Tobin released hers and took a step back. She reached out to stop her but missed.  “Let me steal Christen for the next game, she’s got the magic touch.”  Christen wiggled out of his grip and turned to face him.

 

“I’m Tobin’s partner, sorry!”  

 

“She won’t mind, right Tobs?”  Christen whipped around to shoot Tobin a look.  

 

“I don’t know, she’s good luck.”  She could tell the girl was stuck and would disappoint one of them.  Trying to shut down the situation, Christen suggested that they  be teammates while she watched. She noticed Tobin’s eyes baring into the side of her but eventually she agreed.  

 

Taking a seat on top of a cooler to watch the game, she overheard part of their conversation. 

 

“You talk to Shirley this week?”  Tobin seemed to still at the mention of the name and now Christen was intrigued.  

 

“I, uh, not lately.”  Her hands were playing against each other, almost like a nervous habit.

 

“Man, you two were good together.  I’m pulling for her to find something stateside so you can work it out.”   _ Work it out.  What happened? _

 

“I don’t know,” Tobin muttered with her head shaking at the pavement.

 

“Go easy on her, she’s trying.  We talk about you a lot.”  Christen felt a knot in her stomach forming.  Tobin looked over where she was sitting and looked pained.  She didn’t want to hear much more of this, so she got up to refocus her attention on something else.  Quickly, she found a safe space sitting on top of Ali’s lap who was sitting on Ashlyn’s lap. 

 

It wasn’t safe for long when Ali whispered in her ear, “heads up, here he comes.”  Looking to her right and then left, there was nowhere to escape.

 

“Ready to go in?”  

 

“Actually, I think she should stay with us for today,” Ali interjected.  “It’s her first game and all. We can meet up with you guys afterwards?” _  Bless you, Ali.  Remember to offer to do her laundry for a week or something. _

 

Christen watched his face fall.  “Oh.  I guess it’s just Tobin then.  Can I text you after?”

 

“Tobin?”

 

“Yeah she took me up on one of the extra tickets.  She’s gonna sit with us.”   _ Wait, so I could sit with Tobin?  _

 

“I’ll go.  I wouldn’t want to leave Tobin with all those guys!”  Christen felt Ali dig her hand into her back.  “I can catch up with you guys at halftime, maybe we’ll come back to you section,” she compromised as she stood up.  Christen followed Danny, making sure there was a little space between them.  Tobin was texting and looked up right as they approached.  Ignoring Danny, she said, “you ready to go in?”  

 

“Let’s do it.”  

 

Tobin surprised her, slinging her arm around Christen’s shoulder while they walked.  She could feel her cool skin against the warmth of her own, making her heart skip the occasional beat.  “It’s cool ya’ll are good friends,” Danny commented.  “It could be just like last year.  When Christen comes over, Tobs, you can sleep in the spare room.  You won’t be the only chick around anymore.”  She had to fight the biggest urge to give him a dirty look.   _ Why does he talk about me like we’re together or something? _

 

Christen was thankful Tobin didn’t acknowledge what he said and instead kept her arm wrapped around her.  If she had it her way though, she’d have made it very clear to Danny that it wasn’t his room she was interested in sleeping in, but rather Tobin’s.

 

She missed the weight of Tobin against her immediately as they pulled apart to scan their tickets and enter the stadium.  Unfortunately when they got their section, Tobin and Christen were separated; Danny in between them.  It annoyed her since Tobin was the only reason she ended up sitting her and now she was being blocked by the guy who she thought was about two minutes away from proposing, some reason unknown to her.   

 

Christen tried to put on a happy face and only direct her comments or questions to Tobin but it just didn’t happen.  EVery word she said, he intercepted.  Every move she made to retreat from his touch, he followed up on. Halftime was slowly approaching and she couldn’t wait to get out of there.  

 

When Tobin offered to get everyone a water to help with the burning September sun, Christen quickly volunteered to help her.  Tobin looked between her and Danny before telling her she wouldn’t be long and to stay put for now.   _ Why wouldn’t she want me to come with her? _  Christen’s eyes lingered on her backside carefully moving down the row into the aisle.

 

“She’s so great,” Danny slurred.   _ Ugh, control yourself.   _ “She is,” Christen agreed.

 

“I just feel so bad about how things went down with her and Shirley.  I really want her to come back so they can try again.  They were an awesome couple.”  

 

This was Christen’s chance to find out some details from Tobin that she wouldn’t have to pry from her.   Up to this point, Tobin hadn’t even mentioned the girl.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Well,” Danny started.  “They started dating pretty quickly after Shirley came here from Paris..”

 

“Paris?” Christen squeaked.  “She’s French?”

 

“No, she’s from Costa Rica.”   _ What? _ She was so lost.

 

“She plays club soccer in France but was injured all last year.  She took the year to do an abroad program through the university she’s taking classes at there. Anyway, so they started dating quickly and were just so cool together.  When Shirley had to go back in May, she kind of told Tobin she thought it’d be best to break it off.  Tobin wasn’t feelin’ that and wanted to stay together.  They went through a rough few weeks but eventually Tobin told her she understood.   I keep in touch with her and she knows she made a mistake but Tobin has kinda shut her out.  She’ll answer her every once in awhile but nothing heavy, you know?  I think it still stings.”

 

_ Wow, poor Tobin.   _ Christen turned away and focused her sights upwards in the sky.   _ How could anyone give Tobin up like that? _  There were a few more questions she had but didn’t want Danny to spill that they’d been having this conversation.  She thought about different ways she could ease into the subject with Tobin at a later time.  She was so engrossed in her own thoughts she barely notice the girl shuffling back into her seat.  Christen surveyed her face for a moment while she politely handed out the waters to the guys around her, a perfect smile and shining eyes.  Her heart ached, thinking of the rejection she had faced.  

 

“Here you go Christen.”  Tobin handed down a water that she hadn’t even requested.  Feeling somewhat closer or more connected to her, Christen thanked her with a wink.  She wasn’t sure how but Tobin’s smile definitely grew wider.  

 

Halftime rolled around and the girls politely excused themselves to go find their teammates.  Danny seemed to be drunker by the minute so she wasn’t sure he was even paying attention when she left.  They were separated again once they were seated but she felt infinitely better knowing they were at least away from him.   _ Maybe I can talk to her tonight after the game back at the house.  We need to finish the conversation we started and there’s a few things I need to say to her. _

 

It didn’t happen.  The girls had another game tomorrow afternoon and they all turned in early, leaving her alone in the common room by 9:30 p.m.  She pulled out her laptop and decided to do a little Facebook stalking.  Her first weekend she’d added all of her new roommates but didn’t really look closely at them.  Tobin didn’t post much but when she checked out her tagged pictures, it was easy to figure out just who her ex-girlfriend was.  Christen examined them thoroughly, noting the way they easily fit together.   _ They’re an attractive couple.  She looks really happy.   _ A noise coming down the steps from her side of the house startled her, causing her to slam her laptop shut.  She saw Kelley in her pajamas, poking her head inside the room. 

 

“Hey Chris, you up still?”

 

Christen motioned for her to join her on the couch so she wouldn’t have to raise her voice and wake anyone.  Kelley shuffled over, scraping her socks against the floorboards.  “Yeah, I’m up.  I don’t have to be up and running like you guys tomorrow.”

 

Kelley nodded in understanding.  “Where’s Allie though?  It’s Saturday night, you guys should go out or something.”

 

“Already out, she’s with her boyfriend.”  She’d texted her about twenty minutes ago with the same idea as Kelley.  “So why don’t you go spend some time with your boyfriend?”  

 

Christen cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at Kelley.  “He is NOT my boyfriend.”  Laughing, she was told “well it seems like he thinks he is.”   It wasn’t funny to her whether people were joking or not.  

 

“I’m serious.  I don’t even like him.  He won’t get the hint that  he’s not the one I’m interested in,” she explained with her hands flying up in defeat.

 

“Not the one?”  Christen hadn’t even realized those words had left her mouth when Kelley called her out on them.   _ Do I tell her how I feel?  Maybe she’ll have some insight into Tobin. _ A lump formed in her throat as she tried to gain the courage to form a sentence about how she was feeling.  “Well, I...um, no.. he’s..”  She sounded ridiculous tripping over her own words but Kelley wasn’t helping her out.  “So there IS someone.  Is it someone I know, maybe someone I know well?

 

Christen replayed the question over in her head silently, trying to determine if Kelley knew exactly who it was but was waiting for her to say it.  She couldn’t tell and decided it wasn’t worth risking the confession if she was wrong.

 

“Maybe.”  The girls had a staring contests for what felt like forever.  “Tell me,” she demanded.

 

“No.  I’m not ready to talk about it.  I just know Danny is certainly not anything resembling a boyfriend and I’m not interested at all.”  Christen made sure her tone reflected the finality of the subject.  “Why don’t you go back to bed, you’ll be tired tomorrow,” she suggested.

 

“You just want to get rid of me so I don’t guess who it is.”   _ She’s right. _

 

“Kelley how about I warm up some of the leftovers from today and bring it to you upstairs?  Go and I’ll be up in 5.”   She was thrilled to see Kelley was giving in and she’d dodged a bullet for now.  Standing up and going into the kitchen, she continued to talk softly to her friend.  “I’ll be able to come to at least half of the game tomorrow before I have to go to the library to study with my study group…”  Christen kept talking and talking without a response.

 

What she didn’t know was Kelley had opened her laptop after she got up, seeing the evidence of her earlier cyberstalking.  

  
  


……..

 

The next few weeks blurred together as a routine.  For three consecutive weekends, there were away games that took her roommates out of town for some if not all the days of Thursday-Sunday.  It hardly left any time for her and Tobin to spend any time together, except for roommate dinners  every Monday night and class.  They went up and down, having moments where Christen thought they were on the brink of bringing up their unfinished conversation about what had been bugging Tobin and the next minute they were strangers again.  One Wednesday after class, Tobin stood up and exited the row and hall without so much as a goodbye or waiting her for.  But then that night, she came home to a post-it on her bedroom door with a drawing of a flower and asking her if she wanted to study for their exam after dinner.  It left Christen feeling increasingly confused, both about where she stood in Tobin’s eyes and how she felt about her.  There was no denying she was attracted to her still and want to spend more time with her but the lack of alone time didn’t add to it.  One accomplishment though was that she had managed to let Danny down in the nicest possible way.  She held her ground and turned him down twice for dates and on the third attempt politely told him she was only looking to be friends.  He finally relented and they actually had a nice little friendship now.  When they bumped into each other or talked in class, he was all gentleman and she finally understood why all the girls really took to him.  

 

The upcoming week had both a mid-week and weekend home game on the schedule so it meant everyone would be together for the first time since mid-September.  Since then, the weather had cooled and trees were starting to lose their leaves, changing to deep reds and oranges.  

 

“Knock knock, can I come in?”  Tobin stood in her opened doorway as she was concentrating on her laptop screen that held her paper on  multiple psychological risk factors in children.

 

“Of course,” Christen told her as she shut it slightly and twisted her torso to face her.  “What’s up?’

 

“Do you want to grab  an early dinner with me before I have to go to the field?”  Christen glanced back at her phone which read 3:30.  She was done classes for the day but had only eaten an hour ago.  “Sure,” she barely hesitated to say.  It didn’t matter if she had eaten three minutes ago, she was desperate to spend some alone time with Tobin and wasn’t sure if this opportunity would pop up again any time soon.  Her shoes were underneath her desk so she shoveled her heels in walked in the direction of the door before Tobin changed her mind.

 

“Do you want your phone?”  

 

“Oh! Thanks for reminding me!”  Christen spun around to grab it, silently cursing herself for looking so eager.  “I need my wallet, too.  Hold on.”

 

Tobin stopped her, “No don’t worry about it.  I got it.”  She looked at her in confusion.  “You have my wallet?  Did I leave it downstairs?”

 

“Uh, no I mean I’ll pay.”  _  Oh, duh, Christen.   _ “Oh thanks, that’s really nice of you.”

 

She followed Tobin down the stairs, eyes fixated on her backside, watching it sway unintentionally back and forth.  “In the mood for anything in particular?”    _ Yeah, you. “ _ No, whatever you want is fine with me.”  They settled on the cafe that had sparked their infamous meeting, mostly since Tobin raved about their salads since they’d left the house.  When they came to the door, Tobin dramatically opened it for her.  “I don’t want any collisions today.”  Sensing that she was completely kidding and in a good mood, Christen played along.  “I’m going to announce myself, too.  I’m coming through the door now,” she half shouted.  She saw a smile form on Tobin’s lips that made her weak.  She’d been waiting for that sight for awhile now.

 

Tobin kept her offer and paid for both of them while Christen collected their orders and found a table.  She took the opportunity to get as much face time in as possible before they had to get Tobin to the fieldhouse.  “So how are you, what’s been going?”  She watched the pretty brunette shove some of the lettuce into her mouth, unable to resist waiting  to start eating.  

 

“Same old. Soccer, class, repeat.” Her shoulders shrugged as though there was nothing else going on in her world.  “You?  I haven’t seen you much except for class.”  

 

Christen wanted to indicate that she wasn’t happy about that arrangement.  “I know, I don’t like it.”  

 

Tobin’s eyes widened at her statement.  “No?”

 

“No.”

 

Their words hung in the air for a moment before she continued.  “But same as you, just class and projects.  I’ve been spending a lot of time with Allie on the weekends but I also started playing rec tennis at the student center for something to do.”   

 

“I’m pretty good, maybe we can see how bad you are this weekend?”  Christen looked up from her salad to see if Tobin was was just teasing her or it was her way of saying she’d like to really play together.  “It’s a date,” she provoked.  

 

There was no objection from the other side of the table.  They changed the topic to small talk about class and soccer before it somehow reached the a subject she was curious about.  Christen had shyly asked about her previous year, stemming from the soccer conversation.  “So Danny said you spent a lot of time at their house last year and this summer.  But it doesn’t seem like you’re there much anymore…”.  Shifting in her seat, she saw Tobin was a bit uncomfortable but willing to talk.

 

“The girl I was dating lived there.”  

 

“Where is she now?” Does she still go here?” she asked, knowing very well she didn’t.

 

“No, she was here for a short time before she went back to Paris where she plays club soccer.  We ended things right before she left in the summer.”  It was clear that she wasn’t going to spill all the details she wanted unless she pried a little more.  “Oh, I’m sorry.  Did she leave on good terms?”

 

Tobin put down her fork and paused.  Christen thought maybe she struck a nerve but as the seconds ticked by she figured out Tobin was just trying to decide whether to answer openly or not.  “I think she thought we were on good terms, but I wasn’t so thrilled.  I’m over it now, though, I promise.”  

 

She thought it was kind of an odd thing to say, but appreciated the honesty.  “That’s good, I guess.  Do you still talk to her?”  

 

“She tries, I answer her every once in awhile.  If we were friends before we started a relationship or she was still around I might try harder, but she’s gone so I don’t see the point.” 

 

“Can I ask you a question?”  IT was something Christen felt she needed to know before she could really decide if telling Tobin how she felt was worth it.  “Of course,” Tobin said, resuming her dinner.  

 

“Did you cut off the communication because it’s too hard to talk to her?  Or because you resent her for ending it?”  Tobin’s head shot up.  “Who said she ended it?”    _ Shit, I’m caught.    “ _ Danny kind of mentioned she did.”

 

“Oh did he?  He sure has a lot to say to you.”  Her voice was clearly annoyed.  

 

“Tobin, it was a quick conversation.  We weren’t gossiping or anything, I swear.  I just wanted to know from you be-”  Tobin cut her off before she could tell her she wanted to know if she was open to anything else or a new relationship.

 

“I don’t talk to her much because it would send the wrong message.  She wants to try again and I don’t.  It’s better this way. Can we change the subject now?”   
  


Christen was compliant and commented how good her salad was, thanking Tobin with a smile for the recommendation.  They made it through the rest of dinner without any more hiccups and for the first time in weeks, she felt good about where they were at.  

 

_ ……………….. _


	9. Chapter 9

A victory on Thursday put the house in a good mood as they all laid low on Saturday night since there was an early home game on Sunday.  Tobin and Christen had two people between them on the couch so she couldn’t focus on the movie on the TV.  There was candy and Chinese take out scattered on the coffee table, the floor, everywhere.  

 

One by one, the girls turned in for the night, leaving Kelley, Tobin and herself as the remaining three through the end of the second movie.  Christen had inched closer to where Tobin was sitting, finding every excuse including reaching for a half-finished pack of Twizzlers to being ‘restless’ in her spot.  Now a mere inches from Tobin’s lap, she ached to place her head on it.  It was amazing; this person she knew for such a short time had captured all of her attention.  When she wasn’t with her, she was thinking about her.  For someone she despised at first sight, her intuition told her this was something special.   

 

“Tobin, did you tell Christen about the Clemson trip yet?”  Christen looked across the couch to where Kelley was smirking.  

 

“No, but you just did,” Tobin cooly replied.  Christen looked between the two who seemed to be having a standoff.  “Is someone going to tell me what the Clemson trip is?”

 

Kelley continued, “We’re gonna road trip Saturday into Sunday to watch the guys team play Sunday afternoon.  It’s huge since Clemson is seeded third and we’re seeded tenth.  We’ll get a hotel Saturday night and go out.”

 

“That sounds like fun, you guys will have a great time!”  Tobin looked at her sagaciously.  “You’re invited too, you know.” 

 

“Oh. Really?”  Although she’d been included in mostly everything soccer related that her teammates did, she didn’t want to make assumptions.  “Yes, really,” Kelley muttered.  “So if you wanna come, it’ll be me, you and Tobin in a room.  Ali is bringing Ashlyn, Julie isn’t going so she can visit her boyfriend and Alex and Allie will room together.”  

 

_ Overnight with Tobin? _ _ Could I make it through without screwing it up? _  “I’m in.”  

 

“Good.  Now, I’m going to bed so you two,” Kelley gestured between them, “behave.  See you in the morning,” she sang.  

 

It made Christen overheat, turning the apples of her cheeks a pink shade.  They both watched Kelley turn off the lights to their side of the house and make her way upstairs.  Finally, Tobin broke the silence.  “I think it’ll be fun, I’m glad you’re coming.”

 

“You should be.  Having to share a room alone with Kelley?  Yikes.” Christen joked.

 

“That’s not exactly why I’m glad,” Tobin breathed, turning her body inward to completely face Christen.  She felt her own breathing becoming rugged.   _ This is it. Make a move or tell her.  _ “To-”

 

“There’s a great restaurant in Greenville that we’ll pass that is a family friends.  They have the best chocolate silk pie you need to try.  Their coffee is insane, too. You’re the only one in this house who is addicted to coffee like me.”  She had cut Christen off, clearly not  saying anything close to what she was about to say.

 

“Oh.”

 

Tobin sat up straight.  “Sorry, what were you going to say. I cut you off.”  Her smile was enough to kill her right now.  Christen searched Tobin’s eyes for some indication that she would be open to what she had to say at the moment.  “I call the bed closest to the window.”

…………..

They were in sync again.  Christen increasingly thought that Tobin _ did _ feel the same way she did.  It was a cat and mouse game between them, stealing innocent touches behind the backs of their roommates and lowkey flirting  when they found excuses to be with each other.  When they made dinner Monday night, Tobin offered to help her cut vegetables to put in quesadillas.  They were standing right up against each other at the kitchen counter, Tobin’s arm grazing her as she reached across to grab a cutting board.  Christen strategically brushed up behind her when she needed to grab a paper towel on the other side of the counter and felt Tobin accept the contact.  

 

She was so excited for their upcoming trip this weekend and started to pack already.  She had even offered to drive as a way to say thank you for including her in the trip.  Knowing Kelley, she would likely call shot-gun before they even left the front porch, so she decided to get to Tobin before that happened.  

 

“So I’m used to driving on the LA Expressway and I’m assuming this road trip will be a little different.  Is it a bad drive?” she asked slicing the peppers into thin slices.

 

Tobin didn’t look up from where she dicing onions.  “We might hit traffic going through Charlotte but other than that it moves pretty good.  Nothing like LA highways.” 

 

“Oh good, I’m kind of a nervous driver when there’s a ton of traffic,” she lied.  Christen had seen it all; it was part of being a Californian driver.  Tobin wiped her brow with the back of her hand before continuing cutting.  “Do you want me to drive instead?”

 

“Oh, no.  I’ll drive.  But maybe just sit up front to help me navigate?  It’ll help.”  She watched Tobin fight the smile forming across her face. 

 

“Yeah, sure.  You be the one tell Kelley she has to sit in the back and it’s a deal.”  

 

….

 

9:02  am.  They were supposed to leave by 8:30.  Christen’s car was packed and ready to go but Allie’s was still waiting on Alex who was taking her time to primp and close the overstuffed suitcase she prepare. 

 

“Alex,” Tobin roared.  “Let’s go.  You’re spending over four hours in the car and you’ll just want to redo your makeup once we get there anyway.  C’mon!”  Christen giggled at Tobin’s impatience, knowing it probably pissed her off that she had to get up earlier than needed.  Ali and Ashlyn had made a coffee run and were sipping on theirs on the couch, legs flung over each other.  “Why don’t you guys just go ahead.  You can check in and stuff.”  

 

It was better than sitting and waiting, so they took her up on their suggestion.  Everything was in place and off they went.  Kelley was surprisingly a really good sport about sitting in back, not one complaint was heard.  “I like your car,” Tobin told her.  “But mine would have been a little more spacious.”  Tobin’s Audi SUV was nice; she’d been in it a few times when she offered to drive them to class on rainy mornings.  

 

“Yeah but now we’re all squeezed a little closer,” Kelley spoke.  Eyeing her in the rearview mirror, she saw her wink.   _ What was that?  _

 

Christen glanced in Tobin’s direction to see if she was bothered by Kelley’s remark, but she didn’t notice any reaction.  They all remained relatively quiet for the first hour, still trying to wake up.  Right as they were about to pull up to the toll both, Christen panicked.  “How do I do this?  What do I give them?”  

 

“Relax,” Tobin assured her.  “It’s a flat toll.  I have bills and some change for us.”  She pulled up slowly to the attendant as Tobin handed her a ten dollar bill.  

 

“Five dollars, please.”  Christen handed over the money, her left arm out the window and her right resting on the center console.  While waiting for change, she felt something hover over her resting hand.  She didn’t dare look over, having a pretty strong guess as to what it was.  After thanking the attendant, she had two choices: she could place the bill in her lap and drive with her left hand or remove the one underneath of Tobin’s.  

 

She chose the first option.  It was an awkward transition but totally worth it.  Out of the corner of her eye, Christen could see Tobin wasn’t as affected as her; looking out of the opposite window like it was nothing.  Her, on the other hand, had to remind herself to breathe every few seconds as her heart raced.  A quick look in the mirror told her Kelley was oblivious to what was going on, concentrating on her phone.  

 

It felt nice. 

 

Eventually, Tobin removed it to answer the buzzing coming from her cell phone and Christen cursed whoever was on the other end.  

 

“Yo, what’s up Al?” 

 

_ Damn you, Alex.  Or Allie.  Or Ali? _

 

“Ok, we’ll probably stop in Greenville and then we’ll get there at the same time.  Ok.  Yep.  See ya.”  Tobin hung up and let them know the just of her conversation.  “They left about half hour after us but we can’t really check in until 2 anyway.  Wanna stop for that coffee and pie when we get to Greenville then we can all get there around the same time?”

 

“I DO!” Kelley yelled from the backseat.  

 

“I wasn’t asking you but okay,” Tobin joked.  Christen simpered, letting her know she remembered their conversation and was happy to go.  “Yeah?” Tobin followed up.  All she could do was nod.  Her concentration was on her right hand, still in place on the console.  She was praying Tobin would find it again but after a few minutes she decided to retreat.   _ I should probably use it to drive anyway. _

 

An hour and a half later, the trio were sitting at a small table devouring a piece of chocolate silk pie and oversized cup of coffee each.  “You were right, this is SO good,” Christen mumbled between bites, barely tasting it before she swallowed it down.  

 

“Good is an understatement,” Kelley agreed.  She licked her fork bare before pushing her empty plate in front of her.  “So what’s the plan tonight?  We going out?”   Tobin confirmed the plans with a single nod.   Christen had packed a few outfits to go out but wasn’t sure what kind of scene she was in for.  She figured she’d just piggyback off of whatever Ali had since she trusted her taste the most.  

 

“I’m kind of excited to go out,”  Christen sipped the warm cup of coffee, “I don’t think we’ve all been to the bars together yet.”   Their schedules usually meant they were going in different directions, so it would be another first for them.  

 

“Let’s see if O’Hara over here lets us enjoy a night without having to take her home too early,” Tobin teased.  “Oh, bite me.”   The banter went back and forth for a few minutes before Kelley got up to leave the bathroom.  “Leaving means you lose,” Tobin called after her.  Christen grinned ear to ear, happy to see someone calling Kelley out.  She loved her, she really did, but sometimes she was a lot to handle and needed to know it.  Tobin was the perfect person to do it because her personality was so forgiving, so patient.  

 

“You have something on your cheek.”  She looked across the table to see Tobin eyeing her.  “Oh?”

 

She watched her sit up and reach across the table, dragging her thumb slowly down the length of her cheek.  It made her breathing become heavy, feeling Tobin against her while her eyes reflected affection.  Her thumb stroked the length of her jaw towards her chin, pausing before slipping away.  Christen’s eyes closed while she tried to regain her strength.  When she opened them, Tobin had a look of desire burning within her.  But there they were, in the middle of a restaurant in a small town she’d never seen before, Kelley O’Hara about to come back to the table.  

Sure enough, Kelley came back and rounded them up for the rest of the ride.

…..

Christen and Kelley agreed to share a bed for the night, which in a way relieved her.  She wasn’t sure she’d be able to control herself if she had to spend all night next to Tobin.  While she never said anything about that day in her bed, Christen couldn’t be sure that she was completely comfortable with the way she had touched her.  

 

The plan was an early 5:30 dinner at a local restaurant, followed by getting ready back at the hotel to go out by 9.  The weather was a bit warmer today so they spent the afternoon kicking the ball around on the fields and touring the campus.  At dinner, she was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and long sleeved t-shirt, throwing her hair in a ponytail.  Tobin was at the opposite end of the table, so she was able to make it through  conversations by actually paying attention to the words that were flowing.

 

When they got back to their rooms, Tobin hopped in the shower first, claiming she wouldn’t take long and then she’d be out of their way.  Christen wrapped herself in a plush ivory towel, beads of water dripping down her back from her jet black hair.  She emerged from the steamy bathroom, only to see Kelley doing her makeup on the floor in front of the wall mirror.  “Where’d Tobin go?”

 

“She went to the other room, she said just come over when we’re ready.”

 

Christen turned on her iPod, a little bummed to miss out on more time with her.  Kelley convinced her to wear the pair of dressy black leggings and a tan low cut flowy shirt, paired with black ankle boots.  Her hair was pin straight and her makeup was a little dramatic for the bar they were going to, but she wanted to stand out in sea the girls available to Tobin.  Kelley waited patiently for her to finish getting ready before she gently joked they would only have one time for one drink before having to leave at midnight. 

 

She decided she looked good enough and pushed down the few final flyaways from the crown of her hair.  Linking arms with Kelley, she sipped from her solo cup down the hallway of the hotel to the other room.  Music was pumping behind the closed door, indicating they had a head start to the night.  When she walked in, her eyes scanned the room.   _ Where’s Tobin?  Oh. My. God.   _ She had to do a double take to recognize her without her usual jeans and t-shirt outfit.  Her long, tanned legs were crossed and exposed underneath the short hem of a short-sleeved black  and gray shift dress.  Her hair was wavy, neatly parted and possibly teased a little.  Her strong facial features were softened by the glow of a hint of blush on the apples of her cheeks and eye makeup.  Bangles hung from her tiny wrists holding a beer over her lap.  She was absolutely gorgeous.

 

Tobin spotted her, not breaking her conversation with Ashlyn and her lips curled up in a smile as she continued talking.  Christen tried to busy herself by turning both to her left and right for something to do other than gawking at her.  

 

She was measuring and pouring herself a drink on the makeshift bar when she felt a hand land on the small of her back.  “Hey, what are you making?”  Tobin asked her. _  She smells incredible.   _ Christen didn’t think she could control herself in a room of unsuspecting friends so she stepped out of Tobin’s reach and offered her a sip of the drink.  “Want some?”  She had up-close view of the girl now and it was nothing short of perfection.  Tobin accepted and took a long sip of the drink.  “Not bad.”  

 

During the half hour they spent cooped up in the room, she couldn’t take her eyes off of Tobin’s legs.  Sure, she’d seen them in shorts when she played and occasionally around the house but something about them tonight was maddening to her.  All she wanted to do was run her fingertips up and down them, seeing if they were as smooth and silky as she imagined. 

 

At the bar they went to they got a circular booth that made them squeeze in tightly against each other.

“You go first, Kel,” Christen told her, knowing that if she went ahead she would miss out on sitting next to Tobin.  Her efforts paid off and she found herself sandwiched between Tobin to her left and Ali on the right.  There was a small awkward space between the wall and the booth that had a little ledge, so when Tobin raised her arm upward and around to her direction she almost had a heart attack.   _ She’s putting her arm around me for everyone to see.   _ A few seconds went by and she didn’t feel anything so peeked out of the corner of her eye to see where it was.  _  You’re panicking, calm down. Enjoy yourself. _

 

And she did.  They ordered a round of shots and drinks and soon enough Alex was beckoning them to the dance floor where a band was playing.  A few of the girls went with her, but she decided to hang back with Ashlyn and Tobin for now.  Ignoring Ashlyn, she turned to Tobin.  “I like your hair like this,” she told her while running her fingers through the soft ends.  “It looks so good.”  

 

Tobin was glowing when she thanked her.  “I don’t usually make the effort to get dressed up but I figured everyone else was so why not.”  The sexual tension was mounting between them; she could feel it.  It didn’t help she was buzzed and was very aware of her hand that had “slipped” onto the top of Tobin’s bare thigh.

 

“I’m going out there, you two wanna come?”  Ashlyn called across the table.  Christen shrugged her shoulders in Tobin’s direction and grabbed her hand.  The dance floor was crowded, probably not the best place to bring your drink, but they fought their way to where their group of friends was standing.  They all danced together for a while, swaying back and forth and singing the lyrics overtop of the band’s singer.  After an hour she felt overheated and a bit claustrophobic.  Pulling on Tobin’s hand she leaned in, “I need some air.  Come with me.”  

 

Tobin handed her drink off to Ali and followed her out of the crowed, two of her fingers latched to hers to keep from separating.  The place was now filled with people wall to wall and the only escape was outside.  Christen looked both directions before turning right around the bar into a small, but lit alley between buildings.  

“Phew.  Much better,” she laughed.  She leaned against the brick of the building in a dramatic fashion, watching Tobin stand in front of her.  The smile remained on her face as they looked at each other in silence for a few moments.  She held out of her hand meekly, seeing if Tobin would accept it.  When she did, Christen slowly pulled her in a little closer towards her body.  

 

“Hi,” she breathed. Tobin reached out and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “Hi.”

It felt like eternity that they stood there like that, studying each other’s faces illuminated by the streetlights.  Her breath became slightly labored as she worked up the courage to lean forward, searching for Tobin’s lips.  Tobin bent her head, gliding past her and whispering into her ear.  “ I want to kiss, you.  I really do.  But the first time I do will not be in a gross alley with someone throwing up ten feet away from us.”  She pulled back and Christen looked over.  Sure enough there was a guy huddled against the brick that she hadn’t even noticed before, heaving away. 

 

It left her a little disappointed but also appreciative that Tobin was thoughtful enough to know how much it would mean to her.  She gave a little laugh as Tobin tugged on her hand.  “Come on, let’s just bite the bullet and go back in.  It’s colder than I thought it would be.”

 

They walked slowly back inside, finding their friends back on the dance floor.  The rest of their short time out was spent flirting, Tobin spinning Christen around to the music and Christen leaning a little too heavily against Tobin’s side.  She wished on the way back to the hotel that they’d have a few moments to themselves but resigned to the fact it just wasn’t in the cards.  

  
She settled in the shared bed, facing Tobin opposite of her, after scrubbing off their makeup next to one another in silence in the bathroom. Tobin was already lightly snoring, a buzzing sound coming from her throat.  _  Tomorrow,  _ she thought. _  Tomorrow I will kiss her. _


	10. Chapter 10

A chirping came from Kelley’s phone on the night stand, but Christen couldn’t tell if it was a call or an alarm.  She felt around for it, but Kelley hopped over her, landing partly on her back.  “OW! Kelley!”

 

“That’s her ring! That’s her!” she shouted.  Tobin’s eyes were just about the only thing visable to Christen overtop of the covers,  looking so small and child-like opened.  “Who’s her?” she asked through the blanket.

 

“Ann! The girl I was talking to in the Spring.  I made it a different ring for when she called or texted!”  Christen thought back to the girl who she woke on their couch a month or so ago. “Doesn’t she know it’s early?”  Kelley ignored her as she texted furiously. Christen looked over and saw the amusement on Tobin’s face, as the blanket had been lowered enough to see her mouth now.  “Morning. Breakfast?” Her question was met with an almost violent shake of the head, meaning she was also hungry.   

 

“I’m coming too,” Kelley let her know.  “Actually wait.  Why would we get breakfast when the tailgate starts at 9?”

 

Tobin acknowledged her point, saying it wasn’t anything nearly as big as the football games but the soccer parents hosted a tailgate in the parking lot before the 11:30 game.  “They’ll have anything you could possibly want there. I vote we just wait.  At least there’s coffee in here.”  

 

So Christen volunteered to shower first, wanting to rinse the product from her hair from last night.  She let it air dry before neatly pinning it half up.  A touch of light makeup and a pair of jeans with the same UNC t-shirt Kelley had lent her for the football game  finished her look off.  She was going to wear a jean jacket over top to keep her warm just incase.  

 

The small but lively tailgate was fun; the parents had gone all out with tents and tables of food.  At 9:00 in the morning some had even started playing beer pong with mimosas.  Christen enjoyed a good morning brunch cocktail but Kelley reminded her she was the DD for the drive home, so she was out of luck.  “Ohhh that’s Christen!” she heard a woman’s voice squeal nearby.  She turned to see a petite blonde woman standing with who she presumed to be her husband and Tobin.   _ Who in the world is that?   _ Tobin waved her over to meet Danny’s parents, who she had known for a year or so now.  “Oh we just love Tobin,” Eileen gushed to her. “It’s so refreshing to see your son have an honest to God relationship with a woman his age without trying to date her!”   _ How many mimosas has this woman had? _

 

She could see Tobin was a little embarrassed but did nothing to stop her.  “But, Danny has mentioned you a few times.  I heard you went to lunch together!”  Christen didn’t know what to say, relying on Tobin to save her.  “Yeah, we’re all friends,” she offered.

 

“Oh, so you are just friends too?” the hope fading from her voice.  

 

“Just friends,” Christen confirmed.   _ If only poor Eileen knew who in this little triangle didn’t want to be just friends.   _ “Oh dear, well, a mother can hope!” Eileen’s husband elbowed her, signaling her mouth was working overtime and she should quit while she was ahead.  “You girls wanna play us in a friendly game of beer, or I guess mimosa pong?”  

 

Tobin looked into Christen’s eyes to see if she had any qualms before saying, “sure but give me a minute if you could?”  She walked over to the table with the set of parents while Tobin went in the opposite direction, reappearing a few minutes later.  In either hand was a steaming cup of hot chocolate, caramel drizzle and and  marshmallows on top.  “I know you can’t really drink so…” Christen thanked her, heart strings pulling from the sweet gesture.

  
  


They all had a good time and even sat behind Danny’s parents during the game, huddled under a blanket spread across their legs.  Christen loved seeing Tobin get into the game, yelling at the appropriate (okay and some inappropriate) times and cheering on her counterparts.  In the end, UNC was victorious, a huge upset to the home crowd.  Everyone congregated back in the hotel lobby, waiting for the team to return before getting on their bus home.  The girls spread out on different chairs and couches, talking in groups while people all around buzzed.  Christen wasn’t particularly interested in seeing any of her guy friends so she slipped away to get a heads start on cleaning the room and packing her suitcase. 

 

Tobin came a few minutes later in the room alone, shutting the door tightly behind her.  She leaned up against it, drawing eye contact from Christen as she sat on the floor folding her belongings before putting them in her suitcase.  She wasn’t sure what came over her, but she ditched the chore and rose to her feet.  They stood looking at each other, daring one another to make the the first move.  Christen took one, two steps slowly before Tobin did the same.  Now almost nose to nose, Tobin found her dangling hand and used it to back her to the side, up against the wall.  

 

Christen stopped breathing.  Her eyes roamed over Tobin’s tightened jaw, down towards her lips and back up to her eyes.   Her free fingers reached out to her shoulders, pulling her closer. She felt her veins throb and realized she’d never wanted anyone like this before; it was more than just lust at this point.  Tobin’s weight pressed against her and she inhaled her shampoo, her perfume and that extra scent that’s just..Tobin. It was the most delicious smell she’d ever become familiar with.  Their hands trembled together  as she read the arousal behind the honey-like eyes melting into hers. 

 

It was a surprisingly soft kiss, their lips lying against each other, sending a current running through her body.  Tobin pulled back first, making her eyes flutter open to see where she had gone. The kiss was different than the one she’d played in her mind many times before but somehow it felt every bit as good she imagined. Christen immediately missed the warmth over her so she took snaked her hands up to Tobin’s face, placing it between her hands while she opened her mouth ever so slightly.  Making contact, Tobin pressed her body against Christen’s as she slid her tongue past the entrance of her lips.  She could taste the chocolately flavor lingering from the drink they’d shared earlier, a brief reminder of just how much she had fallen for her already. Tobin was now kissing her  harder, deeper, with a fervent urgent need  she’d never known before .   It had stolen her breath and showed her that every other kiss in her life has been wrong.

 

Before they could indulge any further, a sound at the door broke their connection.  Barely separating before it swung open, Kelley strolled inside, eyeing them with suspicion.

 

“What’s going on here?” she asked.

 

Christen tried to think on her feet, “My contact fell out while I was packing.  She was helping me put it back in.”  Clearly Kelley didn’t buy her answer, but she didn’t think it was her place to admit the truth at the moment.  Now, she was sure of how Tobin felt about her but it would make her feel better to talk it out before letting on to anyone else.

 

Tobin peeked in her direction, trying to keep a straight face. It was their secret, intimate moment for now and she was more than okay with that.  

 

“Okay weirdos, let’s hit the road,” Kelley commanded. “I want another slice of that pie from that place.”

 

_ Chocolate pie, I could definitely go for that again.  _

…….

 

The next week prompted Fall Break, which took the soccer girls (including Tobin) away from her for five full days as they traveled up the coast to New England.  For a full day, she contemplated road-tripping by herself just to be near Tobin.  The only time they had alone since they got back from South Carolina was at night time, before bed when they watched TV or made a late night ice cream run.  It wasn’t enough time or space to be able to replicate what had happened in the hotel room, mostly out of fear that her roommates would walk in or there was no buildup to the moment.  Christen wanted to tell at least Kelley what was going on but she thought it was important to talk to Tobin about it first.

 

After classes resumed, the guys team held a mixer at their house to thank them for traveling the four and half hours down to South Carolina to support them.  Christen, now an honorary member, was invited by both her roommates and several of the guys she’d interacted with in class, including Danny.  

 

They pregamed lightly that Friday knowing they had a game Sunday and couldn’t afford to be hungover the next day for their walkthrough.  Tobin looked so good to her, ripped black jeans with a white t-shirt and snapback.  She herself had on tight black jeans that left little to the imagination and a silky red, deep v-neck tank top. When she walked in the room, she felt Tobin undressing her with her eyes.  She tapped her own chin, politely telling Tobin to pick her mouth up off the ground.  Things were good between them - really good.  They’d yet to discuss or attempt the kiss again, mostly because it was impossible to find a moment alone with the presence of 5 needy roommates, soccer and classes.  But still, they texted nonstop, took their sweet time walking to and from class and found excuses to pop by each other’s rooms.  

 

They barely were further than 5 feet from each other during the mixer.  If Tobin went outside, Christen followed.  If Christen went to get a drink, Tobin tagged along.  She didn’t feel suffocated and missed her anytime she left her field of vision.  

 

“Hey, I need to go to the bathroom.  You don’t have to come with me, I’ll bring you a drink back when I come out.  Okay?”  Tobin held onto her elbow as she whispered in her ear.  The brush of Tobin’s lips against her warmed her in the cool November night.  “Okay,” she said.  “I’ll wait for you”.  

 

Christen watched her walk across the lawn and inside, not blinking until she was out of sight.  Danny and Sully had been standing with them, talking about their upcoming group project for class.  Sully politely excused himself to get another drink leaving her and Danny alone.

 

“So…” she started.  She looked up and saw him smirking at her. 

 

“Christen, is there something going on there?”  Danny gestured his cup towards the path Tobin had just taken.”

 

She halted her steps, making him turn back to face her.  “I’m sorry, that was really forward of me.  But am I completely off?  Are you into Tobin?”  Christen had no idea what to say.  Danny certainly was not the first person she wanted to admit this to.  Her lack of response was all he really need to confirm his suspicions.  

 

“Oh.  Well that explains why you played so ‘hard to get’.  I guess I didn’t read the signs. Anyway, there’s something I should probably tell you then, about Shi-”

 

Smack.

 

Something hard nailed Christen in the side of her head her, causing an immediate sting and blurring her vision.  Danny took her head between his hands.  “Are you okay.  Christen?”  Her eyes refocused to see him intently staring at her with concern.  

 

“Yeah, I’m...okay.”  A ball rolled at her feet.

 

“SORRY!”  

 

She was a little wobbly but managed to keep her balance.   “This is going to bruise.  I gotta go look in a mirror or get out of here.  I’ll talk to you later okay?”  Christen didn’t give him much time to respond as she back-pedaled and got out of dodge.  Knowing it wasn’t the smartest decision to walk home by herself, she scanned the living room for any of her roommates.  Her face was swelling and before anyone could notice the welt, she slipped out the front door into the street.  To make sure she was safe, she jogged the four blocks to their house.  Her plan was to text Tobin as soon as she got there, letting her know what had happened and that she wanted to spare herself any embarrassment.  As she walked up the short driveway, she saw a figure underneath the porch lights, sitting against her side of the house’s door.  It was girl, short and unfamiliar.

 

“Hello?”  

 

“Hi!” she called, shooting up.  “Uh, I’m Shirley.  I’m just waiting for Tobin.  I have the right house, right?”

 

Christen was stunned.  Words failed her as she processed the girl’s face, recognizing it now.  “Y-y-yeah. She’s not home.”

 

Shirley smiled at her, genuinely.  “Oh, I know.  I actually talked to my old roommates.  She’s at their house but I decided I wanted to surprise her this way.”  

 

“Do - do you wanna come in and wait for her? I can text her.”  Christen fumbled for her house keys inside her bag.  She felt like an idiot in front of the girl but tried to get herself together as they walked through the door.

 

“Yeah, just don’t tell her I’m here!  Wow, this is beautiful.  I came to look at it in the spring with her but I think it was a different color and the furniture looks better.”  She looked around the room while Christen went straight for the freezer to get herself some ice while, abandoning Shirley in their living room.  Discreetly holding her phone out of sight, she texted Tobin.

 

_ Christen: Come home. _

 

Her message had barely sent when Tobin barreled through the front door.  “Chris! Are you o-”.  Her words were halted by the sight of her ex-girlfriend standing there, eyes narrowing in on her.  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

 

Shirley didn’t budge.  “Well it’s nice to see you too.”  Her mind was shouting at her to leave, run up the stairs as quickly as she could but her body wasn’t hearing it.  She watched the standoff in front of her, noticing Tobin’s confusion and agitation mix.  

 

“Did you forget what weekend it is?” Shirley asked, stepping closer to where Tobin was frozen by the door.  

 

“I’m going upstairs.”   Christen barely heard her own timid voice.  

 

Tobin’s eyes darted towards her, still in the kitchen.  “No,” she firmly told her.  Shirley turned around to look at her.  “It was nice to meet you...oh my gosh I’m sorry I didn’t even ask your name!”

 

“She’s Christen and she’s staying.  You can be the one to go, Shirley.”  Tobin didn’t break eye contact as she spoke.  It was all making Christen feel too nervous, a pit in her stomach starting to develop deeper.  

 

“Christen, I’m so sorry to ask but would you mind if we had a few minutes just to talk?  We can go to another room if you want us to?” In a way, she felt bad because the girl was being so polite to her.

 

“Shirley, we don’t need to talk.”  Christen shook her head.  “It’s okay, Tobin.  My head is pounding anyway, I need to lay down.”  She collected the ice pack and her purse before starting upstairs.  Tobin’s eyes pleaded with her not go, but she knew she had to.

 

Their voices carried all the way up the steps to where Christen locked her bedroom door behind her.  She leaned against in, closing her eyes.  What in the world just happened? It was a weird feeling, seeing Tobin with the girl who had broken her heart and part of her thought she should run back downstairs to rescue her.  But the truth was, she wasn’t sure that Tobin was even hers to rescue. It upset her to know she’d let this uncertainty this long, failing to tell Tobin with words how she really felt.  Since their kiss in South Carolina it had seemed they were on the same page, but neither ventured to cement it with a conversation.  

  
All Christen could do now was lie down in her bed, trying to pass the time before she could emerge or Tobin let her know it was safe.  The pain radiating from the left side of her face overcame her so she closed her eyes for some relief.  The seconds turned into minutes and the minutes crept by.  Giving up hope, she rolled over and felt herself drift to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

_ Ouch.  _  Christen woke up with her head throbbing.  She looked at her clock, reading 6:22 am.  The house below her sounded eerily quiet, so she tiptoed across the room to her door.  She stepped out into the cool hallway and slowly descended down the steps.  A light radiated under the common room door, so she slid it back as gently as she could.  To her surprise,  Tobin was there, curled up on the couch.  _ Do I go wake her?  Where’s Shirley?  T _ he girls had a walk through at 8:00 am, so they’d all be up soon and her questions would have to be answered. __ Her headache knocked on her forehead, reminding her of the reason she went downstairs.  She went to the kitchen and took out the massive bottle of Excedrin from the medicine cabinet and a warm bottle of water from the top of the fridge.  Lost in her own thoughts, she barely noticed Tobin standing under the frame of the door. 

 

“Hey.”

 

Christen looked up.  “Hey,” she returned softly.

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

She wanted to be mad, but couldn’t be.  Tobin hadn’t done anything wrong.  And that face, it was so hard to feel anything but happiness when she saw it. Instead, she turned to show her the red marks that were inevitably plastered to her cheeks.  “At least no blood?”

 

Tobin sighed in relief and started to walk towards her.  It was unexplained but her mood shifted when she saw this.  “No.”  

 

Stopping, Tobin questioned her.  “Why?  What’s wrong?”

 

“Where’s Shirley?”  

 

Tobin took a half step forward.  “She’s upstairs in my bed.”  

 

Christen’s eyes went wide and filled with horror.  “I slept down here, Christen,” Tobin assured her, reading her expression correctly.   “Your door was locked, I came up to find you.”  

 

“Oh.”  She remembered she had done that, but couldn’t think of why at the moment.  Maybe she self-consciously knew Tobin would try to escape the situation to find her and she selfishly wanted her to work for her attention.  The look on Tobin’s face pulled at her heartstrings.  She wanted her to come right out and tell her that it was her she wanted, not Shirley.  It was the only thing that would convince her that nothing had actually happened between them. 

 

“Why is she here?”  

 

Tobin took a seat at the counter, a safe distance between them.  “She’s here with her national team for a friendly in Charlotte.  I completely forgot about it.”   

 

Christen thought back to her conversation with Danny the night before.  He had tried to warn her, but they’d been interrupted.  “I was so surprised to see her, so I can imagine you were too.”  

 

“Very.  And I’m kinda pissed none of the guys warned me.  She said they’d been in on it.  I guess she gave them a totally different impression about where we stood.”  Stirring from upstairs brought their attention to the ceiling.  Julie walked down the steps moments later, Ali a few after that.

 

“Morning guys,” Tobin greeted them.

 

“TOBIN! I heard Shirley’s here? What is that?” Ali whispered.  

 

“You don’t have to whisper, she’s in my room. She can’t hear you.”  Julie’s hand flew to her chest like she’d been hit with something, much like the ball to Christen’s face.  “WHAT?!”

 

“No, not like that.  I told her she could stay since it was late last night but I slept in the common room.”  Everyone processed the information and Ali looked at Christen.  “You okay?” she asked.  Unsure of whether she had caught on to the entire situation or meant the welt on her face, she gave a simple “yes” and they moved on.  

 

The girls had to get ready for practice, so Christen went back up to her room.  Tobin had texted her, unwilling to communicate in front of the other girls that she wanted to spend some time with her this afternoon and talk.  

 

_ Christen: I have a tennis match at 1.  Can we do something tonight? _

 

_ Tobin: We have a team dinner at a few of the senior’s house.  Will you wait up for me? _

 

_ Christen: Yes. _

  
  


………….

 

The minutes after the girls left for dinner went slowly by that night   Christen was sitting on the couch with Allie, who had ditched Jose for a night in to relax.  

 

“Ugh, my body is punishing me for the amount I’ve been drinking lately, she whined.  Christen had become fond of Allie and appreciated their time together.  She was easy to talk to and they had a lot in common.

 

“Hey, Allie.  Can I ask you something?”  

 

“As long as it’s not if I want a drink.”  It made her laugh before she continued.  “What’d you think of Tobin and Shirley as a couple?  Did you like them?”  Allie sat in silence for a few moments.  “Why do you ask?”  

 

“Just curious?” She crossed her fingers as she lied. 

 

“Pretty uneventful?”   _ What kind of description is that?   _ “They had an easy relationship.  Never really argued about anything.  They both had soccer in common so they spent a lot of time doing stuff with that.”   Her facial expression told her she was leaving a few details out and it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to know or hear.  Christen didn’t comment further, so Allie continued.  “They were good together, everyone liked them.  But when Shirley tried to end it, Tobin didn’t really process it.  She wasn’t angry, never cried, or at least from what I saw she didn’t.  Just everything went on as normal and she almost pretended nothing was wrong.  Then one day, boom.  She agreed it was for the best and that was it.  We don’t talk about it much, only in passing if something to do with her comes up.”

 

Allie turned her attention towards Christen, “you know, not much gets to Tobin.  I think this really affected her.  Her first real relationship and the breakup just kind of blindsided her.  She never told anyone else this, and so you can’t either, but she once said she suspected Shirley had someone else back in France.”

 

“I won’t say anything.”

 

They made it through a rerun of Real Housewives before Tobin walked through the door alone.  “Hey guys,” she said as she plopped down on the opposite side of the couch.  Christen felt her heart racing, knowing they were going to finally get to talk.  

 

“How was dinner?” Allie asked, flipping off the TV.    “It was okay.  Guess who showed up?”  

 

“Nooo,” a gasp escaped Allie’s lips, drawing out the o’s .  “She did NOT!”  Tobin focused her attention on Christen, holding her hands up in the air in defense.  “I just don’t get it.  I thought I was clear last night that I wasn’t interested in anything with her.  A friendship, a relationship, nothing.  She’s going to every one else and like, worming her way in.  She got in touch with some of the girls who invited her to come.  Unbelieveable.  I had to get out of there as soon as I could.”  

 

“Do you think you’re being too harsh?”  It was obvious Allie wasn’t sticking up for Shirley, but rather trying to make Tobin confront her own anger, something she’d just told Christen she never saw from her during the breakup.  “I think she just wants to be heard and it’d be good for you to finally talk it out.”

 

“You too?” Tobin questioned, raising her eyebrows.  “Really?”

 

“I think Allie just means you’re getting so upset and she doesn’t want you to be.  Maybe talking will help,” Christen offered quietly.  

 

Tobin’s eyes locked with hers.  “I’m fine.  I already said what I had to say last night.”

 

Christen dropped their eye contact and continued.  “I don’t think you are.  Listen to her and talk it out calmly.”  

 

The door slammed.  Alex walked through the door, eyeing the girls in the common room.  “Tobs?”  They all looked in her direction.  “Someone’s waiting for you outside.  I will tell her to go away if you want me to.”

 

Tobin looked back at Christen.  “Go,” she mouthed.  It was hard, watching Tobin get up and walk out the door.  Deep down, she knew if she were to ever start something real with her, she couldn’t be holding onto this resentment or leave any pages unturned.  Still, it was so upsetting to see it all unfold in front of her very own eyes.  

 

She excused herself to go upstairs after hearing the slam of the front door, with a protest from Alex.  “ I think you should stay down here until Tobin is done, she might need us,” she suggested.  

 

“ I’m just really tired.  I’m sure I’ll get filled in tomorrow morning anyway. ‘Night guys.”  Christen started up the steps, but not without squinting out one of the windows to see if she could see anything going on.  Once she was upstairs, she felt a strange sense of deja vu.  A little less than 24 hours earlier, the same exact thing had been happening.  Thoughts swirled in her head about what was being said outside.  Was it a necessary evil, making her face the relationship that had rejected her?  Or had she pushed Tobin back into a part of life that didn’t include her?  

 

An hour later, a soft knock came at the door.  “Chris?”  

 

“Yes?”  

 

Tobin sheepishly stuck her head in.  “Can I come in?”  Christen flipped off her TV and sat up a little straighter against her headboard.  “Yeah, of course.”

 

Without asking permission, Tobin bolted across the room and pulled back the covers on the near side of the bed.  She hopped in right next to Christen, snuggling into the crook of her body.  This was a side of Tobin she’d never seen before; her eyes were bloodshot and she looked so timid.  

 

Feeling warmth of her body against her her own, she asked “are you okay?  Do you want to talk about it?”  Tobin shook her head.  “Can we just go to sleep?” Her voice was meek and wavering. Understanding her need to just be at the moment, Christen pulled on her bedside lamp to fill the room with darkness.  She let Tobin sniffle beside her as she stroked her hair and watched her breathing even out.  

 

She gazed at her with adoration; feeling so close to her.  They’d never had this this type of intimacy before but it was much welcomed on her end.  If Tobin wanted to talk about it, she’d stay up all night if that’s what they needed.  

 

After a little while, when she was sure Tobin was fast asleep, she allowed herself to relax and close her own eyes.   She slept soundly that night but when morning came and Christen woke, she was still on her back with her arm in the same position, the space beside her empty.  

 

…………….

 

**Tobin’s POV:**

 

Tobin’s eyes shot daggers across crowded apartment at Shirley.   _ Why is she here?   _ Last night had been enough for her - standing in the middle of the common room with the doors shut just screaming at Shirley.

 

_ Flashback _

_ “Why are you here?  What makes you think that I want to see you, let alone be with you?” _

 

_ Shirley stood her ground and remained calm.  “I know you’re upset with me, I would be upset too.  But I just need you to listen to me for ten minutes.   _

 

_ They went round and round, getting nowhere.  Long stretches of silence filled the room, it very apparent the Shirley was willing to wait her out in order to get somewhere.  Tobin folded her arms and refused to look in her direction. _

 

_ “Tobin, take a minute just to think back to good times we had when we were together.  We were so good for each other and you know that.  What can I do to show I’m serious about this?” _

 

_ She didn’t budge. _

 

_ Letting out a huge sigh, Shirley threw her head back.  “We’ll never get anywhere if you don’t talk to me, mi amor.”  Tobin craned her neck slowly towards her.  “Do not call me that.”   _

 

_ “Where is this anger coming from?  I have never seen you like this.  When I left you seemed okay, like you understood.  You wouldn’t be this mad if you didn’t care.  I know you do.” _

 

_ It was true Tobin did care, just not in the way Shirley spoke of.  She didn’t want anything horrible to happen to her and would always cherish their time together, but no part of her wanted to be with her again.  She had found someone else that brought out a part of her she never knew existed.  This was the first time she’d ever actively pursued someone, going against her own ideals because in Tobin’s life, she was happy to let others make the rules and take the lead.  She felt the beads of sweat dripping from her temple the first time she asked Christen to dinner.  When she had said yes, the euphoria that went through her body created an addiction and Christen was a sensation she wanted over and over again.  Slowly but surely, she was working on telling her this.    _

 

_ “You have no idea what I care about and if you did, things would have been very different in May,” Tobin show back at her.   _

 

_ “Then tell me what you care about.  I want to talk to you about this,” Shirley pleaded.  She wasn’t going there; there was no point in her eyes.  Suppressing the feelings back deep into already jumbled brain, she locked  them away.  “No.  I’m going to bed, this is done.” _

 

_ “Tobin, please!” she cried.  Shirley stood up and started to walk in her direction.  “I’m not going to give this up that easily again.  I know how wrong it was.  I won’t stop until we really talk about this.” _

 

_ Tobin stared her down.  “Then you’re going to be waiting a long time.  You can go now.”  She watched the girl open her mouth to argue, but closed it wisely.  “Where am I supposed to go, Tobin?  We had planned for me to stay here.”   _

 

_ She knew it would be cold to say she didn’t care where she went.  That wasn’t who she was and while it would have driven her point home, she couldn’t do it.  Her shoulders relaxed and she unfolded her arms.  “Fine.  You can sleep in my bed.”  Shirley’s eyes started to light up with a little life in them.  “Don’t get excited, I won’t be there.  But you can ask the guys if you can stay there after that, your old room is still empty.”  It must have been an okay compromise to her, because Shirley said thank you.  “My room is the first one on the left,” Tobin told her as she pointed in the direction towards her side of the house. _

 

_ “You’re not coming up?” _

 

_ “No,” she shook her head.  “I’m not.”  Shirley wanted to ask where she was going to sleep but wisely kept her mouth shut.  She watched her disappear before she left the room and leapt up the two flights of steps to Christen’s room.  Twisting the doorknob, she felt it was locked.  Against her better judgment, she backed away without knocking, trying to give herself and Christen some space.  In the morning when she was refreshed, she’d talk to her. _

 

Shirley hadn’t been lying when she said she wasn’t going to stop until they had a real conversation.  It would have been easy to blame the other girls for allowing her to come, but they couldn’t have possibly known what was going on.  It wasn’t a subject Tobin ever talked about and if she did, she remained passive and put on an act like it didn’t bother her.  

 

“Yo Alex, I gotta leave, I can’t stay here with her right now.  I don’t feel comfortable at all.”  Alex gave her a once over and decided it was best.  “Okay, I’ll go too.  Let me just get our leftovers and plates and we can go.”  

 

“Do you mind if I just go now?  I want to slip out?”  Tobin was tracking the girl across the room, hoping she could slip out without being noticed.  Alex agreed and said she would be right behind her.  She knew Alex thought she was being a little unreasonable, mostly because she told her outright that day at practice, but she appreciated the moral support at the moment.  

 

Making her Irish exit, the cool evening air brought life back into her.  She felt free momentarily, until she heard her name being called by a familiar, but unwanted voice.  Ignoring it, she walked back to the house hearing the footsteps at a similar pace behind her.  Let her follow me, I don’t care.

 

The first face she saw when she walked in the house was Christen’s.  She looked up at her with those dreamy green eyes, making her feel instantly at home and safe.   “Hey guys,” she said as she plopped down on the opposite side of the couch from where her girl sat.

 

“How was dinner?” Allie asked, flipping off the TV.  

 

“It was okay.  Guess who showed up?”  

 

“Nooo,” Allie gasped. “She did NOT!”  Tobin wasn’t even paying attention to her.  She was focused on letting Christen know it wasn’t anything she had planned or wanted.  “I just don’t get it.  I thought I was clear last night that I wasn’t interested in anything with her.  A friendship, a relationship, nothing.  She’s going to every one else and like, worming her way in.  She got in touch with some of the girls who invited her to come.  Unbelieveable.  I had to get out of there as soon as I could.”  The sense of freedom she had five minutes was gone and the anger started to boil over again.

 

“Do you think you’re being too harsh?”   _ Are you kidding me Allie?  Why does everything think that?     _ She didn’t want to take it out on Allie or yell so she silently counted to ten.  

 

“I think she just wants to be heard and it’d be good for you to finally talk it out.”

 

“I think Allie just means you’re getting so upset and she doesn’t want you to be.  Maybe talking will help,” Christen spoke. Tobin looked right in her eyes.  This wasn’t anything she wanted Christen involved in and she needed her to know that she wasn’t interested.   “I’m fine.  I already said what I had to say last night.”

 

Christen broke her eye contact and kept going.  “I don’t think you are.  Listen to her and talk it out calmly.”   Tobin tried to process what she was saying.  How could Christen want her to talk to Shirley?  Couldn’t she see that it wasn’t what, or who, she wanted?

 

The door slammed.  Alex walked through the door, eyeing the girls in the common room.  “Tobs?”  They all looked in her direction.  “Someone’s waiting for you outside.  I will tell her to go away if you want me to.”

 

Tobin looked back at Christen.  “Go,” she  watched her mouth.   _ What do I do?  I’m only going to go because she told me to.  I’ll tell Shirley for the hundredth time it’s over and that’s it.    _ She slowly got up off the couch and walked outside, seeing Shirley huddled up on the steps, her back to her.  

 

It pained her to see Shirley this upset and it was never her intention to make her cry.  Sitting down, she sat in silence for a minute listening to the soft sounds coming from her nose and mouth.  Eventually Tobin decided to talk, her voice smooth and low.  “You know, when you told me in May it was best that we just stop everything altogether because you were going back, I didn’t expect it.  I never imagined that’s what you had to say when we should talk.  Every other thought ran through my head except for that and I had no warning.”

 

Shirley tilted her head up, listening carefully.

 

“I was in shock for weeks but tried not to let on.  I thought if I just pretended you didn’t say it, it wouldn’t happen.  It was clear that by that Tuesday before you had to go that you had made up your mind and that was it.  So I just said it was all good and I understood.”

 

“Tob-”

 

She shook her head.  “No, let me get this all out, please.”  Shirley went small again and continued to listen.  “You left and I felt like you were saying goodbye to me the same way you said goodbye to some random person who sat behind you in class all semester.  It really hurt me, Shirley.  But since you didn’t seem to care that much I didn’t want it to look like I did.”

 

“I did care, Tobin. I DO care.  I think my own feelings for you were way bigger than what I realized but I know it now. My friends had done it before and it never worked for them but I’m convinced we can work on this together,” Shirley reached out placed her hand on Tobin’s wrist, resting overtop of her own leg.  

 

“Three months ago I might have been excited by this,” she told her nodding down towards her hand. “But not anymore.”    Shirley’s face fell.  “Why not anymore?”

 

Tobin started to smile absentmindedly, looking out at the few stragglers walking their dogs or passing by in cars on their street.  “I was in such a hurry that day.  I was late for an appointment with one of the academic advisors for the team so I got my coffee and salad to go.”

 

Shirley looked around like she was confused as to where this was going.  Tobin didn’t falter, “The first thing I noticed when I looked up was her eyes.  She was so mad, but her eyes were just so lovely.  I walked away thinking man, if I could look into just those eyes forever I’d be happy enough.  I thought it was fate when I got back to the house that night and she was there.”

 

“I’m sorry, who are we talking about?”  Tobin turned her attention towards Shirley.  “I took me all of one week to feel something for her that I have never felt about you.”  She watched her sink back, wounded almost.  But it had just felt like a weight left her own shoulders.  “I let you call all the shots, which I was okay with, and I didn’t put up a fight when you left.  That should have told me something.  With Christen it’s so different.  When things didn’t go my way at first I didn’t give up and maybe I wasn’t graceful about it but I tried again.  I want to always be with her, near her, talking to her. I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

 

“Mistakes?” Shirley questioned.  “Maybe the wrong use of words, but when we started it was so quick.  We practically jumped into bed on the second date.  I don’t want to do that with her.  I want to get to know her and spend time together before any of that. Being friends is important to me to show her it’s not just an attraction thing.  That’s what you and I were rooted in.” 

 

Small tears escaped from the corners of Shirley’s eyes.  “I’m sorry,” Tobin apologized.  “I’m sorry I ignored you and shut you out this summer.  I just didn’t know how else to deal with it.  But now I realize I should have told you how upset I was and maybe we both could have moved on sooner.”

 

“This is the first time you’ve smiled since I’ve seen you,”  Shirley told her.  

 

“She has that effect.  You have her to thank, you know?  She’s the one who told me to talk to you.”  Tobin turned the corner of her lip upward, understanding the irony of the whole situation.  “I will not be thanking her,” Shirley huffed.  “I’m surprised I didn’t hear that you were together from someone else.  I kind of feel stupid.”

 

“Well,” Tobin stretched the word out, “we aren’t officially together or anything.  I wasn’t even sure if she was into girls at first!”  A small snicker erupted from beside her.  “When I asked Kelley she said she suspected for a while now that she is but she’s never said anything to her.  I’ve been trying to take it slow and not pressure her into anything.  But God, I just want to be with her.  I think I’m finally going to tell her this weekend, maybe tomorrow night I’ll take her to dinner and tell her then.” 

 

“Who knew Tobin had such a romantic side,” Shirley told her sadly, clearly trying to hold it together.  “I’d go now but I don’t have a key to the guys house and they’re away until late tonight.”  Tobin watched her stand up and smooth her clothes out.  “Can I crash here just for a little and then I’ll go as soon as I know they’re back?” 

 

“You can stay in my room for a bit.  I’m going to sleep in Christen’s tonight.”  It would have been wrong to turn her away, so she felt it was the least she could.  

 

“Thanks.  I’m leaving tomorrow right after the game. Also, not now because I don’t want to argue again but if you remember we booked that flight the week before Christmas and we should probably talk about that.”

 

Ah, finals week.  Shirley had booked the flight home to Costa Rica all the way back in the beginning of April and made sure she’d have some time to spend with Tobin before going there.   _ How life had changed in six months, _ she thought.  “I don’t own Chapel Hill so I can’t say ‘you aren’t allowed to come’.  But you should know that if you do, I don’t think you would be able to stay here or be expecting to see me.”  Her tone was polite, but firm.  Shirley nodded.  “I understand.  Alright, I’m going to go up.  Bye, Tobin.”  

  
She watched her go inside the house and presumably up to her room.   When she was out of sight, Tobin let the dam break and she allowed herself to silently mourn the relationship for the first time.  It wasn’t that she was sad to see her go or felt badly about it.  She just wanted to release any last little piece of it before embarking on the exciting adventure ahead with Christen.  


	12. Chapter 12

Christen knew it was game day, so when she went up to Tobin’s room and opened the door she wasn’t surprised to see her tucked in, fast asleep.  Baby hairs laid softly over her forehead while her mouth was slightly parted, tiny breaths escaping her lips.  She looked better now, not the same upset sight Christen had witnessed the night before.

 

She crept out quietly, not wanting to wake her.  Secretly though, she was relieved to find her alone in the room.  _  I’ll make her breakfast, she’ll need it.   _ So Christen whipped up a buffet for her roommates including eggs, pancakes, bacon and coffee. They trickled out of their beds slowly, Tobin being last.  No one dared bring up what had happened first, their conversation skirting the topic of last night.  Finally, Tobin spoke.

 

“For once I don’t even feel like playing today.”  Christen could see the conflict in her eyes had returned and for Tobin to say anything like that, she must be in bad shape.

 

“Are you okay, Tobin?” Alex beat her to it.  

 

“I feel exhausted even though I swear I did sleep,” she confirmed, looking in her direction.  “I slept really well.  __ Allie couldn’t wait much to longer to know what had happened. __ “Spill, what did she say?  What did you say?”

 

Tobin looked like she was trying to sort through the story in her head, causing Christen to think they might not get every detail.  “She told me that she realized she made a mistake as soon as she left.  That breaking up was a premature decision and the only reason she did it was because she couldn’t imagine wanting to continue something while we were that far away.  She’d seen her friends do it and thought it was a waste of time and led to so many problems.  But then she realized that we never had the problems or issues that her friends had from the start and we could make it work.  

 

It hit her like a knife to the gut.  Christen was slowly dying on the inside listening to all this, Tobin’s wording sounded like it was an apology and position she accepted. 

 

“And what’d you say to that?” She wasn’t sure who had asked the question, all she wanted was the answer.

 

Tobin bowed her head.  “I apologized for shutting her out  but that she treated the whole thing  like it was such an easy decision for her. That’s how I felt when it happened; that all that time I was just a convenience for her until she left and found something better.   Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so angry if I’d told her this from the beginning.”

 

“So where is she now?  Here?” Alex asked.   “No, I told her to go.  I’m assuming she went to the guy’s house since she leaves tonight.”  It took everything in her body to keep Christen from running out of the room.   _ She went back to her room where Shirley was.  She left me to go to her.  _  Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to fall with any quick movement.  The conversation continued but she drowned it out, busying herself by loading the dishwasher so she could hide her face.

 

“Christen?”  She took a deep breath and turned around, not expecting every person in the room to be staring at her.  Tobin repeated her name, “Christen?  Did you hear me?”  

 

“No, sorry.  What’d you say?”  The look on Tobin’s face was just short of astonishment.  She didn’t say anything, leaving them all quiet for a moment.  “I said thank you for encouraging me to talk to her.“

 

“No problem.”  She turned back around to face the small window above the sink.   _ What did I do? I drove her straight back to Shirley.    _ Kelley broke the tension in the air by announcing she was hungry for more bacon and called dibs on the last two pieces.  Christen turned and offered her the plate before washing the crumbs off underneath the lukewarm faucet _.   _ It was almost time for them all to leave and head to the fieldhouse, she calculated.  

 

“I’ll see you guys later, just throw your dishes in the sink and I’ll get them before I leave for the game,” she announced before starting to leave the room.  Tobin threw out her arm, causing her to bounce off it and stop.  “Wait.”

 

Christen gazed down at the girl who made her feel in a way she’d never experienced before.  This  confession was kept to her alone, not one of these people in the room knowing that at the moment just how afraid and alone she felt. Their eyes dueled; Christen’s searching the sea of sadness that Tobin’s held while her own reflected despair and desperation.

 

“We need to talk, after the game.  I’ll take you to dinner.”  Tobin’s voice was low, steadfast.   _ She’s going to tell me whatever this is, it’s done.  There’s nothing _ .  _  I only have myself to blame, too.   _ Her voice would have trembled if she spoke, so a single nod would have to suffice.  Tobin’s arm retracted from her path, slowly running over her abdomen.  It might as well have been a knife or something sharp, because it felt like she was tearing in two.  

 

Christen started up the steps, unsure of where to go from here both literally and figuratively.  Before it even began, had she lost the one thing that she so badly wanted? She allowed her TV and pillow to drown out the sobs that left her breathless.  By the time she got ahold of herself, there was nothing left in her.  An empty feeling swallowed her whole.

 

Knowing everyone would wonder where she was if she missed the game, she took a nice long shower and did her best to conceal the blotches on her face from a mixture of tears and ugly ball marks.  

 

_ Tobin: Meet me at R & R at 5:30.  I’ll shower and get ready here.   _

 

_ She asked me to go to a public restaurant so I won’t make a scene. _

 

_ Christen: 6?  Isn’t the game at 1?   _

 

_ Tobin: I have to do something right after, but I’ll see you at 6. _

 

_ She’s seeing her.   _ Christen had heard her earlier when she said that Shirley was staying until tonight, which gave them time to be together after the game. Doing her best to keep her tears at bay, she continued to put on a thin line of eyeliner to perk her appearance up.  Since there would be competition going on off of the field, there was no way she was going to look anything less than perfect.   

...

 

_ I was right,  she’s here. _  Christen told Allie she’d meet up with her at the game and to go ahead and have lunch with Jose first.  But there they were, sitting together in the stands.   Putting on her best brave face she marched up the steps, holding onto the railing to decrease the chances of slipping and humiliating herself for all to see.  

 

“Hi, Al.” Allie turned to her, a bewildered look on her face.  “Hey, Christen.  I uh- you’ve met Shirley.”

 

The smaller girl looked her up and down, not cracking anything close to smile. “Hi, Shirley.”  She was met with a very different reaction than the previous one from Friday night.  Not wanting to let her win this battle, which Christen realized Shirley had no idea she was involved in, she sat down confidently in front of them and faced forward.  Kick-off was any moment but her phone buzzed from inside her pocket.  SHe took it out to read the text from the girl behind her.

 

_ Allie: Should we go sit somewhere else?  I’ll make an excuse up. _

_ Christen: No it’s okay.   _

 

If she got up or showed Shirley how much her presence affected her she’d be upset with herself.  So for 90+ minutes, this was her spot.  There was a lot of cheering, little conversation in the first half.  Anything that came out of Allie’s mouth wasn’t related to Tobin, the house or soccer.  Christen had a feeling she was steering the topics away from anything that would cause awkward tension.  The second half though, Shirley was on fire.  

 

_ “I love Tobin’s hair a little longer, I should tell her not to cut it.” _

 

_ “GO TOBIN.  We practiced that free kick so many times late at night last spring.” _

 

_ “I’m so mad I didn’t get a chance to stop at that bread place.  Remember it Allie?  It was the one that Tobin bought me all those baguettes and tried to tell me I didn’t need to go back France because theirs were better! _

 

Her stomach was in knots listening to all of this.  It was confusing, too.  Was Shirley laying on the Tobin talk so heavy because they were back on good terms or did she know something might have been going so now she was staking her claim?  It was just another thing that made her so uneasy about the whole situation.  With only stoppage time remaining, she thought it was best to leave quietly without having to see where Tobin went post-game or hear any more from Shirley.

 

“Hey Allie I’ll see you back at the house.  I’m gonna go.  Bye Shirley, it was nice to meet you.”   _ How’d that taste coming out?   _

 

Allie looked up at her and silently asked if she wanted her to come with.  Christen didn’t give her a response and just started to to take a step down the bleachers.

 

“Bye, Christen.”   _ Ugh.  _

…………….

 

It was five minutes to six.  Christen sat alone at a table, re-reading the menu for the fourth time.  No phone call, no text from Tobin explaining her tardiness. Christen had spent the last two hours sitting at home, cruising social media and changing her outfit at least three times.  Tobin never came home, so she suspected she had taken her clothes with her to change or something. Right as she was about to cave and text her, she saw Tobin come through the door, asking the hostess something and watching them both look in her direction.  A small wave signaled she was there and Tobin walked confidently over, taking the seat across from her.

 

“Sorry,” she muttered, picking up a menu.  Christen studied her, looking for any indication of why she was so late.  After a moment of silence, she laid the menu down and her expression softened when she look at Christen.  __ “So we should talk,” Tobin told her, following it up with a sip of the pre-poured water.  “About what happened this weekend.”  

 

The feeling came out of nowhere, but Christen started to become upset. She felt that the look on Tobin’s face reflected pity, something she wasn’t going to allow to happen to her.  Never had she put herself in the position to be let down or set up for this magnitude of disappointment.

 

“No, I don’t think we should.  It’s okay and  you should work it out with her. It’s for the best and I understand,” Christen choked out the words before digging her heels into the floorboards and pushing her chair back.  “I have to go.”  She grabbed her purse and made a beeline for the front door.  She took off, almost running over an elderly couple coming inside the restaurant. Christen stopped cold on the sidewalk when she heard the stern tone of Tobin’s voice from behind her.  

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“CHRISTEN. WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING.”  It was a yell now, as if she was a small child disobeying her parent.  She spun on her heels to face Tobin, standing a little over ten feet from her in the cool November night air.  

 

“Why would you do that? How could you say that to me?  You know, I was still feeling pretty low about my last relationship when school started and wanted nothing to do with anyone in that way again.  And boom, you waltz right in, completely unexpected.  After I ran into you at the cafe aIll I could see were those green eyes and I was hooked.  I asked you to dinner, spelling it out for you - it’s. a. date.  I even followed it up with coffee the next morning!  I don’t make the first moves, Christen, I never have but something about you just made me want to try. So imagine my surprise when I hear the same day that you’re making out with guys in public and have to see  _ him _ hanging all over you everywhere we go. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?  It felt like history repeating itself, ‘lets push Tobin aside’ when there something else out there.  But then I saw you again and again and decided it was worth the pain to be around you even as a friend. It took me some time but I did it.”

 

Christen stared at her feet, taking it all in. She couldn’t bear to look up to face Tobin, shocked and unprepared for what she heard coming from her mouth.  

 

“And then things were good again and I thought for sure you felt the same way I did”  The anger in Tobin’s voice continued to rise. “ Oh and that kiss in South Carolina?  It’s all I think about. I’ve wanted to do it again and again ever since that day.  Was this all not clear to you or am I just one big experiment for you?”  

 

She looked up, her mind screaming at her to close the space between them to let her know exactly how she felt and no, she was not an experiment.  Christen was so sure she wanted to be with Tobin.

 

“No.”  

 

“NO?” Tobin yelled increduously.  “All you have to say is NO?”  

 

The words were stuck somewhere in her throat.   _ Tell her you think you love her, tell her you want to be with her.   _ She stood still, unable to move a muscle.  Her eyes pleaded at Tobin, asking her to hear her.     
  


“I’m done.  I can’t do this,”  Tobin took a step backward, her demeanor completely changing.  “I can’t go through this again.”  Christen watched her walk in the opposite direction,  feeling like her body was jumping off the edge of a cliff and she was standing on the edge, watching from above. There was nothing she could do in that moment but let go and spiral downward, hoping something would save her.  By the time she yelled ‘stop’ her words were barely audible and Tobin who was almost out of sight, had never turned around.


	13. Chapter 13

She didn’t know how she made it home.  It was like she blacked out and now she was awake, sitting  in the bathtub with the water falling over her.  Mascara ran down her cheeks, seeping onto the pearly white porcelain and running down the drain.  Her eyes were puffy and they stared ahead, not focused on anything in particular. Outside of the room she heard muffled voices.

 

_ “Kelley, go in and check on her.  She’s been in there for 40 minutes now.” _

 

_ “I can hear her crying.” _

 

_ “Wasn’t she at dinner with Tobin?  Has anyone seen her?” _

 

_ “Knock.” _

 

_ “No, just go in.” _

 

She had zero energy or care to address any of the speculation on the other side of the door.  She didn’t even flinch when the door finally opened, exposing her naked self to Kelley because when she got in the shower closing the curtain wasn’t even a thought.

 

“Christen,” Kelley easefully said.  “What’s going on, babe?  Are you okay?”  When she didn’t respond, Kelley bent down beside the tub and put her hand on Christen’s bare shoulder.  Feeling how gold she was, she stood briefly to grab a towel and shut off the now ice cold water.  Soft, warm material wrapped around Christen, dipping slightly in the water.   “Come on, let me help you out.”  Kelley guided her softly upwards, but as soon as she was upright on her own two feet, she went weak and fell onto the ceramic floor.  

 

“Oh my God, Christen.” She felt arms around her, hugging tightly as she began to sob all over again.  Her head was in Kelley’s lap as they rocked back and forth together.  Fifteen minutes later, she was all cried out but didn’t move from the safe spot she was in.  Her friend was so patient, not forcing her to talk.  

 

“Kelley?”

 

“I’m here,” she answered.  

 

“I want Tobin.”  

 

There was no response.  She couldn’t be sure if Kelley had ignored her or just knew it was something she couldn’t deliver.  They sat again in silence for before the door slowly opened.  

 

She knew who it was before she even saw the face.  Kelley wiggled around holding her head up off of the floor so Tobin could slip into her spot.  Christen scooted up, letting her shoulder fall into Tobin’s chest, nuzzling her head just underneath her chin.  Neither of them spoke, neither moved a muscle for minutes.  Being in her embrace was a bittersweet feeling; the familiar smell and touch of her skin instantly calmed her but she knew  the moment would end and Tobin would be gone again.

 

Eventually, it was Tobin who broke the silence.

 

“I’m going to lift you, Chris” she whispered.

 

She felt her hands reposition firmly around her back and under her legs.  Tobin was strong, but she had to strain to get up off the low floor.  Christen’s arms held tightly around her neck, burying her head into the side of her neck.  What she wouldn’t give at that moment to run her nose and mouth the length of it. She hadn’t looked at Tobin’s face yet, knowing it would be a trigger all over again.

 

Tobin slowly took her across the now empty hall and into her dark bedroom.  She paused before she laid her on the bed gently, tucking the towel into itself so it wouldn’t fall.  Christen watched her turn on the light to go through her drawers, coming up with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.  She sat herself up, using all of the energy she had left in her body to do so.  Silently, Tobin got on her knees and worked the sweatpants delicately over each foot and pulled them the whole way up her legs.  Christen stared into her eyes when they met but her own were dead, she was sure of that.  Tobin’s usual sparkling eyes were unreadable right now, her facial expression nothing short of dismay Her arms lifted up towards the ceiling and Tobin stripped away the towel covering her, not once taking advantage of her vulnerability and looking down at her bare chest.  She kept eye contact as she pulled the shirt over her head and straightened it at the waist once it was on.  

 

Christen laid back down, rolling away from her because she knew Tobin’s job was done and she’d walk out the door in the next few moments, finalizing whatever it was they had between them.  The room plunged into darkness and she shut her eyes as a result, feeling her downward spiral beginning again.  What she didn’t expect was Tobin pulling back the covers and crawling in behind her.  She drug Christen across the sheets, backward safely tucking her into her warm body.  

 

…………………….

 

_ I had a nervous breakdown.  _  She looked behind her.  The space where Tobin had been was empty, again.  She ran her fingers across the sheets thinking just how lonely that side looked.   

 

Her hair was still damp up top from all the time she’d spent in the shower.  Struggling to get up, she saw her washed out reflection the free-standing mirror.  _  God, you look awful.   _ Her mind went back to what happened last night and with each detail she was able to recall, the embarrassment escalated.  _  Now they all know something is wrong.  Kelley saw me naked.  Tobin had to carry me to bed and change my clothes like I’m a toddler. _

 

This wasn’t her.  She’d never been the type to be this weak or be at the mercy of someone else like this.  How did this all happen?  Seventy-two hours ago she was blissfully happy; excited about where her relationship with Tobin was headed.  Now she was alone, unguarded and downright depressed.

She thought about going to find Tobin to try to explain why words had failed her last night and let her know she felt the exact same way about her.  

 

She listened at her door to hear if there was any noise from her roommates.  _  It’s Monday.  I have class in _ ….looking at her watch she saw it was already 8:30…. _ 45 minutes. _ _ I can’t go, Tobin is in that class _ .  Skipping class was something she never did but today felt like perfect first time to take a mental health day. Christen grabbed her laptop off of her desk to draft an e-mail to each of her professors, citing a mysterious illness for her absence and to please forward any information she might need for the rest of the week. She retreated back to her bed, closing the blinds and making it as dark as possible before turning on the TV.

 

The morning was spent drifting in and out of sleep to avoid any heavy thinking.  But each time she opened and re-closed her eyes, she saw flashes of Tobin walking away from her, the words “I’m done” echoing in her brain.  It was well past lunch before she heard a light knock at the door that terrified her.   _ Please do not be Tobin, please do not be Tobin.   _ Without saying anything, Kelley poked her head inside.  “Chris?  Are you up?

 

“Yes.”

 

Kelley entered the whole way now, carrying a small tray with a sandwich, soup and a water.  “Here, you need to eating something.”  Christen didn’t have an appetite and the smell of food reminded her of the restaurant last night.

 

“I can’t.”  A hand stroked the top of her head as Kelley sat on the edge of the bed.  “You have to eat something, Christen.  Or at least drink this water, please?”  Her head was aching a little bit, likely from dehydration, so she humored the girl by sitting up and sipping.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”  

 

“No.”  She couldn’t; she wouldn’t.  Her mind was made up that she would wallow today and tomorrow would be different.  Life would go on somehow without the idea of her and Tobin and should would deal with it.

 

“Christen, I’m worried about you.  We don’t have to talk about it yet but please know that I want to help you with whatever it is.  We all leave Wednesday night for away games this weekend and I don’t want to leave you like this.”   _ Oh that’s right, they have the ACC semis and finals this weekend in Charleston.   _ It was a blessing in disguise because usually she hated when they all left but now, it was perfect timing.  _  I have to make it through 48 hours before I get a break. _

 

“I’ll be fine, thanks Kel.  I just need to shut down today and I’ll be back to myself tomorrow, promise.”  She gave her best convincing smile which Kelley knew was fake but let slide.  “Okay.  Text me if you need anything.”  Christen watched her shut the bedroom door tightly and rolled over, going back to sleep.

 

_ Tuesday. _  She wasn’t going to hide today.  Her alarm was shut off and she picked out an outfit for her classes.  It was a day she didn’t usually see her roommates so avoiding them would be easy.  In fact, the common door was locked when she went stealthily made her way downstairs, possibly meaning the other side of the house wasn’t even up yet.  A homemade smoothie started her day and she sipped on it while walking to her first class.  “Christen!”

 

Ali broke away from a huddle of friends and galloped over to her, a look of anguish across her face. “How are you, are you okay?”  Christen decided this was her opportunity to play it all off.  “I’m great, how are you?”  The look Ali gave her was actually pretty comical.  “B-, ar-, I’m...fine?”  They walked together down the sidewalk without talking, tension radiating between them.  She could tell Ali wanted to say something but she wasn’t going to allow it.  “Well this is my stop! I’ll see you later!  She threw on an extra dose of cheer, hoping to convince Ali who still seemed a little stunned.

 

And that’s how she spent the next two days, a smile almost creepily plastered to her face whenever her roommates were around, enthusiasm bubbling over about the dumbest things like Julie’s freshly baked chocolate chip cookies or Kelley’s outfit for class.  Outside of the bathroom on Wednesday morning, she heard their voices carrying from one of the bedrooms.  

 

_ “She’s in the bathroom again.  If it’s longer than 5 minutes go check on her.” _

 

_ “Maybe she’s on the edge of another breakdown.  Don’t people have like extreme highs then lows again?” _

 

_ “Have you talked to Tobin yet?” _

 

Emerging with her toothbrush still working against her teeth, she reassured them.  Guys, “I’m not having a nervous breakdown.  I swear, I’m fine.  Don’t worry about me.”  They all appeared guilty, knowing that talking behind her back was a bad idea.  “And please, don’t bother Tobin.  Just leave her out of this,” she added before going to the sink to spit. 

 

“Off to class, bye girls! If I don’t see you before you leave, good luck this weekend!” Once she was outside, her face changed and the gloomy demeanor was back.   _ Man it’s hard being an actor.   _ She was mentally preparing for this all last night, to see Tobin in class.  Her goal was to be there at the last possible second so she could just slip in and out without being noticed.  

 

Her plan backfired.

 

The class was packed per usual and the professor had already started, slideshow on and the lights out.  She took the first seat in the back row not noticing her surroundings. In the dimmed lighting, she fumbled around for a pen to take notes on her paper copy of the lecture when she heard a tapping on her desk.  She looked up to see someone holding a black pen at her eye level.

 

“Thanks!” she whispered, turning to her left.   “Oh for the love of God” she almost shouted, throwing a hand to her chest in surprise.  Tobin looked like a nervous wreck so she graciously accepted the pen and didn’t look her way for the rest of class.  It was so hard to concentrate knowing there was only an empty seat between them, the aroma from her clean hair floating past Christen’s nose every time she moved.  She contemplated getting up and leaving but thought that was giving in; advertising her pain for Tobin to see again. When time was up, she hurriedly shoved her notes into her bag and began to make a quick exit.  

 

Tobin lunged at her arm, halting her.  “Christen, wait.” She wanted to rip it away and just run, unable to face any type of interaction.  Leaning back, they sat without speaking while watching people file out of the auditorium in clusters, waiting for some privacy. 

 

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry.”  

 

_ An apology?  What is she apologizing for? Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing?   _ The pain in Tobin’s eyes was apparent but Christen couldn’t place the reason for it.  “Why?”

 

Her mouth opened and closed, groping for words.  “The way I yelled at you like that, standing in the middle of a sidewalk for anybody to hear….I’m just really sorry.”

 

_ That’s why she thinks I’m upset?  _  “It’s okay.  Tobin, I have to run but um, good luck this weekend.”

 

She could see the dejection coming from her, knowing it was a lie and Christen would say anything not to talk to her.  This was the second time she’d run out when Tobin tried talking to her.  But right now, in the middle of this auditorium, she couldn’t compose herself enough to tell her the real reason why she needed that night.  In her own head she was still sorting the pieces to this puzzle - her newfound realization that she liked a girl, the kiss, Shirley showing up, Tobin crying in her bed,  possibly going back to her, confessing how she felt on a public sidewalk then saying she’s done. The ups and downs were just too hard to process.  A sigh of relief came when she was outside and out of Tobin’s sight.  

 

…………...

 

The house was eerily quiet for five whole days.  Even Allie made herself scarce, citing the need to work on a project and spend time with Jose.  Truthfully, she suspected she just didn’t want to be left alone with ‘the crazy’.  Everyone was still walking on eggshells around her.  Next week would be rough but after that Thanksgiving gave her an opportunity to get out of Chapel Hill and spend time with Kelley’s family. When she calculated how little time she would have to travel cross country for the holiday, she took her up on the offer to go to Georgia for a few days.

 

She would never admit it to them, but she watched the game from a live stream on her laptop from her bed on Friday and Sunday.  They won both, the reigning ACC champs   _ Way to go, guys.  T _ obin played okay, not her best but not her worst.  The one thing she noticed was her increase in attitude, the signature smile she played with was missing.  It was hard to see her like, knowing full well it was likely a result of what had happened between them.

The library was her home from Monday-Wednesday when everyone was back.  It was way better than awkward run-ins and people treating her like she was a fragile. This time on both days, she got to class way early and picked a seat in the front row; a territory she knew Tobin would never venture to.  They would be gone Thursday afternoon through Sunday again so when she got a text from Julie Wednesday night, she had a hard time turning her down.

 

_ Julie:  We’re gonna order out tonight.  Take a break from the library and have dinner with us. PLEASE?!  _

 

_ Christen: I have a lot to do, I don’t think I can. _

 

_ Julie: You’ve been there all day the last three days.  Just for one hour, please?  We leave tomorrow and want hang before Thanksgiving too.  _

 

_ Christen: One hour. _

 

But she didn’t last more than maybe 15 minutes.  Seated between Ali and Kelley, Tobin was directly in front of her.  It wasn’t the ideal seating chart she had in mind for the night and she couldn’t even look up from her plate.

 

“Guys, do you mind if I just take some up with me to my room?  I’m really behind on a paper and need to have it submitted by midnight.”  It was partly true - she had a paper due but an hour max was all it would take her to finish.  

 

“Just stay for a little longer,” Kelley coaxed.  “I can come help you with it when we’re done.”

 

This made her laugh.  Kelley was smart despite what many people thought of her, but they had completely different styles of writing and learning.  “Thanks, Kel.  I think I can handle it,” she informed her while pulling out her chair.  “See you guys later.”

 

Only twenty minutes of peace was all she got before Kelley was knocking down her door.

 

“Hey! I told you that you didn’t need to help me!”  Christen swiveled in her desk chair to face her.  Kelley strolled over to the desk and shut the laptop.  “Hey! What’s that for?”

 

“You have to stop this.  You cannot run out of every room or situation where Tobin is involved because it’s only November and I can’t watch this for 6 more months.”  Kelley stood over her, almost intimidating.  “We’re going to talk about it whether you want to or not.”

 

Christen slowly got up from her chair to make herself comfortable on the bed.   Maybe her friend was right; maybe running away wasn’t the best option but it was all she knew to do.  If there was anyone who might be sympathetic right now, it would probably be Kelley. “Ok.”

 

Kelley’s eyebrows shot up, looking surprised.  “Ok?  Oh.  Good.  Well let’s start with what’s been going on between you two.”

 

She took a deep breath and figured it was best to start from the very beginning, letting her know she discovered her feelings back in September.  “After I started to spend some time with Tobin when school started I think I became aware that I wanted to spend more time with her and no time with Danny.  I questioned everything I knew about those kind of feelings and then just let them go.”

 

Kelley paused her.  “This is a nice ‘coming to’ story and all, but please fast forward.  I already know all this.”

 

“You do?”  Her face twisted up in complete bewilderment.  

 

“Oh please,” Kelley threw her head back.  I’d have to be Helen Keller to not know there was something going on with you guys.  You think we _ all _ didn’t notice the flirting, dinner dates and the heart eyes?   And I’m pretty sure I don’t hold my friend’s hand while in the car.  C’mon, it’s actually a little sickening to watch. We kinda all had a bet going as to when you were gonna tell us.”  _  She did see that in the car! _

 

Christen started to smile, “so I guess I was nervous to tell you for nothing.”

 

“You should never be nervous to tell me anything.  It also didn’t help that Tobin came to me right after meeting you and asked if you were straight or not.”  Her eyes widened at this little fact.  “No she did not! What’d you say?”

 

Kelley’s eyes appeared caring and genuine as she told her she didn’t know, that it hadn’t been a conversation they’d ever had but she suspected it.  “So you knew even before I did?  Why did you never bring it up with me?”  She was amazed how well others could read her sometimes.  “It wasn’t my place to do that.  You needed to figure it out on your own, just like I did.  I know how important that was for me.”

 

The feel-good moment lasted only for a moment before Kelley pressed her onward.  “Ok so now I know you’re feeling each other up and making out and practically in love, what the heck happened?”

 

“Slow down,” Christen told her.  “It wasn’t like that.  One kiss only, nothing else.  I think we tiptoed around having the conversation about what was going on and we kinda just let it happen.  I mean I know I was a little nervous  but I was starting to get more confident about it, about us.  Then bam, Shirley shows up and it all fell apart.” 

 

“Ah,” her friend replied knowingly.  “Shirley. Of course.”

 

“So that night you guys all had that dinner I stupidly pushed Tobin to talk to her and the next thing I know she’s in my bed, crying, doesn’t want to talk to me.  We fall asleep and when I wake up she’s gone.  I immediately knew she’d gone back to her.  I think she pretty much confirmed it the next morning when she said Shirley had slept in her bed.”

 

“Christen, I know for a fact she did not.”  Christen looked up to process the soft tone of Kelley’s claim.

 

“How?”

 

“You must have fallen asleep right away because I watched Shirley leave before I even went upstairs at like eleven. She said bye to Allie and me when we were watching TV in the common room. Tobin was probably still with you, right?”  Christen tried to do the math in her head and couldn’t find a scenario where Tobin had slipped out, past them in the common room and upstairs to Shirley without anyone seeing.

 

“Ok well even so, she was so upset and the next day it sounded like she had really listened to what Shirley had said almost like she was starting to buy into it all.  And then on top of everything she ask me to dinner HOURS after the game when I knew Shirley would be around still.  Do you see where I’m going with this?”

 

Kelley nodded.  “You thought she was re-thinking her relationship with her.”  

 

“Yes! So then at the game she was with Allie and I had this big ol’ chip on my shoulder and sat with them instead of finding somewhere else to sit.  The whole time she just kept bringing up Tobin and their relationship and stuff.  It was so uncomfortable, I don’t know how I didn’t haul off and smack her right there.”

 

“Ok get to dinner,”  Kelley sped her up, “what happened?”

 

Christen braced herself for the worst part of it all.  “She was late. 25 minutes late.”

 

She was met with a stare of intolerance.  “You got this upset because she was late?” 

 

“No!” Christen cried.  “She was late and I went into a frenzy.  All I could think of was that she was with her and there I was sitting alone in a restaurant, all pathetic and doe eyed waiting for someone who I didn’t even have the courage yet to tell how I feel. I got so worked that when she came in, I bolted.  I literally said ‘you should work it out with her’ and got up from the table. She followed me in the street and started yelling.  I mean reeeally yelling at me, going on about how I hurt her with the whole Danny thing and then just when she thought everything was good I told her to go work it out with Shirley.  She even accused me of using her as an experiment.”  

 

Kelley’s face was priceless as she tried to keep up with the bomb she had just dropped.  You could tell she wasn’t sure what to think of the whole thing and this was exactly how Christen had felt when Tobin was spewing her feelings. “And what did you say?”   “No.”    “Oh come on Christen, just tell me what you said! I swear I won’t tell anyone,” she promised.

 

Her head dropped, feeling so guilty.  “That’s all I said to her:  ‘no’.  I wanted to say so much more but I don’t know, I guess I was so overwhelmed.  And then she said she was done and left.  Never looked back, never came back, nothing.”

 

“Cue the bathtub episode,” Kelley murmured.  

 

“Yep, I don’t even know how I got there.  But I just know I was in pain physically, mentally and emotionally.  Maybe I thought it would somehow help.”  Their hands were now clasped together, a sign of solidarity and understanding.  “And then you told me you wanted Tobin,” she was told.  

 

Christen thought about that moment and for the first time wondered how she got Tobin there.  “Yeah. Thank you by the way.  How’d you convince her to come?”  

 

Kelley looked away, giving off the vibe that she didn’t want to tell her.  “Please, just tell me,” she begged.  “I didn’t do anything.  Tobin was outside the bathroom, Christen.  She came in when she heard you ask for her.”

 

Her mouth dropped.  “She was there the whole time?’

 

“No.  Julie was the first person to catch on that the shower had been running forever.  She knocked a few times but there wasn’t much that came from your end so she got me, then Ali.  We stood there trying to figure out if something was wrong because I thought I heard you crying.  When we realized that Tobin might know what was happening, Julie went to get her and she was holed up in her room and wouldn’t come out.  Finally Julie told her that something was wrong with you and she came.  She sat outside the door with them until she heard her name.  Ali said she spent a couple minutes trying to compose herself before coming in.”

 

Tears fell from the corners of Christen’s eyes.  “I screwed up so badly,” she whispered.  “I should have just talked to her sooner or listened to her at dinner.  I feel so stupid! Now look at us.”  

 

Kelley pulled her into a hug.  “Listen, I’m 100% sure you and Tobin feel the same way about each other but your communication sucks.  It’s not too late unless you want it to be.  She’s hurting too, Christen, so quit the act and ‘woman up’.  Be honest with her and tell her everything you just told me.”

 

“She said she was done,” her sniffles impeding her last few words. 

 

“She’s definitely not,” Kelley assured her.  “I have never seen Tobin the way she’s been in the past couple months.  But you both have been on an emotional rollercoaster the last couple days so my suggestion is to breathe, get yourself together and build yourself up a bit.  When we get back from Charleston, you need to have a plan in place to talk to her.”

 

Christen nodded. “I can do that.”  

  
Kelley smiled at her, “Good. Because I am not taking this” she circled Christen’s face, “home for Thanksgiving.”  


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of Tobin's POV! After this, all Christen.

**Tobin’s POV**

 

She woke up feeling sweaty and a little suffocated.  Her face was buried into Christen’s side explaining why she was having a hard time breathing.  Christen didn’t stir as  she slowly pulled away and sat up and looked  down at her noticing the length of her dark eyelash as they rested against her cheeks.  Her hair was in a messy ponytail revealing small red blotches on one side from the ball that had hit her.  Tobin reached out to touch them, feeling horrible that it had marked her perfect body like that.  The skin was so soft to touch, feeling like velvet underneath her dancing fingertips.   _ She must really be out if she’s not feeling this. _

 

She carefully lifted herself off the bed as to not wake the sleeping beauty beside her.  The door was already ajar so she only had slip out sideways.  It had to be early since the sun wasn’t even up yet but she didn’t check her clock or her phon _ e.  Shoot where is my phone?  _  Feeling the different areas of her clothes found it wedged in her front pocket of her sweatshirt.  

 

Three messages, all from Shirley.

 

_ Shirley: Can we grab coffee after the game tomorrow? _

 

_ Shirley:  There’s just something else I need to ask you. _

 

_ Shirley: Tobin? _

 

She deleted all three messages.  There was nothing else she needed to talk about; her mind was only focused on one person right now and she was way over her head with that. It was still before 6 a.m. so going back to bed was the first thing on her agenda but as much as she wanted to crawl back in bed with Christen it was best not to wake her because sleeping wouldn’t all she’d be interested in if she did.  The way she welcomed her without any questions into her bed like that was a sensation she hadn’t felt before.  Typically when in bed with someone there was a different agenda or underlying reason but with Christen, there was only an emotional need and that alone was enough for her.  

 

Tobin stared at the ceiling of her bedroom, watching the ceiling fan spin around and around on the lowest level, putting her in a daze.  It reminded her of when Christen asked to follow her up there and they laid together in this same position.  The way she ran her fingers across her cool skin had left her in awe, reigniting the spark she had first felt for her.  Ideas ran through her head.

 

_ I’m going to ask her to dinner tonight after the game.  But I don’t want to just blurt it all out over appetizers.  I can start by telling her that everything with Shirley is completely over and then I’ll tell her how I’ve felt since day one in the cafe. The cafe, that’s it!   _ Before falling back asleep, she had formulated a plan to take Christen to dinner and then surprise her with a follow-up date at the cafe.  They closed at 7:00, or at least that’s what the website said while she scrolled through on her phone _.  I’ll call them and ask if I can set up a small table just for us in the corner and we can have re-do date.  I’ll tell her exactly how I feel and what I want there, it’ll be a little more meaningful. _

 

She was so excited it took her a little while to fall asleep, but somewhere floating the back of her mind were those texts that Shirley had sent.   _ She’s still going to be here today. _

 

_ …. _

 

From the field during warmups she could see Shirley sitting with Allie. _  Why Allie, just move. Don’t let her think she has a chance.  No, is that Christen walking up the steps?   _ Her stomach dropped, thinking of the two sitting together without her in between.  Earlier, Christen seemed a little distant when she talked to her even though she had told them all exactly what happened.  It took a lot of willpower to reirect her energy and focus to the field and forget what was out of her control.

 

An outfit for dinner, all her bathroom products to shower and get ready at the fieldhouse were packed neatly in her large leather bag.  Her plan was to take her time and get ready there, then head over to the café tos et up before meeting Christen at 5:30.  A discreet call that morning lead to the owner agreeing to keep the café open to just the two of them 30 minutes after regular business hours while his employees completed their closing.  She arranged to have two coffees, a piece of cake to share waiting for them.  On the way to the restaurant to meet Christen, she’d grab a small vase and whatever flowers she could find to put in the middle of the table.

But now she was unsure that the plan would be foolproof seeing the two mingling together.  What had attracted her to Shirley in the beginning was her caring nature and similar personality to Tobin’s.  But since the Spring, she wasn’t sure that manipulation was beneath her and the last thing she wanted was for Christen to a victim of it.  It wasn’t fair that she had already been 

Her team rolled to victory, 2-1, securing their berth in the ACC semis.  For once they weren’t hosting the tournament so that meant Thanksgiving weekend in Charleston where she had extended family.  All in all, it’d work out for her to have a nice holiday.   _ Maybe I can convince Christen to come with me since I’m sure she won’t be going the whole way to California.   _ Tobin thought about what it would be like to take her to meet her family, knowing what a huge step that would be for both of them.  Time away from their roommates was something they deserved, getting to know each other the way she craved.  

She tried to discreetly look up in the stands to see where both girls had gone but only Shirley remained. It made her feel a little better that they were finally separated, but as she walked off the the field, she heard her name being called.

“Tobin!” 

Shirley was walking quickly along the side of the track closest to the fieldhouse.  Tobin contemplated ignoring her but she knew it was wrong.  Why she insisting on sticking around despite the very clear message she had sent her the previous night about the status of their nonexistent relationship was beyond her.  

“Hey,” she returned, turning around to face her. 

“Did you get my texts?  I have to leave soon but I want to get a cup of coffee or something together.”  Shirley’s face was full of concern, a little desperate if she was reading it correctly.

Her body stiffened as she tried to let her body language do the talking. “I don’t think I have time, I’m sorry.”  Shirley looked at her confused.  “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yes, I have plans and need to run some errands before that,” she told her matter of factly.  

“Okay, well I’ll just tag along on your errands.” Tobin looked at her astounded, the girl was relentless.  

“Shirley, no. I’m sorry.  I really hope you have a safe trip and good luck this week but I need to be somewhere else.” Tobin flashed a small smile as a consolation.  It wasn’t her intention to be cruel or rude, but she had to get the hint that it just wasn’t going to happen. 

She turned her back and took off without looking back or saying anything else, hurrying behind the closed doors of the fieldhouse for protection.  Taking her sweet time to get ready, she allowed others to go to the showers first while she undid the cleats on her aching feet.  Kelley came out with a towel wrapped around both her hair and body and sat beside her.  “Taking your time to avoid Shirley?”  

 

Tobin laughed, “something like that.”  Kelley agreed, “she won’t go without a fight will she?”  

 

“No, doesn’t look like it.”  Tobin started to collect all of the things she needed to get a shower.  “I asked Christen to meet me for dinner in a little bit."

 

“Oh really?” Kelley teased.  “So I’m guessing that if I invited myself I’d be welcomed because you know, you two are just roomies and all.”  She shot her a look, knowing full well Kelley was trying to get a rise out of her.  “What? No one has told me anything different so it’s safe to assume you’re just a pair of new best buds.”

 

Tobin started to walk away shaking her head, unwilling to give her any satisfaction.  Telling Kelley her plan was not something she was prepared to do because upsetting Christen wasn’t something she wanted to do.  Not that Christen might be upset, but it was best to let her be the one to tell Kelley first about what was going on between them. She was fully aware that this might be the first type of relationship Christen had with a girl and pushing her wasn’t something she wanted to do. She stepped into the already warm air of her shower and turned the water to the hottest setting.  She thoroughly washed her hair and body, using her razor to clean up the little stubble spots on her legs.  Although she was pretty certain Christen wouldn’t be ready to take _ that  _ step in their relationship, it didn’t hurt to be prepared.  By the time she finished and emerged from the steam, the locker room was just about empty.  A Sunday game meant families were in town or people were savoring the last few moments of their weekend so some didn’t even bother to shower before leaving..  She got dressed in peace, black jeans with holes in the knees and a white long sleeve shirt with a simple black sweater over top.  Although it was cold, she put on flip flops to give her tired feet a break.  When she was drying her hair long and straight to avoid getting hypothermia in the cool air, she contemplated trying to put some wave into it.   _ Christen said she liked it like that way.  _  It warmed her instantly to think that Christen found her attractive, knowing the attraction she felt to her.  Every time Christen entered a room the first thing she noticed was the way her cheeks radiated a certain glow that spread down her jaw.  And her smile, it was enough to force one of your own not matter how you were feeling.  But the eyes, Tobin could spend all day just looking at them and watching the color change.   __ Her phone said 4:10 so she had about 10-15 minutes to finish up before she needed to get a move on and head to the flower shop and then the cafe before circling back to the restaurant.  It was definitely doable in an hour if she hurried.  

 

When she had re-packed her bag neatly, she walked to the parking lot to find her car.  What she wasn’t expecting was to find Shirley leaning against it.   _ Here we go again, how did she even know that I drove? _

 

“Shirley, I can’t do this.  I really need to go and you cannot come with me.”  

 

The girl looked up at her with amusement and hands up in defense.  “15 minutes, that’s all.  I swear because I need to go, too. I’m late already so it’ll be so quick.”  

 

“No,”  Tobin stood her ground.  She wasn’t going to give in because if she did now that would only encourage the behavior.  “Please move.  I’m asking you not to make a scene here.  If there’s anything else you need to say to me, you can send it in an e-mail.”  

 

Shirley still didn’t move from the door and apparently wasn’t taking her message seriously, but in all fairness Tobin wasn’t the most intimidating person.  “Tobin.  I know you told me about Christen last night but I think you’re way over your head.  What do you have in common with her?  Wouldn’t you rather work on a relationship that you already know has the foundation and works rather  than start a new one with someone you barely know?”  _  I know Christen well enough, kind of. _  It was true that they hadn’t spent a significant amount of time together but once soccer season ended she would free up a little more.   _ No, stop it. Don’t let her get to you.   _ “This isn’t your place to question what I want.  Please, I’m asking you to move so I can just go.”  

 

No movement.  This wasn’t the Shirley she was instantly attracted to when they met.  Unlike the harsh, intrusive person that stood before her, she had been charming, compassionate and attentive.  Tobin never felt anything but relaxed in her presence but now, she didn’t want to be anywhere near her.  The truth was it had only a little to do everything that had happened in the past few month and was now more about the way she was talking about Christen.

 

“This isn’t helping anything.  I told you last night that my feelings for you no longer exist.  I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear but it’s the truth so I’m going to ask one last time for you to move so I can go.”  

 

Ten minutes later, she was on her way.  Shirley eventually relented but not without telling her she would see her in December.  _ We’ll see about that.  There’s no way I’m going let her come anywhere near Christen and me. 4:45.  Shit, I’m going to be late.   _ Traffic out of campus was heavy from the men’s basketball game letting out so she moved slowly, stopping and going every few feet. Her fingers drummed on the steering wheel as she tried to will traffic to move quicker.  When she made it off campus,  she found a parking spot around the corner from the flower shop and made a mad dash inside to grab a long, skinny vase and a few spare calla lillies to put inside.  The woman who helped her was older and very kind but also moved as slow as molasses. She tried to keep her patience and smile as she punched in the items to the register and packaged the vase.  

 

5:24.   _ I have six minutes to get to the cafe then back to the restaurant.   _

 

5:30. __ She parked her car, lucky enough to find a spot right outside but in front of a fire hydrant.  Putting on her four ways, she would take the gamble of getting a ticket.

 

5:39.  _  Damn it, I was only gone for a few minutes.   _ A meter cop was in the process of writing her a ticket.  She tried talking him out of it completely but he compromised for a $50 dollar fine for double parking fine instead.  

 

5:43.  She circled around the corner and down the street towards the restaurant.  Being late wasn’t the way she wanted to start the evening but she would just have to apologize and hope Christen wasn’t mad.  She circled the block of the restaurant a few times before finding a tight spot to parallel in.  Whipping the car around, it took her a few tries before she made it.  _  I would have been better off just walking. _

 

_ 5:51.   _ Tobin walked down the sidewalk towards the door of the restaurant.  Before she went in, she took a second to close her eyes and settle her nerves before going in.  IT would have been easy to tell Christen she was going to be late or call her when she walked in but she didn’t’ want to have to explain or lie about the reason she was.  Lying wasn’t typically a strong suit of hers and others usually saw right through her.

She greeted the pretty young hostess and asked if there was a girl about her age with dark hair waiting for someone.  How she wanted to describe Christen was different than the detail she gave but it might have been a little over the top for someone she didn’t know.  The girl directed her towards the description of Christen she gave her.   _ There she is. _  Instantly, she both felt so much better seeing her and also a little guilty that she was sitting alone and waiting for her.   _ She looks so pretty tonight.  _ She could see Christen’s wavy hair falling around her shoulders, blending in with the black sweater she had on.  Unable to see what pants she was wearing, Tobin visualized a pair of tight jeans that hugged her in all the right places.  Underneath those she imagined something black, simple but sexy. _ After dinner Tobin, calm yourself.   _ She dropped into a seat across from her, grabbing at the menu to distract her from her indecent thoughts.  “Sorry,” was all she could get out.    _ Ok, get it together.  Just start right away and get it over with so you can relax and enjoy dinner. _

“So we should talk,” she told her.  Christen was already looking at her when she finally faced up towards her.  Her mouth was so dry from running around so she took a sip of the pre-poured water before following it up with, “about what happened this weekend.”

The next few words out of Christen’s mouth shocked her.  Before she could even process what she had said, she saw a blur that was Christen rushing past her towards the door leading outside.  Tobin sat there dumbfounded before coming to her senses.  She told the hostess as she whizzed by her to give them a minute and hold the table. 

“What are you doing?” she called.  In front of her Christen kept walking a pace she was too tired to keep up with, her flats hitting the pavement rapidly.  

“CHRISTEN. WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING.”  She was yelling after her now, trying to startle her into stopping.  Her blood pressure was rising watching the the scene unfold, totally unexpected.  This wasn’t supposed to be happening; it was supposed to be the opposite.  By now she expected to be holding her hand, reassuring her that the past few days had only made her more aware that the past was just that and what the future meant for her.

“Why would you do that? How could you say that to me?” Somewhere from deep inside of her the floodgates opened and she just let every thought all out.  “You know, I was still feeling pretty low about my last relationship when school started and wanted nothing to do with anyone in that way again.  And boom, you waltz right in, completely unexpected.  After I ran into you at the cafe all I could see were those green eyes and I was hooked.  I asked you to dinner, spelling it out for you - it’s. a. date.  I even followed it up with coffee the next morning!  I don’t make the first moves, Christen, I never have but something about you just made me want to try. So imagine my surprise when I hear the same day that you’re making out with guys in public and have to see him hanging all over you everywhere we go. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?  It felt like history repeating itself, ‘lets push Tobin aside’ when there something else out there.  But then I saw you again and again and decided it was worth the pain to be around you even as a friend. It took me some time but I did it.”

She watched Christen stare at her feet without looking up at her.   _ Is she even listening to any of this?  Does she care? _

“And then things were good again and I thought for sure you felt the same way I did”  The frustration in her voice continued to rise. “ Oh and that kiss in South Carolina?  It’s all I think about. I’ve wanted to do it again and again ever since that day.  Was this all not clear to you or am I just one big experiment for you?”  

It was a mistake she was aware of as soon as it left her mouth.  She shouldn’t have said that to her but at this point all she wanted was Christen to acknowledge the weight of the words she was saying. 

“No.”  _  Is she kidding? I lay it all out for her and that’s what she has to say?  She doesn’t want this, I can’t believe it.  How could I have been this stupid?  _

“NO?” Tobin fired back.  “All you have to say is NO?”  

Christen continued to stand there, Tobin increasingly aware of all the people gawking at them on the sidewalk.  It was too much for her to handle and she had to get out of there before Christen could further shut her down.  The walls started to close in on her as her chest started to rise and fall at quicker pace.  

 

“I’m done.  I can’t do this,”  She took a step backward.   “I can’t go through this again.”  Her heart was breaking in two as she put her head down and walked away towards her car.  Once safely inside she burst into tears and laid her head against the steering wheel for support.  How was this happening?  This was unlike Shirley who she hadn’t fought for and look at what did to her.  Now with Christen who already meant so much more, she was screwing it up even worse.   

 

She sat in her car for a few minutes before remembering the setup at the cafe.  _  I have to go back there and get the stuff.  How humiliating.   _ It was dark now and as upset as she was with both herself and Christen, walking home alone wasn’t something she should do.  Slowly manuvering out of her space, she followed the route she thought Christen would take back to house, keeping an eye out for her on the sidewalks.  With each passing block her heart rate picked up, thinking she would see her any second.

 

But it didn’t happen.  Christen wasn’t on her way home or had run so quickly just to get away from her.  As she inched towards the house, she could see it was lit up so her roommates were likely home, relaxing after the game.  A quick u-turn took her back to the cafe where she gathered the audacity to march in without speaking to anyone and grabbed the vase off of the corner table.  It was still regular business hours so no one had really noticed her as she weaved in and out of people in line.  

 

She turned off her headlights when she pulled in the driveway, hoping that she wouldn’t be spotted and could go upstairs right away without being seen.  The last thing she needed right now was to get the third degree or worse, see Christen.  The door was already unlocked to her side of the house and she leapt up the steps two at a time, shutting and locking the door as quickly as possible.  Lifting her back that was rested against the heavy door, her bed was the only stop she made in the room, throwing the covers over her body as she silently sobbed face down into the pillows.  The tears were unstoppable as the vision in her head of how it all was supposed to go replayed in her head.  Where had she gone wrong?  Did she overestimate the relationship?  Was this just like Shirley and was Christen saw her as simply an attraction and something to pass the time?   Maybe that was it; they didn’t see her as serious relationship material.   _ I didn’t speak up when Shirley wanted to end it.  I’m trying so hard with Christen and she still doesn’t seem to want this.  Nothing works, it must just be me.    _ Now she felt herself in a tough spot, realizing that Christen wouldn’t just leave like Shirley.  They occupied the same living space and despite being on the other side, they would have to see each other.

 

She evened her breathing out, trying to regain her composure just in time for a knock to come at the door.  She ignored the first two until  she heard Julie called her name.  “Tobin I can see your light on.  Can I come in for a second, please?”

 

“No.”  She yelled into her pillow, muffling her voice. 

 

“Please?  It’ll just take a minute! I have to ask you something.”  

 

“I said no.”   _ What is it with people not listening to me when I say no? _

 

Julie started to jiggle the doorknob.  “Something is wrong with Christen.  Did something happen at dinner?  Kelley said you went out together.”

 

She froze and her eyes were dried instantly.  “Give me a minute.”   _ What happened to Christen? _

_ Is she hurt?   _ Tobin pulled her hair up into bun after wiping her cheeks dry in the mirror, all the horrible things that could have happened running through her mind.  _  She put her head down and stepped into the hallway where Julie stood against the wall.  “What happened, Tobin?” _

 

“Where is she,” she asked, ignoring the question.  “She’s in the bathtub.”  It wasn’t exactly the place she had imagined but she lead the way anyway.  At the top of the second floor steps, Ali sat outside the closed door, Christen’s sobs audible through on the other side.  The sound ripped through her heart; it was easily the worst sound she had ever heard and possibly in the world.  She let her own body slide down the wall, sitting with her knees to her pulled into her chest, her head resting to the side on top of them.  Julie and Ali exchanged a look before gently asking, “Tobin what’s going on?”  

 

She wasn’t prepared to even begin to try to answer that question because truthfully, she didn’t know.  Luckily, she was saved from answering the question when she heard her own name come from Christen’s mouth.  “I want Tobin.” 

 

Her head shot up off of her knees and in the direction of the door.   _ I have to go in there.  She wants me.   _ It was going to be incredibly hard to face the girl who she just poured her heart out to only to be rejected in a crowd of strangers, but hearing those words gave her a small piece of hope.  She took a few deep breaths in and out before standing on her wobbly legs, her eyes closed as she regained her strength. _   Do not break down.  Go in and see what she needs and hold it together.   _ She built up the nerve to take a few steps forward and slowly open the door.  

 

There she was, small and frail looking on the bathroom floor with a towel barely covering her beautiful tanned skin.  Makeup stained her cheeks and her hair was wildly wet, plastered to Kelley’s shirt which was now stained with water.  It was a sight no one should have ever had to see and one that would be painted in her memory forever.  She gestured with her head for Kelley to move, that she wanted to be the one to hold Christen.  When she pulled her body against her own she couldn’t believe how cold it was.  Christen nuzzled her way under her chin and they sat for a while, leaning against each other.  She was hoping that Christen couldn’t feel the tears streaming onto the top of her head but since her hair was wet, the possibility was slim.   _ I did this to her.  I yelled at her and I laid all of my feelings out, pushing her to declare her own.  WHY did I do this?   _ From beneath her, she couldn’t hear anything but the steady thumping of Christen’s heart against her chest told her she was okay.  The icy feeling of her skin and the draft entering from under the older bathroom door was increasingly uncomfortable.    _ She has to put clothes on but I don’t want to let her go.  _ Christen’s room was across the hall and despite how tired she was,  Tobin let her know she was going to pick her up. 

 

It took a lot of effort but she managed to get them both up, Christen’s arms wrapped around her neck.  She shuffled into the bedroom, placing her gently onto the bed and tucking the towel secure because even in her vulnerable state, she was beautiful to look at and Tobin couldn’t trust her own eyes.

 

In the now illuminated room, the off white dresser she found a thick pair grey pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt she’d seen Christen lounge in before to go along with it.  It was too much to manage at the time so she decided to forego underwear or a bra and she knelt down to cover Christen. Carefully, with a little help from her, she rolled the sweatpants up the toned girl’s legs, entrapping them with warmth.  When she sat up straighter to tuck them underneath her,  their eyes locked as she moved up towards her torso, making her think this wasn’t the girl she had come to know and adore.  She looked empty inside, detatched and it was completely heartbreaking to Tobin. The usual green pool of heaven she was lucky enough to look into was now gray like a cloudy day and stormy skies.  She finished by pulling the t-shirt over over her body without breaking eye contact, trying to reach her without words.  _  She needs to lay down and sleep, she looks worn out and so empty.    _ Tobin got to her own feet and watched Christen turn on her side, facing away from her. The visual of her eyes leaving her own broke her into a million pieces.  Letting Christen slip away wasn’t something she was prepared to do so after turning off the lights she crawled in the bed behind her, pulling her now warmer body against her own.

 

The way Christen fit into the curve of her body was perfect.  It didn’t matter her wet hair was sticking against her own shirt and chest because the rest of her body was overheating and if taking that little bit of cold away from Christen helped, it was worth it.  Tobin picked up the girls delicate hand and laced their fingers together.  She could feel Christen’s fingertips curl under own, letting her know that the gesture was ok.   _ Now this is how I imagined tonight would end up, just very different circumstances led us here. _  They laid in the darkness together but it wasn’t long before the steady breathing of Christen picked up signaling that she was finally asleep.  

 

Sleep wasn’t going to come easy to Tobin, who had a million thoughts and emotions running through her body.  It had never felt so right to be next to someone; holding their hand and caring for them.  At the time time, she knew Christen wasn’t the person she usually was and this was likely a moment of desperation; it wouldn’t last.  Now she was left with two choices, neither being the easy one.  She could stay here with Christen until morning when she woke and try to fix the situation in a calm manner with an apology and rational re-do of her speech.  Or, she could go and let Christen come to her when she was ready.  

 

If she stayed, she feared there would be nothing different come dawn and Christen would reject her all over again, telling her that Shirley was the right choice and she wasn’t.  If she went, could she trust her instincts that although she’d caused her pain by yelling at her she would try to talk about what happened? 

 

It was so confusing.  Christen had told her right out that she should work it out with Shirley but the look in her eyes reflected that she was visibly upset.  Then she ran out but didn’t even put up a fight when Tobin said she was done. All she needed to know was whether Christen wanted her even a fraction as badly as she was wanted.  

 

Hours of going back and forth in her head tortured her.  _  I was wrong, _ she concluded.   _ I handled this so, so wrong.  I should have followed her and never walked away.  She has to feel something for me and as much as it might hurt to hear or know it might not be as much as I like her, I can’t let her go.  I’m staying.  I’m going to apologize and ask for a re-do.  There has to be a reason she said that about Shirley and I’m going to find out.   If she’s scared about this, that’s ok.  I won’t push her, I’ll do anything she wants.   _

 

She got a few hours of sleep before her eyes popped up, trying to orient themselves to the unfamiliar surroundings.  Christen was still asleep in the same position, tucked safely underneath her arms.  Tobin peeked up and over her shoulders to see her feathery eyelashes tightly closed.  She played with her hair with her free hand, but still no movement.  Stealthily moving away from their warm embrace, Tobin checked the time: 8:12.  They had their Monday class in about an hour and although she wanted to skip it, she knew Christen was a stickler for both attendance and punctuality.   _  I’ll go get changed and then come back to wake her.   _

  
  


She tiptoed out of the room, running into Kelley before heading through the common room.  “What’s going on?  Is she okay?”  she whispered.  

 

Tobin shrugged her shoulders.  “She’s still asleep.  I’ll go check on her in a few minutes and get her up for class.  What do you think she wants for breakfast?  Coffee?  Eggs?  A smoothie?”  The look in Kelley’s eyes was one of pity.  “Tobin,” she said softly.  “I know you’re coming from a good place but after whatever that was last night, I don’t think getting up and going to class like normal is the answer.”  

 

Maybe she was right, but Tobin didn’t want to let an opportunity to be there for her slip away.  “What should I do then?”  Never had she asked anyone for this type of advice and in the moment she felt so raw and a little helpless.

 

Kelley thought about it and then told her, “Let her sleep.  Why don’t you go to class, take notes for her because I know she be upset to miss class but she needs it.  I’m here in the afternoon before practice so I’ll make sure she gets something to eat.” 

 

Tobin let the idea of leaving her for the day register.  It wasn’t what she really wanted to do, but Kelley knew her best and if she thought that letting her sleep was the right choice, she would trust that.

 

“Are you going to tell me what happened,”  Kelley questioned.

 

Sighing, Tobin shook her head.  “I don’t even know where to start.  I’m still trying to figure it out myself.”  It was a coy answer to Kelley, but she didn’t push any further.  Tobin retreated upstairs to her own room, foregoing a shower to change and get her stuff ready for the long Monday ahead.  Class, workout, class, lunch, practice.  She’d give Christen the day to have some space but if she wanted her again, she’d drop whatever it was and come running.   _ Tomorrow,  _ she thought, _ I’m going to talk to her again. _

 

_ ……. _

 

_ Tuesday. _  Tobin wracked her brain while laying bed, trying to think about what type of schedule Christen had for the day.  She wanted to text her but figured it probably wasn’t the first thing she should say after seeing her lat.  All day on Monday she anxiously awaited a call, a text or knock on her door.  Every time her phone vibrated she lunged for it, expecting it to be Christen.   Nothing came, so today would have to be the day instead.   _ Does she have an early class?  Yes.  I think she’s usually up and gone by the time I’m awake. _  Her own classes didn’t start until 10:00, so she got a quick shower and ready for the day by 7:30.  _  I think she has an 8 am.  Shoot, where at. _ _ Well since she’s a psych major most of her classes are all in the same buildings so I’ll just hang around there. _

 

Tobin grabbed a coffee for them both on the way, silently cursing Christen for having such an early start to her day. She got to Howell shortly before 8:00, hoping to see her but in the sea of early risers, she couldn’t spot her.  Instead, she saw Ali walking with her head down towards her.  “Hey, Ali.”

 

“Tobin?”  Her face twisted in confusion.  “What are you doing out this early?  You don’t have class, do you?”  

 

Shuffling her feet Tobin held up the coffees, hesitant to admit  “No.  I actually was hoping to catch Christen.”  __

 

“Oh,” Ali’s face brightened.  “You just missed her. I was a little worried about her but she looks great and says she’s okay.  I’m assuming everything is good between you two again?”  

 

_ She’s okay.   _ It was a small relief to Tobin, who was worried the ghost of the girl she knew would linger and she’d never quite get back the one she wanted.  But it also meant that she had decided not to come to her yesterday or this morning.  ALmost forgetting Ali had asked her a question, she snapped back.  “Uh, I don’t know.  But hey, thanks, I’ll see you at practice.”  Tobin spun around and headed back in the direction she came from.  _  Christen was okay, she isn’t upset.  Maybe I can talk to her now. _

 

It would have to wait for Wednesday since Tuesday was jammed pack and she knew the conversation wasn’t something that could be timed.   Out of pure exhaustion from the past two days, the sounds of her alarm barely registered to her brain.  After hitting snooze three times, she sprung out of bed.  _  Shoot, I’m going to be late and then I won’t be able to find a seat next to her.  _  Tobin used the dry shampoo in her bathroom and washed her face thoroughly.  She quickly applied a little blush and lip gloss to brighten her complexion and mascara to bring out her eyes.  Wishing she had more time to make herself attractive for Christen, she grabbed a pair of jeans and flannel shirt with a tan vest to go over top.  _  This will have to do for now,  _ she thought looking in the mirror.

 

Tobin raced into the lecture hall as the professor stated a quick good morning to his audience.  Her eyes scanned the usual section she and Christen sat in, but only saw the guys.   _ Not today, _ she thought.   _ Maybe she didn’t come again.   _ There were a few people behind her so she moved out of the aisle and down the back row about three seats in.  If she found her, she’d go where she was without hesitation.  The lights dimmed, making it harder for her to see when out of the corner of her eye sudden movement caught her eye.  There she was; Christen quickly sat in the first seat of the row.  Her hair cascaded down her back, pin straight and glossy.  Her side profile revealed natural makeup as her eyes were pointed to the bag she had dropped in front of her,  both hands reaching inside.  

 

The sight of a slightly discombobulated Christen made her smile.  She was used to the oh-so-prepared student who was attentive and intelligent, always engaged.  Tobin took the opportunity to help her out and possibly break the ice.  She stretched out to rap her pen on the desk.

 

“Thanks!” Christen  whispered as she turned towards Tobin.   

 

“Oh for the love of God” she said loudly, throwing a hand to her chest in surprise. It immediately sent a knife through Tobin’s heart, witnessing the negative effect her presence had on her.   Christen turned back forward and didn’t look over again.  Every nerve in Tobin’s body was trembling for the next hour, unable to concentrate, wounded from the reaction she had received.   When  the class was just about over, she saw Christen start to put everything back in her bag without a glance in her direction. _  I cannot let her go without talking to her.  _  “Christen, wait.”  Her hand lingered on the smooth skin, igniting a sense of urgency and want inside her.  Christen didn’t look, but she waited in her seat for Tobin to follow up on her request. 

 

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry.”  They were tough words to get out, but she did it, needing to know that Christen would at least forgive her for any of the pain she caused that night.  Waiting for a response was like sitting on pins and needles.  

 

“Why?”

 

_ She wants to know why I’m sorry? Or why I’m asking her if she’s okay?  _ She was prepared to tell her she was sorry for walking away from her and telling her she was done when it wasn’t even close to the truth.  But starting smaller and slower was bette _ r.   _   “The way I yelled at you like that, standing in the middle of a sidewalk for anybody to hear….I’m just really sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.  Tobin, I have to run but um, good luck this weekend.”  The response came so easily, so carefree.  Tobin had warned herself about this but here she was again, being rejected for a second time.  Christen didn’t want to talk to her; she wanted to do anything but that.  She watched her get up and walk out of the the auditorium, much like she had done in the restaurant a few days prior.  This time, Tobin didn’t go after her.


	15. Chapter 15

 

The house was empty again, only this time Christen wished it wasn’t.  She was taking Kelley’s advice very seriously and was putting together a plan to corner Tobin to finally explain her actions and reactions.  It was evident that Tobin wanted to talk to her about something when they sat down that night and she hadn’t even given her a chance.  She had no one to blame but herself for what was happening and it was up to her alone to fix it.

 

The only thing that was getting her through those 4 lonely days was the idea of seeing Tobin again.  Question was, where did she even begin?  It was just an assumption that Tobin would be open to listening to her and based on what she saw with Shirley, she shouldn’t be too confident that was the case.  An idea popped into her head.  _  We never seem to be able to have a conversation so maybe we should.  Maybe I should write it all down and give it to her that way nothing can be left unsaid and she can’t interrupt me.  _

 

It was genius. If it were her, there was no way she’d be able to ignore something written for her.  Even if she was upset or didn’t want to at first, she’d eventually get around to it because of her curiousity.  Grabbing a pen and paper, she made herself comfy on the common room couch, a fleece blanket draped over her lap and scribbled furiously.  A few hours later, a text broke her trance.

 

_ Kelley: Everything good at the house?   _

 

_ Christen: Yep! Good luck today! I’m going to watch. _

 

_ Kelley: Thanks.  How about what we talked about? _

 

_ Christen: Working on it as we speak. _

 

_ Kelley: Atta girl _

 

She got up to stretch and give herself a small break from all of the writing she had done.  There were lines crossed out and things starred in the draft, trying to make it sound as complete and perfect before calling it quits.  Somehow without realizing it, she had found her way up to Tobin’s bedroom door, standing in front of it.  _  She probably locked it before she left,  _ something the girls did just for safety when they were gone for long periods of time.  Trying the handle, it opened easily.  

 

It made her smile because of course Tobin would be one who didn’t lock her door, that would just be too precautionary for her.  She took a small step inside, studying all the little things she’d never noticed before like  on her white desk shelf was a row of small pictures, mostly made up of people she presumed to be family.  _  She looks just like her dad.   _ There was a picture of the three sisters where Tobin was the focal point, all of them smiling and laughing together which instantly pinged on her own heart, missing her own sisters way across the other side of the country.  At the end of the row in a silvery frame was one Christen had never seen before but remembered someone taking the night of the first party at the soccer guys’ house when they were at their own pregame. Christen had barely walked into the room from getting ready before they all huddled together to take a quick, their first,  roommate picture.  She was hunched over with her hands on her knees, smiling towards the camera.   _ Not a bad picture of me,  _ she thought.

 

Above her though, was what caught her eye.  It was Tobin standing behind her, not focused on the camera but instead on her below. The look on her face was pure admiration and she was biting her bottom lip with her teeth, a wide smile present.  It was adorable.   _ Remember to ask her for a copy of this. _

 

Christen continued to look, okay snoop, around Tobin’s room for anything that would give her clues on what to write but made sure she was too intrusive.  She laid on Tobin’s made bed, thinking back to when she spent some brief time there and hoped it wouldn’t be the last time she got the chance.  It was comfortable, smelling  of Tobin as the scent of her came through the pillow and she decided this was where should would write.   

 

It was weird, she knew it, but next two nights Christen barely left Tobin’s room.  It was nice being there, feeling close to Tobin as she worked out all the parts of her letter.  All in all, she thought it would do.  Before stuffing it an envelope she found in her own school supplies, she read it one last time for any additions or corrections. She could have easily type it but a handwritten note was seemed a little more personal and effort.

  
  


_ Tobin, _

 

_ Have you ever let something occupy your mind to the point where it overtakes your every thought, your every move?   _

 

_ This is normal for me.  I’m a worrier, not proudly of course, but it is who I am.  Once a thought enters my brain I weigh the pros and cons, the consequences and the rewards of it to determine it’s worth to my life.  I overanalyze, knowing full well I’ll make the safe decision to protect myself from anything negative. There aren’t many decisions I make lightly, but in the case of you, this is different. _

 

_ From day one (okay two, since you have to admit spilling coffee on me wasn’t the best first impression) you were an easy choice.  I’ve spent so long doing the safe thing or avoiding any type of relationship and now I know why, because none of them were anything real.  But you, you are so real.  Never have I felt so torn in this way in the presence of someone else - it’s like half of me is on fire, going crazy when you’re around.  The other half is calm, peaceful almost, knowing you are perfectly made just for me.   _

 

_ Ask me to describe or give a reason why and I can’t.  It’s nothing that you put into words easily or pinpoint a reason for.  I’ve tried understanding it myself (which is why it’s taken me this long to say anything), but nothing seems to be deserving enough.  All I know, Tobin, is the first time you kissed me I swear, I heard my heart tell me this was it.  This was the one I had been waiting for, the feeling I’d been searching for and the only one I would ever need.   _

 

_ I’m so sorry for running out on you that night in the restaurant.  You know how I said I was a worrier?  Prime example right there.  I let the events of the previous days build up and became so scared  that I was going to be without you, something I wasn’t ready to accept or face.  So I did it - I walked out on my own terms since that was much easier than allowing you to make the choice for me.  I should have realized that you wouldn’t have let that happen.  Never have I felt so safe and secure that night in my bathroom and again in my bed.  You, Tobin, are so kind and loving to me in the most subtle ways, something I surely don’t deserve right now but will accept in a heartbeat if you’re open to it. _

_ The bottom line  is, I don’t care what happened between you and anyone before me.  If there is something I need to know or a piece of you that needs to be healed, I trust you and your judgement.  All I’m asking is that you’ll consider giving me a second chance to show you everything I’m saying.  I only care about the future and I’m hoping I can be apart of yours because there is nothing I want more than for you to be apart  of mine.   _

 

_ I don’t know if these words are coming too late or my method of delivery is wrong, but I hope you’ll hear me.  Should we start over again?  If so, my name is Christen Press and although we’ve just met, I am sure that I’m already helplessly in love with you. _

 

_ Christen _

  
  


It was short and sweet, right ot the point.  She looked at the four pages she’d ended up scrapping because they almost seemed like repetitive graveling.  If Tobin wanted to hear more about why she wouldn’t talk to her at the restaurant or in the auditorium after class, they could have that conversation face to face and she would answer any questions she had.  What mattered most right now was that she could read how Christen really felt about her without being interrupted or her losing the words as they came out.  With a lick of an envelope, her words were sealed and it seemed like her fate was too.  She carefully put Tobin’s name on the front and looked around the room for the perfect place to put it, opting for the shelf with all the pictures, right in the middle.  Giving it to her by hand would be too nerve wrecking, so she would leave it and then allow Tobin to come to her when she was ready.   She straightened the bright pink envelope and gave herself a silent pat on the back before leaving.  

 

That night, she decided to sleep in her own bed, away from the letter just so she wouldn’t be tempted to rip it open and add anything to it.  Already she missed the scent of Tobin on the pillow where her head rested, but fingers crossed, she’d have it every night from there on out.  It was like Christmas Eve knowing that she’d be home tomorrow to find it and Christen could hardly wait.

 

…...

  
  


Her warm coffee was in her hands and an empty bowl o with a few residuals of oatmeal were beside her on the common room couch, all curled up to watch her roommate’s game.  She had wanted to text Tobin and wish her good luck but as far as the girl knew, Christen was still avoiding her.  She herself felt better about the whole situation since writing the letter but would have to wait until Tobin returned to learn the other side.  

 

The girls cruised to an easy 3-0 win over Kansas, Tobin both scoring the second and third goals of the game.  Although she had played  really well, it was still easy for Christen to see that spark missing even when Kelley jumped on her back to celebrate the final goal. The girls had complained that because South Carolina was seeded 2nd in the bracket and they were 3rd, they had home field advantage for the second and third rounds, something they weren’t used to.  But a victory over the home team would mean they were on to the quarterfinals and would have home field advantage for that against BYU.  What this all meant for her was a shortened (and early) trip to Georgia with Kelley, leaving right after practice on Tuesday morning and then back for a team event Thanksgiving evening. Still, it would be nice to leave campus for a while and spend some time with her friend.

 

Christen paced back and forth through the house, waiting for the girls to arrive.  Five hours post-game was a lot of time to kill so she found little things to keep her occupied; cleaning out the refrigerator, vacuum under the cushions of the common room couch, polish all of her fall boots, take an extra long shower to double condition.  Around 9 o’clock she peered through the front windows, looking for headlights when she heard some commotion outside that sent her running to her side of the house’s kitchen to make it look like she was busy and not waiting for them to return.  

 

She was tying together a nearly full trashbag when Ali and Kelley walked in.  “Oh, hi guys,” she said coolly, as if she had no idea they would be home.  

 

“Hey! What’s up?” Kelley returned.  

 

Christen waved her hand around, “just doing some Cinderella work before the holidays. Congratulations on the wins by the way,” she offered, trying to change the subject.  It was hard to concentrate on what they were chattering about as she heard noise coming from the common room.  She started to overheat, wondering if Tobin was on the other side of the wall. Trying not to be obvious, she grabbed the trashbag with her right hand and started to walk towards the front of the house past the common room door, glancing to the left to spot her girl.  There she was, surrounded by Allie and Alex who were emptying their suitcases and pulling out laundry to do.  Thank goodness none of them noticed her because in all her distraction, she bumped into Julie who she hadn’t noticed coming inside and cutting through their living room.

 

“Whoa,” she said, bag bouncing off of Julie’s legs and into her own body.  “Sorry Jules, didn’t see you.”  She heard a snicker come from the kitchen and didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was coming from.  Continuing her chore, she decided she’d pop her head in the room on her way back to say hello and congratulations.  

 

She leaned against the open doorframe and watched Tobin finish making neat piles on the ground.  Allie, who had gone along for the trip separately, stood overtop of her waiting to be handed the sorted gear.  “Hi guys, congratulations on the big wins.”  Tobin’s head lifted in her direction so she flashed her best smile as their eyes connected.  “Thanks, did you watch?” she heard Alex say.   But she couldn’t break the gaze focused on the eyes she had missed so badly.  “Yep,” she replied without every looking  away. Tobin broke first, looking back down at her pile and then handing it off to Allie before coming back to the staring match.  She gave a soft smile before getting to her feet and going about the rest of her unpacking, so Christen retreated back to her side of the house to talk with Kelley.

 

“Everything good?” her freckled friend asked in hushed tones.  

 

Her best reassuring smile was situated on her face as she nodded.  “Good.”  It took a lot of strength not to shout across the room to Tobin, “GO LOOK IN YOUR ROOM” but she waited each roommate out until they individually made their way to get ready for bed or whatever it was they wanted to do.   _ They have to be exhausted,  _ she thought.  When Kelley went upstairs and she was alone on her side of the house, she crept into the common room and listened at the bottom of the other side’s stairs.  Did she hear footsteps in Tobin’s room?  Was the shower running?  Yes, it was.  Is it her in there?  It was all so overwhelming so she took a step back and promised herself to relax until Tobin came to her.  Either way, whether the note would be welcomed or not, she would be ready to face fate knowing she had put herself out there and tried her best.

 

Christen laid awake on her back in the darkness of her bedroom, not a creature or sound to be heard.  The minutes rolled by  and when she realized it was 11:30, she knew Tobin wouldn’t be coming for her tonight.  Tomorrow, and technically Tuesday although it was common knowledge that most people would skip their classes for an early holiday (including professors), was the last day before break so they had a quiz in their 9:15 class.  Tobin probably wanted to get some rest or do some last minute studying and she had to respect that.  Still, it wouldn’t hurt to check in on her in the morning she concluded.

 

Monday morning arrived and she was up early, reviewing her homemade flash cards while she curled her hair, sitting cross legged on the floor.  She wanted to look her best when she saw Tobin this morning just in case it was a day, or moment, to remember.  When she thought her look was perfected, she made her way to the kitchen and prepared two coffees to-go, skim milk for Tobin, almond for her, and then sat waiting in the common room for her to emerge from her side of the house.

 

8:55 a.m.  Christen started to worry that Tobin had either left already or wasn’t coming.  It was a general rule that if you were more than a couple minutes late for the start time of the class, you wouldn’t be able to complete any type of assessment that was being given.  _  Should I go upstairs and check? What do I say?   _ The clunking of footsteps coming down slowly interrupted her thoughts. Tobin’s hair was pulled back in a soft braid and she had a pair of joggers with a sweatshirt and Nikes on, looking extra comfortable, warm and snuggly.   _ Hmm, I could definitely take a nap with that after class. _

 

She rose to her feet, overly excited at the sight of her, wanting to hear her every thought about the note.  She held a coffee in her outstretched hand, offering it as a consolation for having to get up so early.  “Morning, Tobin!”  Her voice was bright and cheery, likely catching her off-guard based on the confused look she had on her face.  “Morning,” she hesitantly returned.  “Is this for me?”  

 

Christen nodded enthusiastically.  “Yeah, I thought you could use on before our quiz today since you didn’t really get home til late last night.”  Tobin’s eyes went round, her eyebrows perking up into her forehead.  “Quiz,” she whispered.  It was obvious that she had either forgotten or not realized they had one so Christen quickly came to her rescue, “don’t panic.  I’ll review with you on the way to class.  Come on!”  

 

She took out her flashcards from her bag and  they slowly started the ten minute walk to class.  Although she was extremely nervous to be in the presence of Tobin without a mention of the note, it was nice just to be together without the sight of any tears or yelling.  “Ok, so it’s really all about the origin of mortality and it seems like you have that down pat,” Christen assured her.  “You’ll be fine and if you need to come up with some kinda of cheating code let me know now so I can practice,” she joked.  

 

Tobin looked up for the first time in her direction and nodded. “Thanks, Chris, I appreciate it.”  

 

They only had about 500 more yards to go before they would enter their hall and her palms were glistening from the perspiration as result of her anxiety.   _ Do I say something?  She doesn’t seem mad or annoyed with me.   _ She could feel Tobin still looking back and forth between the ground and her still, maybe thinking of something to say herself.  “Something wrong?” she boldly asked.

 

Tobin’s pace slowed even further as she jammed her free hand into the pockets of her black pants.  “This is going to sound really weird, but were you in my room while I was gone?”

 

Christen felt the blood rush out of her face and lump form in her throat.   _ Yes, I spent all weekend in there but she can’t know that.  As far as she knows I was only there to put the note on the shelf.  Why didn’t she just mention that?  Play if off.   _

 

“Why?”

 

Tobin’s eyes darted back towards the pavement, her body twitching ever so slightly as she walked.  “I, uh...Just last night when I was in my room getting ready for bed it was like I could smell you everywhere, like I could smell the perfume you usually wear, you know the citrusy one in the little pink bottle you carry?”   _ She knows my perfume. _

 

_ S _ he wanted to laugh and admit to her that she’d been caught, but time didn’t allow her to get into all of that.  “Hmm, weird,” she replied without giving a definitive answer.  “Maybe it just is still in your sheets or something.”  Her free hand opened the door for Tobin, who went inside first but not until after she told her, “Well, it was nice.”

 

……………

 

She finished the quiz in record time.  Looking over before she handed it in up front, she saw Tobin writing what she presumed to be the short open-ended answers in the middle of the quiz.  She could wait outside for her to be done, but it also meant she would have less time to review for her presentation for her late class today.  Figuring she had a workout schedule like usual, it wouldn’t be smart to stick around for Tobin, so she cleared her throat obviously as she walked past their row and gave an encouraging smile and thumbs up.  Tobin reciprocated the smile and threw in a small wave.  

 

The cold air on the cloudy day was brutal the California girl so she tried thinking warm thoughts of Tobin as she crossed campus towards the library.  It was going to be another hellish day of torture waiting to hear from her so again she busied herself until she was free for the rest of the week.  Her presentation had gone smoothly and she expected a decent score on her quiz; Tobin was the only thing to check off on her good-mood to-do list.   _ I’ll go home and just tell her there’s something for her upstairs if she hasn’t seen it.  If she did read it, I’ll just say okay and see if she wants to say anything about it. _

 

When she got home though, her heart sank deep into her stomach.  Only Alex was there, sitting in the middle of the common room watching some trashy reality tv show while binging on ice cream right out of the carpet.  “Everything good with you, Alex?” she wondered aloud.

 

“I’m having a pity party.  No family for me this Thanksgiving.”  Christen understood the pain of having to miss out on things being far across the country from her own family so she consoled her as best she could given the circumstances.  Kelley might not have been able to extend the invite to Alex too, so she couldn’t even suggest that.  “What about Tobin and Allie? What are their plans?”  It had dawned on her that she and Tobin never had the chance to even discuss their plans when Alex crushed her with a few words.  “Oh Tobin already left.  Her cousin picked up a little bit ago to go to her family’s house for a few days.”

 

“Oh.”  Tobin had left without saying a word about the note.  Suddenly, she couldn’t have cared less if Alex was left alone eating a turkey bone from the floor of the common room on Thursday and wanted to go up to the room to see if the note had even been opened.  

 

“I hope you two work it out, whatever is going on,” Alex commented.  It took her by surprise, although she did recall Kelley mentioning that they all had a bet going between them.  “Thanks,” Christen genuinely said.  “I do too.” This was the perfect opportunity to excuse herself to see if Tobin had opened the note but she didn’t want Alex to see her go upstairs. _  Think of an excuse. C’mon, you’re a smart girl.  “ _ Bummer she left, I gave her my flash cards for our philosophy class and wanted to get them back.  Maybe they’re on her desk, I’ll go look quickly.”  

 

She didn’t wait to see if Alex bought it or not because if it were her, there was no way she’d believe anyone cared that much about getting back a stack of flashcards.  She bolted upstairs, this time seeing that Tobin’s door wasn’t even completely closed and pushed it open to focus her attention towards the place she had strategically left her note.  There it was untouched, still sealed.   _ How did she miss it?   _ On one hand she was encouraged that Tobin was welcoming of her this morning, not having read it.  The other part of her was extremely disappointed to have to go three more days before she would get the chance to read it and put her out of her misery.

 

_ The envelope was placed back on the shelf in it’s original safe spot and she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her this time.  There was nothing left to do this time but pack and try to enjoy her time away. _

 

_ …….  _

 

Kelley’s family was so welcoming of her in their home.  She had seen them occasionally during their time at Stanford and their energy was just what she needed to distract her from the thought of Tobin _.  T-minus 8 hours until we’re all back in Chapel Hill.  _  Then it would be really showtime because there was no way she was going to let this drag out any longer _.   _

 

With a full stomach and car, the girls were on their way back to the house.  The soccer girls had a team dinner and walk through at 6:30 for their match on Saturday but it was nice that they were afforded at least a little bit of a break between games.  Kelley hummed along to the radio as she played on her phone, nothing in particular catching her attention.

 

“So.  What’s the plan now?” she asked.  Christen looked up from her phone, unsure of what her friend meant.  “We stay on this road for a while I think?”

 

Kelley laughed, “no.  I meant with Tobin.  You said you were putting a plan together since I said you needed one for after we were back.”  _  Ah, that plan. _

 

She felt a little uncomfortable telling anyone exactly what she had done, especially if Tobin didn’t react the way she hoped.  Advertising that rejection might be too much to handle, so she skated her way around an explanation.  “I did put one together.  We’ll see what happens.”   Kelley wasn’t going to let her off that easy.  “Oh come on! Haven’t I been supportive?  Don’t I deserve to know?” she coaxed.

 

Giggling, Christen couldn’t disagree with that assessment.  “Yes you have been.  And I mean it when I say it’s meant a lot to me.  But for now, can I keep it to myself?”  Kelley  smiled and nodded, “sure.”

 

A few hours later they were back and Christen immediately looked towards the other driveway.  Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Tobin’s car parked there but then remembered she hadn’t driven herself - she would just have to hang in suspense until she was inside.  The rest of the driveways were full meaning everyone else was there, making them one of the last to arrive.  

 

Christen helped out and grabbed a few bags Kelley’s mom insisted on sending back with them, her mind already on the leftovers for the next days.  The house was warm and loud as soon as she stepped over the threshold.  Peeking her head inside of the common room, she saw all of the roommates were there - except Tobin.  She put the leftovers in their designated spot before joining them on the couch.

 

Swapping stories and picking through chocolates that Ali had brought back with her from her time with Ashlyn’s family, she started to relax.  The girls had to leave soon for their event but there was still no sign of the one she wanted to walk through the door.  Almost on cue, she saw a figure buzz past them and rush up the stairs. “Tobin?” Alex called without turning around.

 

“I’m late!” she yelled.  “Let me change and I’ll be right down.”   _ I guess it’ll have to wait, again, until later tonight _ Christen rationalized.  There was no way that now that Tobin would get a chance to read the letter.  She got up and started to tidy the room, picking up the empty wrappers collected on the floor and folding the pillows and blankets.  “You don’t have to do that,” Allie told her.

 

“I know, I just like everything to look organized,” she replied.  Some of the girls started to help her while others savored their last few minutes lounging in their post-meal haze.  After a few minutes she had completely forgotten that Tobin had gone upstairs and now she was standing at the bottom of the steps, staring at her.  Christen straightened her body upright, scared of her expression and noticing the pink envelope dangling from her left hand.  It was like she had run into a brick wall and the air had been knocked out of her lungs, waiting for Tobin to move or say something.  Tobin walked slowly at first then moved quicker as she approached Christen.

 

She was waiting for her to say something but the only thing she was met with was the force of Tobin’s body coming into hers, her arms wrapping around her back to support her from falling backwards  Her silky lips engrossed her own, tasting of a mix peppermint and vanilla.  This was what she was waiting for; it was everything she wanted.  Christen’s entire body melted into Tobin’s support, her eyes relaxing as she returned the kiss.  Her mouth twitched with a smile, as if a secret hovered behind those full, sensuous lips over own, and the tease of Tobin’s body triggered her pulse. She felt a cool pair of hands cupping the sides of her jaw, caressing her skin and providing an electricity in her veins.

 

A round of cheers and clapping from their witnesses brought her body back to reality as Tobin pulled away first.   She stared into her once again sparkling eyes, her body still quivering from the quick encounter. Closing her eyes again, she sagged against Tobin’s chest, too stunned to move and too shaken to care.  She felt Tobin lift her chin upward to re-focus her attention before telling her, “I have to go now but we’ll talk when I get back.”  Christen could only shake her head as she was gently let go.  Tobin backed away, unable to avert her attention until she absolutely had to but even then, she took one last look back and gave the most brilliant smile she’d ever seen.

 

Christen stood still, watching the scene come to an end with an massive grin on her face.  Before the door closed, Kelley turned back and said, “okay, now I HAVE to know what this secret plan was.”


	16. Chapter 16

 

She had to wait three whole hours before Tobin would return.  It was becoming routine that they were pulled away from each other at the most inopportune times, so she thought she’d be used to it by now but it didn’t make it any easier.  She could guess from the kiss exactly what Tobin thought of her note but words would be so much more helpful in calming her.

 

Did she stay in the common room and wait for them all to come in?  Should she go up to her room and let Tobin come up to her?  These thoughts all swirled in her head, causing way more anxiety than they should have.  Realizing that she didn’t have to second her guess herself, a simple text to Tobin fixed it.

 

_ Christen:  Do you want to stay here and talk?  Go somewhere? _

 

_ Tobin: Mind if we just go to my room?  I want to shower first. _

 

_ Christen: That’s fine! I’ll come up when you’re ready. _

 

_ Tobin: Be home in about 45 minutes, my door is already unlocked. _

 

Christen took the opportunity to freshen up to kill some time, wanting to look her best when Tobin returned.  She hopped in the shower with her hair pulled back into a tight bun so it wouldn’t get wet and started to rub every square inch of her body with her beachy scented body wash.  Her legs were a bit prickly from her lack of shaving the past week so she lathered some shaving cream and went to work.  Suddenly, it hit her.  She and Tobin had never ventured past a point of small touches and kissing.  Was there a reason to think that Tobin would expect more than that tonight?  Or soon? It freaked her out a little, not for a lack of wanting  but just because she never been down that path before.  All her past trysts were with guys while Tobin was...experienced.  _  Do I tell her this? Or do I just let it happen and go from there? _

 

She finished in the shower, stepping out feeling like a whole new (and clean) woman.  Her hair was wavy once it was released from the hair tie holding it back and it looked voluminous, sexy even.  She brushed her teeth vigorously while allowing her moisturizer to settle in so she could apply just a hint of natural makeup.  

 

When it was all said and done, she felt confident and pretty pleased with her effort.  Tobin’s earlier text seemed like an invitation to go ahead up to her room, so she walked over that way contemplating how to greet her.   _ Where should I sit _ , she thought.  _  I could turn the TV on and lay in her bed.  No, that’s making myself too comfortable.  I could just sit on the desk chair and wait.  No, too Sopranos. _  She filled the room with light with just one flick of the switch and decided she’d just sit on the edge of the bed.  It wasn’t too long before she heard noise downstairs and her heart accelerated pumps as feet thumped over the hardwood floors.

 

“Christen?”  Tobin was calling her name, obviously the one coming up the stairs.  She got to her feet.  “Yeah?”

 

Tobin pushed the door the whole way open and stood so their bodies were squared across from one another.  She quickly shut it tightly behind her, a ‘click’ softly echoing through the room.  Just like hours earlier, they didn’t say a word but instead found themselves tangled in one another with more passion, more urgency.  Christen’s hands snaked up the side of Tobin’s torso and around her front to link behind her neck, pulling her inward to get a second taste.  Tobin whimpered underneath the contact, opening her mouth to give full access to explore which Christen willingly took, running the tip of her tongue over top of Tobin’s.  She could smell the faint mixture of holiday food and sweat as a result of what had kept them apart but oddly enough it was such a turn on. Christen started to pull back, knowing that as perfect as this was that talking had to happen.  Tobin wasn’t having it, pulling her tightly back in by the small of her back and continuing to run her lips overtop of her own.

 

“Tobin,” she breathed in between kisses.  But _ t _ he rest of her words were lost against Tobin’s mouth. She kissed her more gently now, carefully.  She groaned softly, low in her throat as the arms that were previously circled around her fell away.  Christen leaned back to notice the eyes looking intently into her own, They were perfectly big, perfectly something. She nudged her nose against the side of Tobin’s cheek as her eyelids stuck together. She wanted to open them, she wanted to see every emotion running through Tobin at that time but feared opening them would end this moment she had dreamed of.

“Let’s talk,” Tobin told her, pulling at her hand to sit down on the bed.  

“Did you want to shower first?” Christen asked, recalling the reason why Tobin had suggested they talk in her room.  She was rewarded with a heart melting smile and soft peck to her lips.  “I’d rather talk to you but if you want me to shower first, I can.”

“No,” Christen quickly assured her, “I want to talk, too.”  She sat down on top of the white down comforter, legs criss-crossed and mirroring Tobin.  “So, where do we start?” 

“I think my first question for you is, why didn’t you tell me that you were upset about everything?  I had no idea and I want you to be able to tell me things.”  Christen put her head down in shame, knowing that she should have spoken sooner to avoid the mountain of heartache they both had felt.  “I don’t know, I’ve never done any of this before.  I convinced myself that you wanted to be with Shirley and I wasn’t good enough for you. You were upset when you came to me the night you two talked and I thought you went back to bed with her until Kelley told me you didn’t and -    
  


“Wait,” Tobin interrupted her rambling.  “You actually thought I would spend the night with her?”  Her eyes were wide, disbelief pouring through them.  

“No!” Christen yelped.  “Well, I mean no but, yes.  At that moment I talked myself into thinking that you could have.”  Tobin grabbed ahold of her knees resting in front of her to emphasize her point, “Christen I would never, ever do that.  Not to you, not to anyone.  It’s just not who I am.”  

“I know,” she truthfully assured her.  “I know that now looking at it with a calm mindset.  I’m so sorry.”  It was taking a lot of effort not to cry, something she refused to do anymore in the presence of Tobin.   _ Happy thoughts now.   _ “And for everything else, too.  The night in the bathroom, how I treated you in class, just everything.  I was so scared.”

“I was nervous, too” Tobin quietly offered.  Christen snorted, “yeah, right.  Tobin Heath, the effortlessly cool girl who doesn’t let anything bother her except for maybe Kelley O’Hara.”  She didn’t get a smile or laugh at her joke.   Instead, Tobin dropped her gaze to her lap.  “I was serious when I said I never do this. I’ve never actively pursued someone else so every time I asked you to go somewhere or  do something with me, I was a bundle of nerves.  But it wasn’t like I was scared of the rejection in general, I was just scared that if you said no it meant I couldn’t have you and that was terrifying. So at dinner when you stormed out I was shocked because I thought we were on the same page and what you said was all out of left field.”

“I know,” Christen rushed to say.  “And it wasn’t even how I really felt.  I mean what I wrote, Tobin.  I just couldn’t get it out on the spot that night.  I do want to be with you.”  The sentiment wasn’t returned immediately, but a smile and small laugh escaped Tobin’s lips.  “What?” she asked in response.“If you would have only sat still for two minutes more that night, we’d already be together,” the girl chuckled.  “What do you mean?” Christen questioned.

And then Tobin told her everything.  “After the game I had a few errands to run and that’s why I was late to meet you.”  She saw Tobin pause herself and the wheels turning in her head.  “Actually, no.  You want me to be honest with you right?  Well Shirley somehow found me after the game and begged to have a few minutes more to talk even though I was telling her no over and over.  Nothing happened, I swear.”

“I trust you,” Christen confirmed.  Tobin kept going, “so I got a late start to the plan I had.  I went to the flower shop then to the cafe where we first ‘met’” she laughed, giving air quotes to the word met.  “I had set up a little post-dinner date so we could kinda make this thing official.”  

Tears brimmed Christen’s eyes as she listened to the story.  “What’s wrong?” Tobin asked, eyes full of concern and reaching out to keep them from spilling down her perfectly made up cheeks. She felt so guilty that Tobin had gone through all that trouble and in an instant she’d screwed it all up because of her own insecurities.  “I’m sorry, I ruined it.”  Instantly, she swallowed up by Tobin’s arms and threw her head against her neck.  “Don’t be sorry.  We’ll have plenty more chances to do stuff like that and I’m sure I’ll screw them up here and there too.”   _ She’s too good to me.   _

“So you want to make this an official thing?” she whispered against Tobin’s warm body.  She pulled back just enough to find a pool of gold and brown eyeing her.  “Of course I do. I know we have more to learn about each other but that’s the fun part” she smirked.  Christen felt her body go numb, wondering if she meant what had run through her mind earlier in the shower.  It must have shown on her face because Tobin  ducked her head as if to read her thoughts.  “Is it too quick for you?”   

“No,” Christen said honestly.  “I just…” her voice trailed off, gaining the courage to let her inside her mind.  “I’ve never dated a girl before, heck I’ve barely dated guys!  It’s all so new to me so can we kinda take it slow?”  Tobin tenderly stroked her hair, “I will do whatever, be whatever you want, Christen.  I have nothing but time.”  

The words ignited something deep in and the only way she could respond was by showing her. They kissed again and this time it felt so familiar to her. The pressure of their lips was perfect, their movements almost memorized. Christen’s body  disintegrated against the touch of Tobin’s fingers working through her hair, pulling it back into a makeshift ponytail to guide her head as they explored each other’s mouths;  fast and  hard then long and slow. She shifted onto her knees, using her weight to push Tobin backwards on the bed underneath her, arms curled around her neck.  They never broke the kiss as Christen straddled Tobin’s flattened body, small moans coming from deep in her throat.  

Tobin pushed her upwards, breaking their rapid pace.  “We have to stop. You just said let’s take it slow and if we go for another minute I won’t be able to control myself.”  She seriously considered saying she didn’t care but the small voice in the back of her brain told her it was for the best.  She laid a soft kiss on Tobin’s cheek, “thank you.”  

“Okay, shower time. Cold shower time,” Tobin kidded.  “But do you want to sleep here tonight?  We can sleep in since I don’t have to be at practice until the afternoon.”  It was everything Christen had hoped for so she nodded enthusiastically.  “Yes!”  She was rewarded with a peck on the lips as Tobin got up, giving her free reign of the comfy bed.  She watched her collect an extra pair of pajamas before heading into the bathroom, stripping free of her socks and shirt to throw in the laundry basket.  Before she left, Tobin turned around and smiled.  “Hey Chris?”

“Yeah?”

“Me too.”  She didn’t have to ask what she was talking about,  Christen already knew she was referring to the last line of her note.  

 

……….

Too excited to sleep, Christen and Tobin tossed and turned all night, hands roaming over each other, searching.  Their bodies fit perfectly together but her favorite was on her side tucked underneath of Tobin’s arm, head resting on her chest.  She could her her steady heart thumping, a sweet reminder that she could speed the rate up at any time.  Of course, they were unable to control more than just their hands and half the night was spent licking and sucking until their lips were sufficiently swollen.  Tobin had clearly taken everything she had said to heart, slowing things down when either seemed too eager to cross the imaginary line.  

When dawn came, Christen sleepily peered through her long eyelashes at a resting Tobin.  It was hard to top waking up in any other way and from now on, she’d do her damndest to make sure she didn’t have to.  She left a trail of light kisses down the exposed skin between Tobin’s neck and shoulder before slowly getting out bed, hoping to surprise her with breakfast in bed to signify a new beginning between them.

Her good natured gesture was interrupted as she bumped into Alex in the hallway, who raised her eyebrows in amusement.  “Didn’t waste any time, did you two?”  Christen blushed at the insinuation her roommate made but let her know her she was way off, “no, we just talked.  But everything is good.”  

“I’m happy for you guys,” Alex informed her.  “And maybe now we all won’t have to pretend we didn’t know.”  It was funny how Christen had really been so naive about the whole situation; that her roommates wouldn’t see what was really happening.  Christen thanked Alex, sincerely, and offered to make her breakfast too.  “I could definitely get used to this, Tobin has a keeper,” she obliged.  

The pair stood around the kitchen, putting together their best version of a makeshift brunch since no one had bothered to go grocery shopping with the holiday schedule and traveling.  Just as she was ready to scrape some eggs from the skillet, she felt a warm pair of hands reach around her waist and a body press up against hers.  The contact immediately had her dripping with want.  Humming lightly, she finished her chore and then turned around to be face to face with Tobin who looked adorable right after waking up.  Her hair was a bit unruly, soft baby pieces floating every which way.  She was a knockout with or without makeup, but her skin was flushed, likely from their rubbing bodies all night long.  Although Christen hadn’t brushed her teeth yet this morning, she laid a perfectly aimed kiss right on Tobin’s lips, remaining still for more than a few seconds.  Tobin nuzzled into her neck, “morning.  Breakfast?”  

“You two are so cute but can I finish my breakfast without watching you swallow each other’s tongues?” Alex teased from the counter.  “Shut it,” Tobin retorted, not even looking in her direction.  Christen giggled under the weight of Tobin’s gaze, nudging her to the side so she could finish preparing their meal.  The trio enjoyed the next hour together in the common room, nowhere to be or to get done immediately.  It was nice for Christen to have this break since the past few months had been on such a tight schedule.  Tomorrow was a big day for her roommates and she was sure that Tobin was enjoying a moment to breathe.  

 

She studied Tobin while she was engaged in a heated debate over a soccer game they had on.  It was like second nature, the hand that was placed overtop of her legs, tracing shapes lightly without consciously thinking about it. Christen leaned in and laid her head against Tobin’s shoulder as she talked and was compensated by being pulled in closer so she could inhale the scent of Tobin through her shirt.  She didn’t know when or how it happened but the next thing she remembered was waking up to an empty, quiet room with a blanket pulled up to her chin.  

Confused, she called out Tobin’s name right before she saw the time on the microwave clock: 1:27 p.m.. Oh my God I slept for over two hours!  The girls had gone to practice and her heart sank in her chest.  Her phone was still upstairs in Tobin’s room so her half asleep legs climbed the steps to get it, only to find she had 3 messages all from Tobin.

_ Tobin:  I had to go but I didn’t want to wake you! Be back around 3:30. _

_ Tobin:  Want to go out to dinner tonight?  My family will be here and I’d love for you to come with me  _

_ Tobin: Christen? _

It took a second to process the idea of meeting Tobin’s parents.  Would she be introduced as her girlfriend?   _ Of course that’s how she’ll introduce me.   _ Her mouth went dry.  In the little bubble they’d created here, she was more than comfortable with everyone knowing they were together; Tobin was incredible.  But to the outside world, they had no idea who she was.  A small piece of her felt guilty that she would meet Tobin’s family without even mentioning to her own what was going on.  It didn’t seem a phone call or text was the appropriate way to do it, either.  Still, she wasn’t going to let her apprehension get in the way when it came to this relationship anymore so with a profound breath, she typed out her response.

_ Christen: I would love to meet them. _


	17. Chapter 17

She paced back forth between her bed and closet, tossing anything that would be considered appropriate to meet the family of her new girlfriend.  Her thumbs were twitching over top of the simple black sweater she was considering pairing with  black leggings and boots.   _ No, leggings are too casual.  _  Next she started to iron a crisp, white short sleeve blouse and pair of grey dress pants.   _ This isn’t a business meeting, Christen.   _ Feeling overwhelming, she dropped back into the pile collected overtop of her bed and sighed audibly.  

“Something wrong?”  

The voice startled her and her head to popped up to see Tobin leaning in the doorway, laughing at the sight before her.

“I have nothing to wear!” she whined, causing Tobin to roll her eyes.  “Yeah, cause there aren’t a hundred things underneath you right now that would all look good on you.”  Christen giggled  because it was true, her wardrobe was meticulous and usually tailored to perfection.  

“Where are we going and how many people do I need to impress?”

Tobin flopped down next to her, both girls staring to the side to look at each other.  “Only one.”   _ One?  I thought she said family? _  “Oh.  Your mom or dad?”  

A smile crept onto Tobin’s face before she answered, “no, you only have to one person to impress and I’d say you’ve already done that so whatever you wear to tonight won’t matter. You’ll like them, they’ll like you.”  Christen returned the smile, appreciating how calm Tobin was in situations like this.  “Ok so there will be more than one person there.  Can you tell me who?”  

“Okay let’s see.  Definitely my mom, my dad, my brother and his girlfriend, my uncle and maybe few of my cousins.  So like eight people?” she guessed. Christen could tell Tobin might have been even masking some excitement about the dinner, but unsure of whether it was because she was coming or just to spend time with her family.  “Do your parents know about me or should I expect them to be a little surprised?”

“Oh they know about you,” Tobin assured her.  “Don’t take this the wrong way but it was actually my mom’s idea to invite you.”  It confused her why she would be upset that Tobin’s mom was the one who wanted her to come; in fact it was music to her ears.  “I just didn’t really think of it myself cause I wasn’t sure where we stood, you know?”

Now she was really confused.  “Wait. When did your mom tell you to invite me?”  Tobin looked away.  “Two weeks ago.”  

Christen shot up. “TWO weeks ago?  But two weeks ago we were….” her voice trailed off, not wanting to finish the statement about how they’d been on the outs.  Staying perfectly still, Tobin explained, “I told my mom about you a while ago but then  didn’t tell her what happened so she reminded me yesterday to make sure you knew the invitation was still extended.”  It made her melt; Tobin had been talking about her to her parents!   _ Take notes, Christen.   _ She bent over top of the girl and placed a soft kiss on her lips.  “I feel better, thank you. Now you pick something for me while I get in the shower.”

… 

Christen had nothing to be nervous about.  Tobin’s family, especially her mom, was incredibly warm and welcome, not a hint of hesitation or care that she was the  _ girl _ friend of their daughter.  They asked questions that were thoughtful including how she was adjusting to life on the East coast and what she wanted to do after her time at UNC.  Tobin listened intently at her side, her hand placed lightly over her leg as a safeguard.  

When they wrapped up their leftovers and the bill was paid, Christen thanked them for including her.  “Of course, Christen, we’re happy to have you any time.  Will we see you over Christmas?”   _ Christmas?  Oh my God we’re almost to the month long Christmas break.  Tobin and I haven’t even talked about what our plans were.  I haven’t even talk to my mom about what I’m doing.   _ She felt herself start to get all worked up before Tobin pressed her hand into her thigh, bringing her back to reality.  “Hopefully!” was all she could manage at the time, making a mental note to discuss it with Tobin as soon as they had some privacy.  

On the way back to the house, Tobin steered with one hand, clutching Christen’s with the other.  The car was filled with comfortable silence as they looked at the lit up lights and homes decorated for the holiday already.  It felt real; they were a real couple who went to dinner with families and held hands in the car, she thought.  “I like your family, they were really cool about us.”  

Tobin nodded without looking over.  “Yeah, they are.”  Christen was curious whether it had always been that way, mostly because she was starting to realize that soon enough she’d have to tell her own family about them.  In the back of her mind, she couldn’t think of a single thing that would make her think they wouldn’t be loving and supportive, but it was still scary to think about.  “Did they just know or what did they say when you told them….about…”  Tobin helped her out, slowing down and looking over at her as she spoke.  “I never asked if they knew but when I finally told them, I kinda got the sense they did.  The leadup to it was awful, but they were great and my mom gave this whole speech about how it didn’t matter because she was proud of the person I was and how everyone deserves to love and be loved.  It was one of those like, good crying moments.”  

Christen idly stared out the window, playing through a conversation with her own mom.  “Are you nervous to tell your family about me,” Tobin quietly inquired.  “Honestly?  A little,” she admitted, unable to look her in the eye.  Tobin only squeezed her hand tighter, letting her know it was okay to feel that way.  Changing the subject, Tobin brought up her mother’s earlier question.  “So we’ll ‘hopefully’ see each other over Christmas?”

She was happy to have a change in the subject, one that was proposing more time together.  “I mean I want to,” she shyly told her.  “Did you have any plans for the month?”  

Tobin pulled into her side of the house’s driveway and put the car in park before turning her full attention on Christen.  “I’ll be in Jersey and New York for most of the time but I’m free to really go anywhere.”   _ Is she saying she’ll come to California?  _ They sat awkwardly for a moment, waiting for Christen to reply.  “I - I haven’t decided when I’m coming and going yet,” she volunteered.  She watched Tobin trying to figure out where this conversation was going go, so she put herself out there a little further.  “If you want to spend a few extra days here with me before going home or come back earlier, I can plan my flights around that.”  Now she could see a smile coming through from her girlfriend, who seemed pleased with the offer.  “Yeah, let’s do both for sure.”  

“Good,” Christen agreed as they opened their car doors to get out of the nightly chill and inside.  “Now let’s get you to bed, big game tomorrow morning.”  Tobin turned her body, slightly pushing her up again against the car.  Her eyes flickered down overtop of Christen’s lips as her hands smoothly locked them together. Christen felt the flutter in her stomach as the anticipation built up inside of her.  Tobin leaned in and brushed her lips over top, not making any type of forceful contact, but rather playfully flirting.  She turned her head to the side, giving her full access of her neck, which was throbbing with desire to be touched.  Tobin took the hint and trailed soft kisses up and down her smooth skin.  There was no way that Tobin couldn’t feel the effect she had on her body as Christen  clinched her closer, pressing their chests and legs together, treading on her toes.  Tobin came back up to find a mouth waiting for her to take over, explore with full permission which she took until they pulled apart to breathe again.  A fire in Tobin’s eyes told Christen this wasn’t over and she may have been right as her hand was jerked in the direction of the front door.  “C’mon,” Tobin insisted.  

No one was waiting up for them to both girls’ relief.  “Your room or mine? Tobin whispered, shedding her coat in the living room and tugging on the zipper of Christen’s.  “Yours,” she let her know decidedly.  They broke briefly to tiptoe up the steps, not wanting to be interrupted in the moment, but as soon as the door was shut safely behind them, Christen was done for.  Her tongue fluttered against Tobin’s as her hands were deep in the softness of brunette’s hair. Taking her hand, Christen led her to the bed, which looked like as inviting as ever.  Tobin  was overtop of her now as her back settled into the soft mattress and she nibbled at her every square inch of her face with her fingertips, sighing, whispering, "You feel so good."The attraction was undeniable as Christen’s hand started to move south, towards the button on her pants which was currently hiding the damp spots between her legs.  Above her, Tobin froze.

“What’s wrong?” Christen asked, scared but also a bit surprised by the reaction. 

“We said slow,” she answered as she moved off of her body.  “I’m not going to pressure you or push you into something you aren’t ready for.”  

“You’re not!” Christen tried to persuade her.  It was true; it was her that was making the moves.  But with every ticking second uncertainty crept into her mind that maybe she really wasn’t ready.  The pair laid next to each other in silence, Tobin running her hands softly through Christen’s hair.  “We should set some ground rules, maybe” she suggested.  This was something Christen felt comfortable with, so she agreed.

“Ok,” Tobin started. “First things first, clothes should probably stay on.  I’m okay with hands under clothes above the waist if you are.”  She nodded, all good on her end.  “Second, it’s up to you to rewrite the rules if you want because  I’m not gonna be the one.  And you can’t bring it up in the heat of the moment, you know?  We’ve had too many issues with us not talking to each other about how we feel so I prefer you talk to me and let me know first.”  A small squeak came from Christen’s mouth.  “I have to?” Propping herself up on her elbow, Tobin smiled.  “Yes, cause believe me as much as I want you to be ready and I’ll wait as long as you need, the thoughts running through my head are less than decent and I don’t trust myself.”  She could feel herself blushing, knowing just what those thoughts might be.  Leaning in, Christen opened her lips just enough to take in the bottom lip of the girl next to her.  Lightly sucking on it, she inhaled the scent of Tobin’s perfume, sending her into a fury of want again.  The girl was intoxicating like nothing she’d ever experienced and it made her wonder just how long she was going to hold on out devouring her.  

“Okay,” Christen agreed.  “It’s up to me.”  The spent the rest of the night before falling into a state of exhaustion exploring the boundaries of their agreement.  When Tobin was finally asleep, under the safety net of her outstretched arm, Christen thought back to the events of the past few weeks. _I used to spend all my time anticipating and reacting  to what I thought everyone else in my life thought would be best. I didn’t do or say anything that was outside of the box I’ve built around myself. For once, I’m going to think about what I want, what I really need._  Closing her eyes, Christen resolved to have an open conversation in the next few days with the people in her life who meant the most about that thing she wanted and needed: Tobin.  

….

Christen’s eyes popped open as soon as she hear the alarm buzzing somewhere near her head.  Looking to her right, Tobin was out cold still, unaffected by the vibrations.  Feeling around, she found Tobin’s phone to turn it off and give her a different type of wake-up call.  But something besides the incessant alarm covered the screen of her phone.  _  Shirley texted her...four times.   _ Not wanting to look like she was snooping, she safely laid the phone back under the pillow and rolled over to pull Tobin closer to her body.  The gesture woke Tobin, who hazily smiled with both her eyes and mouth as she looked over her shoulder.  “Morning,” she purred in a low morning voice that made Christen throb underneath the blankets.  

“Hi,” she returned.  “Time to get up.”  Tobin groaned in reply, although Christen knew it was already past 8 so it wasn’t that early and she had more than enough sleep.  Tobin turned to face Christen, running her nose down the tanned jaw and leaving a single kiss on her throat.   _ I wonder if she can feel the lump in there that wants to explode and ask her what the texts say.   _ After a few moments, she started rustle and come alive, sitting upright and chugging a water on her nightstand.  Christen watched as she reached for the phone, studying her face to see what the reaction might be.  It was going to be the first test since they had the conversation days prior, because Tobin had promised honesty and she was expecting it.  

Immediately, Tobin’s face curled up in annoyance, or so she thought.  Her eyes darted quickly towards Christen’s possibly harboring nervousness.  “What’s wrong?” Christen asked in her most innocent voice. _  I’m a bad actress, s _ he thought as she held her breath.

Tobin hesitated but then turned the screen around to show her:  three consecutive texts from the girl and then one again this morning.

_ 11:56 pm Shirley: Can you pick me up from the airport on the 7th?   _

_ 11:56 pm Shirley:  And maybe stay at your house?  _

_ 11:57 pm Shirley: I promise I won’t make it awkward _

_ 7:03 am Shirley: Ok, guess not.  But I’ll be watching you today.  Good luck! _

She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say.  Trying to gauge Tobin’s reaction, she could only get out “oh no.”  Tobin tossed the phone back down on the bed and rolled her eyes again.  “I don’t know why she would even ask that.  I told her outright that she couldn’t stay here when she brought it up last time.”

“Do you think, maybe, uh, she….” Christen stuttered before she was cut off.  “No, she isn’t staying here before you even suggest opening our house as a charity.”  It made her laugh, “you know me better than I thought.”  Christen gazed lovingly into Tobin’s eyes, “but I don’t want you to use me as a reason for it.  If you’re saying no to her strictly because of me, then I don’t want that.”

Tobin wrapped her arm around to the small of her back to pull their hips closer together.  “Believe me, there’s more than more to it than that but I also just don’t think it’s good for us.  It’ll only to lead to trouble cause like I said, we were never like, friends.  I don’t owe her anything.”

Accepting her reasoning, Christen leaned in to wait for a kiss which she quickly received.  “Your call.  Now up! I’ll make you breakfast if you want while you get ready.”

Tobin’s eyes went wide as she slipped out of bed, almost running to the shower.  “Yogurt, granola, eggs, THANKS!”  

……..

It was a really chilly afternoon in Chapel Hill as the stands were packed with a sea of baby blue and white, rooting for the home team.  EVeryone Christen knew was there, including Tobin’s family from the night before.  She made it a point to stop by where they were sitting and talk for a few moments, offering to host them all back at the house after the game was over instead of going out like Tobin had mentioned.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Christen.  We’d love that.  Tobin might be too tired so we can get something  for all the girls if that’s okay.  Just let us know a good place you recommend and we’ll place the order.”  She was kind of proud of herself for taking the initiative to do something nice for Tobin and also a little panicked that the house might not be clean enough for new visitors. 

An Alex Morgan goal came in the 82nd minute, sealing a 1-0 victory to what was a nailbiter of a game.  For her girlfriend and roommates this meant they’d be off to California, San Jose to be  exact, this Thursday-Sunday for the final on Saturday afternoon.    She was slightly jealous knowing they’d be spending time so close to her hometown, but rationalized that she’d be there in a little over two weeks herself.  Instead of seeking out Tobin after the game,  she gave her mom the number of a local pizza place the girls enjoyed and said she’d meet them all back there when they were ready.  Racing into the house, she found a broom to sweep up and pieces of gravel and dirt on the floor, replaced the trashbags, fluffed the common room pillows and set out enough paper plates and napkins for a village.  The only thing missing was cups but she knew Kelley would have solo cups stashed somewhere. 

The room looked pristine as she looked at her phone, realizing she had done the job in record time and likely had about twenty minutes at least to kill before anyone would be back.  She rested her head back on the couch for a moment before an idea popped in her head that kept her occupied right up until a few of the girls all trickled in with their families, Tobin and her own being the last to arrive.  

They were carrying so many bags and boxes of pizza, Christen could barely see the golden eyes above them.  “Here!” she laughed, “let me help you.”  Handing a few things over, Tobin pressed a kiss to Christen’s cheek.  “Thanks for doing this,” she whispered.  It made her blush, mostly because everyone in the room’s attention was on the two of them.

Everyone dug in, spread around the common room and spilling into both kitchens.  She estimated there were at least 30 people filling the space but it was kind of nice to have a full house.  Christen bounced around to different groups, meeting Ali’s family, talking to Kelley’s parents and finally thanking Tobin’s mom for the food.  “Our pleasure, Christen.  Really, this was a wonderful idea.  Thank you for having us all here!”  She could feel eyes boring into the side of her as they continued talking but didn’t want to break the conversation.  When the night started to dwindle down and people had left, she started to throw empty plates and cups in the trashbag she toted around the house.  

“Let me get that,” Tobin offered, taking the bag from her hand.  In reality, Tobin had to be much more tired than her but relented and sat down to prop her feet up on the couch.  The chore would have to wait because almost immediately she was greeted with a passionate kiss and hands flirting with the hem of her shirt.  “Whoa,” she laughed, pulling back.  “Happy to see you too, but we should clean.”   Tobin stared into her eyes and grabbed either side of her face, “seriously, thank you.  I love that you invited my family here.”  

It was so genuine and sweet, but Christen had to let her know that it wasn’t a big deal.  “I didn’t do much! Your mom was the one who got everything!”  Tobin shook her head.  “I know that, I’m saying thank you for being so nice to them.  I’m close to my family and it means a lot that you’re willing to try to have good relationship with them. I was watching when you and my mom were talking tonight and I can tell she really likes you.”  

It made her smile.  “Of course.  It means a lot that they’re so accepting.”  The two let their eyes linger on each other for a little while before Tobin dove in for another kiss.  “I seriously think I love you,” she whispered, catching Christen completely off guard.  

“I do too,” was all she could manage.  


	18. Chapter 18

 

Christen was upstairs in her room now, trying to salvage a few minutes to read her notes and complete a review guide for one of her classes.  She had a final this week since her professor decided their last regular class would be better for the assessment rather than during the scheduled final time.  Tobin was on her side of the house, getting a shower and ready for bed.  They decided to sleep in Christen’s room tonight for a change of pace and secretly, she was glad since there was something about being in your own bed at night when you’re really tired.  

Her mind, however, drifted to the exchange they had on the couch.  Had she squandered another moment to tell Tobin how she was feeling, or was she not really looking for anything in return?  It didn’t seem to bother her that Christen didn’t append anything to the comment and they just continued to makeout until they tired.  Lost in her own thoughts, she barely noticed Tobin had slipped into the room, hair damp and wearing a pair of short cotton shorts and a t-shirt that clung against her braless chest. 

“Do you need more time?” she asked as she strolled in Christen’s direction, eyeing the open notebook atd laptop in front of her.  

_ Not with you looking like that.   _ “No, I’m done.  I have all day tomorrow to study.”  Christen reached out so Tobin could lift her out of her desk chair and guide her towards the bed.  She grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, but knew very well she wasn’t planning on watching it.  Her hands wrapped around Tobin’s back, pulling them together as they fell backwards onto her bed, mouths open and ready to explore.   A hunger from inside of her took control, guiding Tobin’s lips underneath of her own, her hands snaking beneath her shirt to the sides of her torso.  Tobin’s body was responsive, her abs contracting to the touch as she returned the kiss, tasting and smelling fresh from her shower.  Her hands were flirting with the top of waistband where Christen was now aching. “Please, go lower,” she graveled. Tobin seemed to like that, hearing the  desperation in her voice as she looked into her eyes.  She let her palm smooth over the soft flannel of her pajamas pants. “Take your shirt off,” Tobin murmured before sinking back into a deep kiss. Christen complied, pulling her long hair through the shirt, exposing her nude colored bra.  She was now in her hands, mouth nipping and hands dragging upward while low moans sent warmth pooling at the juncture of her thighs.  Things were heating up as Tobin flipped Christen on her back, her hands dragged up the sides of her thighs to clutch her hips, hard.

Christen let her head fell back on a gasp, giving Tobin the room she needed to trail her lips down her neck. Lost to the moment, she fisted a handful of her drying hair and arched her back. Her breathing grew harsher by the moment while a tongue licked across the swells of her cleavage, dipping down into the valley between, before tracing all the way back up her throat. 

 

She wanted Tobin now but knew if she told her in the moment, she’d be denied.  “Tobin...please.  I want to…”   Her intuition was correct.  “babe…I told you…” Tobin sputtered in between kisses.  Whining now, Christen tried her hardest to sway her.  “Please? I want to!”  Tobin wiggled out of her grip and hung over top of her.  “I definitely want to.  But we don’t need to, you know?  I told you that when you’re ready you have to tell me at a moment other than this that way I know you really mean it. I don’t want you to regret it.”

 

“Regret it?” Christen questioned.  “I wouldn’t regret anything.”  Her fingers twirled the ends of Tobin hair.  “Maybe regret isn’t the word,” she returned, “but I just don’t want you to rush into something without thinking about it first.”  Her eyes were shining before she dipped in closer, “besides I’m having fun just kissing you all day.”  

 

So that’s what they did until they were too exhausted to keep their eyes open.  They explored the top regions of each other with their hands, mouths and teeth.  

“Hey girlfriend, whatcha up to?”  Kelley asked as she fell onto Christen’s bed the next evening.  She was in the zone from studying and had banished Tobin to another room in the house. Kelley propped herself up on her elbows while she closed her notebook and turned to face her, “not much, just getting some work done before I can watch TV and Tobin comes up so we can go to bed.”  

“Ooh,” her friend teased.  “So this is like a serious thing then?”  

“I think it is,” Christen told her.  “We’re finally on the same page.”  

“I’m so happy for you!” Kelley exclaimed, reaching out to hug her.  “Now, have you told your parents or are you avoiding it?”    _ She knows me too well.   _ “I’m not avoiding it,” she lied, “just haven’t really had the chance.  But I swear I’m working on it.”  

“Rip it off like a bandaid.  Just do it,” Kelley suggested.  “You’ll feel better no matter the reaction you get, but I know your family, they won’t be upset or anything.”  She knew her friend was probably right.

  
  
  


“Right, so anything new going on with you?” Christen asked, hoping to change the subject.  “Actually, yeah. So you know that girl I was telling you about, the one who slept over?”

“Ann” she confirmed.  

“Yes! Ok so we started talking again and she asked if I wanted to go to happy hour next Monday at this restaurant cause a portion of the proceeds goes to this charity she’s working for.”  Christen was happy for Kelley, “that’s great!”

Her face didn’t match Christen’s enthusiasm, in fact it looked pale and nervous.  “Is it not a great thing?”

Kelley’s mouth twitched.  “Well I said I would go and she was excited and said ‘oh good, how many people will you be bringing’.”  _  Poor girl, she thought it was a date.   _ “Oh man, sorry Kel.”

“No, I think I’m the one to be sorry cause I panicked and told her I’d bring my three roommates.”  Christen’s mouth dropped open, “So I have to go? I have finals the next day!”

“It’ll be really quick, an hour tops, I swear! 5-6, which is enough time to have a quick drink and eat something before you have to study  again.  We can even get dinner to go, on me, and then you can go to the library or back here to eat.” Knowing how good of a friend Kelley had been in the past few months, it was hard to say anything but yes.  “Ok, I get to pick what we get though,” she said pretending to be unhappy.  

“DEAL!”  Kelley’s spirits seemed lifted, just as the motion she was making off of Christen’s bed.  “And Ali and Jules already said yes.  You can invite Tobin if you want since I know you’re in that sick honeymoon phase.” 

Rolling her eyes, Christen denied the claim.  “We are not.  In fact on honeymoons you typically...you know.  Which we have not for the record.”  A freckled face with brown eyes that went wider than the moon stared at her in shock. “You haven’t?  She felt shy now, despite Kelley being one of her best friends.  “No. Just taking it slow.”  

Kelley seemed to understand what she was trying to say.  “Well coulda fooled me. But that’s good I guess. But still invite her to come, it’ll be a good break for you. I’m going to downstairs to get a coffee, want me to bring anything back up for you?”  

“No,” Christen replied.  “Unless you happen to see Tobin, tell her she’s welcome to come up.”  

She could tell Kelley wanted to add a smart remark, but the look she shot her shut her up.  Minutes later, Tobin came barreling through the door.  “I heard I’ve been summoned?”

Getting up from her chair to close the space between them, she said “Yeah. I need help studying.”  Tobin looked a little confused, trying to figure out what subject she would be able to help with.  “What class?”

She smirked, running her hands up the side of Tobin’s body towards her neck.  “Anatomy.”

………………………….

Monday...Tuesday…..Wednesday.  The minutes flew by each day as Christen put the final touches on papers, projections, organizing study notes.  It was a pattern of class, study, class, work, class, eat dinner with Tobin and her roommates, study, TV and bed with Tobin.  They were coming dangerously close to breaking the agreement each night, but she had decided it wasn’t going to happen until after Tobin was back from their match this weekend.  She had to leave super early Thursday morning, so they were already in bed by 8:30 Wednesday night.  

“Are you more excited or nervous?” Christen asked from underneath the weight of Tobin’s arm around her back.  

“Excited,” Tobin told her. She placed a lazy kiss on her bare shoulder.  “I just want to get out there and get going, you know?”  Pretending to be hurt, Christen frowned.  “You want to leave me here all myself?”

Feeling the vibrations of Tobin laughing behind her, she heard her say, “no of course not.  Wish you could come with us.  Sometimes I forget you don’t play.” They drifted off to sleep not much later, Tobin nudging her awake from a deep sleep in the pitch black.  “Babe, I have to go.  It’s four-thirty.  Do you want me to set an alarm for you to get up or do you have one already?”  Tobin looked adorable behind her blurred vision in UNC travel gear, a snapback taming her likely unruly hair.  “No, it’s okay,” Christen assured her.  “ I have one set.  Just kiss me before you go.”  She reached up with her arms, Tobin swooping down into them and anchoring her chin into the crook of her neck.  

“Miss you, I’ll see you Sunday night.”  She pulled up and left a kiss on her lips, light and soft but so meaningful.  They smiled at one another before Tobin closed her eyes and retreated.  “Time to go.”  It took a while for her to fall back asleep, missing the presence of Tobin beside her.  

Somehow, she got through the day with the help of a few texts that made her heart leap for joy every time her phone vibrated.  When she found herself back in bed that same night, sans her girlfriend, she started getting _ that  _ feeling.  Her stomach was uneasy, her skin was flushed and her breathing was shallow.  Tomorrow had been circled on her calendar all week and she had been convincing herself she had more time.  _ No going back, _ she thought.

On Friday morning, Christen woke up way earlier than her alarm that was set for five a.m.  Her body was shaking all over, nervous for the day in front of her.  The house was quiet and dark, the winter dawn not yet shedding light.  A hot shower calmed her briefly and she relaxed while she meticulously applied some makeup and dried her hair.  Running through a mental checklist, she finally was ready to go and face the day.

Hours later,  Christen sat patiently at the kitchen counter, tapping her fingers in anticipation.  The morning had required a series of deep breathing exercises, meditation (or at least she tried) and effort to put one foot in front of the other.  Now, she was almost dripping in sweat while watching the door, waiting and waiting.

After about twenty minutes a faint ‘click’ was heard beyond the door, sending her lungs and heart into overdrive.  On baited breath, she watched the door slowly open, a figure practically falling over herself while carrying way too many bags.  Their identical eyes met, one pair in surprise, one in fear.

“Christen! What are you doing here?!”

She spun to her right to fully face the person, a serious look on her face. “Hi, Mom.  I need to talk to you.”

…………..

“I can’t believe it! You’re here.  What’s wrong, is something the matter?” her mom asked while running her hands over top of her arms, inspecting her up and down.  

“No, I don’t think so.  I just needed to talk to you,” Christen said, silently telling herself not to chicken out. 

Her mother looked concerned.  “You’re scaring me.  What’s wrong? You shouldn’t be here for another week and a half!”  Christen pulled back out of her mother’s reach.  “Can we go sit down in the living room maybe?”  She watched her mother track her with her eyes all the way into the other room.  “Ok, we’re sitting.  Now tell me, what’s going on?”

She took a deep breath, ready to lay out the speech she’d rehearsed on the long flight from North Carolina.

“Mom, I’m here for two reasons actually, but they’re connected.  I’m not sure how to tell you this but I’m going to just kind of lay it out.  Over the  past few months I’ve been away from home for the first time without the safety net of my family and friends and put myself out there for new things and experiences.  Part of me has always noticed my sisters and friends in relationships and I wondered why I never felt that way about anyone, so I just kinda avoided any type of relationship.  But I’ve met someone. Actually, you’ve met them,” she told her.  

Her mom shifted in her chair, clearly intrigued by where this was going. “I have?  I don’t think I met anyone at UNC unless it was someone you already knew or they don’t go there?”

“You kinda met them at UNC,” Christen confirmed.  “You met her.” 

Her mom’s expression brightened.  “Her?”  The tone of her voice was raised a little, not necessarily in a bad way, just questioning.  “Is it a roommate? Oh my gosh, is it Kelley?!”  Christen couldn’t help but burst out laughing, happy that the ice was somewhat broken by what she hoped was a joke.  “No definitely not Kelley, mom.  Remember that girl who spilled coffee all over me the weekend you moved me into the house?  Turns out she’s one of my roommates and we ended up really hitting it off.”  

She watched her mom process all the new information before a half smile crept onto her face.  “So, you like the coffee girl?”  “Tobin,” she told her.  “Yes. I really like Tobin.  Which brings me to the second reason I’m here which is that she’s a soccer player and they have a huge game in San Jose which I’m hoping to surprise her at tomorrow.”  

“Christen, are you telling me that you’re dating a girl named Tobin who is one of your roommates?” 

“Yes,” she squeaked.   _ Ok, there it is.  It’s out there. _

_ “ _ Okay.  So what time is the game tomorrow? Do you need a car or would you want us to go with you?”  She was in shock.   _ Okay?  That’s it?  “ _ Mom.  Do you have anything you need or want to say about what I just told you?”  

“Honey, I’ll be honest.  I’m more surprised that you felt you had to fly across the country like this and sit me down to talk about it than you actually telling me.  If that’s helpful for you than that’s okay but I love you and I’m sure I’ll love whoever you love.”  

“What do you think Dad will say,” Christen asked, not convinced he’d have the same reaction.  “Oh,” her mom sighed, starting to raise out of her armchair.  “He’ll probably joke that he’ll miss out on a chance to have a son-in-law to balance out the estrogen but then tell you there’s nothing more he loves than a beautiful girl.” She kissed Christen on the top of the head.  “We love you, Christen - no matter what. Now c’mon, let’s go call him and ask if he wants to meet us for lunch.”  


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Building up for next chapter (which will have a LOT to it.)

 

Christen stared out at the Pacific Ocean, wrapped in an oversized sweater to fight the chill from the breeze.  She couldn’t believe just how supportive her parents had been and wondered why she’d dramatized the whole thing in her head.  Her mom was right; her dad was just as loving as she said he’d be.  He made a comment that maybe this was the opportunity to have an athlete in the family when Christen told him about Tobin’s soccer accomplishments to which she laughed, “slow down, Dad.  We practically just met!”  They wanted to go to the game and meet her but Christen asked that they wait, maybe if she could arrange a quick cup of coffee before she had to leave or at a later time. Besides, springing herself on Tobin this weekend would be surprise enough and she thought introducing her family might be over the top.

In a way, things felt right now; almost complete.  The rationalization sounded silly but for her, telling her family meant she could be free to be whatever and do whatever she wanted with Tobin.  As much as she didn’t like it about herself, seeking approval from them was important for something this big.   Their earlier conversation about physical boundaries and rules could be addressed and depending on the outcome of the weekend, she thought when they got back to North Carolina on Sunday night she would bring it up again.  The nights before Tobin had to leave had left her wanting so much more, wanting to touch and be touched. 

It was amusing now, Tobin texting her all of yesterday and today, no idea that they were actually so close together.  She was still feeling guilty about the trouble that Tobin had gone through the night she walked out on her at the restaurant so when she realized the night of the semi-final that they’d be in California this weekend, it’d be the perfect way to kill two birds with one stone: tell her parents and support her girlfriend. 

_ Tobin: Miss you.  Are you bored by yourself?  Or is Allie hanging around? _

She had begged Allie not to tell anyone about her secret trip, evening offering to pay her off on the way to the airport.  The girl wouldn’t hear of it though, saying she would do her very best to keep her lips sealed.

_ Christen: She’s around.  Just getting some studying done.  I’ll head to the library all day tomorrow but try to stream the game on my laptop. _

Lying wasn’t something she liked doing, but in this instance, it had to happen. 

_ Tobin: You better watch! _

“Is that Tobin?”  her mom asked, gazing at her from across the table.  Christen felt herself reddening, realizing she had been smiling to herself while texting.  “Yeah, it is.  She has no idea I’m in California!” 

“Isn’t that so sweet?  See? Don’t they say you meet people when you least expect it?” 

“Well I definitely didn’t expect it,” she agreed.  “But I kind of wanted to ask you guys.  Did you have any idea that, um..you know?” They weren’t quite putting together what she was saying, based on their facial expressions.  “That I would be interested in girls?”

It clicked to both of her parents now and she witnessed the look they shared.  Her dad nodded at her mom, telling her this was her question to answer.  “Maybe.  You never really were interested in any of the boys, never had a real boyfriend.  I wasn’t sure if it was because you were so focused on school or you just didn’t like them.”  

“To be honest,” Christen started, “I didn’t really know myself.  I tried not to think about it. But it all changed when I went away.  And now, I feel really good about where I’m at.”  

Her dad leaned in across the table.  “That’s all that matters, Christen.” 

…

It felt good to sleep in her own bed, in her own house again despite missing having Tobin next to her.  Saturday morning her sisters joined for an early and quick breakfast before she had to hit the road to get to the game on time.  When her parents realized  the night before it would be a five hour plus drive to the stadium, they pulled out the parent card and refused to let her drive.  Instead, her dad booked her the first flight out of LAX into San Jose where she could either Uber or rent a car for the day: her choice.  Grateful to have parents who were so supportive and caring, she graciously accepted the tickets.  It was a little over an hour flight each way, with her return at 9 pm. They even  insisted again that they make the trip with her but she wouldn’t allow it.  “Not yet guys.  Soon, I promise.”  Butterflies swarmed her stomach on the runway, excited to see Tobin’s reaction when she realized she was there.  

When she landed, she went over to the car rental counters to get the best possible deal.  A half hour later, she was in a small compact car and on her way to the stadium.  Hoping to throw Tobin off, she sent a good luck text.

_ Christen: I’m having a hard time connecting to the stream! It keeps freezing on me.  I might have to find another way to watch but good luck!! _

_ Tobin: I brought my laptop with me to study otherwise I’d tell you to try mine.  :( Bummer. _

She snickered as she set the phone back down in the cupholder so she could turn to follow the signs for the stadium. In her head, she hadn’t worked out yet what exactly she was going to do to draw attention to herself so Tobin knew she was there.  The chances of her seeing a text would be slim but the stadium was big enough to get lost in the crowd.   Her nerves were building when the gate attendant scanned her ticket and she settled into a seat in a section at midfield where there was mostly UNC shirts and signs. Across the field, she spied Tobin warming up intensely.  It was out of her comfort zone to stand up and yell and moving closer to the field wasn’t an option, so she sat back and tried to enjoy herself throughout the ticking minutes and starting lineups.  _ I can’t believe I’m here. If Tobin only knew how much went into this. _

While the girls shed their jackets and gathered for a huddle before taking the field, she saw Ali who wasn’t starting today idly looking up in the crowd.  Christen gave a little over the head wave, catching her attention.  Ali’s face lit up in disbelief and flashed a big smile before turning to look around the circle to where the rest of their friends were.  First, she tapped Alex who was focused and gestured towards her direction.  Trying to make it easier to be spotted, she stood.  Alex waved and tapped Kelley beside her, who ended up nudging Tobin. 

Tobin looked like she was going to faint.

Christen was smiling ear to ear at the reaction, pleased with just how much her presence had affected Tobin.  She gave a small wave while she sat back down in her seat, never breaking her eye contact.  She was met with a smile so big that it made the honey toned eyes she’d grown to love looking in disappear altogether.  In her head, it was one of those moments from a movie that had the sappy music in the background right before the credits rolled.  

An exciting first half kept her on the edge of her seat, knuckles white from grasping the cold metal.  Defensive pressure was evident from the outset and UNC was held to only one shot from Alex on a breakaway.  The Tar Heels were looking a little shaky but were doing their part to keep the other team off the scoreboard. After the halftime break, Christen clutched a coffee from the concession stand with both hands when she saw Tobin jogging out to the field.  Just the sight of her was exciting and as soon as she took her spot in the midfield, she saw her look discreetly towards her.  Christen gave a look of encouragement, not knowing whether Tobin could really see it or not, silently willing her to have a good half and ultimately win.

It worked.  In the 77th minute, a UNC defender she’d met a few times crashed down on the ball after being pushed outside their own box.  A free kick was awarded and taken quickly, Tobin releasing up the sidelines.  She dribbled in and out of defenders that were flat-footed, finding Alex with a gorgeous through ball that split the centerbacks.  A perfect finish put them up 1-0 and they thwarted the last ditch effort for an equalizer into the 92nd minute.  

Christen watched Tobin for a few minutes celebrating with her teammates, genuinely happy for every girl. They were all giddy, wrapping each other in warm hugs and dancing around. The trophy presentation was short and unsure of what to do now, she started to file out with the crowd to throw out her coffee cup.  

“Christen!”   Her neck craned to look in the direction of the voice that was just beyond the tall man in front of her.  It was Kelley, standing as close to the barrier as she could with a lot of room still between them.  Christen leaned over the railing, “Congratulations, Kel! So exciting!”   Her friend beamed back at her, nodding wildly.  “Are you sticking around?  We’ll all go out with our families, you should stay if you can!” She didn’t know if Tobin would want her to or if she should play it safe and head to the airport, so she shrugged her shoulders in response.  Tobin was coming up behind Kelley now, waving her hands at Christen.  “HEY!”  

“Hey yourself! Surprised?” Christen called.  

She didn’t say a word, her face in complete awe.  Kelley started talking to Tobin, not discreetly, she just couldn’t make out what they were saying because of the distance.  Finally, Tobin yelled back, “can you stay? We’re all going out after this.  I can text you the details as soon as I get my phone” she signaled like they were playing charades.   _ What am I going to do while I wait? _  “Sure!”  Tobin gave her a thumbs up and turned away so she and Kelley could get back to the on-field celebration.  Christen took her time leaving, stopping at the bathroom to reapply some light makeup and fix her hair.   _ Looking pretty good for sitting outside all afternoon.   _ On the leisurely stroll back to her car, her phone buzzed in her coat pocket.

_ Tobin: Hey!  We’re gonna head back to the hotel and get ready to go out.  Do you wanna come here? _

She read the address Tobin sent her, looking at her google maps.  It was only about a mile away, not too far. She would probably beat the bus back so she decided now would be a good time to get gas for the trip back to the airport and call her mom to let her know the plan.

_ Christen: Yeah, I’ll be there in like 20 minutes.  What’s your room number when I get there? _

_ Tobin: 544.  I’ll leave the door open for you.  _

Christen dialed her mom’s cell phone number only to miss her and get the voicemail recording.  “Hey mom and dad. The game’s over; we won.  I’m gonna go out to dinner with everyone but I’ll be back in time to make my flight.  I’ll let you know right before I take off.  Love you guys.”

A half hour later, she decided it was safe to get out of her car and into the hotel.  She went straight for the elevator bank, unwilling to ask someone for directions to 544.  It was easy enough to navigate and the moment she stepped out into the hall she knew she was in the right place.  Music blasted from the rooms, girls half dressed running around.  “Hey Christen!” she heard someone yell, unaware of who it came from in the confusion.  Her eyes were focused on the numbers of the door, 536, 538, 539….544. The door was open just enough for her to push against it, revealing what looked like a bomb had gone off.  There were clothes, shoes water bottles and junk littered on the floor.  “Tobin?”

“CHRIS? HEY!”  She could hear the familiar voice from beyond the closed bathroom door, music almost drowning her out. “Be out in a second.”  It took every little piece of her not to pick up the belongings on the floor and tidy up the space and instead sit on the closest bed.  “Hi,” Tobin said, stepping out into the room with wet hair and a short white towel wrapped around her body.  Her skin was glistening and her face looked so fresh that it was like a magnetic force that pulled Christen off of the bed and immediately towards her, wrapping her arms around soft cotton.  “Hi,” she returned, so softly it was barely audible.  

Tobin took a second to respond, but pressed her body back into hers.  “I’m so happy you’re here,” she said, her hands rubbing up and down Christen’s back.  Pulling back, their eyes met.  The sight took Christen’s breath away, like she’d been hit by a truck and was gasping for air.  The only thing that would give her life was kissing Tobin, so she did.  Her head bent forward, softly meeting a warm pair of lips at first and then with a swift gradation of intensity, she clung to Tobin.  An insistent mouth was parting her shaking lips, sending wild tremors down her body. She wasn’t the only one who was overcome with want in the moment, Tobin separating their lips only for a moment so she could spray hungry kisses along her cheeks, jaw. 

_ I don’t want to wait.  I want her now.   _ Christen cleverly unhooked the makeshift knot in Tobin’s towel, letting it slide open and exposing most of her breasts.  They’d explored each other in the sanctuary of each other’s beds, but standing there in a hotel room with the door ajar for anyone to walk in at any given moment was such a turn on.  “Babe…” Tobin muttered.  Christen dipped her head down to run her lips over the swells of her cleavage, taking them fully into her mouth with the guidance of Tobin’s hand resting on the back of her head.  “We need to stop…” she told her, but not removing herself from Christen’s mouth.  

Her fingertips teased Tobin, who showed her appreciation with some light hums and moans.  Eventually, she stood upright to capture her mouth again.  She was stopped.  “Chris, Alex will be back any second.  She’s just trying on outfits in someone else’s room.” It was disappointing to say the least, the pool between her legs unwilling to stop from collecting. On cue, Alex ripped through the door like a bull in a china shop, hands full of shirts falling off of hangers.  

“Whoa!” she called, throwing her hands over top of her eyes at the sight of the girls.  

Christen giggled while Tobin frantically covered herself up.  “Sorry,” she stuttered, completely embarrassed in the situation.  Lucky for them, Alex was in a forgiving mood.  “Christen! I had no idea you were coming this weekend!” 

“No one did, actually.  It was a surprise.”  She made herself comfortable again on the bed which she now figured was Alex’s since there were way more clothes spread out on it than the other one.  “Well thanks so much for coming, it really does mean a lot.”

Tobin snickered from inside the bathroom where she assumed she was changing into actual clothes.  “She didn’t come for you, ya know!”  Alex gave Christen a teasing look, “oh, Christen didn’t tell you?  She was just using you to get to me. Sorry, Tobs.”  

The wet hair dangled out of door frame, exposing only half a nose  and piercing eyes.  “Try me.”

The next half an hour was spent explaining the complicated travel schedule Christen took in order to be there while they other two put on the finishing touches to their outfits, appearance.  She glazed over the portion about telling her parents about her new relationship in front of Alex, only because she wasn’t sure that it was best she was involved in the conversation. “So do you feel better?” Tobin quietly asked, now sitting next to her.

“Much.”  

…

They were inseparable at the restaurant.  Whether it was by touch or talking, they never seemed to leave other.  Parents and coaches had turned a blind eye to upperclassman handing the girls beers and other celebratory drinks, likely just happy they would be there to keep everything under control.  In the few kisses they managed to steal, Christen could taste the beer Tobin was drinking.  “I wish I could have one, but I don’t want to drink before I have to drive back to the airport.”

“What time’s your flight again?” Tobin asked, practically chugging her third drink.  She looked down at her phone.  “In three hours, so I shouldn’t stay much longer.  Maybe half an hour at the most.”

“Come with me,” Tobin set down her almost empty glass and pulled her arm.  _  Where is she taking me?   _ They spilled out into the parking lot of the restaurant, away from the noise and knowing eyes of their friends.  Before she could question what was going on, her body flew back against the brick building into the dim shadow of the overhead lights.  An insistent mouth was overtop of her own, teeth nibbling into her bottom lip - it was aggressive, but not unwanted.

She allowed herself to be controlled, succumbing to every move asked of her. The ends up her hair were swept behind her neck, tickling while she was  When they came up for air, Tobin’s eyes blazed into her own.  “Stay tonight.”  

_ Stay?  I have a flight.  I can’t stay...can I?   _ “Tobin, I…”

“I know, you have a flight.  But can we change it so you fly back tomorrow?  I want to be with you tonight. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since I left on Thursday and now that you’re here, I don’t want you to go.”  Her forehead leaned against her own, leaving little room between them.

Christen was struggling to make a decision.  “I want to stay.  But I don’t know, I think I would feel bad doing that to my parents.  They’ve been  so great about this whole thing so I don’t wanna mess that up. But I want to be with you, too.”  A silent standoff commenced.  Finally, she broke the ice,  “I can’t, Tobin.  I’m sorry.”   

The letdown in the brown eyes was so transparent, but she was supportive, “I understand, I just thought I’d take a shot at being selfish.”  _ If you don’t leave in the next few minutes, you’ll never go.   _ “I should probably go now so I have enough time to return the rental car.  Can you tell everyone I had to go and then I’ll call you when I get to the airport?”

Tobin laid a gentle kiss to her lips, “of course.” The slight pain in her voice was evident.

  
“Thanks.”  Christen shifted her weight between her feet.  “Tomorrow night we can do something just the two of us, sleep in whichever room you want.”   _ And we’re going to do more than just sleep.  _

“Tomorrow night,” she repeated.  “See you then, Chris.” Tobin slowly unlocked their fingers and stepped backwards, giving her the space to drive off toward the airport.

“Can’t wait.”


	20. Chapter 20

She paced the house, waiting for the door to open and her roommates to return.  It wasn’t like she and Tobin hadn’t texted constantly from the moment she left her in the parking lot of the restaurant in San Jose, but still, she missed her.  Christen really had wanted to stay with her the night before and tonight she wanted to show her why.  _ She texted me 45 minutes ago saying they landed.  That’s 10 minutes to get off the plane, 20 minutes to get bags then another 25 minute drive.  They’ll be here soon.  _ Her watch read 10:20 pm; she’d been back in Chapel Hill for about three hours since she took an earlier flight than the team.  

Another 15 minutes and they all came in together, Tobin leading the pack.  She dropped her bag on the floor, leaving it in the path of their roommates and almost tripping those who weren’t paying close enough attention.  Her brown eyes were focused on Christen’s as they closed the gap between them, their intentions of putting their hands and mouths all over each other transparent to anyone watching.  Christen’s hands flew up around her shoulders as Tobin lifted her up off her feet, mouth overtaking hers.  

“Good Lord, get a room already,” Kelley called from somewhere behind them.  CHristen kept her eyes shut, fully invested in the sweet, deep kiss while she lifted her middle finger up from Tobin’s shoulder at the girl.  A few snickers erupted as Tobin set her gently down, not breaking the kissing immediately.  “I missed you,” she breathed, foreheads together.  CHristen smiled at her, knowing their time apart had been short but difficult.  “I missed you, too.  Let’s go to bed.”

Tobin’s eyes searched hers, trying to decipher the meaning of her request.  Were they going to bed, or...going to _ bed.   _ Their hands were interlocked tightly, Tobin taking control and leading her towards her side of the house and set of stairs.  Christen obediently followed, eyes trained on the enticing body in front of her. “I need to brush my teeth and change, is that okay?” Tobin asked from in front of her.

“Of course.  I’ll wait.”

She watched her move around in the bathroom from the open doorway as she settled into the mattress, pulling the sheets up over her legs.  Unsure of whether to turn the television on or just wait, her nerves got the best of her.   _ Are we doing this now?  Is that what she expects? I want to...I think.   _ Before she knew it, Tobin was coming back into the room, not giving her time to think any further.  Not far behind her was Kelley, calling their names.  

“Tobin, Christen?”

Tobin turned her attention behind her, slightly annoyed by the interruption.  “What?”

“Sorry.” Kelley looked nervous, immediately concerning Christen.  “Can I talk to Christen for a quick second?  I promise it’ll be fast.”  Tobin looked at her, searching for permission or a signal to leave.  “What’s wrong, Kelley?” she asked, sitting upright on the edge of the bed.  

Using that as her cue, Tobin stepped back, letting her know she was going downstairs while they talked.

“Did I interrupt….something?” Kelley asked sheepishly before coming to sit next to her.  Christen laughed, her mind always on one thing only.  “Still no, but I think we’re getting there.”  Kelley nodded, understanding what she meant.  “I wanted to check in with you and see how you are after this weekend.  How were your parents? Like did it go okay?”

Christen always knew Kelley was a great friend to her, but now she could be classified as amazing. “Thanks, Kel.  It was great, they were really supportive and understanding.  I’m happy I went.”  Her hand reached out for Kelley’s, giving a reassuring squeeze.  “I’m glad.”  The pair sat for another few seconds, hesitation filling the air.  “Is that it, Kel?  she asked.

“Well...I also wanted to ask if you were still going to come tomorrow night to the happy hour.  I don’t want to go alone.”   _ She’s so nervous about this!   _ “Of course! I promised, didn’t I?”  Kelley fidgeted beside her.  “Yeah, but I don’t know, I know you’re busy and everything.”

“Stop.  I’m going with you.  And if I’m going, Tobin will definitely go too so there, that’s at least two people you can bring.”  It was kind of fun, seeing Kelley as the one who was worked up now at a potential relationship, Christen the reassuring one.  “And if you’re lucky, I’ll even buy you a drink,” she winked.  Seeing her body relax, Christen rubbed her back.  “Now, do you want to hear all about what I said to my parents or were you just asking to be polite?” 

They laughed together for the next few minutes as Christen dramatized the conversations like a bad soap opera for her friend.  She snorted when they got to the part about her dad mentioning an athlete in the family, Kelley’s eyebrows wiggling.  “They’re already marrying you off!”  She giggled, “I know, right?  Geez.  Ok, let’s go get my future spouse as they say so we can all get to bed.”  Kelley gave her a brief hug when they stood up, “thanks, Chris.  I’m excited for tomorrow.”

“I am too, it’ll be fun to actually have a conversation with this girl at decent hour,” Christen joked.  She started down the stairs, turning her body into the dimly lit common room.  Everyone else must have quickly retreated into their own bedrooms, exhausted from their weekend.  Tobin was laying on the couch, one hand tucked under her head for support, one in between her legs.  Her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly parted, little breaths escaping with the steady rise and fall of her chest.   _ Bless her heart, look at her.  She’s gotta be so tired. _

Kelley shot her a look of guilt, maybe saying she was sorry for interrupting them again. Christen shook it away, it was probably better if Tobin was this sleepy.  Gently rustling her away, Tobin’s eyes fluttered open only inches away from her own.  “Babe, let’s go up to bed now.”  She stroked her hair and  pressed a warm kiss on Tobin’s temple before reaching out her hand to help her up.  Sleepily, Tobin stood up, steadying herself.  She silently followed Christen upstairs and straight into bed, leaving her to turn of the lights and close the door behind them.  

Christen saw she was almost immediately asleep by the time she hit the pillow, bringing a smile to her face.  Careful not to bother her, she slipped behind in the behind, nuzzling her chin into the crook of Tobin’s neck.  Their bodies were perfect together and as much as Christen wanted to touch more than her neck, she knew it was best to let Tobin rest.  In the darkness, she closed her own eyes and began to fall into her own trance.

“Love you, Christen”  she heard before black filled her mind.

………...

“You two are in a good mood,” Kelley commented on  the cold walk to the bar the next night.  Christen caught her friend’s eyes, who gestured between a thumbs up and thumbs down, more asking about their earlier conversation. A smile and a single shake of the head resulted in a sneer from Kelley, who was clearly just as disappointed but certainly not as frustrated as Christen.  

Tobin, however, was completely oblivious.  Her warm hands over of Christen’s, holding her steady on the icy sidewalk.  The scenery around them was gorgeous and nothing like Christen had experienced in her California days.  Her focus though, was completely on the beauty beside her.  Tobin’s hair was long and straight, hidden underneath a plain black beanie that matched her coat.  Her cheeks were pink from the cold, giving her rosy glow that brought out the golden flecks in her eyes.  It also didn’t help that she was wear a very tight pair of  gray thermal leggings that showed off her sculpted calves and backside.   _ Good God, I want to peel those off of her. _

Her indecent thoughts followed them all the way into the bar, where Kelley immediately lost her cool and pushed her in first.  “Can you see her?  You go first, tell me if you see her.”  

Christen looked around, trying to match any girl to the memory she had in her head.  “I think she’s over there,” she pointed, “talking to a few girls sitting at a table.  What do you want me to do?”  

Kelley ducked a little behind Christen, using her body as a shield.  “Shoot.  Ok, um.  Let’s go to the bar and get a drink and maybe she’ll see us.  If she doesn’t, we’ll walk past her and bump into her.”   _ Man, Kelley must have it bad for this one.   _ Taking directions, she took the straight path to the bar, looking back only once to make sure Tobin was safely in tow.  

“Hi.  Can I have two glasses of your house white and...Tobin, do you want a beer?”  A toothy grin confirmed her guess,  “and one Stella.”   Kelley was sure to tell the bartender their tab should be under the charity, which Christen already forgot, so they would get the proceeds.

“Kelley, hi!”  A slim, lanky girl came up behind the group as Christen put the change from her twenty in her purse.  IT was obvious Kelley was smitten for this girl, her laugh was a little too high and she couldn’t stand still.  She thought about grabbing Tobin to give them some space but figured that might make things worse, so she stepped in and tried to take over for a minute so Kelley could collect herself. 

“So Ann, this is great.  Thanks for inviting us.  How long have you been apart of this organization?”

Tobin had snuck her a second glass of wine while she listened to Ann drone on and on about the different things she had her hand in.  It wasn’t completely boring, but the way Kelley was hanging on every word and asking questions to prolong the conversation, she would need this second glass.   Another ten minutes and Tobin nodded with her head over to some empty spots at the bar.  Grateful, she interrupted. “Hey guys, I have to go to the bathroom and then we should get Tobin a refill so we’ll catch up with you two later, okay?”  Before Kelley could come up with an excuse why she shouldn’t be left alone with Ann, Christen turned around and found a seat on the shiny wooden stool that had been saved for her.  

 

“Thank you, I don’t think I could watch that much longer,” she laughed.  Tobin took a long sip of her beer, shaking her head in agreement.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kelley look that desperate.”  

Christen smiled back at Tobin, their eyes dancing back and forth between each other while the noise of that chattering bar dimmed around them. In their own world,  she watched Tobin bite her bottom in response, something that completely turned her on. Leaning a little closer, she aimed to lay a soft kiss on the lips that were staring her down when Tobin froze.  

“Oh my God.”  

Christen stopped and followed Tobin’s gaze over her shoulder, twisting around on the bar stool.  Her face dropped, her extremities went numb.  Had she really forgotten what today was?

It was December 7th.

…..

“What’s she doing here?” Tobin said, not particularly to anyone, just wondering aloud.  Christen couldn’t have imagined a worse time for Shirley to show up, but there she was standing in the doorway of the bar with Danny and a few of the other soccer guys.  While they were all looking around for a spot to sit in the crowded room, Shirley’s dark and piercing eyes had found the couple straight ahead.

Christen turned around to face Tobin again, unwilling to give the girl any attention.  “Just ignore her, don’t let her bother you.” Her hands reached out to lay overtop of Tobin’s thighs which brought her eyes to refocus on her own face, a hint of a smile dancing at the corners of her mouth.  “Have I told you that you look really pretty today?”  She blushed a little, “no, but thanks.  You look pretty good yourself.”  Trying again, Christen leaned in and  pressed her lips against Tobin’s cold ones.  It was simple but pure, bringing warmth to her body.

“Isn’t that sweet?”  An unfamiliar voice sarcastically said, coming closer to the them.  When she turned around, Christen saw Shirley standing with her arms crossed across her chest, smiling too sweetly.  When neither of them responded, she continued, “How are you Tobin?  Nice to see you, Christen.”    

“Hi, Shirley.”  Christen only nodded, a look of displeasure very obvious on her face.  “Can I buy you two a drink?”   _ Why is she trying to be nice? _

Tobin stepped in right away.  “No, thanks.  Actually I think we were just about to leave.”  She gave her a look as to say ‘go along with this’ but Christen wasn’t going to let Shirley run her out and have the satisfaction.  “Our drinks are pretty full, I think we’re going to enjoy these.  But thanks for stopping by, see you.”    It was a very dismissive statement and she turned her attention back to Tobin, laying it on extra thick.  “Wanna try my wine, babe?  It’s pretty good.”  Playing along, Tobin took a sip from the outreached glass. “Not bad.” Christen watched her run her tongue along her bottom lip, licking up the red liquid that had settled there.  She reached out and skimmed her thumb along the bottom, helping her.  Tobin’s eyes were trained on her, clearly understanding the show they were putting on.  Her own hand stroked  and settled on Christen’s forearm before it dropped and they clasped their hands together.

Shirley stood there still, just watching the interaction to which she was an outsider.   Christen looked up at her, smiled so wide and asked, “did you need something else, Shirley?”  

She could see the girl was dumbfounded, unsure of what her next move should be.  Eventually she moved backwards and spun around to find the group she had come in with.  Watching her, Tobin grinned ear to ear.  “That was perfect.  I like when sassy Christen comes out.  Kinda reminds me of when we first met except I didn’t get a smile like that.”  Giggling, she agreed.  “You might have had the sassiest Christen, ever.  Poor you.”

Without saying anything quick-witted back, Tobin’s already dark eyes turned into an almost black pool and pressure intensified around her hand.  “I doubt that,” she said with her voice dripping in seduction.  “I have a really good idea of what that would look like and that version is wearing way less than what she had on in the coffee shop.”  As Tobin inched closer and closer to her ear, her other hand gently rubbing the inside of her thighs, Christen felt herself growing wet in the overfilled room.   _ How can she make me feel this way with just one touch? _

“I changed my mind about rushing out of here.”  They were in a match; who was going to make the first move.  After a few moments, Tobin stood up and pushed her way in between Christen’s now parted legs.  She looked up at the beautiful girl, who was looking down at her with a mixture of pure want and love.  Puckering her lips upward ever so slightly, Tobin leaned down and rewarded her with a lingering soft kiss, her hand safely cradling the back of her head.  Her eyes were heavy, unable to immediately open them once their connection broke but as she breathed out, she felt instantly calmed and forgot about their earlier distraction.

“Take me home, Tobin.” 

It didn’t take more than a second for Tobin to pull her up off of the stool, guiding her towards the door with a hand safely tucked around her waist.  Suddenly, she halted.   “Wait! We forgot dinner.  Shit! And Kelley!”  The girls giggled to themselves, realizing the moment had gotten the best of them and they’d neglected the two reasons they were even there in the first place.  “I’ll get the to-go order and you get Kelley.  We have to leave at with at least one of those things!” Christen laughed.

They were 2/2.

Kelley was easily rounded up since Tobin sent her a quick warning text that said ‘Leave with us.  Play a little hard to get!’  Christen stood with her elbows on the bar, watching her friend and girlfriend politely make their exit from Ann while she waited for the bags of tacos they’d ordered earlier to take home for roommate dinner night.  

“Christen?”  _ This has to be a joke.   _

WIthout saying anything in response, she turned slightly to her left, where Shirley had reappeared, this time a drink in her hand that was almost empty.  When the girl realized Christen wasn’t going to respond verbally, she kept talking.  “I know you must think I’m intrusive and that I seem a little crazy but I have to just tell you, don’t take any of this personally.  This isn’t about you.  Tobin and I were something special before you came around and I regret letting her go.  I thought I could be the bigger person and gracefully move on, but I realized I don’t want to.  So just know I probably won’t be going away anytime soon.”  

She couldn’t believe it.   _ Is she serious right now? _  Her willpower must have reached an all-time high because her limbs stayed steady and her face barely moved a muscle.  “I see.  Well, you should know I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, either.” 

Looking more relaxed and slightly smug, Shirley laughed.  “Yes, you will.  I know your type, Christen.  This relationship is exciting and new because Tobin is the first girl you’ve been with.  But soon it’ll fade and she’ll look for someone who has more in common with her, someone who understands what she wants in life and someone who’s ready to give that to her.”

“You’re wrong.”  Her voice was strong but getting louder and was shaded with annoyance.

“I give it three months, max.  Do you think Tobin’s going to want to train and teach a girl about what she wants?  About what she needs when she already could have that?”   _ I’m going to hit her. I’m actually going to slap this girl right now, right here. _

“Enough.”  

A voice that was familiar but scarily quiet interrupted her thoughts.  Tobin stood behind her, placing one hand on her far hip for protection as she glared at the smaller girl in front of them. “I’ve had it.  You need to leave us, especially Christen alone.”  Shirley started to open her mouth but was immediately cut of by both words and a gesture of the hand.  “I don’t want to her another word.”  

Like a miracle from somewhere above, the bartender set down the two oversized brown bags holding their orders in front of them.  “Ladies, here you go.  You’re all set and thanks again.”  Tobin reached around Christen to get them, facing her and giving her a little nod of encouragement.   _ She’s telling me it’s okay, I’m okay.   _ She returned the look and instantly felt confident in herself again.  “We’re going,” she informed her smartly, snaking her arm around Tobin’s own slender waist and allowed herself to turn and walk outside, not daring to look back.  

……...

“Is everything okay?” Tobin asked after dinner, just above the sound of clinking plates in the sink.  Christen wanted to avoid any type of confrontation that would be misconstrued, so she stopped what she was doing to gather her thoughts.  “Just still a little tense, you know?  I’m not looking forward to any more run-ins this week.”  They hadn’t said much to each other on the quick walk back to their house, not wanting to have the conversation in front of Kelley.  During dinner, they carried on like normal with their roommates but she swore more than a few times she caught Tobin checking on her from across the table with a look of concern.

Christen continued scrubbing the large bowl while gathering her best nonchalant voice.  “I think I’m...ready.”  Tobin dropped the scrubbing brush hastily, leaning both of her hands against the sink and turned to her in confusion.  “What, like right now?  Here?” she gestured around the kitchen.

“No,” she laughed.  “Definitely not here.  I’m just saying from here on out, I think I’m...ready.”  She could see Tobin making a mental note of the statement, trying to determine whether or not Christen really had meant it.  It was kind of awkward to discuss it standing in the middle of a kitchen she shared with roommates, their friends, so she pressed a quick kiss to Tobin’s cheek and changed the subject.  “So, you have a final tomorrow and one Wednesday.  Then you’re finished?” 

“Yeah,” she told her, slightly still distracted.  “What about you?  Just tomorrow and Friday right?”  

It annoyed her that she was quite possibly the only one in the house that had a final Friday morning.  The guys were throwing their huge Christmas party on Thursday night this year instead of Friday because they would all be finished with finals and they learned from their mistake last year.  Kelley told her they didn’t give themselves enough time to recover and clean before most people left on Saturday and they ended up with a hefty cleaning bill from the stains and smells that lingered for the three weeks they were gone.  Christen still planned on going, but she would have to seriously limit the amount she drank and set enough alarms to be up and ready to go by 9 a.m.

“Yeah. Do you think she’ll be there on Thursday night?”  Christen avoided eye contact, hoping her question came off innocently instead of worrisome.  “Probably,” Tobin told her with no sign of pleasure from delivering the information. “But try not to think about it, for me?”  The sound of her voice was easy to give into, so she leaned in again to deliver small kiss on the cheek.  “You’re the best.”  

“And Chris?”

“Yeah?” she asked, wondering why the tone of Tobin’s voice was slightly flat.  “You being ‘ready’ has nothing to do with anything she said to you tonight, right?”  

In a way, it was hurtful.  How could Tobin think the girl had that much of an influence over her feelings?  On the other hand, it made her feel safe knowing that she cared this much about her and what happened between them.  “No, I swear.  I’ve wanted to tell you for a little over a week now but was waiting for a good moment.”

Tobin looked her over, suddenly turning back to the sink in confidence.  “Okay, good.”

After that, they reviewed the plan that was set for them to spend a few days together before both flying out on Monday afternoon; Tobin to New Jersey, Christen back to California.  The thought of separation created  a pit in her stomach, but above all else she knew it would give them a healthy test to their relationship.  “Well, I think that’s it,” Christen said as she finished loading the dishwasher.  “I’m going to go study for a little bit longer but you’re welcome to stay in my room tonight.”  

“As tempting as that is babe, I want you to do well on your finals and if we stayed together this week you wouldn’t be studying.”  A devilish grin filled Tobin’s face as she bite her bottom lip.   _ Help me, I can’t turn that down. Stay strong, Christen.   _ “Separate rooms this week, then?” she confirmed.  Tobin only nodded, but she sensed that it wasn’t genuine since she dropped the bomb that she was ready for the next step.

Reluctantly, they went their separate ways up to their bedrooms to study, but it was hard for Christen to concentrate.  She learned not much later Tobin was having just as hard of a time when her phone started to buzz.

_ Tobin: Tell me why I need to keep studying. _

Smiling, she thought of a good reason for them both to continue.

_ Christen: If you promise to study tonight and tomorrow night, I’ll reward you by changing the no sleepovers rule for Wednesday night when you’re finished. _

_ Tobin: :) In that case you won’t hear a peep from me until then. _

_ Christen:  I don’t know if I like that! _

_ Tobin: Excuse me, can you stop texting me?  I’m really motivated to do well here ;) _

Laughing now, Christen appreciated the banter. _ My girlfriend is perfect. _

_ …….. _

She couldn’t sleep.  The house was still, there were no sounds of televisions, no lights streaming from under the door or muffled voices on the sidewalk outside.  3:22 a.m.  

Christen reached over for her phone, pressing the home button that illuminated her bedroom with a too-bright light, making her squint.  She missed the void that Tobin had left in the spot next to her, already attached to the warmth and comfort her body brought.  It was closer to morning now, but still, she had to try to fix the emptiness.

_ Christen: I miss you.  Come to me. _

She scrolled through her social media feeds, seeing a few things that made her smile, reading posts from people she hadn’t seen in a while.  After a few minutes, she froze at the sound of the creaky floorboards below.   _ Someone is awake. _  As she listened, she realized it was a steady movement of feet, now coming up the steps towards her room.  Her breathing became labored as she imagined a masked man holding a flashlight and a knife coming right for her.  

The door slowly opened and she gripped the sheets, heart pounding of her chest.  But instead of the terrifying man she pictured, it was the slim brunette she’d summoned moments earlier.  “Tobin!” she whispered in sheer delight while shooting upright against her headboard.

“Hi,” the girl softly returned.  As she got closer, Christen couldn’t help but drool over the slight bounce of her curls that flowed overtop of her perfect chest, the shine coming off her toned and tanned thighs and the freshness of her face.  “Come here,” she gestured to the space beside her.

Tobin slowly climbed up on the bed from the foot of it, placing herself overtop of Christen. Her knee nudged her own legs apart ever so slightly, her hands on either side of Christen’s head.   Before she could get a word out, their mouths weaved together in the softest way possible, barely moving.  They broke apart briefly, only to stare at each other in the silent room.  Christen felt her body weaken, Tobin’s fingers playing with the bottom of her shirt.  Their mouths were shut but their eyes did all the talking.  

_ Go ahead. Yes, I’m sure.  Take it off. _  She felt desired, wanted in that moment.  Her chest was exposed to a thin white bra that was almost silky enough to see through.  Tobin’s fingertips danced along the edges of the undergarment, her eyes clearly pleased with what she was both seeing and feelings.  Her mouth dipped into the crook of her neck, biting down quickly before replacing the sting with the cool massage of her mouth.  A small moan came out, enticing Tobin to do it again. 

A sharp gasp comes from low in her throat, very much audible in the quiet room. Her eyes were focused on Tobin’s body sliding against her own, very much clothed.  She reached down and slid her hand up the warm, muscular back, dragging her nails further up her spine until she reached the base of Tobin’s neck.  Only then, after her neck had been thoroughly taken care of, did Tobin shift to dropped her head back into the pillows beside her, giving them a moment to check in with each other.  Christen considered flipped positions, wanting to take control and explore the body next to her but Tobin wasted no time –  dropping her hand to rub light circles into the insides of her exposed thighs, trailing kisses down the side of her shoulder and arm.  Christen didn’t want to be teased much longer; the ache between her legs had her so wound up she could explode. She’s eager, thinking about how much times she wanted this but couldn’t get there mentally.  Now,  she’ll be damned if she doesn’t get exactly what she wants.  

She lays flat on her back, unwilling to break the touch she has secured on Tobin.  Back in their original position, Tobin’s mouth goes to work on chest, taking her in her hot mouth, cleverly undoing the metal clasp behind her back.  Sure, she’d done this much with a guy before, but the way this girl was attentive to her every movement, every sound had made it that much better.  Tobin was doing this for Christen’s pleasure more than her own, and it showed.

While she was still reeling from the sensation of being touched that way above the waistline, she felt her thighs exposed to the cool night air, giving her goosebumps all the way down.  Her shorts were slowly shimming down her legs, leaving a black pair of silky underwear she hadn’t even planned on wearing.   _ Thank goodness I’m not wearing something embarrassing.   _ This time, it was a small moan from Tobin’s own throat that came out as a result of the perfect body that was all hers.  Christen looked up at her, searching for a look of approval, which wasn’t hard to spot.   _ She wants me, too _ .  Tobin’s eyes glistened, not with moisture but with desire, pleased by what she was looking at.

Tobin seductively hung over top of her, pulling up her own oversized t-shirt, discarding it on the wooden floor to reveal her braless chest.  Her rounded breasts were small but gorgeous, just asking to be held. Christen pulled on the sides of her pants, making her hover over top of her face while kicking them off her ankles, leaving only a simple pair of black underwear perfectly holding her perfect lower half.  Seizing the opportunity, Christen lifted her head up into Tobin’s chest,   tenderly pressing one palm against the curve of her breast. Tobin let out a sharp breath, surprised by the gesture, but she didn’t dare move her hand.   Smiling, Christen wraps her soft lips around one swell, dragging her teeth into the most sensitive part while her hand teased the other, rolling her thumb and a finger tightly.  Tobin’s hair tickles them as she works, small gasps escaping each time she seems to do something right and her confidence is growing, unfazed by the new experience.

Christen is getting wetter, growing with pleasure while Tobin seems to be coming undone on top of her.  Not wanting it to end like this, she detaches her lips and hungrily finds her lips, spreading them wide to push her tongue insider.  Tobin returns the kiss, smoothing her tongue over top, teeth almost clashing in fury.  Suddenly, she’s gone.

She is so turned on, but scared as Tobin sprinkles quick kisses down her chest, gnawing at the skin of her stomach, coming closer to the spot where she wants to be touched so badly.   _ Will this be what I want it to be?  Am I ready for this? _

Before she could send her mind to the place of doubt, her arms snaked around Tobin.  She felt again the rush of helplessness, the sinking warmth that left her yearning for more.  Her head bent back across Tobin’s arm that was laying behind her now, as she came back up to her neck to leave a few more sloppy kisses, softly at first, and then with a swift intensity.   Clinging against the strong body on top of her,  her mind fell into a dizzy swaying world. Her leg tremored from underneath her, evoking sensations she had never known she was capable of.  As Tobin’s mouth moved south across the swells of her chest again, stopping briefly to give them the attention they craved, Christen felt a pool seeping,  overflowing between her legs.  Feeling confident, she gave Tobin a nudge to keep going; the final destination of her excursion wasn’t going end there.  

Tobin’s eyes between her legs met her own, searching for permission. She arched her back, lifting her hips to signal yes, she was more than ready for this.Tobin   wasted no time, pulling the fabric to the side and driving her tongue inside her, setting off a shattering moan that filled the empty room. Her hands reached out to grab both Tobin’s hair and the white sheets of the bed, yanking and pulling them closer.  One thrust of a finger and she was inside her, hitting the spot that turned her stiffled moans into a long, hard cry.  It’s fast, a firm touch against her, hitting something that has her writhing and bucking her hips into the air.    Tobin drew back, slowing down to prolong the amazing feeling deep in her core.  She  blew softly on the exposed center of her, creating a sense of feeling that was way more intimate than anything they’d done before. “Keep going,” Christen moaned and she was rewarded with her forwardness,  Tobin consuming her with her tongue stroking in long, slow licks, curling in a slick promise at the hard center of her pleasure.  She slightly lifted her hips to meet the mouth that was making her come undone as her hands dug into the mattress to steady herself.  She knew exactly what Christen needed, changing the pace every so often, long and short movements to keep her body guessing. Tobin remained with her as she spilled over the edge, bursting out in small cries and ran her hands the length of her body.  Christen certainly wasn’t holding back, Tobin either - their voices were raw, pleasure filled in the darkness.  Her muscles were contracting, her legs wrapped loosely around Tobin’s strong shoulders were going limp.  When she finally opened her eyes, Tobin’s hair was now in a wild tumble,  hanging over top of her as came back to Earth, her own face glowing. 

“This is what I was missing?” Christen grinned.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> picking right up at the end of the last chapter...you've been warned.

…..

She wasted no time pulling Tobin back into her glistening skin.  Tasting herself on the swollen lips of her girlfriend sent her body into immediate overdrive once again.  “Slow down,” Tobin breathed, pulling back gently.  Christen looked into the smiling face above her, wanting nothing more at that moment than to return the undoubtedly most amazing sensation she’d ever received.  Leaning back in, Tobin grazed her lips along her cheek, tickling her.  “How was it?”

“I can’t even describe it,” Christen told her while cupping her face and stroking her jaw. The sensation of having her inside of her, had almost been too much.

She wanted more. More of Tobin. More of this and them.  She wanted to watch Tobin’s expression as she came apart below her and know that they had done this together. Without breaking eye contact, Christen started to roll to her side, lifting herself from under the weight of the girl above her.  Tobin began to swiftly move with her in sync, now lying on her back.   

Christen blinked rapidly at the sight of the girl underneath of her. Her hands slid down the tensing muscles of her stomach to her hips,  smoothing over the curves and feeling a rhythmic thrusting upward.  She balanced herself on one elbow, tracing sensual patterns up and down her ribs and over her shoulder. Tobin’s body was magnificent: her long, brunette locks hair spread out across the white pillow, her brown eyes full and deep, locked on her own and her mouth was open, waiting to react.

She moved a hand around and underneath across her backside, guiding and moving her, but following a slow pace. She watched Tobin’s eyebrows come together and her teeth clamp down on her lower lip, biting back her reaction to the touch. They started moving, not fast but with determination, a synchronized connection where neither would look away from each other.  

“Talk me through this, Tobin.  Tell me what you need,” Christen told her in a low voice.  The pair of brown eyes shut as she talked.  “Touch me. I want you inside of me.”

Now she bit her own lip, nervous but so turned on by the intimacy between them as she easily slid her index finger inside Tobin, who had been waiting for her.

Christen heard Tobin moan and pant, casting aside any embarrassment at hearing sex sounds fly unbidden from her own throat earlier. She was excited and loved hearing the cries, spurring her on. Her speed increased as she inserted a second finger, her palm rocking again Tobin’s hips thrusting. 

“Look at me,” Tobin told her. Christen’s eyes grew wide as she looked up and she moaned in her own arousal as her fingers sped up. Tobin tightened like a knot pulled just too tight and suddenly, gloriously fell.  It was quick and wonderful.  

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to do that for.”    WIth anyone else, she might have felt shy, but as her naked body slid against Tobin’s, she was more than comfortable.  “I literally almost came when I took your shirt off.  Do you know just how attractive you are?” Tobin whispered into her hair.  It made her heart flutter as she closed her eyes.  Months ago she had barely opened up to anyone, closed off to this part of her life.  It was overwhelming when she thought about it, how far she’d come emotionally both individually and as a part of couple.

“Babe?”  The sound of Tobin’s voice brought her back to the moment.  She laid her head onto Tobin’s shoulder, “Hmm?”  She felt shuffling below her so there was more room for her to lay there.  “You okay?”  

“Perfect.”

Christen wasn’t sure how long they laid in that position, thumbs skimming overtop of bare skin in silence.  Eventually, she rolled off and away from Tobin, pulling the sheets over her naked body.  “It’s late, are you going to stay?” she asked.

Tobin looked at her in confusion, “uh yeah. Of course I’m going to stay.  What, did you not want me to?”  

“No, of course I do.  I  just didn’t know if you wanted to sleep in your own bed since we have to get up for finals tomorrow.”   Tobin reached out and circled over top of her waist, clutching her tightly and dragging her into the space closest to her own body.  “I sleep best when I’m with you.” 

………

She wasn’t lying.  When Christen woke the next morning to the buzzing of her alarm, Tobin was in the same position as she fell asleep in;  mouth wide open, eyes tightly shut but so peaceful looking.  Slipping out of her grasp, Christen delicately sat up and tried to decide whether she was going to shower  or take a few extra minutes to review her notes.  Deciding she would feel much better taking her tests with a clean body, she tiptoed out of the room and into the shower.

Under the running hot water, she ran her fingertips over all the spots Tobin had touched her the night before, rarely finding an area she hadn’t covered.  A smile crept onto her face, flushing her cheeks as she replayed the scenes in her head.  Any other time but finals week and she would have turned off her alarm to keep the night going, finally aware of just how amazing the experience was. 

Why had she been so shut off from letting anyone get this close to her in the past?  The previous night had been nothing to be scared of at all.  It started to weigh heavily on her mind, eyebrows burrowed together in concern for her own well-being.  What other things had she missed because she was too worried about the consequences?  Were there other opportunities in life she had passed on that could have led her down a different road? Shaking her head, she stopped her train of thought immediately.  No, this was exactly how it was supposed to be. It was meant to happen just like this, because of who it was with.  Tobin was her meant to be.  

Wanting to get back to her as quickly as possible, she washed the suds off and bubbles from her hair.  A small towel circled around her body, she crept into her room only to find it empty.  She froze.  

Where was Tobin?  Why had she left?  Did she wait until she was out of the room to go?

A yellow post-it clung to the white pillow where Tobin’s head had previously laid.  Christen gingerly picked it up, seeing small and hurried handwriting:

_ Didn’t want to interrupt your shower - see you tonight. Miss you already and GOOD LUCK! - T  _

Her exams crept by, each clock that stared her down moving slower than the last.  She was more than prepared for the two tests she took, but her mind was preoccupied by the images burned in her brain from last night.  The way Tobin’s body slid against hers, the curves of her face illuminated in the dark and the feeling, oh God, the feeling of her inside all the parts that burned for her.  In the last ten minutes of the testing window, Christen felt her body react to her thoughts as her underwear dampened and her heart rate accelerated.  That was it, she was done and didn’t care if she got less than a perfect score. 

After she turned in her blue book, she hurried out into the December afternoon air, fumbling with her phone.

_ Christen: Where are you? _

_ Tobin: Just got home.  You done? _

_ Christen: Be there in ten. _

She quickened her pace, slamming her feet against the pavement in fury to get there as soon as possible.  In record time, she leapt up the front porch steps and into the toasty house.  “Tobin?”  

Her girlfriend’s voice nearly startled her, not expecting it to be as close as it was.  “Hey babe, in here.”  

Tobin was draped across the sofa, one leg propped up while watching some mindless tv show.  “How’d your exams go?” she genuinely inquired.  Christen stared at her with intensity, not caring to discuss how some silly exams went.  In stride, she made a beeline for the other girl and swiftly swung her leg overtop of the bent leg.  She swooped down to lay her lips against Tobin’s, catching her by surprise.  Immediately, she felt acceptance as they welcomed each other home.  “Hi, babe” she finally breathed overtop of Tobin, her hair being swept out of the way.  “ Hi yourself, that was nice.”  

She held out her hand, wanting to continue in somewhere else but their public common room.  “I can be even nicer,” Christen seductively played.  “Come on.”  Tobin’s eyes filled with intrigue, brightening at the suggestion.  Her thin but strong hand interlocked with Christen’s, allowing herself to be helped up and moved towards the opposite side of the house.  

Christen spun around, catching her off guard for a second time in less than a few minutes.  She stepped  towards Tobin, slipping her fingers fearlessly inside and down the waistband of the Nike joggers, forcing their bodies  closer together. Tobin gasped involuntarily at the audacity, smiling in an all too turned on manner. Christen took it as a sign to continue, wrapping her hand overtop of the cotton underwear hiding her wanted destination.  Tobin flexed around her grip, closing her eyes briefly, relishing in the  touch.  She used her free hand to scrunch up the long sleeve t-shirt, telling rather than asking Tobin to remove it.  Her request was fulfilled and it slipped effortlessly off the brunette’s body.  Tobin started to participate, reciprocating the movement with Christen’s jacket, pulling on the zipper. They moved quickly, Christen backwards up the staircase, a layer of clothing dropping to the floor with each step.  Tobin kicked the clothes along, not wanting to reveal their obvious trail to the third floor.  “Let me pick these up,” she halted her.  

Almost naked except for their undergarments, Christen locked her door behind her while Tobin threw the discarded clothes cross the room.  Wanting to finish what she started, she pushed Tobin up against the door, hands running over her body in pure passion, feeling the goosebumps pop up as a reaction.  It spurred her on, wanting more so she opened her mouth before putting it over top of Tobin’s waiting lips, hungry for her.  She bit down on her bottom lip.   Tobin winced a little, trembling underneath her lip.  “Too rough?” she asked, inching backwards to gauge the reaction.

“No, not at all. This is...hot.” Tobin pressed back into her, snaking her hands a little lower on her waist.  Christen bucked her hips against her, shoving her harder into the closed door.  Their tongues swirled together, sweetly tasting and exploring each other.  They both couldn’t wait any longer, falling backwards onto the mattress, Christen underneath at first before she turned them over, resuming their position on the couch downstairs.

Broad day light filled her room, the first time she’d been this exposed in Tobin’s presence with so much of her body to witness.  She didn’t care.  She felt sexy, desired and undeniably indebted to the touch of her girlfriend.  

Her mouth moved across the rock solid core of Tobin’s abs, dipping her tongue briefly in Tobin’s navel, one hand pushing underneath her sports bra to spring free a breast.  She squeezed it roughly, unable to control herself.

Her tongue quickly made a mess of Tobin, licking and consuming her without mercy.  She couldn’t see, but was able to hear the panting from somewhere up north indicating Tobin was enjoying it just as much as her.  Although she was new to it, her tongue skillfully circled and absorbed all of her.  A loud cry filled the room, sending Christen into overdrive and working quicker and faster to lap up the orgasm she created.  

When she thought it was safe, she inched her body towards the head of the bed, straddling Tobin once more.

“This way,” she murmured against the cool skin of Tobin’s hand before abruptly pushing it down and inside of her.  Tobin released her free hand from Christen’s bent thigh and pulled herself upright so she was practically sitting up, eye to eye. She nuzzled her tanned neck,  then bit down as she flexed her hips, deliciously slowly, pumping her fingers deeper and deeper.   Christen felt herself  smile as she pressed her own mouth against Tobin’s neck, and soon she felt fingers curl around her jaw and throat, holding her still for a moment.  

They slid lower to caress her behind with and she started to feel helpless, entranced in the touch.  Tobin laid her backwards, her long fingers safely tucked behind her neck and one hand peeling her drenched underwear down.  She helped pull them off, while cool fingertips gently trailed back up to exposed center.  Tobin’s palm palm rocked against her, Christen savoring each movement.  She moaned loudly as her body takes over, convulsing around Tobin’s fingers once again inside of her.

“Tobin!”

The wide, white smile she’d fallen in love with met her eyes.  “Relax, baby.  You earned it.”  

…..

“We haven’t been out just the two of us in a while, Tobin pointed out as they laid against each other, hands playing in the air.  

“No, we haven’t.  I guess that’s what happens during soccer season,” Christen agreed.  “Maybe we can plan a few things this weekend after everything has calmed down.”

“I have a better idea.  Can we go to dinner on Wednesday night?  You said if I studied we could have a sleepover and I would love to be able to spend time with you out outside of our bedrooms.”  It was a great idea, and the suggestion wasn’t something she took personally.  She knew that Tobin didn’t mean that she didn’t enjoy what happened in their bedrooms, she just wanted a little more.  “I love it.  Can I plan our date?”

Tobin enthusiastically agreed, “Absolutely.”  An idea had come to her quickly, one she hoped but likely knew Tobin would appreciate.

……………..


	22. Chapter 22

Christen spent her Tuesday in one of the university libraries, sitting across from her delectable girlfriend who was dressed in those gray thermal leggings that made her mouth water with an oversized sweatshirt that hung from her.  She watched Tobin sip her coffee while concentrating on the textbook in front of her.  It was possibly one of the few times she’d seen her so serious, even counting all of the games she’d seen her play in.  

“How’s it going?” Christen checked in.  Tobin broke her attention to give her a soft smile.  “Good.  You okay over there?”

Truth was, she didn’t really need to study for her last two finals since one was open note and the other would likely be a breeze but the company was enough to keep her there.  “Yep.  Just working on our date night for tomorrow,” she teased, pretending to tap away on her laptop.

It brought a bigger smile to Tobin’s face, lighting it up in anticipation.  “What are we doing?” 

“It’s a secret.  Can’t tell.”  She was met with a pout that made Tobin’s eyes go round and wide, staring into her.  “That won’t work,” Christen insisted even though it wasn’t entirely true.  She watched her  stand up and round the table, taking a seat directly next to her before leaning in closely to press a soft kiss to her cheek.  “Will this work?”  Christen melted underneath her touch.  “Nope.”

Tobin looked around the crowded room to see if anyone was focused on them before she leaned back in and aimed for her lips.  The gesture made Christen’s heart skip a beat, going numb from head to toe.  “You’re getting warmer but the deal was that we would have a night together if you studied!  So get back over to the other side of this table before I have to cancel our date.”  She was was completely kidding but part of her was actually afraid she wouldn’t be able to control herself even though they were in the middle of a sea of people.  Tobin stood up and sulked to the other side, slumping back into her chair before giving her a dirty look.  “Happy?”

Christen shot her a smile that reached her eyes, “more than ever.”  

…

She woke up earlier than her alarm on Wednesday, anxious for the day ahead of her.  Tobin lightly snored next to her, unaware that it was morning.  Christen watched her breathe for a few moments while tracing her jaw with her fingertips, careful not to disturb her.  It was best that she got moving before Tobin could question why she was up so early so she carefully moved up and away, out the bedroom door without shutting it.

Downstairs she saw Allie making herself a bagel while reading something on her phone.  She looked up to greet her, eyeing her lack of clothing.  “I guess it IS a good morning,” she teased.  Christen blushed, telling her to quit it.  “Ha ha, very funny.  Final this morning?” she asked, nodding to backpack sitting on the stool in front of her. 

“Ugh, yes.  Statistics.”  

Christen winced, “that’s the worst.  You’ll be fine I’m sure.  But can you do me a quick favor?”  

“Sure,” Allie told her.  

“I’m going to close the common door so I can start on something in our kitchen.  If Tobin comes down can you keep her from coming in?  Or at least distract her?”  She intended on making her breakfast in bed, but if she woke up anytime soon it wouldn’t work out.  Still, she could at least put something together without her fingers interfering or random ‘taste tests’.  “No problem, I’ll be here for about another twenty minutes.”

“Perfect, thanks Allie.” Christen called over her shoulder.  In her own kitchen she took out the ingredients to make waffles from scratch, a Tobin favorite, with little side bowls of fruits and chocolate chips to add if she wanted.  It didn’t take her long to whip up the batter and she had it spread in the waffle maker just in time to hear Tobin knocking on the other side of the door.  “Chris?  What are you up to?”  

_ Ugh, c’mon Allie, I asked you to keep her away!   _ “Tobin, go back upstairs.  I’ll be there in a few minutes!”  

A whiny voice came through the door again.  “Can’t I just stay down here?”   _ Like a little kid…   _ “Fine.  Lay down on the couch for a few minutes and I’ll be right there.”  Christen flipped over the waffle maker, making sure it was even on each side.  On a breakfast tray she put the strawberries, bananas, chocolate chips, syrup, a napkin with utensils and a large glass of orange juice.  Neatly arranging the contents, it would have looked better if she was serving it to someone actually in bed, but this would have to do.

Christen almost dropped the tray trying to unlock and open the door before Tobin rushed to her aid.  “Here let me help!”  Unable to do anything but take the assistance, Christen sulked to herself about the ruined opportunity.   

“Is this for me?”  Tobin’s eyes softened into her own, happy with the gesture.  “And me if you’ll let me have a bite or two,” she told her.

Tobin sat the tray down on the coffee table and pulled on Christen’s wrists, leaving them stiff at her sides.  “Is this our date?  Because I love it, thank you.”  She felt warm lips hover over her own, searching for a kiss.  A quick peck was given before she pulled away, laughing to herself.  “No, this is not our ‘date’.  I just wanted you to have a good start to your day but you wouldn’t stay in bed,’ she told Tobin while elbowing her.  The honey-brown eyes softened, possibly filling slightly with moisture.  “You did this just because?”

Christen was a little concerned with Tobin’s demeanor, seeing a tear start to slip from the bottom of her eye lid.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.  I’m - It’s just so sweet of you.”  Her body relaxed against the other girl’s while she pulled her in to nuzzle her neck.  “Well I’m not done for the day.  Be ready for tonight.”  Tobin’s excited expression returned briefly before she pulled her down to devour the growing-cold breakfast.  “I think I’ll keep you,” she said between bites, not even looking up.

“Good,” Christen said.  “Because there’s no way I’m getting rid of you.”

…

**Tobin’s POV**

She ran her fingers through her messy brown hair, untangling the knots formed from her slumber and tight bun she had it in.  It was too cold outside to walk out with wet hairt and she taken so long to eat breakfast and curl up on the couch with Christen that she didn’t have time to do anything special with it.  Ashlyn was in her Linguistics course and waited for her patiently in the common room, having slept over at Ali’s the night before.  She’d had a front row seat to her and Christen’s goodbye this morning, a brief then deeper kiss that might have spiraled out of control if it weren’t for her presence.

“So how’s that going?” Ashlyn asked her, sensing everything seemed to be good between them as they walked out the door.

Tobin fiddled with her hat, pulling it lower onto her ears.  “It’s great.”  Ashlyn wasn’t happy with the lack of detail, “that’s all I’m gonna get?”  She shrugged her shoulders, not knowing what else to say without gushing over Christen.  “We’re all good, she makes me really happy.”  

“That’s all the counts.”  The pair walked leisurely to their lecture hall, dreading what the next hour and a half would be.  Once settled into her chair, Tobin realized she wasn’t that nervous for the exam and despite the outcome, she’d already chalk this day up to be a good one.  Ashlyn finished before her, giving her a small wave on her way out but she wasn’t convinced that it was a good thing.  The questions weren’t as difficult as she anticipated and the open-ended prompts were something she had studied her tail off for.  Overall, she calculated at least a B.  

Once she was home, her clock told her she had two hours until she had to be ready for the big ‘date’.  Christen still wouldn’t give any hints or tell her what they were doing, so all she could do was trust her judgment and fill her time taking a nap and getting ready.  If she knew anything about Christen, she would plan something that would require her to put on something other lounging clothes and a ponytail.  She loved her reaction when they were in South Carolina and she had worn that dress with her hair and makeup done.  Tonight, she decided, she’d go for the same look.

She sat on her bedroom floor in front of a floor length mirror, fingers warm from the radiating heat of the curling wand that was deep in her bathroom drawer.  Her hair was already naturally wavy if she let it air dry after her shower but tonight she wanted it perfect.  Lightly applying makeup that made her eyes pop, she couldn’t help but silently thank Alex for nagging all these years, forcing her to put some effort into herself every once in a while.  “You’re hot, Tobin, you just have to let people see it,” she would say.

She thought she looked good, but needed an outfit.  Wanting to make sure it was just right, she texted Kelley to meet her in her bedroom.

_ Tobin: Come to my room. I need help _

_ Kelley: Isn’t that Christen’s job ;) _

_ Tobin: Get over here _

Kelley rapped on the door, pretending to cover her eyes as she opened it.  “I hope you have clothes on.”

Tobin shook her head, “Stop.  Get in here.”  

“Hey, just saying.  Seems you’ve been having a hard time keeping them on the past few days.”  SHe felt herself redden in embarrassment.  “That’s what you  _ think.” _

Snickering, Kelley confirmed the fact.  “My room is under Christen’s and you do know the common room is just down these steps.  I know what goes on.  Nice, by the way.”  She held out of her hand for a high five which there was no way she was going to return.  “Gross, that’s your friend.”

“Yeah but she’s my good looking friend you managed to land.  Nice work and don’t screw it up.”  

Tobin ran a hand through the top of her hair as a habit but stopped immediately when she remembered she had just curled it. “That’s why you’re here.  I need you to help pick something out for me for tonight.  I don’t know where we’re going and what to wear.”  

Kelley looked intrigued, excited even to be of assistance.  “It’s too cold for anything short but I don’t think jeans are the best option,” she tapped her finger against her lips.  “Do you have any tops you really like?  I can try to match them with something I have?”  She ran her hand down the line of dressy shirts she saved for rare occasions in the closet.  “I like these two,” Tobin told her, which she seemed to have no qualms about.

“Ok the black one is good, but I’m thinking the white is better.  Pair it with those pants and ankle boots and it’s a winner.”  She thought it looked good enough to her and walked over to the small jewelry box her sister had gotten her a few Christmases ago.  There were only a few items in it, but a bunch of gold bangles and small earrings would dress her up a bit more.  “These good, too?”

Her friend nodded before sitting down on the edge of the bed.  “You’re putting a lot of thought into your outfit tonight,” she teased.  Nonchalantly putting the jewelry on and avoiding eye contact, Tobin agreed.  “Christen puts in a lot of effort all the time so I just want to do the same.”  

Kelley hummed in acknowledgment.  “Yeah, she always looks good.”

She shot her a warning glance, “you’re checkin’ out my girlfriend an awful lot.  But no, I mean she puts effort into everything we do.  Like how she came to California and she’s always cooking for me and now planning tonight.  I really need to up my game.”  

“You don’t need ‘game’, Tobin.  She knows with soccer life is hectic and now you’ll have more free time to do stuff together.”  It made her feel guilty, thinking back to earlier in the morning when Christen had made her breakfast.  It was a simple gesture that sent her into emotional overdrive.  She didn’t like to compare relationships because it wasn’t what it was about but never had someone shown her that level of care or kindness.  There wasn’t a time that she could recall where something so small had meant so much to her and it made her feel bad that she hadn’t done anything like that for Christen.

Except that night.  The infamous, disastrous, horrible night.

Seeing the expression on her face gave her thoughts away to Kelley.  “I think Christen is also trying to make it up to you.  You know, because of what happened that night.”

She hoped it wasn’t true, because in all honesty, she wasn’t the only one at fault for the lack of communication.  In fact, Tobin rarely thought about it these days.  It was one of those times she hoped they’d look back on long from now and just laugh, realizing it was a blip on their radar and insignificant to who they were.  “She never had to make anything up to me but if she is, she achieved that goal a long time ago.”

“Then tell her that.  Whatever you guys do, just make sure she knows how much you appreciate the night she planned.  I know Christen and she needs feedback on this kinda stuff.”

Nodding in acknowledgment, Tobin started to shue her friend out of the room so she could get dressed, but not without another thank you.  “Really, Kel, thanks for helping.”

“No problem, just do me a favor and sleep in your room tonight.  I have a final tomorrow morning and I don’t wanna be up all night, ya know,” she joked by winking at her.  “I can’t make any promises,” Tobin told her holding her hands in the air innocently.  

…..

Christen ran through her mental checklist in her head, making sure she had everything ready to go before ‘picking Tobin up’.  She’d chosen a maroon high neck dress with a long sweater draped over top, tights for cold legs and boots.  It was probably a little too dressy, but she intended on taking the outfit off by the end of the night anyway.

She walked down the steps to the common room, hoping she was early enough to be able to greet Tobin as she came down the steps.  Luckily, she made it just in the nick of time, beating her out a mere 10 or 15 seconds.  Tobin emerged from behind the wall looking drop-dead gorgeous.  She could tell she’d primped just for the night, casting a warmness over her heart.  “You clean up nicely,” she murmured into her hair, wrapping her arms tightly over her slender body. “Are you ready?”  Tobin pulled back, twirling her.  “You don’t look half bad yourself.”  They ran each their hands up and down the length of each other’s bodies, taking in the scents and sights that were intoxicating.

“You two make me sick,” Kelley said from her hiding spot on the couch.  She was wrapped in blankets, no television or noise giving her away.

Christen leaned her forehead into Tobin’s, not able to control her laughter at their friend.  “Sorry, Kel.  We’re leaving now.”  She ushered Tobin towards her side of the house so she could grab her car keys and coat.  “I can drive,” Tobin offered while pulling on her own jacket.   

“No, this is my date.  Besides, you don’t know where we’re going.”  Tobin snapped her fingers and scowled, “I thought I had ya.”  

“Put this on.”  She held out a silky black sleeping mask she’d borrowed from Ali earlier, hoping it would add suspense and surprise to the evening.  “A blindfold? You sure this isn’t for the end of the night?” Christen scowled, pointing to her eyes.  “Remind me to keep this for later,” Tobin smirked causing Christen to playfully shove her in the ribs.  “Just put it on and then take my hand.  I don’t want you to have any sense of direction.     


She had to help Tobin settle into the car after walking like a baby deer across the lawn.  To throw her off, she took the long way around town, turning up and down side streets and sitting at stop signs much longer than she had to.  To make sure the surprise wasn’t ruined, she had someone from the restaurant waiting for them so she could park  and Tobin could wear the mask into the restaurant without drawing too many looks.  It took a lot of convincing, but she did have a way with words that helped her make her case.  

“Ok, I’m going to help you out of the car and do NOT take that mask off.  There’s someone who’s going to stand with you for a minute or two and then walk you inside,” Christen instructed.

She could see Tobin becoming anxious under the blindfold.  “Do I know this person?”  

“No.  It’ll be okay, only a minute or two I promise.”  Christen pulled her by the hands out of the car, warning her to watch the curb and take a step up onto the sidewalk.  She confirmed with the younger man, probably a college student at UNC himself, that he was waiting for the them.  “Ok, stay here Tobin.  Give me a minute or two.”  Christen nodded to the guy, giving him a thumbs up and mouthing 2 minutes. Before she could get back in the car, Tobin called for her.  “Wait.  Come back.”  She did as she was asked and grasped at Tobin’s hands reaching out for her.  

“Thank you.”  

She wasn’t sure what she was being thanked for, so she asked, “why, babe?”

“Just thank you for doing all this and caring enough to do something special for me. And us.  It means a lot to me.”  The movement of Tobin’s glossy lips made her weak, but her words made it worse.  “You’re welcome babe, I love you.”  She laid a light kiss on top of Tobin’s hair, not wanting to smudge her own lipstick or stain her check.  Letting go, she got back in her running car and found a spot right away, hastily parking before jogging lightly inside to the table.  She sat down, primping her hair and opening the menu when Tobin appeared about 75 feet in front of her by the hostess stand.  Giving the staff a nod, she saw them tell her to take her blind, which she fumbled with.

When it clicked in her head where they were, she grinned so wide Christen thought it might spill off her face.  She strutted over to the table, taking the seat across from her.  “You picked here?”

“We’re going to have a do-over.”

………

They laughed in unison throughout dinner, clearly overdressed for the restaurant that Tobin had told her to meet at that night months ago, but it didn’t matter because as far as they were concerned, no one else was around.  Tobin picked off of Christen’s plate and Christen grazed her legs against Tobin’s while they talked about everything under the sun.  Giggling with a full stomach herself, she warned Tobin to save a little room.  “We have stop number two in a little bit, so don’t fill up!”  

“I bet I can guess where that is,” she replied, knowing exactly what was in store.  “You wanna go now?  I’ll get the check.”

Christen’s face dropped, shaking her head. “No, I told you this is my date! I’m paying.”  Tobin reached out to grab her hands.  “Chris, I love that you brought me here and you wanted a redo, but I should have told you long ago that it wasn’t necessary.  Every single day I’m happy to just be with you; that’s enough for me. I haven’t given that night another thought.”  

She felt the tears forming in her eyes, not out of sadness but joy.  “Really?”  

“Yes.” Tobin brought her hand to her warm lips and kissed it.  “But if you want to get the check here, I’ll drive and pick up the tab at the next place.”  It was a good enough compromise for her and the fact that Tobin was insistent on being apart of the evening as more than just passive participant made her happy.   “Deal.”

She signed the check and allowed Tobin to help her put on her coat, a lingering kiss between them before finding the chilly night air. In the driver’s seat of her car, she loved the way she looked and felt their partnership was growing more comfortable by the day.  Leaning across the center console, she sprinkled kisses along Tobin’s neck, making her whimper at the touch.  “We won’t get to our second spot if you keep doing that.”

“I don’t mind,” she breathed against her skin.  Tobin rested her head downward, awkwardly on top of her own.  “I do.  I was really excited about this part that night.”  Recognizing the way it came out wasn’t flattering, she rushed to clarify, “I mean I wanted to be with you in the place where we’d first met and now we get to again.” Deep down, Christen knew she was just being nice and really was excited at what she had planned, but decided to let it go.  They were having such a good time and most of all Tobin’s earlier words had struck a chord with her. 

They walked hand in hand into the cafe, lights dimmed and no one around.  Just as Tobin had arranged earlier, Christen asked the owner to keep it open for them for just a little longer past closing so they could have dessert and coffee.  At a table for two, they shared the chocolate cake with little conversation at first.  Finally, Tobin spoke.  “I’m so happy, Chris.  Are you?”

“Yes.”   She was - really, really was.  “I love everything about being with you.”

Tobin nodded, “and next semester I promise we’ll be able to do more together like go out during the week or take weekend trips if you want.  You’re my priority.”  She swelled with pride and excitement, enthusiastically smiling.  “I can’t wait.”

“Now, before I can’t control myself in public can we please go home? I’m dying to know what’s under that dress.”  Christen felt herself blushing, feeling like even in the dark room she was on display.

Their ride home was quick but furious, Tobin trying to concentrate on the road while Christen’s hands wandered up and down her body, her mouth not far behind.  They slipped up the steps stealthily to Tobin’s room since it was closer than her own. In front of the door, Christen stepped out of  Tobin’s fingertips dancing on her waist, detaching their sweet lips that had the remains of chocolate.  “Since this was my date, I should be a lady and bid you goodnight here,” she joked. Tobin wasn’t having it, pulling her back into her reach, mouth dipping into the crook of her neck, biting down quickly to tease her. Christen dropped her own hand to the girl’s backside, squeezing her as close as possible. A hand slipped lower, lower onto her thighs just below the hem of her dress while they moved in sync past the half-opened door.  

Before Tobin could pull the door closed behind them, Christen’s hands moved upwards and caressed her back underneath the sheer black top.

“You still have that blindfold?”

…….

The next night, music pumped through the speakers downstairs, creating a vibration under the girls’ feet while they walked across the living room of the soccer house.  The guys had really outdone themselves, decorating with odd Christmas stuff and lights everywhere.  There was a mixture of dressy outfits and ugly Christmas sweaters, making Christen feel much better about Tobin’s insisting on wearing the reindeer ears with her all black outfit.  She was wearing an ugly sweater herself, which was actually pretty funny and lit up when she pressed a button.  

“I’m going to to grab a drink, you want anything?” Tobin brushed up against her cheek, carefully yelling into her ear.  She held up her water, “I’m not going to drink, but thanks.”  Tobin nodded, letting go of her hand to go find a bar with Alex and Allie in tow, who was texting away and not paying attention.  Left with Ali, she followed her to where Ashlyn was in the basement hanging with a few of their guy friends.  After about a half hour, she hadn’t seen the rest of her roommates reappear, so she decided to go back upstairs.  Immediately she saw them situated at a long table, playing some sort of drinking game she’d never seen.  Tobin was the center of attention, people cheering her on while she chugged her drink with one fist in the air spurring them on.  She slammed down her empty cup and people broke out into loud cries that made her blinding white smile appear.  Christen laughed, unsure she’d ever seen this side of Tobin.

Their eyes met and Tobin motioned for her to come join her.  “Wanna play, baby?”  She could already tell this wasn’t her first drink of the night.  “No, I’ll watch if that’s ok.  You having fun?”  

“I’m just so happy to be done with finals and soccer,” she explained.  “This is the one party a year I can let loose.”  Christen placed her hands on either side of the girl’s neck and rewarded her with a kiss on her cheek.  “Go for it.” Unable to look away, Tobin pulled her in closer and nuzzled the side of her cheek, into her hair.  “Don’t go too far, you look too good and I don’t want anyone else snatching you up.”  

“I’m no one’s but yours.”  Alex nudged Tobin, breaking them out of their little bubble and bringing her back to the game.  Christen decided to go find Julie and see what she was up to, leaving her girlfriend to have a good time.

On her way towards the back of the house in the kitchen, she stopped in her tracks, looking around for an escape route before she was spotted.  Unfortunately, there was no way out.

“Christen, hi.”

Shirley leaned against the kitchen counter straight ahead, drinking out of a solo cup with a few of the soccer guys standing beside her.  All of them appeared to be nervous, caught up on the little love triangle that persisted.  “Hi,” she returned, unwilling to be completely rude.  

“I haven’t seen Tobin around, is she here?”  _ Do I lie and say no so she won’t look for her?  She’ll end up seeing her, probably.  Just keep it short. _

“Yep.”  

Her facial expression indicated she knew Christen was playing coy.  “Well, I’ll have to make sure I say hi then.”  Their eyes dueled silently. 

On cue, she heard the clacking of Alex’s heels behind them.  “Hey Chri-....oh, hey Shirley.”   Alex looked back and forth between the girls, trying to figure out what she walked in on.  Shirley beat her to answering, “I was just asking if Tobin was here.”  

“I’m heeeeeere,” the familiar voice called, walking down the hallway with a fresh cup of  _ something  _ her hand.  “Oh look who it is,” Tobin purred, obviously sarcastic, looking at Shirley then back to her.  “It’s my girlfriend!”  She drove her body tightly into Christen’s and pushed their lips together, much too hard for her liking.  

She knew what Tobin was doing, continuing the charade they’d started in the bar earlier in the week but suddenly Christen wasn’t in the mood to play along. “I’m gonna go find Julie.”  She started to walk away from the group, but Tobin grabbed her wrist sensing she wasn’t happy.  “I’ll come with you, babe.”  

“Tobin, wait!” Shirley called.  “Can we talk tonight at some point?”

Having enough herself, Christen turned around.  “No, you can’t, Shirley.  I’ve been pretty nice up to this point but I think Tobin has made it pretty clear that there is nothing left between you two.  Please do us a favor and just let it go and let us be.”

Glaring at her from behind her cup, Shirley shook her head. “I told you Christen, three months, that’s all it’ll take.”  

Tobin pushed her forward, “Go.  I’ll handle this.”

Searching her face, Christen came to the conclusion that she trusted Tobin in this moment despite her state of mind.  She left the room, not wanting to her what happened in that conversation.

Ten minutes later, she nervously drummed her fingers against the side of a living room couch when she saw Tobin re-appear.  Her eyes light up and she waved at her.  Tobin smiled, walking over and sitting on her lap.  “You okay?”  

“I’m fine, are you?”

“Yeah, I told her in so many words to fuck off.”

Christen gasped.  “Tobin! Language!”  Her girlfriend cackled and leaned in for another kiss.  “But what did she mean when she said ‘three months’?”   _ Ugh, I don’t want to talk about this.  _  Hemming and hawing, she finally spit it out, telling her about their conversation in the bar earlier in the week.  Tobin’s eyes reflected concern, but also drunkenness.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know, I - we hadn’t …” her voice trailed off.  “Slept together?” Tobin questioned.   “Yes. So I had some thoughts that made me wonder if it could be true.”  Christen’s eyes looked to her hands playing together on top of Tobin’s leg.  “You have nothing to worry about,” Tobin reassured her, lifting her gaze back up.  “Nothing.”

Christen smiled at her, feeling the weight of her body on top of her legs.  “Here, drink this,” Tobin insisted.

“I told you, I’m not drinking tonight!”  Shrugging, Tobin took the cup for herself, downing the liquid in a few big gulps.  “I’m gonna get another and go to the bathroom.  Wanna come?”  

The two settled on getting another beer first, passing Allie who gave Tobin a shot of God knows what first, before going upstairs to the bathroom she’d hid in earlier in the year.  It made her smile to herself, thinking of how far they’d come since that night.  After Tobin re-emerged, she felt herself being pushed up against the wall playfully, pinned under the brunette’s weight.  “Wasn’t this where you saw Alex with Serv and you got jealous?” she whispered, a fire behind her eyes building.

Christen felt a hitch in her breath underneath the gaze, nodding profusely without speaking.  “My girl was looking out for me from day one.”  Tobin brushed her hips against her own, sprinkling kisses along her jaw.  “I should have taken you home instead of Alex that night.”

“Ok, drunky, I think it’s time to take YOU home now,” Christen laughed.  Although this was definitely the most intoxicated and forward she’d ever seen Tobin, it was still endearing.  Something about the way Tobin lovingly looked at her, no inhibitions, made her long to reach out and kiss her slowly, deeply.  The only thing stopping her was the pressing need to keep moving in the swarm of people going up and down the steps.  Taking her girlfriend’s hand, she went one step at a time, clutching at the handrailing with her free hand.  She made sure her pace was slow so Tobin didn’t trip over her clumsy feet in the process and once they hit the bottom she circled her hand around her waist to steer her through the crowed.  Tobin leaned into her side, shifting her weight for Christen to handle.  She could smell the mixture of cheap vodka and vanilla, not sure if it was pleasant or not.  

Once outside, Tobin was able to catch her own bearings a bit better but their hands were tightly locked on their walk.  There wasn’t any conversation between them for the first few minutes but Tobin eventually broke the comfortable silence.  “

Christen watched Tobin haphazardly strip off her shirt and shimmy out of her jeans, tripping over her own feet when they reached her ankles.  She could tell she was trying to put on some sore of seductive show, enticing her to stay the night but all it made her do was giggle.  “Looking good, babe.” 

A goofy grin filled Tobin’s face while she sauntered closer, pulling Christen in by the hips.  “And you can have all of this if you stay.”  Now she laughed aloud, unable to control her amusement at the situation.  “As much I want to witness you waking up with the killer hangover you’re going to have, I need to be up for my final, remember?”

Tobin pouted at her, sticking her bottom lip out in displeasure.  “That makes me sad.”

“You and me both.  But I’ll see you right after,” she promised.  Tobin’s eyes brightened, “and bring me breakfast in bed again?”

She turned Tobin around and pushed her towards the bed, forcing her to get in under the covers.  The girl took the direction well, complying with the unsubtle hints to go to sleep.  When she was settled, a pair of sweet brown eyes stared up at her.  “Will you?”

Christen was confused for a second, but then clarified “bring you breakfast again?  If you’re lucky and you go to sleep now.”  She leaned down to give her just a quick kiss on the lips, not wanting any chance of her changing her mind.  She turned around to walk out the door and just as her hand was about to flip the light switch off, Tobin softly called out.  “You’ll bring it, I know you will.”

“You sure about that?”

With her eyes tightly closed and even quieter voice, she responded “yeah.  ‘Cause you love me.”

_ There’s not denying that _ , Christen thought.

….

It was pretty easy to fall asleep the previous night, knowing Tobin was safely tucked in her bed and she herself was sober as could be.  Her alarm went off right on time and she quickly dressed in some comfortable clothes for the test.  Mainly though, she knew she was going to crawl right back in bed with Tobin afterwards and there was no sense in dressing up for that.  

Before she went upstairs the night before, she made sure there was something for the breakfast in bed Tobin had requested.  She settled on granola and yogurt, some fresh fruit sliced up and coffee.  If Tobin wanted to carb-load, they’d have to wait for lunch because her excitement to be together couldn’t wait past making anything special.

By 9:12, a record of 12 minutes for a final, she she was finished and headed back to the house.  There were only three short answer questions to accompany handing in her project and they were a breeze to answer.  Bounding up the steps, the house was quiet, probably harboring sleeping girls that had been out way past their bedtime.

It only took her a few minutes to arrange the contents of breakfast-in-bed-part-two on a tray and she snuck up the wooden steps to the other side of the house.  Tobin’s door was tightly shut, just how she left it the night before and pressing her ear to it, she heard silence.   _ She’s probably still passed out which is good _ .   _ She had a lot, for her.   _ Her hand went to open the door, but found it was locked.  _  Huh, I wonder if she woke up and did that by accident. _

Knocking, she softly called “Tobs, it’s me.  Open up!”  

Nothing.

Christen fiddled with the doorknob, trying to show her impatience.  “I have your breakfast,” she sung out.

Finally, the doorknob started to move, unlocking and turning back and forth.  It opened slightly to reveal Tobin’s curtains had been pulled shut, not allowing an ounce of sunlight in.  But the person who had the door opened wasn’t who she expected.  She felt her jaw hit the floor as she saw Shirley standing there, dressed in an oversized shirt and small shorts, not sure whether they were Tobin’s clothes or not.  Her hair was still neatly placed in a long ponytail and she looked at her with a hint of a smirk.

“Oh Christen, you shouldn’t have.”


	23. Chapter 23

Christen spent her Tuesday in one of the university libraries, sitting across from her delectable girlfriend who was dressed in those gray thermal leggings that made her mouth water with an oversized sweatshirt that hung from her.  She watched Tobin sip her coffee while concentrating on the textbook in front of her.  It was possibly one of the few times she’d seen her so serious, even counting all of the games she’d seen her play in.  

“How’s it going?” Christen checked in.  Tobin broke her attention to give her a soft smile.  “Good.  You okay over there?”

Truth was, she didn’t really need to study for her last two finals since one was open note and the other would likely be a breeze but the company was enough to keep her there.  “Yep.  Just working on our date night for tomorrow,” she teased, pretending to tap away on her laptop.

It brought a bigger smile to Tobin’s face, lighting it up in anticipation.  “What are we doing?” 

“It’s a secret.  Can’t tell.”  She was met with a pout that made Tobin’s eyes go round and wide, staring into her.  “That won’t work,” Christen insisted even though it wasn’t entirely true.  She watched her  stand up and round the table, taking a seat directly next to her before leaning in closely to press a soft kiss to her cheek.  “Will this work?”  Christen melted underneath her touch.  “Nope.”

Tobin looked around the crowded room to see if anyone was focused on them before she leaned back in and aimed for her lips.  The gesture made Christen’s heart skip a beat, going numb from head to toe.  “You’re getting warmer but the deal was that we would have a night together if you studied!  So get back over to the other side of this table before I have to cancel our date.”  She was was completely kidding but part of her was actually afraid she wouldn’t be able to control herself even though they were in the middle of a sea of people.  Tobin stood up and sulked to the other side, slumping back into her chair before giving her a dirty look.  “Happy?”

Christen shot her a smile that reached her eyes, “more than ever.”  

…

She woke up earlier than her alarm on Wednesday, anxious for the day ahead of her.  Tobin lightly snored next to her, unaware that it was morning.  Christen watched her breathe for a few moments while tracing her jaw with her fingertips, careful not to disturb her.  It was best that she got moving before Tobin could question why she was up so early so she carefully moved up and away, out the bedroom door without shutting it.

Downstairs she saw Allie making herself a bagel while reading something on her phone.  She looked up to greet her, eyeing her lack of clothing.  “I guess it IS a good morning,” she teased.  Christen blushed, telling her to quit it.  “Ha ha, very funny.  Final this morning?” she asked, nodding to backpack sitting on the stool in front of her. 

“Ugh, yes.  Statistics.”  

Christen winced, “that’s the worst.  You’ll be fine I’m sure.  But can you do me a quick favor?”  

“Sure,” Allie told her.  

“I’m going to close the common door so I can start on something in our kitchen.  If Tobin comes down can you keep her from coming in?  Or at least distract her?”  She intended on making her breakfast in bed, but if she woke up anytime soon it wouldn’t work out.  Still, she could at least put something together without her fingers interfering or random ‘taste tests’.  “No problem, I’ll be here for about another twenty minutes.”

“Perfect, thanks Allie.” Christen called over her shoulder.  In her own kitchen she took out the ingredients to make waffles from scratch, a Tobin favorite, with little side bowls of fruits and chocolate chips to add if she wanted.  It didn’t take her long to whip up the batter and she had it spread in the waffle maker just in time to hear Tobin knocking on the other side of the door.  “Chris?  What are you up to?”  

_ Ugh, c’mon Allie, I asked you to keep her away!   _ “Tobin, go back upstairs.  I’ll be there in a few minutes!”  

A whiny voice came through the door again.  “Can’t I just stay down here?”   _ Like a little kid…   _ “Fine.  Lay down on the couch for a few minutes and I’ll be right there.”  Christen flipped over the waffle maker, making sure it was even on each side.  On a breakfast tray she put the strawberries, bananas, chocolate chips, syrup, a napkin with utensils and a large glass of orange juice.  Neatly arranging the contents, it would have looked better if she was serving it to someone actually in bed, but this would have to do.

Christen almost dropped the tray trying to unlock and open the door before Tobin rushed to her aid.  “Here let me help!”  Unable to do anything but take the assistance, Christen sulked to herself about the ruined opportunity.   

“Is this for me?”  Tobin’s eyes softened into her own, happy with the gesture.  “And me if you’ll let me have a bite or two,” she told her.

Tobin sat the tray down on the coffee table and pulled on Christen’s wrists, leaving them stiff at her sides.  “Is this our date?  Because I love it, thank you.”  She felt warm lips hover over her own, searching for a kiss.  A quick peck was given before she pulled away, laughing to herself.  “No, this is not our ‘date’.  I just wanted you to have a good start to your day but you wouldn’t stay in bed,’ she told Tobin while elbowing her.  The honey-brown eyes softened, possibly filling slightly with moisture.  “You did this just because?”

Christen was a little concerned with Tobin’s demeanor, seeing a tear start to slip from the bottom of her eye lid.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.  I’m - It’s just so sweet of you.”  Her body relaxed against the other girl’s while she pulled her in to nuzzle her neck.  “Well I’m not done for the day.  Be ready for tonight.”  Tobin’s excited expression returned briefly before she pulled her down to devour the growing-cold breakfast.  “I think I’ll keep you,” she said between bites, not even looking up.

“Good,” Christen said.  “Because there’s no way I’m getting rid of you.”

…

**Tobin’s POV**

She ran her fingers through her messy brown hair, untangling the knots formed from her slumber and tight bun she had it in.  It was too cold outside to walk out with wet hairt and she taken so long to eat breakfast and curl up on the couch with Christen that she didn’t have time to do anything special with it.  Ashlyn was in her Linguistics course and waited for her patiently in the common room, having slept over at Ali’s the night before.  She’d had a front row seat to her and Christen’s goodbye this morning, a brief then deeper kiss that might have spiraled out of control if it weren’t for her presence.

“So how’s that going?” Ashlyn asked her, sensing everything seemed to be good between them as they walked out the door.

Tobin fiddled with her hat, pulling it lower onto her ears.  “It’s great.”  Ashlyn wasn’t happy with the lack of detail, “that’s all I’m gonna get?”  She shrugged her shoulders, not knowing what else to say without gushing over Christen.  “We’re all good, she makes me really happy.”  

“That’s all the counts.”  The pair walked leisurely to their lecture hall, dreading what the next hour and a half would be.  Once settled into her chair, Tobin realized she wasn’t that nervous for the exam and despite the outcome, she’d already chalk this day up to be a good one.  Ashlyn finished before her, giving her a small wave on her way out but she wasn’t convinced that it was a good thing.  The questions weren’t as difficult as she anticipated and the open-ended prompts were something she had studied her tail off for.  Overall, she calculated at least a B.  

Once she was home, her clock told her she had two hours until she had to be ready for the big ‘date’.  Christen still wouldn’t give any hints or tell her what they were doing, so all she could do was trust her judgment and fill her time taking a nap and getting ready.  If she knew anything about Christen, she would plan something that would require her to put on something other lounging clothes and a ponytail.  She loved her reaction when they were in South Carolina and she had worn that dress with her hair and makeup done.  Tonight, she decided, she’d go for the same look.

She sat on her bedroom floor in front of a floor length mirror, fingers warm from the radiating heat of the curling wand that was deep in her bathroom drawer.  Her hair was already naturally wavy if she let it air dry after her shower but tonight she wanted it perfect.  Lightly applying makeup that made her eyes pop, she couldn’t help but silently thank Alex for nagging all these years, forcing her to put some effort into herself every once in a while.  “You’re hot, Tobin, you just have to let people see it,” she would say.

She thought she looked good, but needed an outfit.  Wanting to make sure it was just right, she texted Kelley to meet her in her bedroom.

_ Tobin: Come to my room. I need help _

_ Kelley: Isn’t that Christen’s job ;) _

_ Tobin: Get over here _

Kelley rapped on the door, pretending to cover her eyes as she opened it.  “I hope you have clothes on.”

Tobin shook her head, “Stop.  Get in here.”  

“Hey, just saying.  Seems you’ve been having a hard time keeping them on the past few days.”  SHe felt herself redden in embarrassment.  “That’s what you  _ think.” _

Snickering, Kelley confirmed the fact.  “My room is under Christen’s and you do know the common room is just down these steps.  I know what goes on.  Nice, by the way.”  She held out of her hand for a high five which there was no way she was going to return.  “Gross, that’s your friend.”

“Yeah but she’s my good looking friend you managed to land.  Nice work and don’t screw it up.”  

Tobin ran a hand through the top of her hair as a habit but stopped immediately when she remembered she had just curled it. “That’s why you’re here.  I need you to help pick something out for me for tonight.  I don’t know where we’re going and what to wear.”  

Kelley looked intrigued, excited even to be of assistance.  “It’s too cold for anything short but I don’t think jeans are the best option,” she tapped her finger against her lips.  “Do you have any tops you really like?  I can try to match them with something I have?”  She ran her hand down the line of dressy shirts she saved for rare occasions in the closet.  “I like these two,” Tobin told her, which she seemed to have no qualms about.

“Ok the black one is good, but I’m thinking the white is better.  Pair it with those pants and ankle boots and it’s a winner.”  She thought it looked good enough to her and walked over to the small jewelry box her sister had gotten her a few Christmases ago.  There were only a few items in it, but a bunch of gold bangles and small earrings would dress her up a bit more.  “These good, too?”

Her friend nodded before sitting down on the edge of the bed.  “You’re putting a lot of thought into your outfit tonight,” she teased.  Nonchalantly putting the jewelry on and avoiding eye contact, Tobin agreed.  “Christen puts in a lot of effort all the time so I just want to do the same.”  

Kelley hummed in acknowledgment.  “Yeah, she always looks good.”

She shot her a warning glance, “you’re checkin’ out my girlfriend an awful lot.  But no, I mean she puts effort into everything we do.  Like how she came to California and she’s always cooking for me and now planning tonight.  I really need to up my game.”  

“You don’t need ‘game’, Tobin.  She knows with soccer life is hectic and now you’ll have more free time to do stuff together.”  It made her feel guilty, thinking back to earlier in the morning when Christen had made her breakfast.  It was a simple gesture that sent her into emotional overdrive.  She didn’t like to compare relationships because it wasn’t what it was about but never had someone shown her that level of care or kindness.  There wasn’t a time that she could recall where something so small had meant so much to her and it made her feel bad that she hadn’t done anything like that for Christen.

Except that night.  The infamous, disastrous, horrible night.

Seeing the expression on her face gave her thoughts away to Kelley.  “I think Christen is also trying to make it up to you.  You know, because of what happened that night.”

She hoped it wasn’t true, because in all honesty, she wasn’t the only one at fault for the lack of communication.  In fact, Tobin rarely thought about it these days.  It was one of those times she hoped they’d look back on long from now and just laugh, realizing it was a blip on their radar and insignificant to who they were.  “She never had to make anything up to me but if she is, she achieved that goal a long time ago.”

“Then tell her that.  Whatever you guys do, just make sure she knows how much you appreciate the night she planned.  I know Christen and she needs feedback on this kinda stuff.”

Nodding in acknowledgment, Tobin started to shue her friend out of the room so she could get dressed, but not without another thank you.  “Really, Kel, thanks for helping.”

“No problem, just do me a favor and sleep in your room tonight.  I have a final tomorrow morning and I don’t wanna be up all night, ya know,” she joked by winking at her.  “I can’t make any promises,” Tobin told her holding her hands in the air innocently.  

…..

Christen ran through her mental checklist in her head, making sure she had everything ready to go before ‘picking Tobin up’.  She’d chosen a maroon high neck dress with a long sweater draped over top, tights for cold legs and boots.  It was probably a little too dressy, but she intended on taking the outfit off by the end of the night anyway.

She walked down the steps to the common room, hoping she was early enough to be able to greet Tobin as she came down the steps.  Luckily, she made it just in the nick of time, beating her out a mere 10 or 15 seconds.  Tobin emerged from behind the wall looking drop-dead gorgeous.  She could tell she’d primped just for the night, casting a warmness over her heart.  “You clean up nicely,” she murmured into her hair, wrapping her arms tightly over her slender body. “Are you ready?”  Tobin pulled back, twirling her.  “You don’t look half bad yourself.”  They ran each their hands up and down the length of each other’s bodies, taking in the scents and sights that were intoxicating.

“You two make me sick,” Kelley said from her hiding spot on the couch.  She was wrapped in blankets, no television or noise giving her away.

Christen leaned her forehead into Tobin’s, not able to control her laughter at their friend.  “Sorry, Kel.  We’re leaving now.”  She ushered Tobin towards her side of the house so she could grab her car keys and coat.  “I can drive,” Tobin offered while pulling on her own jacket.   

“No, this is my date.  Besides, you don’t know where we’re going.”  Tobin snapped her fingers and scowled, “I thought I had ya.”  

“Put this on.”  She held out a silky black sleeping mask she’d borrowed from Ali earlier, hoping it would add suspense and surprise to the evening.  “A blindfold? You sure this isn’t for the end of the night?” Christen scowled, pointing to her eyes.  “Remind me to keep this for later,” Tobin smirked causing Christen to playfully shove her in the ribs.  “Just put it on and then take my hand.  I don’t want you to have any sense of direction.     


She had to help Tobin settle into the car after walking like a baby deer across the lawn.  To throw her off, she took the long way around town, turning up and down side streets and sitting at stop signs much longer than she had to.  To make sure the surprise wasn’t ruined, she had someone from the restaurant waiting for them so she could park  and Tobin could wear the mask into the restaurant without drawing too many looks.  It took a lot of convincing, but she did have a way with words that helped her make her case.  

“Ok, I’m going to help you out of the car and do NOT take that mask off.  There’s someone who’s going to stand with you for a minute or two and then walk you inside,” Christen instructed.

She could see Tobin becoming anxious under the blindfold.  “Do I know this person?”  

“No.  It’ll be okay, only a minute or two I promise.”  Christen pulled her by the hands out of the car, warning her to watch the curb and take a step up onto the sidewalk.  She confirmed with the younger man, probably a college student at UNC himself, that he was waiting for the them.  “Ok, stay here Tobin.  Give me a minute or two.”  Christen nodded to the guy, giving him a thumbs up and mouthing 2 minutes. Before she could get back in the car, Tobin called for her.  “Wait.  Come back.”  She did as she was asked and grasped at Tobin’s hands reaching out for her.  

“Thank you.”  

She wasn’t sure what she was being thanked for, so she asked, “why, babe?”

“Just thank you for doing all this and caring enough to do something special for me. And us.  It means a lot to me.”  The movement of Tobin’s glossy lips made her weak, but her words made it worse.  “You’re welcome babe, I love you.”  She laid a light kiss on top of Tobin’s hair, not wanting to smudge her own lipstick or stain her check.  Letting go, she got back in her running car and found a spot right away, hastily parking before jogging lightly inside to the table.  She sat down, primping her hair and opening the menu when Tobin appeared about 75 feet in front of her by the hostess stand.  Giving the staff a nod, she saw them tell her to take her blind, which she fumbled with.

When it clicked in her head where they were, she grinned so wide Christen thought it might spill off her face.  She strutted over to the table, taking the seat across from her.  “You picked here?”

“We’re going to have a do-over.”

………

They laughed in unison throughout dinner, clearly overdressed for the restaurant that Tobin had told her to meet at that night months ago, but it didn’t matter because as far as they were concerned, no one else was around.  Tobin picked off of Christen’s plate and Christen grazed her legs against Tobin’s while they talked about everything under the sun.  Giggling with a full stomach herself, she warned Tobin to save a little room.  “We have stop number two in a little bit, so don’t fill up!”  

“I bet I can guess where that is,” she replied, knowing exactly what was in store.  “You wanna go now?  I’ll get the check.”

Christen’s face dropped, shaking her head. “No, I told you this is my date! I’m paying.”  Tobin reached out to grab her hands.  “Chris, I love that you brought me here and you wanted a redo, but I should have told you long ago that it wasn’t necessary.  Every single day I’m happy to just be with you; that’s enough for me. I haven’t given that night another thought.”  

She felt the tears forming in her eyes, not out of sadness but joy.  “Really?”  

“Yes.” Tobin brought her hand to her warm lips and kissed it.  “But if you want to get the check here, I’ll drive and pick up the tab at the next place.”  It was a good enough compromise for her and the fact that Tobin was insistent on being apart of the evening as more than just passive participant made her happy.   “Deal.”

She signed the check and allowed Tobin to help her put on her coat, a lingering kiss between them before finding the chilly night air. In the driver’s seat of her car, she loved the way she looked and felt their partnership was growing more comfortable by the day.  Leaning across the center console, she sprinkled kisses along Tobin’s neck, making her whimper at the touch.  “We won’t get to our second spot if you keep doing that.”

“I don’t mind,” she breathed against her skin.  Tobin rested her head downward, awkwardly on top of her own.  “I do.  I was really excited about this part that night.”  Recognizing the way it came out wasn’t flattering, she rushed to clarify, “I mean I wanted to be with you in the place where we’d first met and now we get to again.” Deep down, Christen knew she was just being nice and really was excited at what she had planned, but decided to let it go.  They were having such a good time and most of all Tobin’s earlier words had struck a chord with her. 

They walked hand in hand into the cafe, lights dimmed and no one around.  Just as Tobin had arranged earlier, Christen asked the owner to keep it open for them for just a little longer past closing so they could have dessert and coffee.  At a table for two, they shared the chocolate cake with little conversation at first.  Finally, Tobin spoke.  “I’m so happy, Chris.  Are you?”

“Yes.”   She was - really, really was.  “I love everything about being with you.”

Tobin nodded, “and next semester I promise we’ll be able to do more together like go out during the week or take weekend trips if you want.  You’re my priority.”  She swelled with pride and excitement, enthusiastically smiling.  “I can’t wait.”

“Now, before I can’t control myself in public can we please go home? I’m dying to know what’s under that dress.”  Christen felt herself blushing, feeling like even in the dark room she was on display.

Their ride home was quick but furious, Tobin trying to concentrate on the road while Christen’s hands wandered up and down her body, her mouth not far behind.  They slipped up the steps stealthily to Tobin’s room since it was closer than her own. In front of the door, Christen stepped out of  Tobin’s fingertips dancing on her waist, detaching their sweet lips that had the remains of chocolate.  “Since this was my date, I should be a lady and bid you goodnight here,” she joked. Tobin wasn’t having it, pulling her back into her reach, mouth dipping into the crook of her neck, biting down quickly to tease her. Christen dropped her own hand to the girl’s backside, squeezing her as close as possible. A hand slipped lower, lower onto her thighs just below the hem of her dress while they moved in sync past the half-opened door.  

Before Tobin could pull the door closed behind them, Christen’s hands moved upwards and caressed her back underneath the sheer black top.

“You still have that blindfold?”

…….

The next night, music pumped through the speakers downstairs, creating a vibration under the girls’ feet while they walked across the living room of the soccer house.  The guys had really outdone themselves, decorating with odd Christmas stuff and lights everywhere.  There was a mixture of dressy outfits and ugly Christmas sweaters, making Christen feel much better about Tobin’s insisting on wearing the reindeer ears with her all black outfit.  She was wearing an ugly sweater herself, which was actually pretty funny and lit up when she pressed a button.  

“I’m going to to grab a drink, you want anything?” Tobin brushed up against her cheek, carefully yelling into her ear.  She held up her water, “I’m not going to drink, but thanks.”  Tobin nodded, letting go of her hand to go find a bar with Alex and Allie in tow, who was texting away and not paying attention.  Left with Ali, she followed her to where Ashlyn was in the basement hanging with a few of their guy friends.  After about a half hour, she hadn’t seen the rest of her roommates reappear, so she decided to go back upstairs.  Immediately she saw them situated at a long table, playing some sort of drinking game she’d never seen.  Tobin was the center of attention, people cheering her on while she chugged her drink with one fist in the air spurring them on.  She slammed down her empty cup and people broke out into loud cries that made her blinding white smile appear.  Christen laughed, unsure she’d ever seen this side of Tobin.

Their eyes met and Tobin motioned for her to come join her.  “Wanna play, baby?”  She could already tell this wasn’t her first drink of the night.  “No, I’ll watch if that’s ok.  You having fun?”  

“I’m just so happy to be done with finals and soccer,” she explained.  “This is the one party a year I can let loose.”  Christen placed her hands on either side of the girl’s neck and rewarded her with a kiss on her cheek.  “Go for it.” Unable to look away, Tobin pulled her in closer and nuzzled the side of her cheek, into her hair.  “Don’t go too far, you look too good and I don’t want anyone else snatching you up.”  

“I’m no one’s but yours.”  Alex nudged Tobin, breaking them out of their little bubble and bringing her back to the game.  Christen decided to go find Julie and see what she was up to, leaving her girlfriend to have a good time.

On her way towards the back of the house in the kitchen, she stopped in her tracks, looking around for an escape route before she was spotted.  Unfortunately, there was no way out.

“Christen, hi.”

Shirley leaned against the kitchen counter straight ahead, drinking out of a solo cup with a few of the soccer guys standing beside her.  All of them appeared to be nervous, caught up on the little love triangle that persisted.  “Hi,” she returned, unwilling to be completely rude.  

“I haven’t seen Tobin around, is she here?”  _ Do I lie and say no so she won’t look for her?  She’ll end up seeing her, probably.  Just keep it short. _

“Yep.”  

Her facial expression indicated she knew Christen was playing coy.  “Well, I’ll have to make sure I say hi then.”  Their eyes dueled silently. 

On cue, she heard the clacking of Alex’s heels behind them.  “Hey Chri-....oh, hey Shirley.”   Alex looked back and forth between the girls, trying to figure out what she walked in on.  Shirley beat her to answering, “I was just asking if Tobin was here.”  

“I’m heeeeeere,” the familiar voice called, walking down the hallway with a fresh cup of  _ something  _ her hand.  “Oh look who it is,” Tobin purred, obviously sarcastic, looking at Shirley then back to her.  “It’s my girlfriend!”  She drove her body tightly into Christen’s and pushed their lips together, much too hard for her liking.  

She knew what Tobin was doing, continuing the charade they’d started in the bar earlier in the week but suddenly Christen wasn’t in the mood to play along. “I’m gonna go find Julie.”  She started to walk away from the group, but Tobin grabbed her wrist sensing she wasn’t happy.  “I’ll come with you, babe.”  

“Tobin, wait!” Shirley called.  “Can we talk tonight at some point?”

Having enough herself, Christen turned around.  “No, you can’t, Shirley.  I’ve been pretty nice up to this point but I think Tobin has made it pretty clear that there is nothing left between you two.  Please do us a favor and just let it go and let us be.”

Glaring at her from behind her cup, Shirley shook her head. “I told you Christen, three months, that’s all it’ll take.”  

Tobin pushed her forward, “Go.  I’ll handle this.”

Searching her face, Christen came to the conclusion that she trusted Tobin in this moment despite her state of mind.  She left the room, not wanting to her what happened in that conversation.

Ten minutes later, she nervously drummed her fingers against the side of a living room couch when she saw Tobin re-appear.  Her eyes light up and she waved at her.  Tobin smiled, walking over and sitting on her lap.  “You okay?”  

“I’m fine, are you?”

“Yeah, I told her in so many words to fuck off.”

Christen gasped.  “Tobin! Language!”  Her girlfriend cackled and leaned in for another kiss.  “But what did she mean when she said ‘three months’?”   _ Ugh, I don’t want to talk about this.  _  Hemming and hawing, she finally spit it out, telling her about their conversation in the bar earlier in the week.  Tobin’s eyes reflected concern, but also drunkenness.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know, I - we hadn’t …” her voice trailed off.  “Slept together?” Tobin questioned.   “Yes. So I had some thoughts that made me wonder if it could be true.”  Christen’s eyes looked to her hands playing together on top of Tobin’s leg.  “You have nothing to worry about,” Tobin reassured her, lifting her gaze back up.  “Nothing.”

Christen smiled at her, feeling the weight of her body on top of her legs.  “Here, drink this,” Tobin insisted.

“I told you, I’m not drinking tonight!”  Shrugging, Tobin took the cup for herself, downing the liquid in a few big gulps.  “I’m gonna get another and go to the bathroom.  Wanna come?”  

The two settled on getting another beer first, passing Allie who gave Tobin a shot of God knows what first, before going upstairs to the bathroom she’d hid in earlier in the year.  It made her smile to herself, thinking of how far they’d come since that night.  After Tobin re-emerged, she felt herself being pushed up against the wall playfully, pinned under the brunette’s weight.  “Wasn’t this where you saw Alex with Serv and you got jealous?” she whispered, a fire behind her eyes building.

Christen felt a hitch in her breath underneath the gaze, nodding profusely without speaking.  “My girl was looking out for me from day one.”  Tobin brushed her hips against her own, sprinkling kisses along her jaw.  “I should have taken you home instead of Alex that night.”

“Ok, drunky, I think it’s time to take YOU home now,” Christen laughed.  Although this was definitely the most intoxicated and forward she’d ever seen Tobin, it was still endearing.  Something about the way Tobin lovingly looked at her, no inhibitions, made her long to reach out and kiss her slowly, deeply.  The only thing stopping her was the pressing need to keep moving in the swarm of people going up and down the steps.  Taking her girlfriend’s hand, she went one step at a time, clutching at the handrailing with her free hand.  She made sure her pace was slow so Tobin didn’t trip over her clumsy feet in the process and once they hit the bottom she circled her hand around her waist to steer her through the crowed.  Tobin leaned into her side, shifting her weight for Christen to handle.  She could smell the mixture of cheap vodka and vanilla, not sure if it was pleasant or not.  

Once outside, Tobin was able to catch her own bearings a bit better but their hands were tightly locked on their walk.  There wasn’t any conversation between them for the first few minutes but Tobin eventually broke the comfortable silence.  “

Christen watched Tobin haphazardly strip off her shirt and shimmy out of her jeans, tripping over her own feet when they reached her ankles.  She could tell she was trying to put on some sore of seductive show, enticing her to stay the night but all it made her do was giggle.  “Looking good, babe.” 

A goofy grin filled Tobin’s face while she sauntered closer, pulling Christen in by the hips.  “And you can have all of this if you stay.”  Now she laughed aloud, unable to control her amusement at the situation.  “As much I want to witness you waking up with the killer hangover you’re going to have, I need to be up for my final, remember?”

Tobin pouted at her, sticking her bottom lip out in displeasure.  “That makes me sad.”

“You and me both.  But I’ll see you right after,” she promised.  Tobin’s eyes brightened, “and bring me breakfast in bed again?”

She turned Tobin around and pushed her towards the bed, forcing her to get in under the covers.  The girl took the direction well, complying with the unsubtle hints to go to sleep.  When she was settled, a pair of sweet brown eyes stared up at her.  “Will you?”

Christen was confused for a second, but then clarified “bring you breakfast again?  If you’re lucky and you go to sleep now.”  She leaned down to give her just a quick kiss on the lips, not wanting any chance of her changing her mind.  She turned around to walk out the door and just as her hand was about to flip the light switch off, Tobin softly called out.  “You’ll bring it, I know you will.”

“You sure about that?”

With her eyes tightly closed and even quieter voice, she responded “yeah.  ‘Cause you love me.”

_ There’s not denying that _ , Christen thought.

….

It was pretty easy to fall asleep the previous night, knowing Tobin was safely tucked in her bed and she herself was sober as could be.  Her alarm went off right on time and she quickly dressed in some comfortable clothes for the test.  Mainly though, she knew she was going to crawl right back in bed with Tobin afterwards and there was no sense in dressing up for that.  

Before she went upstairs the night before, she made sure there was something for the breakfast in bed Tobin had requested.  She settled on granola and yogurt, some fresh fruit sliced up and coffee.  If Tobin wanted to carb-load, they’d have to wait for lunch because her excitement to be together couldn’t wait past making anything special.

By 9:12, a record of 12 minutes for a final, she she was finished and headed back to the house.  There were only three short answer questions to accompany handing in her project and they were a breeze to answer.  Bounding up the steps, the house was quiet, probably harboring sleeping girls that had been out way past their bedtime.

It only took her a few minutes to arrange the contents of breakfast-in-bed-part-two on a tray and she snuck up the wooden steps to the other side of the house.  Tobin’s door was tightly shut, just how she left it the night before and pressing her ear to it, she heard silence.   _ She’s probably still passed out which is good _ .   _ She had a lot, for her.   _ Her hand went to open the door, but found it was locked.  _  Huh, I wonder if she woke up and did that by accident. _

Knocking, she softly called “Tobs, it’s me.  Open up!”  

Nothing.

Christen fiddled with the doorknob, trying to show her impatience.  “I have your breakfast,” she sung out.

Finally, the doorknob started to move, unlocking and turning back and forth.  It opened slightly to reveal Tobin’s curtains had been pulled shut, now allowing an ounce of sunlight in.  But the person who had the door opened wasn’t who she expected.  She felt her jaw hit the floor as she saw Shirley standing there, dressed in an oversized shirt and small shorts, not sure whether they were Tobin’s clothes or not.  Her hair was still neatly placed in a long ponytail and she looked at her with a hint of a smirk.

“Oh Christen, you shouldn’t have.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask and you shall receive!

Before she could say anything, Christen felt her eyes well up with tears as she surveyed the girl in front of her.  Was this real?  How did - how COULD Tobin do this?  Hours ago she’d told her she had nothing to worry about and she’d trusted her completely.  Shirley stood still, hanging against the door, waiting for her to make a move.  

 

Fight or flight.  Her body was waiting on her to react and without much of a thought, she stepped forward, needing to know what was behind the door; she was going to meet this head on.  Christen pushed past the girl, breakfast tray still in hand.  Tobin was in her bed, looking like she was still asleep.  As she inched closer she could see Tobin’s eyes tightly shut and her body language read like she was oblivious to the conscious.  She spun back around to see Shirley smugly watching her downward spiral but something didn’t seem right to her.  Looking back at the bed, Tobin seemed to be in the same spot she’d placed her the night before, the glass of water on her nightstand at about the same level as she remembered. If something had happened, wouldn’t Shirley look a little less...perfect?  But how did she get here? These questions burned in her brain and there was only one way to find out.

 

“Tobin?”  Christen reached out her hand to rustle her girlfriend awake, wanting an immediate explanation for the situation.  It took a few more jabs with her palm to her shoulder before she saw her mouth twist up in displeasure at the feeling and her eyes slowly fluttered open.  Tobin looked up at her and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, a warm look filled her face.  “You brought me breakfast! I knew it!”

 

Dumbfounded, Christen realized the tray she had prepared was still resting in one hand and against her hip.  It wasn’t exactly the reaction she’d expected, but it was a good sign.  Without saying a word, she stood to the side where she was blocking the view of Shirley.  As soon as Tobin saw her, she let out a small gasp, her face overcome with a mixture of confusion and anger.  “What are you doing here?” she asked, looking back and forth between the two girls.

 

“I slept here last night.” Shirley didn’t budge from her stance.

 

Christen looked back at Tobin who was sitting up now, trying to piece together the puzzle which it seemed she was trying to do as well.  “No you didn’t, Christen brought me home.  I remember that much.”

 

Shirley was fulling facing them, finding amusement in the situation.  “I came after that, mi amor.”  

 

Anger filled her, mostly at Shirley but partly at Tobin who put her in this position.  She wanted to know what Tobin had said to her earlier in the kitchen to make Shirley think this was even near acceptable.  “Don’t call me that.  Christen,” she said with her eyes pleading upwards and rocking onto her knees, “ I didn’t invite her here or do anything.  Where’s my phone, check that, I promise.  I didn’t let her in.  The last thing I remember is you putting me in bed.  I swear,”  her voice cracked as she sputtered out the words in pure panic while searching around for her phone.  

 

She weighed the words, feeling like Tobin was telling the truth.  But, she knew Tobin had a lot to drink the night before and there was a chance she wasn’t recalling everything that had happened.   Turning her head slightly she said, “Shirley you need to go, now.”  She refused to look at the girl again but her voice was strong and steady.  Tobin watched her move over her shoulder, a look of hatred spewing out.  

“Call me when she’s done with you, Tobin.  I’ll be waiting.”

 

“GET OUT.  What is WRONG with you?”  Tobin swung her legs over the edge of the bed, pacing past her to move Shirley out of her room.  Her outburst took everyone by surprise, making Shirley stumble backwards, realizing she meant business.   “What kind of person goes out of their way to do something like this?  There is not a chance in HELL I would ever want anything to do with you again.”  Her voice was loud and commanding, drawing Alex into the hallway from her own room as a spectator.

 

“Tobin, I -”

 

“NO. You’re done. Get OUT.”  Her fists were clenched and her teeth scraped against each other while she shouted only inches from the girl. Christen stood watching the whole thing unfold, unable to move from her spot.  Shirley backed out of the room like a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs, Alex ready to escort her.  She gave a desperate look towards Tobin before disappearing from sight when Tobin slammed the door behind her.  Without hesitation, she rushed to her side, clutching at her free hand.  “Christen, talk to me.”

 

Her head was swimming with conflict, her thoughts somewhere in the murky waters of doubt.  “I don’t know what to say.”  

 

Tobin gently took the tray out of her grip and placed it on the floor before she wrapped her in a big embrace with a death grip around her back.  “Say anything.  Whatever you’re thinking, I want to know.  Talk to me,”  pain radiated from her face as she spoke.

 

“How do I know nothing happened?” her voice quivered while she stood stiffly.    

 

Pulling only her head back, she could see moisture forming in the corners of Tobin’s eyes.  “I know it didn’t.  I didn’t even know she was here, I’m telling you.  I fell asleep as soon as you left, there’s no way I would have let her anywhere near this house if I woke up.”

 

Christen wanted to believe her, she really did.  “But you had a lot to drink.” Her head drooped to the ground while she collected herself. 

 

Tobin’s arms tightened around her.  “It wouldn’t matter how much I had, Christen.  Nothing could make do anything to jeopardize this. Nothing!”  She had to admit, all the signs pointed to Tobin being honest.  For the first time, she allowed herself to bed held, silent tears streaming down her hot cheeks.  Tobin stroked the back of her hair, whispering her apologizes and calming her cry.  After what felt like eternity, they separated and Tobin pulled her hand towards the bed.  “Lay down with me, Chris.  You need to sleep.”

 

“But you just slept all night, you won’t be tired.”

 

Christen hesitantly kicked off her shoes and slid under the covers despite her verbal protest.  “I don’t care, I just want to hold you.”  

 

She felt Tobin pull her closer, in towards her chest as she faced away from her. The contact was familiar but also awkward at the same time. After a few moments of silence, the questions started to fall out of her mouth.  “Were those your clothes she was wearing?”

 

“No.”  _ They didn’t seem familiar. _

 

“How did she get in the house?”

 

“I have no clue.”  _ Did someone let her in?  Was the door unlocked? _

 

“Did something happen in the kitchen?”

 

“No. I told her basically the same thing I told her a few minutes ago.  I promise.”  _ It must not have been gotten through.   _

 

Silence.

 

“Do you believe me?” Tobin quietly asked, almost too quiet to hear.

 

She didn’t know how to respond.  Everything about Tobin’s reaction to the situation told her that she wouldn’t have intentionally ruined their relationship, but something told her it wasn’t that simple.  She started to feel suffocated, both physically and mentally.  “I need some space, I think.”  Tobin immediately release her hands from the front of her stomach, sliding backwards.  “Is that better?”

 

Christen sat up, still turned away from her girlfriend.  “I mean in general.  I’m going to my room, I need to think about all this.”  She turned to get her bearings and hop out of the warm, cozy cacoon but Tobin stopped her with a firm voice.  

 

“No.” 

 

Christen faced her, slightly afraid of the force behind her gaze and tone.  “What?”

 

Tobin sat up on her knees, at eye level, “I said no.  You are not leaving this time.  You walked out once and I am not going to let it happen again.”  She was right, but this time if felt different.  There was something gnawing at her saying she needed more answers and she wasn’t going to get them from Tobin.  “I have to go. I promise I’m not running from you, just give me a little time.”   She reached out to squeeze her hand but Tobin flinched, as if she was wounded by the words.  “Please,” she whispered, “stay.”  

 

They didn’t move, tension building between them.  Eventually Christen shook her head, “I’ll be back, I promise.”  So she didn’t second-guess herself she turned away and out of the bed, eyeing the breakfast tray now stale and meaningless on the floor.  

 

“I love you, Christen.” The words were heart-wrenching, meekly coming behind her. 

 

Spinning, she made sure Tobin was looking directly in her eyes before returning the sentiment.  “I love you too, Tobin.”  

 

“Then why does it feel like you’re leaving me?”  Christen cocked her head to the side, showing a lighter version of herself in the situation.  “I’m just leaving the room, not you.  I’ll check back in with you a little later, I promise. There’s a couple of Excedrin on the breakfast tray for your hangover so take those and try to eat something.”

 

She left the room, leaving Tobin to fend for herself while she started on her mission.  When downstairs, she found her roommates huddled together in the common room, clearly talking about what had just went down. 

 

“Are you ok, Chris?” Kelley rushed to her, examining her as if she had been assaulted.  

 

Ignoring the question, she started grilling the girls.  “Who let her in last night?  Did anyone see her?”  

 

Ali looked guilty, raising her hand slightly beside her.  “I’m so sorry, Christen.  She caught up with Ashlyn and I on the walk home and said she forgot something in Tobin’s room the last time she was here.  I didn’t think anything of it to be honest.  I figured she’d be in and out and I was … distracted.”  The poor girl’s cheeks were flushed and she couldn’t maintain eye contact when she talked.  

 

“So you didn’t see her leave?”  She and Tobin were one of the first ones home that night but Christen couldn’t remember hearing Ali or anyone for that matter come in during the night.   _ I slept peacefully because I was so content and happy to have Tobin safe.   _

 

“No,” her friend confirmed.  “But we got home I think at like, 2:15 2:30?  It was super late I remember.”  Christen acknowledged her and gave her a tight smile.  “Anyone else?”

 

Alex piped up, “She was wearing my clothes.”  Her head hung sheepishly, staring at her fingernails.   _ Alex’s clothes?  Why? _

 

She waited for her to keep going. “I went to the bathroom at like 3:00 this morning and when I opened the door she was sitting at the top of the stairs just sobbing. I was kinda drunk and felt bad so I said she could sleep downstairs so she didn’t have to walk back and gave her something to sleep in.”

 

“Did you talk to her about why she was crying?”  Christen felt a wave of anger rising from her stomach at the girl, but tried to keep it in check.  

 

“She said we were so mean to her in the kitchen and that Tobin hated her and you had so much more to offer.  It made me feel bad about the things I said, so I tried to make it a little better.”   _ We?  As in me and Tobin?  Or her and Tobin? _

 

_   
_ Christen softened her tone, “what did you tell her?”  Alex looked up, recognizing the shift in mood.  “I - I told her that you were better than her in every aspect for Tobin and I wished she’d never come back.”  Instantly, Christen realized she needed to thank her for sticking up for her, no matter how harsh the delivery might have been.  “Thanks, Al.  What did Tobin say?”

 

The taller girl’s eyes darted around the circle, seeming unsure of whether it was her place to give that information.  “She didn’t talk to you about this?”   She shook her head, indicating that no, they hadn’t discussed it at length.  

 

“Tobin told her that there was nothing she could say or do to drive the two of you apart, that no matter how hard she tried to scare you off that she wouldn’t let it happen.  She was kinda drunk herself and rambled in between, but you know, that was the gist.  She kept repeating, “I love Christen, I love Christen.”  

 

Her tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth, searching for the right question to ask.  “And...what did Shirley say?”  

 

“She mostly listened, but I can tell you, what she ended with all makes sense now.”  Alex looked her straight in the eye as she told her, “she said ‘by this time tomorrow, there’s no way you two will be together.’”  

 

Everyone’s eyes went wide and small sighs and gasps filled the air.  Christen tried to piece it all together.  In a way, it felt like Shirley’s actions were more of a personal vendetta against her rather than her actually caring to be with Tobin.  “So you think she planned this?  Is she that manipulative?”  Allie interjected for the first time, “she must be if she went this far.  I for one am a little shocked about all this, I don’t know about you guys.”  She couldn’t agree more with that statement, but knew composure was key.  “I need to get some air, but thanks you guys.”

 

“You’re not mad at us?” Ali questioned, hope in her voice.  

 

“No, I’m not mad at you guys, you didn’t know what was going to happen.  But can I ask a favor?  Check in on Tobin in a little and make sure she’s doing ok.  I’ll be back soon.”  Christen broke the huddle and went for her coat in the living room.  No one stopped her and she emerged from the house feeling a sense of freedom as she breathed in the morning air once again.  Her feet stomped past her car, pounding the pavement on her walk.  She only had one destination on her mind.

 

…..

 

She surveyed the soccer house in front of her, cups spewed all over the lawn from the night before.  There didn’t look to be much activity going on inside the house, but this was probably the only place in town she was sure Shirley could be.  She knocked a few times, each time harder than the last but no one appeared to be moving.  Trying the door herself, she was relieved when it opened easily.  “Hello?” she called inside the open room.  

 

What a mess.  There were puddles of what could alcohol spills, snow and ice tracked inside or...nope.  She wasn’t going to even guess that.  Treading carefully across the floor, she heard footsteps descending down the steps.  

 

“Hey Christen!”  Danny spotted her before she saw him.  “What are you doing here?  Forget something here last night?”

 

Never before had she been so happy to see him.  “Hey! No, I didn’t.  I actually was looking for Shirley.  Is she here?”  

 

Danny’s face dropped, filling with concern.  “You’re not gonna like, attack her or anything?”  She laughed, imagining herself even attempting to hit someone.  “No, but I see who’s side you’d take,” she joked.  A sense of relief visibly filled him and he continued towards her.  “Honestly, I haven’t seen her this morning but if I had to guess, she’s probably upstairs in her old room, second door on the left on the third floor.”

 

“Thanks, Danny.”  She gave him a little love tap, platonic of course, with her hip as she stepped past him.  “Should I come with you?” he asked.

 

“No, it’ll be fine.  I just need to talk to her for a minute.”  He nodded in understanding, “good luck.”  

 

Her legs were exhausted by the time she made it upstairs, her earlier walk too quick of a pace than she was used to.  The door was shut and the hall was silent, so she knocked quietly, hoping not to cause a disturbance or draw attention from the rooms around her.  Shirley opened the door immediately, shocked that it was her on the other side

 

“What do you want?”  Her bloodshot eyes narrowed in, traces of eyeliner smudged in the outer corners of her eyes.  The door was only slightly cracked and it didn’t appear she was going to be invited inside.  

 

“I’m going to ask some questions and you’re going to give me some answers.”  Her mantra was chanting in the back of her brain, “keep going, keep going, keep going.”  Shirley didn’t answer her, unreadable expression on her face.   _ What do I do if she says no or won’t talk? _

 

Slowly, Shirley opened the door, revealing a bare bedroom except for a few suitcases and an air mattress in the middle of the floor.  “I’ll give you two minutes, then you can get the hell out.”    _ How sweet of her. _

 

Since she was on the clock, she wasted no time.  “YOu have a lot of nerve taking advantage of all the important people in my life, Shirley.  Alex, Ali,  you know them from what I’ve heard and you manipulated them into this sick and twisted plan of yours?”

 

The girl stood in front of her, unamused and unaffected with her arms crossed.  “I don’t even know where to start about Tobin but I think I’m finally figuring this all out.  The person you have the biggest problem with is me, isn’t it?  This isn’t about wanting or having Tobin back, because if it was you’d realize your actions wouldn’t make her run to you.  You’re doing this to hurt me, right?”

 

Shirley dropped her arms, standing blankly in front of her with an unconvincing smile on her face.  “You’re wrong.”

 

“No,” Christen told her confidently.  “I think at one point you might have wanted Tobin back but when you realized that wasn’t going to happen you went after me.  Why is that?”

 

“What do you even care, Christen?  Why are you here?”  She could see the wall around Shirley breaking down, thinking she’d hit a nerve.  “I told you, I want answers.”

 

A minute or so passed without a word before Shirley said anything, slightly timid.  “She likes you more than me.”  It was simple, no elaboration.  “Ok…” Christen pondered aloud, not making sense of the statement.

 

“She loves you way more than she ever loved me and I don’t like it.”  Her intuition was spot on.  “So you decided to make my life a living hell?”  

 

“I didn’t want to hurt Tobin again so yes, you were the best target.”  

 

“Why would you  go to her room last night?   When you did that, did you think she’d really come back to you?”  Shirley looked guilty again, breaking eye contact and looking at the floor.  “I don’t know.  I don’t like being replaced and I wasn’t expecting it when I came back this fall.  Everyone loved you, Christen this, Christen that.  It was sickening to watch Tobin look and talk about you like that.  I wanted you gone for good even if it means I can’t be with Tobin.”

 

Christen smiled for the first time, confirming what she’d suspected:  her relationship with Tobin wasn’t going to fail because of a third party.  If she was able to weather this storm with only a few minor bumps and bruises, they would make it - together.  “I’m not going anywhere, Shirley.”  Things wouldn’t always be perfect but now more than ever she was sure that their relationship was worth the fight.

 

“So I see,” she snorted.  “I pegged you to be a weak type, someone who folded under pressure easily.”  

 

“Maybe,” Christen agreed, “but not when it comes to Tobin.  You say you’re not trying to hurt her but you are.  When something happens to me, it affects her more than it would if it happened to her.  And I won’t let anything bad happen to her so leave us alone.  That’s the last time either one of us are going to tell you that.”  A weight had been lifted and feeling like she’d said her piece and there was a finality in the air, she spun on her heels to leave.

 

“Nothing happened.  She never even woke up.”  The words stopped her in her tracks.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Shirley let out a heavy sigh and slumped, “I sat up all night on the floor by the door because I knew you’d come looking for Tobin eventually that morning.  Alex gave me a shirt and I saw an opportunity to piss you off.  Nothing happened between us, she was passed out all night.”  She looked embarrassed and defeated, appearing much shorter than she actually was.  

 

Smiling sweetly, she nodded.  “I already knew that.  I trust Tobin.”

 

……...


	25. Chapter 25

She exited the house, eager to get back her own to talk to Tobin again after chatting with a few of the guys who had emerged from their rooms during her confrontation with Shirley.  It felt like one suspenseful chapter of their relationship had ended and they’d begin a new one on level grounding.  The wind had picked up in the past hour or so, whipping her around while she kept her head down.  Her hands dug into the deep pockets of her coat where she felt something, some kind of money.  She pulled out a twenty dollar bill to her delight and made the decision to stop for a quick coffee that would keep her warm.

 

In the cafe, she pulled out her phone, hands almost too frozen to function.  _ Two missed calls from Alex. She can wait. _ She found Tobin’s name right away and decided text her.

 

_ Christen: Be home soon babe.  Bringing coffee. _

 

Thanking the barista for the two coffees, she pulled her hood up over her ears so she could continue on her way, only a few blocks to go.  

 

As soon as she walked into the house, she felt the relief of the warm air thawing her out but there were people waiting for, anticipation  between them.  

 

“Why didn’t you pick up your phone?” Alex demanded, hopping off of the kitchen stool and taking a step closer in her direction.  She could see that Kelley also looked concerned.  “I was carrying coffee.”  Christen held up the evidence, “I was almost back anyway.”  

 

Kelley’s voice came out softly, “Tobin left.”  

 

Puzzled, Christen looked around for any sight of counterfactual information.  Had she seen Tobin’s car when she walked up? She couldn’t remember even looking in the direction of the driveway.  “What do you mean she left?

 

“She came down like twenty minutes ago and when we told her you went out, she freaked.  Grabbed her keys and just bolted,” Alex told her.  Kelley added, “She didn’t even give us time to tell her you said you’d be back.”  

 

_ Oh shit.   _ “Let me call her, I’ll tell her to come home.”  Christen set down the coffees on the counter to reach once again for her phone.  “It goes straight to voicemail.”  Kelley held up her own phone, “we’ve tried that.  Which is why we called you.”

 

Panic filled her own voice, “what do we do?”.   Kelley put her arms on either side of her waist, guiding her into the chair to take some pressure off.  “I think she’ll be back, she probably just went looking for you.”

 

Christen felt so guilty in the moment, but thought she was clear when she had told Tobin that she wasn’t leaving her.  All she needed was a little time to herself and that she would make it back to her.   _ Where could she have gone?   _ Going through the list of possibilities in her head, she realized she’d never find her by just searching blindly.  The best option was to sit and wait, hoping she turned on her phone or came back quickly.

 

Her friends waited with her in silence for a while, everyone sipping a coffee or picking at food Kelley had taken from the fridge.  “Do you think she’s okay?” she asked, scared of anything but a positive response.

 

Kelley nodded, “I’m sure she’s fine.”  The girl’s eyes darted back to Alex, “Chris?” 

 

“Yeah?”

 

She watched Kelly bite her bottom lip for a second, indicating she was nervous to tell her, “I’m supposed to leave in a few hours and I haven’t even packed.  Do you want to come and hang out in my room while you wait?”  Christen had completely lost track of time this week, realizing that between today and tomorrow all of her roommates would be heading home for the winter break.  Julie had left early this morning, putting a post-it note on her door telling her she’d call/text over the next few weeks and she’d miss her.  By this time tomorrow, her and Tobin were supposed to be the only ones left in the house, giving them two full days of privacy.   _  If she ever comes back. _

 

“No, I think I’ll just stay down here but you go, I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”  Kelley flashed a reassuring smile, “it’s okay.  I just hope everything turns out alright.”    _ You and me both. _

 

Alex copied Kelley’s move, leaving her alone in the kitchen to worry and wallow.  It had been the right move to go see Shirley and clear the air once and for all, but she never expected Tobin to react this way or be back to square one feeling like they weren’t communicating well.  She trudged over to the couch, feeling mentally exhausted while she sunk into the plush cushions behind her.  Trying one more time, she heard the voicemail pick up on Tobin’s end, meaning her phone was still off.   _ Why would she turn her phone off?  That worries me. _

 

She tried to distract herself with some tv, flipping through the channels aimlessly with nothing catching her eye.  Allie came downstairs a while later to find her moving too quickly to even process what she was looking at.  “Hey, you okay?” she asked while carrying a large suitcase.  

 

“Just waiting for Tobin.”  Allie gave her an unknowing look so she clarified, “She took off.”  The look in Allie’s eyes reflected pity, knowing that her friend was likely hurting.  “She’ll be back, Christen.”

 

That’s all either could manage to say and Allie continued up and down the steps, a different piece of luggage in her hands each time. “I think I got it all,” she said about a half hour later.  “I’m gonna get going but please, PLEASE call me or text me and let me know if Tobin’s okay.”

 

“I will,” she confirmed.  “You and Bati have a safe drive, let us know when you made it to New York.”  Allie realized asking Christen to meet her halfway off the couch was too much, so she came right in front of her and dipped down to squeeze her tightly.  “It’ll all be okay, I know it.”  

 

“Thanks, Al.”  

 

“Can I get one of those too?”  Kelley poked her head through the common room door, much less luggage than Allie had propped up against her.  Christen didn’t want her to leave yet, but she knew that her family had early plans for the holiday with extended family.  “Of course.”

 

Kelley swooped in, rocking her side to side with the heavy embrace.  They remained attached for what felt like minutes, giving Christen the opportunity to really appreciate all the support that her friend had given in the last few months.  She hoped that for once, she’d be able to reciprocate and be the less needy one in the relationship.  “I’ll miss ya,” Christen whispered.  “Text me and let me know you got home safe.” 

 

They broke apart but she couldn’t help but notice Kelley’s hesitation to leave.  “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”  

 

“I think so.  I’m just worried that I can’t get in touch with her.  She has to come eventually, right?”   Kelley and Allie both agreed with her; there’s no way that Tobin could leave for the month without taking anything with her or tying up loose ends.  “You guys go ahead, I’ll let you know what happens.”  

 

The girls turned opposite directions after giving each other a quick hug to go out their respective front doors to their cars.  All that was left now was her, Alex, Ali and somewhere out there, Tobin.  It was now almost 2:30 and she estimated that Tobin had gone almost what, 3 and hours?  

  
  


The seconds turned into minutes, the minutes into hours as the sun set slowly out the window.  People had come in and out of the house, checking on her each time with gentle concern and reassurance.  She tried Tobin’s phone every once in a while, crossing her fingers that each time she would hear a ring.

 

_ Kelley: Anything? _

 

_ Christen: Nope.  Her phone is still off. _

 

_ Kelley: Keep me updated.  _

 

It was almost dark when her stomach rumbled beneath the pillow she was clutching against her tightly.  Right as she was going to finally get up and find something to eat, she saw headlights streak through the window. Springing from the sofa, she could see the outline of an SUV in the driveway, but couldn’t make out the model with the blinding light.  She ran towards the opposite side of the house, flinging the front door open and running out onto the porch.  The lights turned off and Tobin stepped out of her car, eyes following her movement warily.  

 

“Tobin!”

 

The girl in front of her looked worn, her hair stringy and long, begging for a comb to go through it.  She was wearing the same clothes she’d put her in the night before and traces of a mascara ring around her eyes were evident.  Christen waited for her to slowly walk up the steps, keeping a distance between them. 

 

“Where were you?” she cried.  Tobin didn’t answer immediately, hesitantly looking down towards her shuffling feet.  “Looking for you,”  she told her quietly. 

 

Christen pulled at her, closing her eyes to hug her warm body tightly.  She pressed her cheek firmly against the girl’s while starting to cry.  “I’ve been here the whole time.  I was so worried about you.”  Tobin had yet to react to her touch, standing lifelessly inside of her grasp but it didn’t necessarily worry her at the moment.  “Come inside, it’s too cold for you out here.”

 

Tobin followed her without saying a word into the house, sitting in the space Christen patted next to her on the couch.  She helped her delicately unzipped her North Face, concentrating on her distant eyes.  “Tobs?”  

 

The familiar honey brown eyes finally struck her own, showing a sadness behind them that she’d yet to experience.  “Tobs,” Christen repeated, “talk to me.”  

 

“Why did you leave?”

 

Christen knew Tobin struggled with their earlier conversation.  “I told you, I just needed a little space.  But see?  I came back, I always was going to come back Tobin. I had to go take care of something.”

 

Tears streamed from the sides of Tobin’s eyes, collecting at the point on her chin.  “I couldn’t find you,” she  whispered.  Seeing her like this broke Christen’s heart and realized that this must have been what it felt like for Tobin to see her that night on the bathroom floor and in her room, so hurt and distraught.  She wrapped her arms once again tightly around her, hushing her quiet sobs.  

 

“It’s okay,” she soothed, “we’re okay.”  A puddle of moisture collected against her shirt so she pushed Tobin back a little to look at her.  “You were gone for a long time, where did you go?”

 

Sniffling, Tobin wiped underneath her nose, looking exasperated.  “I went everywhere I thought you might be.  I went to so many coffee shops, the library, around the block a few times, the tennis courts.”  She added up the amount of stops in her head and did the math - it shouldn’t have kept Tobin away for five hours.  “Anywhere else?”  

 

Tobin nodded, but didn’t give away the information she harbored.  She had to know where it was, so she shot her a warning look as if to say don’t make this difficult.   “I went to the airport.”  

 

Christen was taken back by location, unsure of what it meant.  “Why?” she questioned.

 

Tobin looked at her apprehensively.  “First I went to see if maybe you’d gone there, to you know, leave - go back to California early.  Then I realized that was probably extreme.”

 

She laughed, easing the nerves she saw on Tobin’s face.  “Yeah, babe, just a little.”

 

“But then I started to panic again and thought maybe I should go early and give you the space you said you needed.  I went back and forth about buying a ticket for a while.”   Christen was concerned Tobin’s thoughts had gone to this place, “I would never want you to leave like that and when I said space I didn’t mean that much,” she asserted, cupping her face with both hands.  

 

“I know,” Tobin sighed.  “That’s why I didn’t.  I started to calm myself down on the way home but took a few detours.  I needed to collect myself before I saw you again which obviously didn’t work.”  

 

Christen nodded in understanding, but scolded her.  “I wish you would have turned your phone on.  I would have at least been able to know you were okay.  Or you could have called me to ask where I was.”  Her girlfriend looked away, darting her eyes back briefly to admit, “I don’t know where my phone is.  I left without it.”  She gasped at the confession, thinking how reckless it was to be out by herself in the car without some sort of lifeline.  “Tobin!”

 

“I know, I know.”  Tobin shifted away from her, “I'm so sorry. Let me run up to my room quick so I can charge it.  How many panicked messages do I have from you?”  On her way out of the room Christen shook her head and called, “none.”

 

Tobin stopped and turned around, “none?”

 

“None.  I called over and over but I never left a message.  I hung up each time I heard voicemail.”  She couldn’t tell if this upset or relieved her girlfriend at the moment, reading her face.  “I guess I thought if your phone wasn’t on it was  because you were avoiding me and what good is a voicemail?  I wanted the real voice.”  

 

She watched her continue up the steps and out of sight, not saying anything.   _Shoot, she’s mad._ _Probably thinks I didn’t care as much as I said I did._ A few minutes passed before Tobin came back down, a charger and her phone in hand.  She plugged it into the wall, seeing the screen immediately light up as it turned on.  Buzzing, dinging filled the room as message after message flooded the phone.  

 

“Geez, Alex,” Tobin said to herself.  She held it up so Christen could see.  “12 voicemails.”  

 

Christen laughed, “you should probably call or text her right away to let her know you’re alive. I think she’s out somewhere with Serv.”

 

Tobin studied the screen.  “You’re right, no panicked messages from you.  Just one text.”  She looked back up in her direction.  “This was earlier this morning.”

 

She confirmed the statement with a smile.  “I didn’t leave for very long.”  

 

“Where’d you go?”  

 

Christen took a deep breath, not knowing whether now was the right time to tell her about the conversation she’d had with Shirley.  Things seemed to be calmer but not perfect between them yet.  They’d have to talk about how to handle themselves in these type of situations to avoid this in the future.  “I went to see Shirley.”  

 

Tobin’s face filled with horror, her eyes bugging out and mouth spilling open ever so slightly.  “Where?  Why?”  

 

“I needed to know how last night happened and why.”  

 

“Christen, look.  Here.  See? I didn’t text her or call her last night,” she scrolled through the phone, showing the lack of messages/contact she had with Shirley.

 

Christen pushed the phone down, not looking at it.  “I know, Tobin.  I know she came on her own.  I went to confront her about it and why she doing all of this.”

 

“What happened?”  She visibly relaxed at Christen assurance that she hadn’t made the move to invite Shirley into her room the night before.  Placing her head in her lap, she looked up for the answer. “She was at the soccer house and we talked for a few minutes.  I think I knew right away when I walked in your room that something was wrong, but I had to know why she was doing it.  I figured out pretty quickly that she was trying to hurt me because I was in the position she wanted to be in.”

 

Tobin hummed, processing what she said.  “But how would any of that make me want her?”  Christen ran her fingers through Tobin’s hair while she talked.  “I thought the same thing and then I understood it wasn’t about you.  She was just out to get the person who had replaced her and she pretty much said it was true.”  

 

“Wow.  So then did she tell you that nothing happened between us?”  

 

“Yes.”

 

She stopped the movement of her hand as Tobin closed her eyes in relief.  “See, I told you.”  Christen cupped her head tightly against her, “yeah but I didn’t need you or her to tell me.  I already knew you wouldn’t do that.  It just took a little bit to get over the shock to realize it.”  She lifted Tobin’s head and slid herself down to match her lying position on the couch.  Looking her square in the eye she said, “I trust you Tobin and I love you.  We might need to work on how we communicate, but that’s one thing I know.  We love each other and won’t let anything bad happen.”

 

Tobin’s lips were greeting hers before she had time to finish her proclamation.  There was so much meaning behind this simple kiss that she paused, willing time to stand still while she felt every curve and ridge of the mouth against her own.  “Chris,” Tobin started.

 

“You know what?  I think we’ve had enough for today.”

 

She smiled back at her, acknowledging her true meaning of the words.  Tobin leaned back in so she could deep the kiss by opening her mouth to capture her own, tongues slowly sliding across each other.  Christen felt a small electric jolt run through her body, eyelids heavy in contentment.  “I have an idea,” she suggested.  “Since breakfast in bed was spoiled by our, um, visitor,  why don’t we order something and spend the rest of the night having dinner in bed?”

 

Tobin’s eyes shined, “burgers and fries? I’m so hungry.”  

 

“Whatever you want, babe.”  

 

They got up off the couch in sync, holding hands tightly while they went to the kitchen to find a takeout menu buried in the junk drawer.

 

“So, how was your final? I never had the chance to ask.”

  
………...


	26. Chapter 26

…………

 

“What do you want to do today?” Tobin asked, nipping at her neck while positioned in between her parted legs.  Christen was hoisted up onto the kitchen counter after their quiet breakfast together, well actually it should be considered lunch since it was well past noon now.  They’d spent all night and a good part of the morning tangled up in bed, celebrating a newness to their relationship that was free of third party interruptions or distractions.

 

“I think,” Christen answered, “I’d like to go back upstairs and take a shower and I might just need some help getting these clothes off.”  She felt Tobin smile against her neck while continuing to kiss and suck the most sensitive parts of her upper region.  “Sounds good to me but what about after that?  We all have all afternoon and night to ourselves.”  

 

The last of their roommates had left this morning, but not before Alex could give Tobin a private earful about what had happened yesterday.  Christen wanted to know the gist of the conversation but felt Tobin didn’t need to re-live the ordeal again nor did she think it was any of her business.  The fiery daggers she shot her when she demanded Tobin join her in her room for a few minutes had even scared her a little.

 

She thought for a moment, trying to think of something outside the box that would be new and exciting for them as a couple. Drawing a blank, she resorted to the classic options.  “A movie?” Tobin crinkled her nose.  “I can’t talk to you or see you if we’re in a dark theatre.”   _ True _ .  

 

“I don’t know, Tobin.  I can’t say I know much to do around here except the restaurants and coffee shops we always go to.”  She watched her girlfriend’s face light up as the wheels turned in her head.  “I know!”  

 

Christen was excited to hear what she had come up with but Tobin wasn’t elaborating despite her craned neck.  “Well?” The megawatt smile behind the idea teasingly shook her head, rejecting her.  “Can you be dressed and ready to go around like, 4:30 or 5?”

 

She was confused; getting a shower and getting dressed wouldn’t take her very long and despite her want to always look good, she shortened her beauty routine when going out with Tobin since the girl took half the time she did getting ready.  “I don’t think I need three and a half hours to get ready.”

 

“No, I know, but I mean like really get ready.  Fancy, dolled up, whatever you wanna call it.”   _ Where could we possibly be going on short notice that would require me to get so dressed up?   _ Christen narrowed her eyes, “what are you up to, babe? How ‘fancy’ are we talking?”

 

Tobin rolled her eyes at the nagging questions, “I don’t mean a prom dress or anything, but nice.  Like you were going to an upscale restaurant or maybe church?”  

 

“Will you dress up too?”  

 

She saw Tobin roll her eyes for a second time.  “Christen, just worry about yourself.  Let me surprise you for once and trust me.”  Understanding that asking a million questions would take the anticipation out of their date, she relented.  “Okay, but I still don’t need that long to get ready.”

 

Tobin grinned, “yeah, but you aren’t counting all that time our shower will take.”

 

…….

 

Tobin’s hands were running up the length of her bare, soaked torso underneath the running showerhead.   “You feel really good,” she whispered into her hair and now Christen’s eyes are tightly shut as she reciprocates the touch.  She tries not to dig her fingernails in and leave behind marks as the sexual tension flows through her.    “I’m really wet, babe.”

 

“We’re in the shower,” Tobin giggles, “of course you are.”

 

Christen moans at the pressure she feels skimming at the sides of breasts, not close enough for her liking and she wants Tobin to know it’s a problem that needs her attention.   Slow, fast, gently, soft - they’d done it all together this week but right now she wanted to be in control and call the shots, maybe even be a little selfish. Swallowing forcefully, she managed to choke out a request.  “ I’m so turned on and I feel like I need more.”

 

“What do you need?” Tobin asked, her voice low and seductive, water running off of her pillowy lips that had detached from her neck.  Christen feels that growing pull deep in her stomach so she resorted to showing her instead of explaining it, grinding her hips up against Tobin’s. She clutched her backside harder, leaving little room between them and moaned into her unsuspecting mouth.  Rough and hard,  her teeth scraped and bit frantically until Tobin slowed her down with her own tongue, circling it to take a brief rest.  Her talented fingers wiggled between them, finding the very spot Christen was referring to earlier.  She jerked her hips once again to meet the rhythm and touch of Tobin’s hand, meeting her thrust for thrust.  Tobin whined into her mouth, picking up the pace and brushing her own chest over Christen’s.  There wasn’t a place on either body that wasn’t being consumed, pleasured and it drove her wild.  She isn’t sure that Tobin’s fingers will do the trick but it all felt so good, she wasn’t about to switch it up just yet. 

 

Tobin must have had the same thoughts because she too quickly pulled her hand out of her body, taking her by unpleasant surprise and reached to turn off the water.  

 

“Hey!”  Christen shrieked at both the loss of intimacy and warmth raining over her.  “Bed,” Tobin demanded, already pulling open the shower curtain to exit. “But I like this,” she whined, not wanting to go out into the colder air with wet hair or pause their session.

 

Tobin was wrapping a towel around herself, offering one to Christen while shaking her head.  “No, the positions I want you in will not work here.”  She blushed at her girlfriend’s audacity, curious to just what she had up her sleeve.  Without arguing, she accepted the push towel to dry the droplets off her legs and wringing the excess water out of her hair.  Tobin had already left the bathroom, too eager to care about catching hypothermia.

 

“Babe?” she called, walking to her bedroom.  Tobin was curled up under the comforter of her bed, no doubt soaking the sheets in the meantime.  “You’re going to get the bed all wet!” she complained while walking closer to her.

 

“In more than one way,” she joked, pleased with her attempt at humor.  Christen threw her head back in laughter, appreciating how relaxed Tobin could make her feel even when she was basically naked and in such a natural state in front of her.  She dropped the towel completely before joining her under the covers, drawing a whistle and a cheer from somewhere underneath them.   Christen  immediately picks up where they had left off, straddling Tobin overtop of her hips and pulling her hand, placing it along her own slick sex to explore.  There were other ideas though, ones that involved moving those hips up further, towards the smart mouth she loved hearing.  She felt hands scoot her up, gently lifting with the assistance of her heels digging into the mattress before  Tobin whimpered with the contact as she lowered down on her, closing her eyes and mouth simultaneously, creating a vibration that excited her folds and ignited her arousal once again. 

 

“Baby,” Christen called,  “baby. Keep going, keep going!” She circled her hips in a steady rhythm that matched that licks against her, slowly building her to the peak of an orgasm.  It didn’t take long for her to spill over, coming hard and paralyzing her in mid air with a drawn out cry of relief.  

 

Once she felt like she was grounded again, she swung her legs back, sliding down against Tobin’s clammy body and pulled the comforter over top.   Against her parted lips that were gasping for air,  she hungrily sought out to taste herself on Tobin’s tongue, swiftly kissing her.  There was something about her girlfriend that was intriguing; so intoxicating that wiped out every other care in the world from her head and made her only focus on one thing.  

 

“Babe,” Tobin groaned when Christen finally let go of her.  “I’ve been dreaming of doing that for weeks.”  

 

“I’m going to be dreaming of doing that again for weeks,” Christen retorted, evening her breathing to match the rise and fall of Tobin’s chest.  

 

They laid pressed up against each other for a while, gathering warmth from a combination of each other and covers.  They didn’t talk, sharing only heartbeats and deep breaths that ticked their skin. Finally, Christen realized her shower hadn’t even been that, there was no shampooing, no soap, no conditioning.  If she was supposed to be ‘fancy’ for tonight, dirty air dried hair would not help and she had to do something before it would be unmanageable.  

 

“I have to get back in the shower for real this time,” she told Tobin.  She hated to get up and leave the warm embrace but it was a necessary evil.  She wasn’t met with much protest, only to realize that the girl beneath her had dozed off.  Laying a simple kiss on top of her wet hair, she lifted as gingerly as she could to return to the bathroom.

 

Under the once again hot water, she reflected on the emotional rollercoaster they had been on in the last twenty four hours.  It was unreal how far of lengths they’d both gone to ensure their relationships would weather the storm; to remain committed to each other.  She knew she loved Tobin a while ago, but today, there couldn’t be anything that would convince her that there would ever be anyone BUT Tobin.  Despite the lack of relationships she had, she knew this was special and the amount of obstacles they’d endured had strengthened them both as individuals and as a couple.

 

She almost lost track of time while she enjoyed massaging her scalp with suds falling over her shoulders when she heard Tobin softly call for her through the cracked door.  “Chris?  I’m gonna go to my own shower and get ready, okay?”  

 

“Okay, come back over when you’re ready.”

 

“No, I’m going to let you get ready in peace.  I wanna be surprised at the finished product.”  Christen smiled to herself, appreciating Tobin’s excitement for their evening.  “I’ll come down at 4:30, then?”

 

“Yep!”

 

Christen heard the door shut and pitter patter of feet go slowly down the steps.  She got out of the shower shortly after, determined to create an image that would knock her girlfriend out.

 

…….

 

It was almost four thirty and after about four outfit changes and meticulous straightening of each strand of hair, she was ready.  She chose a black fit and flare skirt from J Crew that was questionably short for this time of year but paired it with tights and knee high suede boots,  achunky cream cable knit sweater.  She teased the roots of her hair and pinned back on side so it didn’t fall over her perfectly rimmed and mascara coated eyes, a hint of metallic eyeshadow over top.  The weather app on her phone told her it wasn’t that cold out, 52 degrees, but with nighttime falling it wouldn’t be a horrible idea to bring her long black coat.  The last time she was this dressed up slipped her mind but knew she had knocked the look out of the park and was satisfied with the effort she put in.  

 

Walking carefully down the steps, she clomped and clicked while hearing the television playing some sort of sporting match, signaling Tobin was ready for her.  As she turned the corner, she saw a wide smile that was sandwiched by glossy pink lips that looked good enough to bite.

 

Tobin stood, giving her a vertical view.  She was dressed up herself, in a pair of tight, black leather legging that hugged her fit calves, a long white crisp dress shirt with her hair half up in a tight top-knot and black ankle booties.  It was an edgy look that made Christen’s mouth water instantly.  

 

“Baaaaabe,” she squealed, “you look sooooo good!”   

 

“You don’t look half bad yourself,” Tobin joked, clicking off the television over her shoulder.  “I’ll grab my coat and kiss you and find my keys so we can go, but not necessarily in that order.”  Christen stood still while Tobin laid a hand gently on her stomach, pressing a ghost of a kiss on her bronze cheeks.  She could smell a floral scent that was new radiating from her girlfriend and it was her new favorite.  

 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going or do you want to keep it a secret until we get there?”  

 

Tobin smiled at her, intertwining their fingers so she was forced to come with her to collect her coat.  “I’ll tell you.  We’re headed to the square with the Christmas tree! They have all these little activities and events at the Carolina Inn so I thought maybe we could do some of them and if you’re up to it, grab a late dinner there.”

 

“I love it,” she didn’t hesitate.  “I love Christmas and it’ll be fun to do something together since we’ll be apart for it.”

 

A look of sadness fell over Tobin’s previously happy face.  “What’s wrong, Tobs?”

 

“I don’t want to be apart from you, stop reminding me.”  The thought of separation tugged on her own heart strings but it was necessary.  She missed her family and was really looking forward to spending some quality time with them and visiting all of her favorite local spots in her hometown.  The only thing that would make it better was if Tobin could join her and although asking her to come had crossed her mind, she was nervous that it was too soon for that proposition.  

 

She put on a brave face and squeezed their hands a little tighter.  “We still have tonight and tomorrow, don’t think about it!” Her eyes had to look away from the doe-eyed ones in front of her so she wasn’t exposed.  She let go long enough gather her long black coat over her arm and breathe deeply for composure.  “Let’s do it!”

 

The sun was almost gone, settling into the night air when they walked outside, hands back together.  “Do you think you can walk in those?  It’d be better than driving,” Tobin asked her.  

 

Truth was, they were brand new and despite all the typical precautions she took to make sure she didn’t get blisters, she was nervous.  But there was something a little more romantic about strolling hand in hand through town that made it all worth it, so she agreed. “Of course.”  She wasn’t disappointed in her decision when they approached the square and she could see the massive tree all lit up.  Her face filled with wonderment, never experiencing something like this before.  

 

“Do you like?” Tobin beamed, catching onto her reaction.   “I love it! Look how pretty it is!”  They stopped on the sidewalk and admired it together, Tobin’s hand glided around her waist as she placed a delicate kiss on her temple.  “A little different than a California Christmas?”  

 

Christen nodded wildly.  “I mean yeah there’s lights and trees and stuff, but it doesn’t get dark and cold like this and people don’t get bundled up.  I guess it feels more.. _.real  _ like this!” She pointed out the Santa Claus that held children on his lap, their little giggles revealing the cold temperatures in the air and steam radiating from the hot chocolate and coffee stand.  

 

Tobin was obviously pleased with her choice of date.  “What do you want to do first?  Coffee or a hot chocolate?”  

 

“I’d love a hot chocolate.”

 

They stood together in line and ordered two, one with and one without a dash of peppermint.  Hot cups cradled in their hands, they walked around to see the tree from each angle and looked at the windows of shops, small vendors on the sidewalks.  Out of the corner of her eye, Christen saw Tobin gravitate towards a group of people surrounding something.  As she followed and got closer, she saw massive gingerbread houses on display.  “Oh my gosh!” 

 

She was salivating at the sight of her favorite candies, sweet tooth still as prominent as ever.  Tobin pulled on her, asking if they wanted to build their own.  The sign said it was $40 per house, a bit steep if you asked her, but it had the potential to be really fun.  “Yes!” 

 

They found a place at the crowded table and gathered everything they liked.  She had class with Tobin before and saw her work on projects, papers but this was a whole new level of planning and concentration.  She meticulously separated and counted the pieces of candy they’d chose, her tongue slipping out to lick her lips.  Her eyes were glued at the same level that she was putting the graham crackers together with icing.  

 

“You’re pretty good at this,” Christen commented gently, not wanting to interrupt the master at work.  Tobin shrugged without looking away.  “I like this kinda stuff.”  She continued to watch as Tobin carefully worked, occasionally pausing and letting Christen add a piece here and there.  Normally, it would drive her crazy to let someone else take control, especially when she noticed the uneven number of M&M’s across the door, or the blob of icing in the bottom left corner but she didn’t care.  Tobin was happy, she was happy.

 

“What do you think?  Does it look good?” she asked her when it was finished.  Christen nodded, impressed.  “Too bad I’m going to eat in the moment we walk out of here.”  

 

Tobin laughed, “then it’ll stay intact for a little bit longer, I guess.  Let’s go do one of the horse carriage rides around town.”

 

Christen made a face, “isn’t that a little cliche?”  She immediately regretted the comment, seeing the disappointment reach Tobin’s eyes.  “You know what, it isn’t.  I want to go,” she recovered.  She wasn’t sure that she’d been convincing, but Tobin didn’t let on on that she wasn’t.  They took their house and climbed into the first available carriage.  

 

She had to admit, after a few minutes of the clomping on the streets, it was way better than she imagined.  The faint air was chilly but bright, sounds of laughs in the background and Tobin’s arm keeping her warm.  A small blanket was over their knees kept  in place by the gingerbread house.  She couldn’t help it, already picking off the Skittles on top of the roof with the fresh icing underneath.  Tobin swatted her hand once, then gave up to join her in indulging.

 

“So three weeks,” she heard eventually.  Tobin was back on the subject of their separation for the holidays.  

 

“Yep, three weeks.”

 

Now was her chance if there ever was one to make the suggestion swirling in her head about arranging a visit, yet the words weren’t coming easily to her.  There was only an awkward silence between them.  She fidgeted underneath the blank, thinking of a topic that would change their moods.  Nothing came.

 

“Do you have a lot of plans with your friends?  Like for the two weeks after Christmas?”  She replied that she only had a few tentative ones, mostly before the new year since people were traveling or had part time jobs.  “What about you?” she asked.  

 

“I don’t have any real plans, just time with my family.  Nothing major.”  Another awkward silence before Tobin continued.  “Anything for New Year’s Eve?”  

 

“Nope, not yet.” 

 

“Me either.”

 

She took a deep breath, knowing that Tobin had a window of time that they could make work.  Her hands were sweating underneath the soft blanket and gripping her edge of the shiny, foiled platform.  Realizing it was now or never, she sputtered, “Do you wanna come stay with me in California for a few days, maybe for New Year’s Eve or something?  Before we have to come back to school?” Her lungs stopped rising, keeping air tightly inside.

 

Tobin smiled back at her, “I’ve been waiting for you to finally ask me that.” 

 

Christen gasped in genuine surprise, “you have?”  She saw her look deeper into her own eyes, explaining, “Chris, I’ve been dropping the hints left and right.  You’ve met my family, I figured it was your turn to make some introductions.  I’d love to come to California and spend some time with you.”

 

She relaxed back into Tobin’s side.  “It’s a done deal then, we’ll book the flight when we get home.” 

 

“Still have room for dinner?” Tobin asked, eyeing their half-gone gingerbread house.

 

“Only if it’s with you.” 

  
…………..


	27. FINALE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E N D G A M E

 

Christen reclined back in her seat and rummaged for her laptop from her oversized carryon bag after she heard the flight attendant tell them it was okay 15 minutes into her trip.  She was on her way home for the holidays, excited to see her family and friends for longer than 24 hours this time.  Her phone had been shut off for twenty minutes and she knew how pathetic it sounded, but she missed talking to Tobin already.   They rode to the airport in comfortable silence, taking in their last few moments together for almost two weeks.  

 

When Tobin had pulled up to the curb to let her out , she felt the tears building up behind her eyes and tried keeping them at bay as long as she could.  “Hey,” Tobin softly said after setting her suitcase beside her.  “Don’t cry, it’ll go quickly.  We’ll text and Skype,” her face was full of concern as she searched for Christen’s eyes.  

 

“I know, I’m just being a big baby.  I like spending time with you,” she sniffled just once before composing herself again.  Tobin broke into a wide grin, closing her eyes tightly for a second before reopening them.  “That’s always nice to hear; I like spending time with you, too.”  She felt a kiss against her cheek that went straight to her heart before pulling Tobin in against her body.  “Okay, say goodbye to me right now, right here before I have the chance to make it worse.”

They giggled and locked lips, both refusing to accept the last kiss and letting their hands linger in not so appropriate places for the public.  It took more time than it should have for Tobin to finally push her forward towards the doors.  She glanced at her girlfriend over her shoulder and saw she waited until she was safely inside before getting back in the car and leaving.

 

Christen replayed that sight in her head over and over now, thinking how if it were up to her she would never part with Tobin.  Five months and she was hooked.  She had pulled out the laptop but couldn’t see or feel the headphones she needed to play a movie to pass the time.

 

Her bag felt oddly full to her; she couldn’t remember what she had stuffed in it the night before (mostly because she was in a hurry to get into bed where Tobin was waiting) but didn’t think there was that much she had packed.  She pulled it up onto her lap, opening it the whole way to see a stack of envelopes and a massive bag of Hershey’s kisses.  

 

They were colorful, all labeled on the outside by ‘day #_’.  Immediately, she knew this had to be Tobin’s doing, partly because of the scrawly handwriting and partly because of sweet gesture.  On top was Day #1 and since she couldn’t ask permission to open it, she reasoned it would be okay.  Her fingernails ran under the edge of the folds, ripping it open hastily.  It was a card with a picture showing a sweet little puppy with a frown, laying on his paws.  _  This is exactly how I feel. _

 

_ Miss me yet? Open one envelope a day until I get there! I promise it’ll make the time go faster.  Oh, and have a piece of candy anytime you’re craving a kiss.  I promise they’re just as good and maybe even a little sweeter :)   Miss you and love you, see you in TWELVE days. _

 

She wanted to cry all over again, this time out of joy. It was so Tobin, so thoughtful for her to write little notes to keep her mind at ease during their time apart.  Popping a kiss into her mouth she laughed to herself, they were sweet indeed, but nothing compared to the sweetness of having Tobin’s tongue rake over her own or how her bottom lip tasted in between hers.  Her fingers ran over the other envelopes, a few seeming like they weighed more than others.   _ I wonder what she put in them? Maybe I can cheat and open them and pretend to be surprise when she asks.  No, that would defeat the purpose, right? _

 

An elderly lady next to her interrupted her thoughts.  “A nice surprise?” she inquired with a knowing smile on her face.  Christen happily responded, “my girl-, yes, it was nice surprise.”  She hadn’t introduced Tobin as her girlfriend to anyone outside of her circle at UNC but she was well aware there were people who were not comfortable with the fact that two women could be together.  It was a part of their relationship that was still growing with her, accepting that others might not be as tolerant as the ones she loved.

 

“I could tell,” the woman nodded, “it looks like it worked.”  

 

Christen eyed the woman’s worn hand, likely from years of working and experience.  She saw a small diamond ring and gold wedding band adorning the left hand but the woman was traveling alone.  She smiled and nodded back, affirming the women’s observation.  “Were you in for a visit to see someone?”  the woman asked.

 

“Oh no, I’m a college student at UNC.  Heading home for the holidays now.”

 

The woman’s face seemed pleased.  “A young woman is most powerful with an education, I only wish I had the opportunity to earn one.  Back when I was your age, women were expected to get married and have babies right away!” 

 

It made her sad to think this woman had been denied the same chances as her but also brought gratitude.  “Did you do that?  Get married then have children right away?”  

 

She smiled, a twinkle in her eye.  “I did, but much to my parent’s dismay not in that order.  Well I did get married before my first son was born but I was already four months along.  What can I say, I was young and in love.”  Christen laughed, “it happens.”   

 

“How about you, are you ‘young in love?’  I’m going to guess that surprise is from someone who’s awfully fond of you.”  

 

Christen wasn’t sure how to word her response without being short and seeming rude.  “You could say that,” she settled on.  An eyebrow was raised at her response, “you seem unsure of that, my dear.”

 

She relaxed back in her seat a little, eyes looking back down at the card Tobin had written for her.  “No, I’m very sure.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so sure of it,” she admitted.  The woman smiled.  “It’s overwhelming sometimes, isn’t it?  I don’t think I truly realized the weight of love until my Charlie was gone.”  

 

“I’m so sorry,” Christen told her, feeling guilty.  A wave of a hand dismissed her sentiment.  “Oh it’s been twenty six years, I’ve come to terms with it,” she laughed.  “But I still wear my rings and refer to him as ‘my Charlie’.  It makes me feel like he’s apart of everything he’s not able to be here for.”

 

The woman looked like she could be in her late seventies, almost completely white hair with light (but bright) blush on her cheeks and red lipstick ringing her thin lips.  She looked healthy, actually pretty good for her age if someone were to ask Christen for her opinion.  _  Twenty six years, she was still pretty young, _ Christen concluded.  “That’s sweet,” she offered.   

 

Her new friend thanked her.  “You know it just flies by, life.  One minute I was sneaking Charlie out of my parent’s living room and the next we’re at the bank going over our wills to include all four children.”  She nodded along, happy to hear everything she was told.  “I never imagined I’d have four children but they are the other loves of my life.  And my grandchildren, which is where I’m headed today - to see them in Los Angeles.”  

 

Christen hung on to the woman’s words, feeling in tune with her.  “That’s what I keep hearing, that it all goes so quickly.”  

 

“Now,” the woman said in a serious tone.  “Have you and your girlfriend made plans for when you are finished with your education?  Will you have children, because I know a career is important but children are wonderful too.”  

 

It took her a second to register what the woman had said, rather than what she asked.  “How did you know?” Christen squealed, relieved to be open about her relationship.

 

“My dear, in all my years that I have loved and raised and encouraged young men, I still know that only women understand we want two things: chocolate and to hear nice things.”

 

…

 

She landed in sunny L.A. after what felt like a comfortable and quick flight.  She exchanged cell phone numbers with Catherine, her friend from the flight, after promising to update her on how she and Tobin were doing.  The woman was so supportive and encouraging, wanting to hear every detail about their relationship.  She kept it PG but for the most part tried to drive home the point that they were solid and committed, truly in love.

 

Christen spotted her older sister and Mom and baggage claim and jogged towards them with open arms.  “I’m here!”  They were just as enthusiastic, wrapping her in the middle of them for a hug.  “Glad to have you home, baby girl,” her Mom greeted her.  She pulled her back, studying her from head to toe.  “You look wonderful Christen, almost glowing!” she winked. She had been in LA for all of 18 minutes and her mother was already teasing her.  “Mom,” she whined, “stop it.”  

 

“Where’s Tobin?” her sister asked.  “I came to check her out, not you.”  

 

Huffing, Christen shook her head in disbelief.  “Thanks a lot.  She’s not coming until the 30th, I told you that.”  

 

“Yeah but it seems like you two are attached at the hip these days so I figured she’d just come now.” Christen pulled away from the two, starting to walk over to get the bags rotating on the conveyer belt.  “It’s going to be a long visit, isn’t it?” she laughed.  

 

It was no better when they made it to the house.

 

“Christen! Where’s Tobin?” Her dad exclaimed, arms wide open asking for a hug. 

 

“Does anyone even care that I’m here?” Her voice had a hint of annoyance, even though she knew that they were thrilled to have her home Tobin or Tobin-less.  She pressed her nose into her dad’s sweater, smelling cologne and cigars, which meant he had just come in from their back patio where he liked to admire the cliffside view.  “Of course we care you’re here! It wouldn’t be CHRIST-mas without CHRIST-en.”  She wrapped her arms tightly around him, unable to go the whole way because of his large stature.  “Oh Dad, please save the bad jokes until after Tobin leaves,” she murmured into him.  

 

While she was unpacking in peace, she remembered she hadn’t turned on her phone to thank Tobin for the surprise. 

 

_ Christen: I had a couple of kisses already… _

 

_ Tobin: Have as many as you want, I can bring you more :) _

 

_ Christen: I think I’d rather have a different kind _

 

_ Tobin: I can definitely bring those too _

  
  


They caught each other up to speed on their arrivals home, both safe and sound, happy to be back with their families.  Christen knew it was important to see her friends so she let Tobin know she’d catch up with her sometime later or earlier in the morning depending on the time since there was now a three hour difference.  She hopped in the shower quickly, dressing in something other than long sleeves thankfully for dinner with a group of her good high school friends.  This was her opportunity to tell them exactly what she’d been up to in North Carolina since she hadn’t filled any of them in yet.  A few of her girlfriends had asked repeatedly if she met anyone, but there was never a good time to tell them the truth.

 

She whizzed past her dad, grabbing his set of car keys from the bowl they were kept in on the kitchen counter.  “I’ll see you guys later!”

 

“She’s in and she’s out already!” he called after her.  “Hope you’re going to get Tobin!”

 

Christen whirled around and squinted her eyes at him, teasingly.  He smiled at the reaction he go.   _ It’s good to be home. _

 

_ …. _

 

“Wait.  You’re dating a GIRL!?” her friend asked her, the shock in her voice apparent.  She had finally mustered up the courage to tell them over appetizers, revealing that she’d met someone who made her happy and they would have the chance to meet her on New Year’s Eve at their group party.  

 

Christen saw six pairs of eyes staring into her from around the circular table.  “The girl’s name is Tobin and yes we are dating.”  No one seemed to know what to say or do next as she watched each of them take in the information.  From what she could see, they weren’t upset or anything, just surprised.

 

“Please don’t take this the wrong way Chris, but is this just like an experimental thing or…?” her friend’s voice trailed off, uneasy with how her words were coming out.

 

She took a deep breath, ready to answer open and honestly.  “No, it’s not.  I wasn’t always sure where I stood, if you know what I mean, but this is right.  Tobin is definitely everything I’ve wanted in someone and she makes me really happy.”

 

They all nodded in understanding, each one of them offering her a smile with either their mouths or eyes.  Yet, she wasn’t convinced they were accepting.  “What do you guys think?”  

 

Eyes darted back and forth between each other, no one volunteering to answer first.  “Guys, c’mon, I’m still me,” Christen assured them.

 

“I think it’s great,” she heard.  “I’m just surprised so give me a second to catch up here! You never even mentioned anything about it in all these months.”

 

Christen dropped her shoulders.  “I know, I’m sorry.  I just never knew how or when to blurt it out.  I thought maybe telling you all in person would be easier somehow.”  She was met with more positive feedback, “so we get to meet her?  I bet she’s hot, she’d have to be to land you!”  

 

The rest of her dinner was filled with a million questions about how they met, what Tobin was like, etc. etc.  They all were more than excited by the end of the night to grill Tobin herself in a week, putting her at ease once again.   _ Why didn’t I tell anyone sooner?  I hope they like her; they’ll definitely like her. _

 

_ Christen: My friends and family are more excited to meet you than to see me :( _

 

She waited for a text back while moving around her room, becoming re-familiar with it, getting ready for bed but wasn’t sure that Tobin would still be awake.  It was after midnight on the East Coast.   Just as she was settled into bed, feeling lonely without the presence of Tobin cuddled in next to her, her phone vibrated.

 

_ Tobin:  Does it help that I’m way more excited to see you than to meet them? _

 

_ Christen: Definitely.  Sorry if I woke you, I’m in bed too.  Love you babe, night. _

 

_ Tobin: In bed, huh….. _

 

_ Christen: Tobin!!!! Goodnight _

 

_ Tobin: ;) love you _

 

_ ……… _

 

She opened one envelope a day, sticking to the instructions despite the temptation to rip through them all.  Each one was different than the last; giving reasons why she was in love with her to rehashing a good time they’d had together to encouraging quotes about love.  If anyone was ever looking for the definition of a romantic, they should see one T. Heath.  She wanted to know when and how Tobin had managed to this without her seeing or knowing what she was up to, but that was apart of the magic and she’d just fight the urge to ask.

 

On Christmas, the envelope was a little heavier.  Inside was a sweet card that made her blush as the mushy declaration of love but also a stack of gift cards to the coffee shop where they’d first met.  The note included:   _ Enough to get us through the next semester.  We’re going to take time out to have a quiet coffee date each week, just the two of us, on me. _

 

Again, she was touched that Tobin took something simple like a gift card to a coffee shop and turned it into something that was meaningful for them. It also made her feel badly; she didn’t get anything for Tobin.  It had kind of slipped her mind in general to shop for her since she did all of her shopping online in early November.  It wasn’t like she was used to shopping for a girlfriend anyway.

 

Tobin assured her time after time that she wasn’t expecting anything for Christmas.  She had even offered that she thought that her trip was a gift in itself, which did make her feel a little better.

 

They were almost to that time.

 

_ Tobin: I’m so excited to see you!!!!!!! _

 

_ Christen:  You have no idea! _

 

_ Christen: T-Minus 8 hours _

 

She had been counting down the hours, not so secretly, to everyone. Her sisters teased her relentlessly about it, but she hoped it was because they were just as excited as her.  For once, she wasn’t even nervous; her decision to bring Tobin in to meet and stay with her family was an easy choice.  She had schedule their every minute that Tobin would be in California, a total of four days.  It wasn’t long, but she was happy enough to have any time together.   The reason for the short visit was because  Tobin had decided to take a class over the winter break that was a one week intensive course, requiring her to be back at UNC a week before the Spring Semester arrived.  She understood that it was best for her and promised to make the cross-country trek worth it.

 

Six hours and fifty two minutes later, she stomped her foot impatiently by the front door, waiting for her sister to decide whether or not to bring a jacket with her on the ride.  “Let’s GO! I don’t want to be stuck in traffic or anything.  I can’t leave her stranded there by herself!”  

 

“Oh relax.  Stranded?  You gotta kill the dramatics, Chris,” she said as she rolled her eyes on the way past her, out the door.   _ Easier said than done.   _ She sighed heavily before following her sister out into the warm, late morning air, getting in the passenger’s seat.  “I wish you’d let me just take your car so she doesn’t have to sit in the back.

 

“Who said she is the one that has to sit in the back?” her sister asked, looking overtop of her sunglasses in her direction.

The drive was torturous, morning LA traffic crawling per usual but not enough to keep them from getting there on time.  She refreshed Tobin’s flight information every other minute, making sure there weren’t any delays or emergencies.  “She landed!”  Her phone told her that they landed a few minutes ago and their timing would be perfect to meet her inside at baggage claim by the time she got down there.  She walked quickly, much to her sister’s annoyance, ahead while keeping her eyes peeled for Tobin.  

 

She spotted her first, seeing Tobin squint as she came down the escalator.   _ She must not be wearing her contacts.  _  Her arms shot up, waving  over her head like she was an air traffic controller.  Tobin didn’t see her yet and although she looked like one, she didn’t feel idiotic.  When she was close enough, she called out, “Tobinnnnn!”  She watched the light brunette jerk her head in her direction, grinning stupidly.  

 

Like a scene from a movie, Christen ran into her outstretched arms, jumping up to wrap her thin legs around Tobin’s defined waist.  She was spun around slightly, both girls giggling in response.  Christen’s chin dug into Tobin’s shoulder, where she was perched and could see her sister shaking her head.  “Come on,” she whispered, “let’s get you home.”

 

Tobin let her down gently and went in for a kiss on the mouth which she sidestepped.  “My sister is watching” she told her grabbing her hand for reassurance that it wasn’t her.  Her sister looked amused when they approached her, “I’m hoping you’re Tobin because otherwise that’s one heck of a greeting, Christen.”  

 

Christen couldn’t contain her enthusiasm that Tobin was in LA.  “Yes! Tyler, Tobin; Tobin, Tyler.”  

 

“Nice to meet you,” Tobin stuck out her hand.   She was met with a widespread hug that knocked her back on her heels a little bit.  “We’re a hugging family, nice to meet you! I’ve heard so much about you.”  

 

“Good things, I hope.”  

 

Tyler laughed, “of course.  Let’s get your bag if you have one and get back to the house.  Mom will have lunch for us.”

 

Tobin shook her head and patted her oversized leather bag, “I actually just carried on since it was a short trip.  I figure if I need anything, I can borrow yours?” she questioned Christen.  The thought of Tobin wearing her clothes, in her state, in her  _ house... _ it was just so perfect.  

 

“Of course you can,” she squeezed the girl’s fingers.  “Let’s go, you must be hungry.”  

 

The ride home was comfortable with Tyler peppering questions left and right, not aggressively though, Tobin answering them calmly and completely.   Just when she was feeling great about the situation, she saw it. 

 

Her parents, sister, brother-in-law, dogs were all standing outside of the house as they were driving down her street.   _ Oh my God, they formed a welcoming committee.   _ She turned around to face Tobin in the backseat.  “I’m gonna say it now, I’m so sorry.”   Tobin looked confused, turning the corners of mouth out and squinting her eyes.  She must have put it together a few feet later as they turned in the driveway and she saw both humans and animals watching them.

 

Christen took a deep breath when she got out of the car, giving her best pleading look to everyone involved.  “Tobin!” her dad’s voice boomed.  “You made it!”

 

Tobin.  Her sweet, effortlessly cool Tobin.  She wasn’t panicked.  She wasn’t awkward or shy.  She embraced them all as if they were long lost friends and did just the right amount of talking. Christen watched her dad sling his arm over her shoulder as they walked side by side into the house where her mom was leading and saying “I hope you’re hungry, I made just about every type of food you can imagine.”

 

She was left standing on her own in the driveway, somewhat in disbelief. “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll get her bag.  Thanks guys,” she said to aloud to herself, sarcastically.  Instead of heading to the kitchen where she assumed everyone had settled, she put Tobin’s bag in her room first and checked her appearance in the mirror.  When she made her way downstairs, no one noticed her presence, including her girlfriend.  

 

There was laughter and smiles, all eyes on Tobin while she spoke.  It was killing her.

 

Not that she wasn’t happy that they all seemed to like her or that they were putting effort into something, or someone, that she loved, but after two weeks apart all she wanted to do was run her hands up Tobin’s long body and give her a welcoming kiss she’d missed so much.  Her daydream was interrupted by six pairs of eyes staring at her, waiting.  

 

“What?”

 

Tobin cleared her throat.  “Your mom asked if you had made plans for us tonight.”  

 

“Oh!” she snapped back, “Yeah. I thought we could go to dinner in Manhattan Beach and meet some of my friends after I show you around a little.”

 

“Sounds good to me,” Tobin said while gazing deeply into her.  Their eyes didn’t leave each other while the rest of her family members continued chatting and helping themselves to the spread.  It gave Christen a chance to memorize the flecks of gold in her eyes, appreciate the beauty she had managed to snag.  

 

_ Love you,  _ she mouthed.  Tobin’s teeth showed even more before her sister tapped her on the shoulder and handed her a plate.  They ate outside on the patio furniture, Tobin in awe half of the time of the spectacular views.  “You are so lucky, Chris,” she breathed.  “I woulda never left California if I were you.”  

 

Christen nudged her with her shoulder.  “Then I would have never met you.”  

 

Rolling her eyes, Tobin told her “This view is definitely better than me.”

 

“I don’t know about that.”  All she could do was stare back forth between Tobin’s eyes and her lips.  So desperately, all she wanted was to reach out and brush her own against them, feeling warm contact that would send electricity through her body.   Tobin must have felt it too, because she leaned in and whispered, “I’m getting a little tired, do you think we could make take a nap, upstairs..?” she said the lowest tone possible with a little emphasis on the last part.

 

She nodded, “Mom, thanks for lunch but poor Tobin was up really early and we still have to meet my friends tonight.  I’m going to show her to my room and she can take a nap.”

 

Her mom smiled, “of course.  Tobin, we’ll see you later?”

 

“Thanks Mrs. Press for lunch and thanks again for having me.”   Her mom waved Tobin off, “any time, you’re welcome anytime.”  

 

Christen walked cautiously slow inside like it was no big deal until they were out of the watchful eyes of her family.  She tugged on Tobin’s hand and ran up the long flight up stairs to her bedroom.  “Which room am I staying in?” Tobin asked.

 

She turned around and gave her the side eye.  “My room?”  

 

Tobin seemed surprised.  “You mean they don’t care that I stay in your room?  I can totally stay in a guest room or something.”  Christen pushed her slowly up against the hallway wall, rubbing her arms from top to bottom while examining her lips.  “Babe, they don’t care.  My sister was allowed to have her boyfriend sleep over every once in a while when they were out late or whatever.  They’re cool.”

 

“Wow,” Tobin acknowledged.  “Just a warning, when you come to my house my mom will definitely set us up in different rooms until the day we’re married.”

 

“Hmmm,” Christen hummed nuzzling her neck.  “I like the sound of that.  Now come inside my room before I lose it right here in the hallway.”  

 

Tobin pushed her backwards then followed her lead into the neutral colored room, sunshine streaming through the lightweight curtains.  The entire space was all almost white or ivory, very Christen and very serene.  When she turned around to comment on the room, Christen was right on top of her, arms clinging around her neck and pulling her in closer.

 

Their mouths fought for entrance to one another, sloppily licking and biting down.  She ran her hands furiously overtop of Tobin’s back, shoulders, along her sides and over her chest.  Tobin’s hand gripped her curls and side of her head, twisting and turning at the right angles for continued pleasure.

 

They backed themselves up to fall onto the spring mattress, still connected by the mouth and a few other body parts.  Tobin rolled her over, sitting up  to tangle their legs and grind her hips down onto Christen’s thigh.  It made her wet immediately, aching to touch and relieve the pent up sexual tension that was lingering in the air.  She motioned for Tobin to come closer, taking her face between her hands and sliding her tongue along the ridges of her lips while arching her thigh into Tobin’s hot center.  

 

It was overwhelming; so much, so quickly.

 

“We should stop,” Christen panted.  “They’re all downstairs and I won’t be able to control myself if this goes any farther.”  

 

Tobin got the message and seemed to agree.  She pulled her hair back in a bun and smoothed out of her clothing as she sat up and fell beside Christen.  “Can we still take a nap?” she asked hopefully, looking over at the raven colored beauty who was trying to catch her breath. 

 

“Yeah, of course,” Christen told her before she placed a light kiss on the girl’s nose.  “I call big spoon, though.”

 

…..

 

They didn’t make their evening dinner plans.

 

Tobin was sacked out beside her, the room almost dark from the downed sun and lack of lights turned on.  Christen watched her steady breathing in and out, in and out, while noticing how long her natural eyelashes were as they tickled her cheeks.  She ran her hand overtop of Tobin’s hip, down by her leg.  Tobin stirred at the light contact but ultimately didn’t open her eyes.  

 

She decided sleep for her girl was much more important at the moment and scrounged for her phone on the nightstand to let them know they would have to wait til New Years to meet Tobin.  They said they understood but she caught the undertone of some of the messages; they were disappointed.  

 

It was almost seven when Tobin finally woke, disorientation filling her eyes.  “Hi baby,” Christen soothed, caressing her cheek.  She was rewarded with the cutest closed mouth smile.  “Hi.”

 

“Want to get up and go to the beach or to dinner?”

 

Tobin shot up, looking around.  “Don’t we have plans with your friends?  What time is it?”  

 

Christen shushed her, “it’s okay, you’ll meet them another time.  It’s a little past dinner but we can still go out just the two of us.”  Contemplating what to do next, Tobin agreed.  “Yeah, okay.  I just need to brush my teeth and change.”

 

She watched her strip down to her underwear and put on a pair of jeans and garnet top that went well with her complexion and flip flops.  “I’m happy I get to wear these,” her eyebrows wiggled.  “Good thing you chose them ‘cause we’re going to go to the beach, too.”  

 

“But it’s dark?”

 

Christen smiled at her.  “It’s even prettier at night, I promise.”

 

She didn’t lie.  Tobin seemed to agree with her, with her face illuminated by the almost full moon watching the waves crash against the cliffs.  “This was a great idea,” she complimented Christen with a mouthful of a burrito.  They’d decided to get something to go from one of Christen’s favorite restaurants and eat while walking on the beach and finally finding a spot above on the cliffs. 

 

“So, what are our plans for the next few days?  Anything you want to do or show me?”  

 

“Oh yeah, I think we should hit up some of the museums, take advantage of the beach weather, go to all the fun beach towns..” Tobin cut her off.  “What about meeting your friends or spending time with your family?  Are you going to invite them, too?”

 

She felt a little caught off-guard.  “You want to spend time with my family and friends?  Not just the two of us?”  Tobin leaned into her side, looking upward at her.  “Of course I do but I didn’t come the whole way here to keep you away from them.  I think it’s important to spend time with them, together.  We can’t be in a bubble all the time.”  

 

She pouted, “I like the bubble.”  

 

“Me too,” Tobin laughed, “but baby imagine just how jealous we could make people when we’re out together.”  She pressed her mouth up against Christen’s chin, nipping at it.  

 

Giving in was the only option now, because all she wanted to do was return the flirting.  “Okay, we’ll spend the day with my family tomorrow and then New Year’s Eve with my friends.  Happy?”

 

“Uh huh,” Tobin nipped a little harder, pulling some soft skin between her teeth.  They were still in earshot and eyesight of others so they couldn’t take it very far, but they rolled around and heavily made out, unable to control their giddiness.  

 

Even though they took a long nap that afternoon, neither had trouble falling asleep that night.  Perfectly molded together, they were hitting it out of the park on every level - emotionally, mentally, even physically.  The only thing missing was a home run, but Christen vowed to keep that until they were back in North Carolina, out of the prying ears of others.

 

The next day, the spent sunup to sunset with her family; riding bikes along the beach town paths and doing a mini bar crawl around dinner.  It felt so good to be in the presence of all the people she truly loved, knowing they were falling in love, too.  Tobin had been right, it was important that they spend time together and integrate themselves as a couple.  Still, she was looking forward to a little more alone time they had planned the next day while they would sleep in and then relax on the beach until it was time to get ready.  Christen tried scheduling time at a museum downtown in L.A., but Tobin had vetoed the idea, saying traffic would be insane and besides, ‘they would just go next time she was in town”.  

 

It warmed her all over to think this would be a regular thing and she agreed to the plan - relaxation from here until the moment she had to leave.  

 

It took all of her might not to throw herself on Tobin when she had to watch her in a much tinier bikini that she’d imagined she would own on the beach the next day.  Her already bronzed skin glittered in the sunlight, her long, loose strands matted from the saltwater.  Seeing her, no one would believe Tobin wasn’t a natural born Californian.  That night though, she looked even better.

 

She was a  knockout in her fitted black dress, showing off her sculpted calves and thin legs that were a little marked by turf burns but oh so sexy, while her arms were long and goddess like.  Her hair was straight tonight, thanks to Christen’s insistence of playing with her new straightener and a smoky eye that might have been a tad too much for her natural beauty.  They looked good together, there was no doubt in Christen’s mind as she looked them up and down in the mirror.  She snapped a selfie of them before heading out the door, promising her parents a hundred times they wouldn’t drink a drive.

 

“I know Tobin wouldn’t let that happen,” her dad acknowledged.  “Dad!” she cried, “you know I wouldn’t let that happen.  Remember me?  Your favorite, smart, daughter?”  

 

He kept fixing his own bowtie in the reflection of the entryway mirror, “yeah but she’s my favorite daughter-in-law.”  Tobin stuck her tongue out at her, un-phased by his label of her.  Christen reached for her hand and pretended to stomp out of the door. “Happy New Year, girls!” he called before she slammed the door.  

 

Tobin pretended to buff her nails and rub them against her chest, “man I am just too good, I guess.”

 

She squinted her eyes in scrutiny at her.  “Oh please, you still have some critics left that might not be as easy to please.”  

 

She was off.  Way off.   

 

Tobin got an even better reaction from her friends who petted her up and down, gushing over her hair, her eyes, her dress, he physique...everything.  They all wanted to talk to her first, handing her drinks and offering anything that passed by them.  Christen felt overwhelmed by the attention and couldn’t figure out how Tobin didn’t, but when their eyes met she knew that all she had to do was give her the signal and they’d be out of there.

 

She barely spoke to Tobin that night, both too busy being whisked around the room to people she hadn’t met yet or people who were eager to give their opinions on her girlfriend.  “Damn, she IS hot, Christen” her bestie admitted.  “I totally get why you kept her a secret, you didn’t want anyone else to have her!”  

 

_ Not completely untrue. _

 

Across the room, Tobin’s head was thrown back, laughing a joke in a circle full of guys she barely recognized.  They seemed to be sizing the usual tomboy up in all her beautiful glory, unaware that she was attached already.  “I’m gonna go save my girl,” she pointed, breaking aware from her current conversation.  

 

“Hi, babe,” she greeted Tobin, slipping the same arm with a drink in her hand around her waist.

 

“Hey, Chris.  I just met some of the guys you went to school with.  I didn’t know your high school had a decent soccer program.”  To Tobin’s credit, neither did she.  Nor did she really place the guys, even though her private school was really small.   _ Maybe a different year?   _ The male’s eyes looked between each other, trying to decipher the situation correctly.  To confirm their thoughts, she ducked a little, putting lipstick stained peck on Tobin’s bare shoulder.

 

“Yeah, we were pretty good,” one of them commented.  “We should make our rounds and hit some other people up.  Nice talking to you Tobin, nice to see you, Christen.”  Two of them bowed out, one stayed for a moment longer, looking between them with a little bit of arousal on his face at.

 

Finally, they had a moment just the two of them as the clock was about to strike midnight.  

“Told you people would be jealous,” Tobin whispered into the fullness of her curls, having observed the same reaction from guys.  She bit her lip, knowing just how true it was.  “Come on baby, give ‘em the show they want,” Tobin encouraged right before she dipped Christen back, trailing three kisses up her neck before making contact with her ruby red lips and igniting a perfect kiss.  

 

……

 

Back at her house after paying a crazy Uber amount at  almost two a.m., the two were stripped down to their undergarments, heavy petting underneath the sheets happening. “I want to, you have no idea how much I want to,” Christen whispered.  “But it’s just still a little weird to me, having you here in my bedroom, in my bed at my parents house. I don’t want to risk getting caught or anything.”  She could see the understanding on Tobin’s face, but she joked anyway.  “Oh come on, Chris, I think at this point your parents would be upset if we didn’t, I mean they clearly know what a catch I am.  I might be their new favorite over you.”  

 

She ran her fingers over top of Christen’s ponytail and smiled.  “You might be,” she admitted, knowing the joke had some substance to it.  “But come here, at least let me kiss you some more.”  

 

Tobin parted her lips, taking Christen’s into her own.  They slowly re-explored each other, gently, taking in the scents that tastes that came with them.  She was out of breath after a while and could see Tobin’s eyes were shut and relaxed, meaning she was tired.  “Should I set an alarm for us?”

 

Tobin didn’t open her eyes but hummed in acknowledgment.  It was then Christen let their tight schedule of their last morning together in California go right out the window; she wanted the chance just to lay and enjoy the close contact without a care in the world.

 

…..

 

“See you five days?”  Tobin ran her thumb over her cheek, placing a kiss along the trail of it.  They were standing at the airport in a similar situation to a few weeks ago, this time the roles reversed.  Christen had enjoyed sleeping in and a lazy breakfast outside with her girlfriend before it was time to pack up and send her back to the East coast.

 

“Yep,” she replied confidently.  She could handle it; five days was nothing at this point.  They would have the whole semester together and if Tobin felt the same way she did, they would work their summer plans out so they were inseparable.  She stifled a small giggled, knowing that Tobin’s calculation of days was off by one - she’d booked her flight for a day earlier than what she originally told her, trying to give her a little surprise as a belated Christmas gift.

 

“Ok babe, time to go then.  I’ll let you know when I land, alright?”  Christen melted further into their embrace before letting go, fingers untangling and giving a little wave.  “Have a safe slight.  Love you.”  She watched Tobin saunter inside with such an unintentional swag, dressed in comfortable clothes that hugged the right places and made her look effortlessly sexy.  Her hair was tied up into a long cascading ponytail that she had the urge to wrap her hands in and pull.

  
  


She slammed the cab door shut while looking at up at the house and making sure her car was still in the spot she had left it three weeks ago.  She saw Julie’s and Tobin’s cars there too, everyone else had either either taken theirs for the month or put it somewhere else.  No one else was due to arrive back for the Spring semester until late tomorrow or the next day, which gave her at least twenty four hours of alone time with her girl.

 

Carefully tiptoeing up the steps and unlocking her side of the house’s door, she sent a text to Tobin.

 

_ Christen: Guess what….? _

 

_ Tobin:  _  What?

 

Instead of texting back, she walked through the common room and yelled, “No you actually have to guess, you just can’t say what!”

 

“Chris!?” Tobin called to her from somewhere upstairs.  She ran up the wooden steps, missing a few in the process before swinging Tobin’s door the whole way open to see her sitting at her desk with papers and her laptop spread out.  

 

“CHRIS!” she yelled a little more excitedly, leaping out of her wobbly chair to rush her.  They embraced forcefully, knocking the wind out of her.  “Hi baby, surprised?”  

 

Tobin looked stunned to say the least.  “I don’t think you showing up places will ever not surprise me,” she confessed before pressing her lips against her own roughly.  Christen took the chance to deepen the kiss quickly, opening her mouth to slide her tongue across Tobin’s.  

 

“Take your shirt off, now,” she commanded, dropping her purse from her shoulder onto the folder.  Tobin pulled back and smirked.  “Bossy little thing right when she walks through the door.”  Still, she did what she was told.  Christen ran her fingers lightly over the small swells of Tobin’s chest, feeling the goosebumps under them rise up.  She kneaded a little harder, see the pupils in Tobin’s eyes darken and get bigger, clearly turned on already. Their bodies inched closer until there was no room between them with Christen not allowing her to move from their spot.  “I want you on your desk.”

 

Tobin arched her eyebrows in surprise.  “Everything okay?  You seem a little…” she was at a loss for the right word at the moment.

 

“I have wanted to touch you and feel you since the moment you walked in my house a week ago.  I can’t wait any longer.  Drop your pants and hop up on your desk, now.”   

 

Her girlfriend complied and enjoyed doing so in the meantime.  “Nice to know you can take directions, Heath.”

 

Christen paced towards her, hungrily licking her lips and anticipating the taste they were about to get.  She ran her hands over top of Tobin’s thin, silky thighs towards the lines of her simple underwear. She toyed with the top of it, dipping a finger a little inside but not making contact with her most sensitive spots.  Christen nuzzled her lips into Tobin’s neck, running her nose over top of her pulse point before latching on with her mouth.  Tobin herself copped a feel underneath her shirt, running her thumbs over Christen’s bra.  “Hmm, let me take yours off, too” she requested.

 

Hands in the air, her own shirt and bra were off in no time.  “Now go back to what you were doing,” Tobin told her.  She didn’t though.  This time she dropped lower, sliding Tobin’s underwear down to her knees, giving her a whole new perspective of her center.  She spread Tobin’s legs as wide as they would go without being uncomfortable, all while watching her girlfriend rock back with her hands behind her for balance.  She ran a single finger through the already drenched folds that waited for her, before she dove in with her mouth, relentless in swirling and licking thoroughly. Tobin lifted her hips to give better access, fully engulfed by Christen’s mouth.  She whimpered with each touch, building and building over time.  Christen would pull back every other minute, careful to prolong the experience for both of them.

 

Soon, it was too much for either of them as Christen could feel the warm, wet spot soaking her own pants and Tobin trembling underneath her mouth.  She was vocal, like music to her ears when she peaked.  

Tobin jerked her hips once more before falling back overtop of the messy stack of papers, her hair spilled around her perfect face.  Christen put one last kiss on her center before carefully pulling her underwear back up her legs into place before pulling at Tobin’s arms to sit her upright again.   

 

“Perfect,” she muttered into Tobin’s flowing hair.  She could feel the weight of the girl leaning into her for support, her arms generally limp around her waist.  “You okay, babe?”

 

She heard a string of incoherent words, more like just sounds come out, that made her smile big.  “You want to go downstairs and get something to eat?” Tobin smiled against her body, “I think I’d rather do that again.”

 

“Well since you asked so nicely..”

 

…..

 

Christen stood in the kitchen in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and a pair of underwear, putting the bagels in the toaster. She turned around to look at Tobin who was sitting up on the counter waiting patiently to eat after their ravenous morning in bed together. The poor girl’s once smooth and glossy hair was now all over, a weave of knots and sticking up in the back.   _ She still looks beautiful. _

 

“Last day before reality sets in again.  Soon it’ll be chaos.” Tobin pointed out quietly, breaking her admiration.  Christen smiled.  In her own mind, she knew that the peace and quiet and lack of interference was special but that wasn’t what had shaped their relationship.   “This is still reality, just not our typical one.”    Tobin looked confused, so she continued.

 

“Tobin, we started in chaos.  We got to know each other that way and despite all of that, we came out on top, right?  It’s going to be fine, great even.”  She saw her girlfriend smile adoringly at her, contemplating her thoughts.  “You’re right.  Man, how’d I get so lucky?” she asked, pulling Christen in between her legs by the waist and pressing her lips against the cool skin of her neck.

 

“I ask myself that same question every single day.”


	28. Epilogue

 

Christen leafed through her notes one last time before it was time to call Tobin.  She had missed her last night, too engulfed in her flashcards to realize their tiny window of opportunity had passed.  It was hard to keep up with her ever-changing time zone schedule but they made it work somehow.

 

Tobin was in London, completing in some friendlies before the team would head to the World Cup in France next month.  She had been over there for about  weeks now and was expected home in less than 48 hours where they would see each other for the first time in about three weeks.  It wasn’t out of the ordinary for them to be separated that long and yet, it still wasn’t easy.  Christen could help but think back to their conversations from two years ago that could have closed the gap on their distance.

 

“No, Christen.  You are not waiting to see where I’m drafted and then applying.  Apply where you want and I’ll figure out how to make it work,” Tobin insisted, her eyes pleading with her.  Christen didn’t want to hear it.  She knew that in the relationship, she was the one who had some flexibility and would could choose what school she attended.  It was true that Tobin would spend most of her time on the road anyway, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t sync up their home base.   

 

“It’s not a big deal to wait to see where you’re drafted.  It only rules out a few places,” she insisted.  “I have a 3.96 GPA and that internship really helps; I can go almost anywhere I want.”

 

Tobin leaned back against the sofa and glanced at the papers strewn all over the coffee table.  “Then go where you want, Chris.  Don’t base your decision on me.  If you could honestly choose any school, where would go - don’t think about me or the location of it or anything, just what program would be best for you.”

 

She had thought about this every night, so she knew her top three programs.  Telling Tobin was difficult because although one was near an NWSL team, the draft order just didn’t match Tobin’s chances of landing there.  “Well,” she hesitated, “I really liked University of Penn, University of Michigan and UCLA.”

 

“And are you going to apply to all three?” Tobin quizzed, her voice giving off a little edge as though she was a mother patronizing a small child.   Her eyes darted away from the lighter brunette.  “U of M’s admission deadline is before the draft.”

 

“Doesn’t matter,” was the reply she got.  “Apply.  I’ll apply for you if you don’t do it yourself.  You’re going where you want to go and I’ll figure out the rest.”

 

“But Tobin,” she whined, “you’re probably going to end up in either Boston, New Jersey or here.  I can apply at UNC, Yale, all the NYC schools.  We’ll be so close!”

 

Tobin was clearly frustrated and over the arguing that was occurring.  “Look, apply to a hundred schools, I don’t care.  Just please pick one that is best for you.  I could get traded or hurt or something and then where would we be? I’ll know by the end of the month where I’ll be playing and you probably don’t have to make any decision till what, March? April?  We have time, babe.”

 

It was level-headed she had to admit, even though applying to a hundred schools would be so costly.  She carefully narrowed her list to eight, hopeful at least two would accept her so she could feel like she had somewhat of a choice.

  
  


…….

 

“Hi babe!”  Tobin’s toothy white grin filled her laptop screen. “Move back,” she laughed.  “I can only see your nose and your teeth.”

 

Tobin’s full face came into few a second later.  “What else did you want to see,” she wiggled her eyebrows and bit her bottom lip seductively.  “Not a chance.” Christen couldn’t help but keep her own smile plastered on her tanned face.  “I miss you, how was your day?”

 

The two exchanged their daily summary, patiently listening to the other.  After almost four years together, they’d brought out a different side of each other and introduced things into their lives they’d never thought would occupy their interests.  For Christen, it was soccer - she understood soccer much more than the average fan and even had her own teams, her own favorite players to root for.  For Tobin, it was the world of books and writing.  Christen didn’t just like to read and write for school, but to channel her energy and thoughts elsewhere.  The two would spend quiet time in coffee shops or lazy mornings in bed journaling together, happy to just co-exist.  

 

“Are you ready for your finals?  You only have two actual exams, right?”  Christen nodded.  “Yep, I already completed my projects and all my clinical hours so I’m good to go.”  

 

“So hot.”  

 

Christen pursed her lips in confusion, “excuse me?”  

 

Tobin giggled, “I said, so hot.  I think the sexiest thing about you is how smart you are. I’m so proud of you and so thankful I get to come to your graduation. Can you believe the timing matched up?”

 

“Actually, no I’m not surprised.  Things always have a way of working out for us.”

 

……

 

“Open them! Open them! Tobin squealed while clapping excitedly on the front porch.  Her proximity made Christen feel a little claustrophobic but she was just going to have overcome it at the moment.  Her acceptance letters (okay and so far two rejections) were trickling in.  It was kind of a relief, but U of M had rejected her and that was a far, far distance from Portland where Tobin was drafted.

 

Well, kinda.

 

She was taken number one overall, to no one’s surprise, by Boston.  Christen was okay with that since she had applied to Brown, Boston University and MIT.  She’d been rejected by MIT, accepted to Brown and was currently holding Boston University’s envelope in her hands.

 

And then it all changed.

 

Portland wanted Tobin, badly.  The midfielder would be able to fill a creative spark and role on their team they desperately needed.  If they had her, they felt the puzzle would be complete for a few years to come so they proposed a trade with Boston, sending their own first round draftee with their second and third round picks for the next year’s draft in exchange for only Tobin.

 

Boston took the bait and Tobin became in Oregonian.  

 

“Calm down! Ok, which one should I open first?  University of Washington, UCLA or Boston U?”

 

Tobin was frazzled, “I don’t care,” she shook her hands.  “Just open one!”

 

Her fingernails tore through the thick, which envelope of Boston U.  “Dear Ms. Press, yada yada yada...we are PLEASED to inform you…!”  Tobin latched on and hugged her tightly.  “Another one to add to the pile!”

 

Christen leaned her head against Tobin’s, grateful to have someone to share her excitement with.  “Ok, let’s look at the other two babe.”  Secretly, it was the UCLA one she was worried about.  It was a crazy tough program to get into and if she had been rejected from MIT, there was a slim chance she’d get in.  So she looked at University of Washington’s first and once she realized she was accepted there, it was her best choice.  “That’s not far from Portland at all!”  

 

Tobin was  encouraging.  “It’s not,” she soothed.  “But let’s see what the others say, too.”

 

The moment of truth was too big for her, so she handed the envelope to Tobin.  “You do it, I can’t.  It’s a little smaller than the usual acceptance letter so probably a rejection.”  She was scolded with a scowl, “stop.  You don’t know that.”

 

She carefully opened it, pulling out the letter.  Her brown eyes read through the lines quickly, not saying anything.  The suspense killed Christen; “Come on, what’s it say?”

 

Tobin folded the envelope up and handed it back to her.  “Ok,” she said calmly, “it’s not a rejection.  Something about a wait list?”   Christen read the letter herself very carefully, trying to make sense of it.  Her face dropped when she put it all together.  “Mine as well count it as a rejection.”  

 

“Why?” Tobin asked.  “It says they’ll let you know sometime in March.”   

 

“Yeah, and by then I’ll have to commit to somewhere else.  I can’t just tell other schools ‘oh wait until I hear back from UCLA’.  That’s not how it all works.”  

 

A hand rubbed her back gently and warmly, bringing comfort to her.  “I’m sorry, Chris, I know you really liked UCLA.  But you have a few other options that seem really great and you still have to hear from…?”

 

“UNC, Rutgers, UPenn. Oh and I submitted that last minute one to San Diego State as a kinda safety net.”  Tobin led her inside the house, the same one they’d met in.  The only thing that changed the last two years was the location of everyone’s rooms and an addition of Ashlyn, who Ali finally agreed to let move in.  They had a nice little arrangement, Tobin’s room for sleeping and Christen’s room for.. _.sleeping. _

 

Soon though, everyone would be scattered around the country in different places.  Ali, Alex, Kelley and JJ were drafted, too so she felt a little better that no matter where she ended up, someone would be in close proximity.  Ashlyn decided to take a break from soccer and head home to Florida to do some work for a non-profit before she would attempt to tryout for a  team the year after if her heart found it’s way back the game and Allie was going to stay in UNC for at least a half a year while her boyfriend finished his degree. 

 

“Let’s say you get accepted to all three of those schools, what’s it looking like?  What do you want to do?” She sat down and propped her legs up across Tobin’s, who clutched on to her thigh waiting for a response.  “I think” she slowly started, “it’s between either staying here and University of Washington.”  Her gaze traveled up to where Tobin was studying her as she talked.  “Can I ask why?”

 

She took a deep breath in and gave the most honest answer she could.  “I’m not going to be with you and I get tha but at least here is somewhere I’m familiar with, that has ties to you and all our friends.  I would be comfortable.  And Washington is the closest in distance to you.  I hate rain, but I’ll learn to deal.”  

  
  


Tobin didn’t argue with her and for that she was grateful.  Each day that passed them by was one day closer to testing their long-distance relationship out.

 

“Now enough about me for today, have you packed for  camp yet?  Second one this year, you’re not a rookie anymore,” Christen smiled.

 

…….

 

Tobin’s match was being streamed online and she wanted to make sure she caught at least the second half of it.  It was a gorgeous day outside, typical for the Spring, so she settled into a comfortable spot on the grassy knoll outside of her lecture hall and opened her laptop.  She could hear the cheers through the tiny buds in her ears while looking for Tobin on the field.  It wasn’t hard to spot her; baby hairs flying out of her long ponytail and her signature lazy jog.  The score was 2-0 United States over Norway, five minutes into the second half.

 

She played great.  Tobin didn’t score but that wasn’t out of the ordinary.  She was a force to be reckoned with up and down the flanks, dribbling through unsuspecting midfielders and defenders.  Christen was so proud of her; her commitment to the game had led her to a life most could only dream of.  Sometimes it was a little weird to see her in commercials on in print around town but nothing changed, Tobin was still her Tobin.  

 

By the time she was almost home, her phone buzzed in her cupholder.  Careful to only check it once she was off the main road, she saw it was her girlfriend.

 

_ Tobin: Win three games, check.  All packed, check. Time to fly to see my girl. _

 

_ Christen: Waiting not so patiently for you _

 

_ Tobin: Be there soon.  I love you. _

 

_ Christen: Have a safe flight, babe. _

 

Tobin had insisted on taking the first flight after the game which meant scrambling, but if anyone could do it, it was her.  She had no fear about the consequences of missing a flight or leaving something behind. Still, it would be awhile til she was there so all Christen could do was occupy her time with more studying for her last exam and make some late lunch.  It was relatively quiet so she spread out on the floor once she changed into sweats, including one of Tobin’s hoodies she snagged from her apartment in Portland (it smelled like her and was so soft) double checking all of the information she had.

 

It must have been too much and a glitch in her brain put her to sleep for hours and hours.  She woke up at 9 pm snuggled on the couch with a blanket and a pillow, a soft glow of light coming from the kitchen.  It would probably help to get a few more hours of studying in before having to take the early exam and then get Tobin from the airport, but she couldn’t help it.  Her bed was calling.  

 

By 7 a.m. she was showered, rehearsing information to herself in the mirror while double checking her appearance.  There was no way she wasn’t going to dress herself up after three weeks apart from Tobin.  No matter how long they went without each other, she still got nervous butterflies for their reunion.

 

Her exam was difficult, no doubt, but once it was over she felt like a free woman.  Graduation was tomorrow  and everyone would be there to support her.  She even had her job lined up and apartments that Tobin had checked out with her both online and once in person.  Everything was perfect.

  
  


……

 

“So this is Portland, huh” Christen looked out  of the big windows in Tobin’s new apartment which had a nice view since she was on one of the top floors that overlooked the city.  “This is Portland,” Tobin repeated, nodding in agreement.  Christen had come to help her move in over Spring Break since Tobin had left in mid-March for preseason like a lot of their roommates.  She took distance learning classes so she could finish up her degree by the end of summer and still play soccer both at the club and national levels.  Christen had taken the early separation hard, aching to be on the new journey along with her and exploring the city she was going to call home.  To ease her mind, Tobin purchased two tickets for her already: this one for Spring Break and a one-way the week after graduation for as long as she wanted to be there over the summer.

 

“Wanna go out and get something to eat?  I can show you a few of my favorite places?”  Tobin suggested while circling her waist with her skinny hands.  “Yes, please, I’m starving,” she admitted.

 

They found a booth in a cozy Farm to Table spot Tobin had raved about.  She and Alex had ended up in Portland together and they spent a lot of time together grabbing dinner and lunch in all the places she recommended.  “Is it what you imagined?” Tobin asked, hiding her mouth from view while chewing on her wrap.  Christen had to admit it wasn’t; it was a lot nicer and seemed full of energy than the imagine she held in her head.  “I like it, I think it suits you perfectly.”

 

Tobin agreed, “I like it, too.  It’s got a lot of artsy stuff and good food.  Weather’s a little cold but that’s whatever.  We can go skiing in the winter.”  

 

Christen looked at her girlfriend, seemingly happy in her new environment. “And the summer?”

 

Her face twisted up before making the joke, “You can’t ski in the summer, Chris.”

 

Shyly, Christen put her head down to pretend to find a good piece of chicken in her salad.  “I mean what can we do this summer?  Do you think I’ll find something I like to keep me occupied when you’re busy?”  Tobin wiped her hands and corner of her mouth with a napkin.  “ Did you decide how long you wanted to stay?” Her tone was cautious, understanding that Christen was allowed to make her own agenda and had things going on in her life, too.  

 

She bravely picked her head up and looked those calming brown eyes straight on.  “I want to stay all summer until I start school….if you’ll let me.”

 

Tobin shot up, almost spilling her water in the process.  She leaned across the table and took her face between her hands, a little too tightly.  “YES!” She planted a series of pecks right on Christen’s mouth before sitting back down, an ear to ear smile on her face.  It left Christen a little stunned to say the least, but she was pleased with the reaction.  

 

“We’ll have to talk about the specifics, like when you have away games or are on international duty, but I think I want to be here with you,” she told her.   Tobin waved her off, “we’ll figure it out.  It’s an off year in the cycle so there might only be a friendly or two in July and we can see what the final schedule for the NWSL looks like.  If I’m away for a long stretch you can either come with me or visit someone else, you know?”

 

Nothing had been going according to their plan back in January, but to Christen, she wouldn’t have changed a thing.

 

……

 

She had parked far away and would pay a ridiculous amount just to spend maybe a half an hour total waiting for Tobin inside the airport, but it was worth it.  The first time she saw her again wouldn’t be in a sea of strangers waiting at a curb or when she slid into her passenger seat.  It was a more than special occasion for them and she was going to do it right.

 

Her heart pounded against her chest as she weaved in and out of suitcases being pulled across the floor.  At any moment she expected to see a tired, but beautiful brunette pop out and she would explode.  

 

She felt her before she saw her.  A pair of thin arms knocked the air out of her lungs and her nose detected a soft vanilla smell behind her.  “Tobin!” A face dug into her back while she fought the grasp in order to turn around and hug her properly.  Finally, she was able to get her away and she kissed Tobin so desperately, tears forming in the corners of her eyes out of pure joy.  

 

“I missed you,” she whispered when they came up for air.  

 

“I missed you too,” she heard.  “Let’s get out of here, I’m exhausted and want to kiss you some more.”  

 

CHristen wasn’t tired at all.  In fact she was bouncing off the walls in excitement, but she was also understanding that Tobin had been on a long flight after playing a series of games that was physically demanding.  “Follow me, then,” she commanded while refusing to relinquish her grasp on Tobin’s hand.  “Wait,” she stopped.  “Don’t we need your bags?”  

 

Tobin shook her head, “I had them shipped back to Portland.  I have everything I need in my carryon and I can just wear some of your stuff if I need it.”  

 

“Such a smart little world traveler, I have” Christen teased. 

 

The car doors were shut all of four seconds before Christen was straddling Tobin in the passenger seat, going to work on her exposed neck and jawline. There weren’t any objections coming from underneath of her so she took it as a sign to be daring, slipping her hand underneath the cotton t-shirt.  “Hmmm,” she groaned.  “No bra, just a tank top.”   It was safe to say that Tobin’s small chest didn’t really need one, but the long flight probably discouraged her from putting one on.  Christen massaged her chest lightly, circular patterns swapping back and forth.

 

“Chris, I love you and I love this,” Tobin moaned, “but can we do it in a bed where I can fall asleep right after?”  

 

Her lips stopped moving and she fell against the warm body.  “If you insist…”  She awkwardly climbed back over the center console and readjusted herself to start the car.  Tobin looked over at her, leaning against the headrest.  “I do love you, you know.”

 

“I know,” Christen told her, every fiber of being knowing it was true.  “Let’s get you home, sleepy.”

 

…….

 

“No.”

 

Christen was exhausted.  She didn’t feel like arguing anymore tonight but also didn’t want to give in to Tobin’s demand.  “I don’t understand why you would be mad about this?  I thought you’d be happy that I’d be close to you?”  Her voice was stretched thin at this point, unable to muster the strength to raise it.

 

Tobin rolled over on her back, mirroring her own position in her bed.  “I think you want to go to UCLA, live at home with your parents and be in the program you want.  University of Washington is a great option but it’s playing it safe and it’s mostly for me, not you.”

 

“If I don’t get into UCLA, what happens then?”  she challenged, but knew that her acceptance to both San Diego State and Rutgers would still be on the table.  “Then you pick one of the other schools or beg University of Washington reconsider.  There’s only like a week of overlap.”  She hovered back over Christen’s conflicted face, pools of gray staring upward at her.  

 

“I don’t think I’ll get in, it’s too competitive.  I’m shocked I was even wait-listed.”

 

Tobin put her hand overtop of her stomach that was doing little flips.  “Take a chance, Christen.  You did it once by coming here to UNC and look how great that turned out?  Best case scenario you get to go back home and be surrounded by people you love and you’re a short flight from Portland.  I’ll spend time in LA with the national team so we can go back and forth.”

 

She raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow at her girlfriend.  “You’re forgetting the worst case scenario.  I’m in New Jersey, on the opposite side of the country.”

 

“Where you and I both have family that will support you and you’re not far from two NWSL teams that I’ll have away games at.  You’re not going to be on a deserted island, babe.”

 

Tobin had a point.  There wasn’t a terrible outcome from each of her options.  It was just nerve wracking to give up something that seemed so practical for something that was a shot in the dark.  The same hand on her stomach traveled north to stroke her hair behind her ear.  “I want you try, for me.”  

 

Letting out a sigh, she gave a single nod. “Ok, but if something gets screwed up and I don’t get in anywhere, I’m moving to Portland and following you everywhere you go.”  Tobin leapt onto her knee before swinging one leg over her in a straddle.  “Oooh,” she yelped, “I like that idea even better.”

 

…….

 

Christen waited at the intersection for cars to pass before she could turn off the busy street into her own quiet development.  Tobin was already sleeping, mouth hanging open wide.  She looked flimsy, moving at every jerk of the car and up and down when going over speed bumps.  Angelic was actually the word Christen was trying to find in her head as she turned off the car out front of her house.  Carefully, she opened and closed her own door and walked over to the passenger side.

 

“Tobin?  We’re home, babe.”  Long eyelashes fluttered open to see them at the same level before shutting again.  “Can you carry me?  My legs are dead.”  Christen laughed, “I wish I could but you forget that I don’t work out like you.  Come on, I’ll help you as much as I can.”  Tobin was slow to undo her seatbelt and put her feet on the pavement.  True to her word, Christen lifted and supported her upwards, careful not to hit her head on the car.  “We’ll get your bag later,” she promised.

 

The door was unlocked already and faintly in the background were voices talking without regard to their presence.  Christen looked her girlfriend up and down; the poor thing was on the brink of dehydration and exhaustion, this she was sure of.  Straight to bed should be their route but there was no way of doing that without passing the voices.  

 

Silently, they walked through the foyer to the living room, where they were spotted.

 

“Tobin! Welcome back!”  Her mom called out from the kitchen island, making her dad spin in his seat to see two of his favorite girls.  “There’s our star!”  

 

She did her best, bless her heart, putting on a smile and thanking them for having her again.  Tobin had spent so much time in the Press house the past few years she could probably consider it a second residence, but it still didn’t stop her from being polite.  “Mom, Dad, Tobin needs to sleep.  We’re going to go upstairs but I’ll be back down in a few to help you with dinner.”  Tobin was a step ahead of her, already backing out of the room.  

 

Her lifeless body fell onto the bed like a tall tree being cut from the forest.  Christen peeled her socks and sneakers from her feet and rolled her over to smother her body in blankets.  “You sleep, baby.  Sleep as long as you want.”  

 

Tobin reached for her before she could leave her bedroom.  “Lay with me for just one minute.”  

 

She obliged and spread out over top of the covers.  “I have a surprise for you,” she said, barely audible.  

 

Christen thought about the bag they left in the car.  “I didn’t bring your luggage in, remember?”  Tobin’s face remained unchanged.  “ ‘snot in there”.  She didn’t want to press Tobin right now for details but she was the world’s best gift-giver and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t intrigued.

 

“Well when you get up, you can show me, okay?”  Her voice was at a whisper, close enough to spread warm breathe on Tobin’s cheek.  She left a kiss on her head and started to lift off the bed.

 

“Tomorrow. I can show you tomorrow.”

 

………

 

“That was incredible,” Christen breathed, laying like a starfish on her bed, completely undressed.  Tobin’s nose traced up the inside of her thigh.  “Come here so I can kiss you.”  Her girlfriend complied as they basked in the afterglow of another pleasant wake-up.  “This is the best summer, ever.”

 

Tobin giggled, “it kinda is, isn’t it?”  Christen’s family was on the East coast visiting extended family but she had decided to stay behind, claiming she wanted to get things ready for school to start and spend time alone with Tobin.  

 

They’d gone back and forth between LA and Portland, leaving little pieces of themselves in each spot.  Like a true Californian now, Tobin left a surfboard and some other stuff in her parents garage while Christen had a drawer and yoga mat stashed in Tobin’s closet.  “What do you think, you wanna actually make it to the beach today?” Tobin asked.

 

Christen was still catching her breath so she only hummed in reply. 

 

“I think we should go out to dinner tonight, too.  I like when you cook but I’d like to show you off a little.”  She liked the idea of spending their last night alone out together.  They’d spent so much time secluded in the house on the property that she forgot what her hometown looked like.  “Last night in LA for awhile, anywhere you have in mind?”

 

Tobin thought deeply, licking and massaging her own lips together.  “Doesn’t really matter to me.  You choose.”

 

She picked a steakhouse that overlooked the Pacific.  They shared a bottle of red over their dinner, giving them a buzz by the end of the meal.  “You look really pretty tonight, Chris.  I wish I didn’t have to go tomorrow.”  

 

“Do you think we’ll make it?” Christen asked quietly, hoping it wouldn’t set Tobin off in any type of foul mood.  It was an honest question, one they would have to be realistic about.

 

Instead of being upset or even mad, Tobin answered nonchalantly, “yeah, of course.”  There was no hesitation or concern in her answer, indicating she was confident in their situation.  She looked up to see green eyes studying her so she continued.  “We trust each other, we love and care about each other, we understand each other’s commitments; we will be fine.  We’ll take one day at a time, okay babe?”

 

It was all logical, not a word untrue.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”  Tobin’s voice was light, the words coming out had never been so meaningful.  

 

She thought it was the end of that conversation, so she started another.  “Ready for your three week away game stretch?”

 

“Ready to start school?”

 

Both of them wrinkled their noses in disappointment at each other, neither thrilled by the idea of their schedules.  Christen giggled and couldn’t help but think that Tobin had never been so right, they would be okay.

 

….

 

Christen’s family insisted on a hundred plus pictures with the new grad.  Her parents gushed over their celebratory lunch how proud they were of her educational journey and the start to her new career for a grassroots organization based out of LA for women’s causes across the globe.  Deep down, she thought her mom was actually a little sad since it meant Christen was going to leave the house.  It was time, she thought, to find an apartment where she could try the whole ‘adult’ thing and have some privacy whenever her girlfriend was in town.  

 

The arrangement had been great the past two years and neither Tobin nor her parents seem to be uncomfortable to be sharing space.  In fact, Christen thought they liked it better when she was around.  But it was the right move to make, she had insisted, narrowing her choice between two spots in Manhattan Beach.  

 

Tobin had been with her on the preliminary search, going through more than a dozen condos and apartments.  There was such a big push to buy something from everyone since the interest rates were low and the market was healthy as a buy.  Committing that much money scared her and she wasn’t sure what her future with Tobin looked like, so she vetoed (a few very sadly) and stuck to looking at rentals.  

 

“How’s your steak?” she asked Tobin next to her.  She looked stunning, looking like a summer goddess in a high neck, flowy white cotton dress with gold sandals and bangles adorning her tiny wrists.  Her hair was wavy and parted neatly to the side.  “It’s good, how’s your sandwich?”  

 

The two gave each other a taste of their lunches, each agreeing the restaurant had been a good choice.  Christen had contained herself from asking all morning once Tobin was up and moving but couldn’t hold it together any longer, “so where’s my surprise?” Tobin looked up quickly in the direction of her parents across the table then back to her.  “I can show you around 3:30.”

 

“Why do I have to wait until a certain time?” she questioned, innocently of course.  It wasn’t that she was being bratty; it just seemed like an odd requirement.   “Because that’s what time I can get it.”  Christen burrowed her eyebrows together, “you don’t have it with you?”

 

Tobin placed a hand on her leg, over top of the thick white restaurant napkin.  “Babe, stop asking questions and eat your lunch.  It’s a good surprise, don’t ruin it.  And before you freak out, I’m taking your dad with me to get and then you all will meet us there.”

 

“There?”  

 

“Stop,” her girlfriend pretended to cut her off with her knife.  “Not another question or word.”

 

She sulked through the next few minutes before realizing her inability to be patient could spoil the mood.  When it was 2:30, Tobin and her dad excused themselves and headed out of the restaurant.  Her mom was in on the secret, she knew from the way she avoided direct eye contact and conversation.

 

“Three o’clock, time to go!” her mom abruptly interrupted everyone’s chatter around the table.  “Dad paid the bill so we are ready.”  

 

Christen had never felt so much anxiety around something like this before.  She hated that everyone else seemed to have a clue about what was going on while she was in the dark.  There were no inklings, no guesses as to what Tobin had up her sleeve this time, but it had to be good if her dad was on board.

 

Her mom pulled up to a small office building in Hermosa Beach about twenty minutes later, putting her car in park.  Christen started to reach for the handle of the passenger door when she was stopped.  “No,” her mom cried.  “Wait until they come out.”  She couldn’t help but think this was all a little weird and couldn’t make out what the different business were that were housed here.

 

A few minutes later, all smiles, Tobin and her dad emerged.  “Now can I go?”  Her mom unlocked the door and she got out of the car, eager for information.  Before she could even think of opening her mouth her dad had her wrapped up in his arms, telling her how proud and happy he was for her.  She couldn’t find the words to thank him when he stepped past her and got into her empty seat.  The car pulled out onto the road, leaving her baffled.  “They just left us!”

 

Tobin took her hand.  “I have your car, remember?”  

 

Christen shook her head, remembering.  “Oh, yeah. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

 

“Let’s walk.”

 

She allowed Tobin to lead her down the sidewalk, sunlight catching and warming their bare arms.  “So you want the surprise now?”  Christen rolled her eyes, “you’re torturing me, spill it!”

 

Tobin kept walking, “I was going to ask you but then figured out that I didn’t really need to.  I know we’re both really committed to this relationship and I think the last two years has shown us that we can have it all, both together and apart.  But it’s so much better when we’re together, Chris, don’t you think?”

 

She couldn’t argue that.

 

“So I did some thinking and I love when you’re in Portland with me.  You’ve made that apartment into a home for us and I appreciate the way you embraced my situation and made it yours, too.”  She couldn’t figure out the point of this, but let her continue.

 

“I wanted to do the same for you.  I wanted to make your life here part of mine and I wanted to create something that’s ours.”  

 

Christen looked thoughtfully at her, “I think that’s great, Tobin.”

 

“So I bought us a house.”

 

She was in shock.  Words were stuck somewhere in her throat, unable to find her tongue and lips to articulate.  Tobin stopped and gently pulled her to face one another.  “I know you really liked a few of those condos we saw but thought it was too much.  I want you to have it, I mean I want us to have it together.  It can be our place in LA.  

 

“You...you bought it? How?” the words weren’t easily rolling off her tongue.

 

Tobin smirked, “I make a pretty decent living for a woman in her twenties.  Plus your dad helped.”  Christen couldn’t believe what her ears were hearing.  “Look, I took care of the down payment between some of my own money and your dad wanted to give you a graduation present.  I promise the monthly payment is very manageable and you’re going to love the one I picked.”  She started rambling, possibly out of nervousness while they continued walking again.  “It’s not huge, just a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom condo with a patio that faces out towards the ocean.  It’s with a bunch of other condos  so there’s like a huge common area with a firepit and stuff, so we’ll have neighbors but they all seem nice.  You won’t have a long commute to work, I made sure to map it.”

 

Tears had quickly started streaming down her cheeks.

 

“Are you mad?” Tobin asked at the lack of verbal response.  Was she mad?  Not a chance.  “Tobin, I’m speechless. I can’t believe you went through all the trouble for me.”

 

Her girlfriend sighed and smiled in relief.  “It wasn’t trouble at all.  I’ve had a lot of fun keeping this to myself.  Well and your dad.  I think I’ve seen your parents on Skype more than you in the past three months. They were a huge help.”

 

Christen reminded herself to hug them and profusely thank them as much as she could when she saw them.

 

“Can we go see it?  Christen squeezed her hand a little harder.  Tobin stopped them, jerking her to look across the street.  “Sure, it’s right there.”  A big, beautiful white building that sprawled the length of the block stared back them.  “Ours is up on the third floor,” Tobin pointed while hugging her side tightly.

 

“Ours…” Christen repeated softly.

 

Before they started to cross the street to their new LA home, Tobin turned to ask her, “So, is this when you  _ finally _ tell me I was right about taking a chance on UCLA?”  

…….


End file.
